2054. Romance — Her Side of the Story

 As with so many things, the sexes differ dramatically about romance. As with affection, they have social contradictions that I tag with medical terms. She has romance deficit disorder. He has romance delivery disorder. Her story today, his tomorrow.

Women are born to be romanced. It confirms their self-importance, stimulates the satisfying disclosure of feelings for one another, generates self-gratitude, and provides conviction (without insurance) they are on the way to happiness. Romance is women’s payday for living graciously important lives, and they expect to be paid frequently according to the depth of a relationship.

Romance means exclusive attention, sweet compliments, whispered affections, expressions of devotion, reminders of her importance, confirmation of her worth, affirmation that her prettiness registers as beauty with someone, and actions that specifically confirm and don’t contradict the foregoing. Women can imagine a gazillion ways that men can convey and demonstrate such ‘simple’ things.

The opposite of men, her imagination stirs her curiosity. Her imagination can and often runs wild about a new guy of interest. Curious about why he doesn’t respond to her romance expectations, she finds no fault with herself. Instead, she easily blames him as inadequate romancer and in need of improvement.

Women take personally a man’s lack of romancing her. Consequently, they blame men as inadequate, which transmutes in practice as lack of respect of men, which weakens women’s influence, which makes men less interested in paying women for living graciously important lives.

On two counts, his lack and her curiosity, blame outweighs lack of romance as the culprit in modern day relationships. Women can live with lack of romance better than lack of a man. Lack of romance dulls her side of a relationship. Blame, however ruins his side. Blame spurs her into finger pointing mode; which spurs her to take to her mouth; which offends him; which generates resentment, resistance, and often retaliation; and which far too easily pushes him into departure mode.

I advise women to drop the blame game, period. It is always anti-female to finger men as faulty. Not that they aren’t, just that they don’t take kindly to women doing it and especially their mate. It inevitably works against her because her blame-based best intentions have negative influence.

Women can and should develop their own training techniques. She has to make it her habit to train men to romance her. It starts at first encounter, becomes vital in dating, and fully develops in courtship. By the time they become engaged, his habit should be well established to participate with her more closely, more affectionately, and more intimately. Effectiveness training her man determines the frequency and worth of her future paydays.

This question will arise so I shall answer ahead of it. How do you train a man to be a romancer? 1) Follow your heart, female instinct, and feminine intuition. Follow not what you think you’re owed, due, or need. Follow not what others tell you to expect in response to your initiatives. Follow not what your girlfriends do. Follow not what you wish for. Do what makes you feel more like a woman when you do something with him or yourself. If you hurt, wait for his solace. If you’re happy, don’t over play it. If he gets uncomfortable with you, let him dig himself out of the hole. Keep your self-interest as first priority; he has to catch and capture you. Reverse that last sentence and automatically poison your female nature for guiding you.

2) Require him to earn your affection, love, and worth as potential mate. Make him the seller and you the buyer in everything. If he does it with words, it doesn’t program his heart to favor you. If he does it with actions, you gain the maximum benefit of his heart programmed to your favor.

3) Gently and smoothly invite cuddling when just sitting around. Don’t push on him for anything. He must be lured. Let him get familiar with how easy you are to please when close together. Don’t tell him but gently and slowly encourage him to realize how important physical closeness is to you. He doesn’t need it; he has to learn to like it in his own heart, patiently slipped in by you. Don’t whisper sweet things to him expecting him to do the same; he won’t. You should hint and plant seeds that sweet words inspire you to greater things as date, girlfriend, fiancé, or wife. You can be especially effective while cuddled if you talk and act more as you did when he married you. He doesn’t want to talk or hear about the wedding; he wants to hear and see you duplicate yourself as his fiancé.

4) Regularly and frequently use a phrase I coined twisted to fit whatever the situation: Men are never more handsome than when they please their girlfriends/fiancees/wives with (as appropriate) sweet talk, whispers of devotion, violets, hand-picked wild flowers, cuddling up for TV, surprises, unexpected date night, date night just concluded, little gifts, unexpected thoughtfulness, waltzing her around the kitchen, singing to her, holding a pleasured smile in front of her face. Use it at every opportunity for even the slightest things that touch on romance.*

If you haven’t figured it out by now, “men are never more handsome” programs both hearts with appreciation of the other. It sweeps up many romantic ingredients into daily habits at whatever stage of relationship development.

Women know what they want and expect as romance from a man. They don’t, however, know how to get the quality or quantity they expect. Men don’t know much about what romance means to women. Even worse, they can’t figure out how to deliver whatever it is that women expect. It may become understandable with tomorrow’s post about his side of the story.


*The phrase works best when kept in third person, i.e., using ‘men are’ and ‘wives’ rather than ‘you’ and ‘wife’ or ‘me’.) As written it’s a compliment. As ‘you’ and ‘me’ it’s sucking up which earns suspicion rather than appreciation.

Also, until he becomes a more romantic guy, I suggest these not be used with the ‘men are never’ phrase: helping with the dishes, opening car doors, washing her car, taking out the trash, setting the table, planning for visitors. Unless, of course, she feels those things are part of romancing her.



Filed under feminine

6 responses to “2054. Romance — Her Side of the Story

  1. A.GuyMaligned

    You may want to review this article again. I significantly enlarged option 1 of how to train a romancer.

  2. gonemaverick

    Dear Sir Guy,

    could you explain the last part of this quoted sentence please. “She has to make it her habit to train men to romance her. It starts at first encounter”

    i mean “how to/what to do” at first encounter?

    Your Highness Gonemaverick,
    Make him earn your attention. Earn your responses. Earn you even listening. The more romantic notions he uses, the more easily you let your ears hear him. If not romantic in small ways, such as he’s vague or seemingly interested only in passing, then dump him in some obvious fashion. The purpose is to develop your habit for recognizing and participating in dialogue only when the guy speaks in terms you find to suggest romance.

  3. Dove

    Sir Guy,

    My boyfriend would ask me once in awhile why:

    -I don’t tell him that I miss him. Ofcourse I do, I tell him I miss him too when he says so.

    -I’m never the first to ask to meet up. But that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna see him. I’m always happy to see him, and he knows that.

    Is it bad to always have him initiate? I have no problems with it. I’m actually comfortable with it. I don’t mind waiting. I know his schedule and how busy he can be at work. He never forgets to at least get in touch with me everyday. Or ask how I am. Always sweet and thoughtful. In fact, to my standards he is romantic. And because of that I don’t feel the need to impose on him or ask for his time.

    I think I do initiate sometimes or ask him to do something for me, but only when it feels natural to me.

    I’m pretty sure I’m affectionate when we’re together. I kiss him, hold hands, and I can also be playful. So I’m not exactly sure what else I need to do besides what I’m doing now. I feel like I’m showing enough interest. I do reciprocate to the extent that is comfortable with me.

    Your Highness Dove,

    This doesn’t seem too far away from the way you’re thinking. When he asks reply with something like this.

    • I’m very comfortable thinking about how you please me when we’re together. Two things: 1) I don’t want to disturb what makes me totally comfortable. 2) It’s a lot more fun anticipating how pleasant I will feel when next you contact me.

    • I admire your sense of responsibility and duty on the job. I know that you’re preparing yourself to brighten our future together. I don’t want to disturb your rhythm or attention. You’re too valuable to your boss, which pleases me immensely.

    • How can my missing you be elevated above the groundwork that I presume you’re laying for us?

    You might try something along those lines. In any event, stay with what makes you comfortable.


  4. This is very good, Sir Guy. One thing I’ve read somewhere, is that a woman has to lay the foundation for her man to get close, and according to that author, she meant, be more like a cat – soft, purring, moving in close. Who can’t resist picking up a purring cat? But who wants to be around a harsh barking dog with teeth threatening to bite at the first approach? Your article here lends itself toward speaking and coming in softly. We have to do away with harsh, blaming words and “don’t touch me” attitudes. I needed this, and I thank you again, Sir Guy.

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