2072. Compatibility Axioms #461-470


All that follows below is based on the natures of men and women as they are born. Women have to figure out what’s best for them given the lessons they have learned in life and the relationships they enter.

461. Privacy about her sexual past serves her best, but it’s tough to keep. Women talk to unload their guilt or blame their ex. Even friends sometimes disclose what they shouldn’t. [156]

462. Women feel more guilt than men when relationships fail. It’s one price they pay for being the better relationship experts and managers. Both to escape guilt and gain an edge in legal proceedings, women eject first to center the blame on their man.

463. Her mate wants to know of her sexual past, but she should let him wonder. Ex-husbands are known as partners, of course, but details should never be disclosed. Non-husband partners count against her, so she only makes it worse to even acknowledge those relationships. Even platonic male friends and acquaintances can be suspect. (On that particular subject, a man’s imagination can run wild at the slightest hint of suspicion about his woman’s sexual conduct.) [156]

464. After split up and explaining to relieve guilt, she seeks both sympathy and empathy for her mistakes and her ex’s inadequacies. Encouragement by others to make her feel better confirms her rightness. Friends easily assign blame to her ex. Future lovers might too if she tells a compelling story, but it’s hazardous to the health of new relationships. His empathy today can turn to his ammo in a dispute next year.[156]

465. Trust discourages suspicions but a man’s trust takes longer to develop than a woman’s. Hers is more unconditional and easily given. His is more conditional and must be earned and concluded in his imagination. [166]

466. Whatever New Man knows of her sexual history helps instigate suspicions that slow, stunt, or undermine the growth of his trust. Moreover, it affects his love, which is based on respect, which grows out of trust and vice versa in the hearts of men. [166]

467. Her New Man’s inquisitiveness about her exes is natural. Hearing details, he shifts into his masculine competitive mode. He subtly interrogates her with his curiosity and imagination. He inquires indirectly. Was or was not her ex or exes superior in sexual relations, manliness, attentiveness, likeability, dependability, or as producer, provider, protector, or problem solver for her? To himself he will proudly claim “not” for the other guys. Until, that is, he concludes otherwise from small details that she discloses or he uncovers. Without uncovering details to the contrary, his imagination judges by how difficult she is for him to conquer and easily concludes ‘not’ for the other guys. Late conquest adds directly to her value as keeper. [166]

468. A sexually active past doesn’t demean her for conquest. It demeans the potential for their subsequent relationship. It doesn’t mean he won’t marry her, but an imagined score card looks something like this: She loses respect-points for each of her exes and leaves a trail of doubt for New Man’s suspicions. The more easily she is conquered by New Man, the more respect-points she loses for predecessors, and the more snooping is invited of her past. Since a man’s love is founded on respect, especially for how she protects her most important asset, refusing to have first-sex with New Man restores respect-points to the score card. It’s why virtual virginity works. [166]

469. Looking for Mr. Good Enough, a woman suffers pressures that don’t help her. For example: (1) Being sexually active to keep up with her peers. (2) The lack of long range purpose and goals for her life, having forgotten or given up on her girlhood hopes and dreams. (3) Excessive eagerness to have boyfriend, live in, or husband. (4) Inexperience making sound judgments about HER long range future. Virtual virginity reverses such ‘enemy’ pressures. [169]

470. While her legs are crossed, a woman compares her thinking with her feelings, her wishes with the facts, her future with the promises she faces. Such clear-headedness brings far fewer mistakes. [169]

 

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