2074. Compatibility Axioms #481-490


All that follows below is based on the natures of men and women as they are born. Women have to figure out what’s best for them given the lessons they have learned in life and the relationships they enter.

481. Easy sex might promote shack up and even short marriage within the mind of her boyfriend. But, it won’t stir up the foundational respect needed for enduring love that survives the inevitable fading of romantic love. [171]

482. Girls cheapen themselves to attract a boyfriend, and success builds habit. Men don’t value cheap women except for sex, which forces such girls as women to bounce from one man to another. [171]

483. Men have access to too much easy sex to endure one female’s nagging and attempts to change him or his life. As one man said of his ex: “Somewhere, someplace, some guy is tired of her s_ _ _!” [171]

484. Promiscuity fends off men, not for her as temporary sex partner but as keeper. Encountering her past lovers threaten him after conquest but doesn’t discourage him before.  [171]

485. To prove their newfound sexual freedom, women abandon the greatest strategy for attracting, capturing, and keeping a man. That is, no sex without devotion and deep obligation developed and proven over an extended courtship (especially including fellatio). [171]

486. When she chases a man for his looks, she wants to impress him and be liked. However, he receives the message that she’s available and disposable. [172]

487. Go after the hunk and dislike what follows the bunk. After she beds the hottie, she’s as disposable as a nottie. Hunks learn early that they get what they want without giving of themselves. So, they keep getting and getting, which calls for someone else. [172]

488. A husband views his wife’s ‘constructive criticism’ this way: “I know it’s good for me. I just can’t stand so much goodness.” [172]

489. If he does not see that she needs him, he will become temporary. Her expressions of affection make her feel good, but they do not show her need for him as do her respect, gratitude, and dependence. [172]

490. Men don’t respect desperate people. A desperate woman is not a keeper and is dumpable without much remorse. [172]

 

18 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

18 responses to “2074. Compatibility Axioms #481-490

  1. Shermy

    After reading this I’m left thinking, what are the benefits of even engaging with men on any level?

    Your Highness Shermy,

    The benefits are the same as always. She mates with someone who can help her find happiness and men have the greatest potential to produce the right foundation upon which to earn happiness. Women earn happiness by giving of themselves. Do you have a better candidate than a good man to welcome all that you have to give?

    By the way, your question leaves questions hanging in the air. Why are you left thinking that way? Too tough? Men are no darn good? You can’t conquer him before he conquers you? You no longer like men? You can’t respect men? You can’t figure out how to control a man? You’re discouraged about mating?

    I’m challenged to convince you that those 10 axioms should not turn you off to men. So, provide more info if you please. It might help other ladies too.

    Guy

    • Shermy

      Guy, I think in general I’ve just reached a point of complete and total frustration with this process. I do everything you to tell us, I do not see the men who match up to the version of femininity I present. As a woman in her late 30s perhaps I’ve just run out patience, hope and inspiration. And everything you lay out here tells me do this, do that, and you should generate gratefulness for yourself, and the attention and devotion of a man. Everything I have learned here has enriched me greatly and I bask in the rewards I’ve gained for myself. And I am STILL single. I understand life is unfair and we don’t always get what we want. I want to be able to use everything I’ve learned here in a wonderful relationship. As yet, I have not had the opportunity, and it pains me greatly. At this point, the men who you talk about as possessing the qualities of Mr. Good Enough seem to me as mythical as unicorns. So perhaps that’s what you’re sensing in my comment.

      Your Highness Shermy,
      Ah, I see. And you say, “Everything I have learned here has enriched me greatly and I bask in the rewards I’ve gained for myself. And I am STILL single.” That’s the first step. If you’re not a better woman, which you now seem to be, you’ll not find a better man. Which means the marketplace is less crowded for two reasons. Fewer “better” men and your age group thins out somewhat. That’s why God and Nature give you so much patience to keep hormones, hopes, and dreams under control. You might study Boob Language again or some more. Upgrade your appearance even more than you already have. When you see male eyeballs lock on you routinely, you’re just about there.
      Guy

      • Cinnamon

        Shermy,

        I suggest you go over to the blog Peaceful Wife and ask the ladies there where you should look to find single gentlemen of good character. I don’t know where you have been looking, but they are out there. You do have to sift through a lot of undesirable men to find them though.

        Perhaps the other ladies here might have some ideas.

        Are you being “picky about the wrong things” i.e. “must be handsome and 6 feet tall?”

        If you are Christian have you tried a Christian dating site?

        • Shermy

          HI Cinnamon,

          Thank you so very kindly for your reply. I will take a look at the blog. I live in NYC, so it may just be the environment, but I literally see people getting married EVERY weekend, so I know it’s happening for others.

          I don’t believe I am being ” picky about the wrong things”. I have four requirements: 1. Good values displayed through actions 2. Has an awareness of the world and is responsible 3. Nice and treats me well 4. Is already a happy person. Other than that, I would like him to be in my age range, everything else is negotiable.

          I find online dating to be a huge waste of time and effort that greatly favors men. I have not had much success with the men from dating sites. I am not Christian, but do fully participate in a Christian community full of single and elderly men/women as part of a secondary occupation. Most of the men I encounter fall into 2 camps, they are unavailable or they are unsuitable as evidenced by their actions.

          • Cinnamon

            Hi Shermy,
            First I want to say to you try not to get discouraged, as it seems like you are looking for the right traits for a Mr Goodenough, which means you have been paying attention here! With that said, I do think NYC offers a lot of challenges to the single woman over 35 that other American cities don’t. And I’m not talking about only the oversupply of single women (a known demographic factor) in NYC).

            Sir Guy’s blog is based on a belief in values that are quite the opposite of what one associates with NYC (namely an obsession with materialism/social status/image/keeping up with the Jones’s). I’m not saying you embrace these things because you live there, but merely pointing out that you are not in Cleveland or Plano, Texas, and that you need to consider the cultural differences at play and cut your cloth accordingly.

            There is a perception that single women in NYC have an overly inflated sense of their own “awesomeness” that normal men find to be a real turn off, and not at all feminine. If you go to the site Goodreads and read several of the reviews of Melanie Notkin’s book “Otherhood” you will understand exactly what I mean. As a student of WWNH, you should be giving of a vibe completely different from the Melanie Notkin type! Ask yourself honestly if you are definitely NOT acting like these women. If you are distinctly different from the Melanie Notkin type, then you should be well ahead in standing out as “Miis I Want Her” material in contrast to many of your peers. The question is, where do you look to find MrGoodenough?

            I don’t know much about the average NYC man but perhaps he is the male equivalent of Melanie Notkin. If so, it is no mystery why you cannot find him there! You may need to expand your search out to the boroughs or even cast a wider net to different parts of the country. How about a high school math teacher from Eastern Connecticut? Or an accountant from Pennsylvania? Or a plumber from New Jersey? You can easily do this online. If you are not willing to travel or relocate for MrGoodenough, perhaps ask yourself how important finding him really is to you.

            Finally, Sir Guy has mentioned that God-fearing men live up to something greater than themselves and are, statistically speaking, a much better bet for Mr Goodenough. Most monotheistic believers do wish to date and marry someone of similar faith. So your pool of potential husbands will be restricted by this fact.

            I would not give up on online dating, taking the above considerations into account.

            One more demographic tip – do consider expanding your age range upward to 10 years older – it will greatly widen the pool of potential MrGoodenoughs.

            Perhaps other readers such as Avid Follower in NYC can confirm or correct my speculations here.

          • Yani

            Hi Shermy
            I live on the other side of the world, so excuse me for asking, but what does your second criteria mean? It sounds a little ‘activist’ in a “must agree with my liberal politics” way which could be sending a different vibe to would-be suitors. I could be completely mistaken, in which case accept my apologies. It is just that when I met my future husband we were at opposite poles, ie I was interested in politics and he was interested in making a living. Turns out he had a better grasp of what would benefit his immediate family. It may be less noble in terms of the wider world, but over time his conservatism perfectly suits this stay at home mum. I don ‘t know ANY New Yorkers so I could be causing confusion and offence, in which case pay this comment no heed. I wish you the best of luck in your search.

            • Shermy

              Hello Yani,

              Thank you for your comment. When I say has an awareness of the world and is responsible, I mean that this man has knowledge about how other people experience the world. It’s not about politics for me, but more about knowing that there is more than one way to experience life, that there are many possibilities available. And by responsible, I mean that the this man depends on himself to get things done, and get the right things done. He is self-sufficient and driven and takes responsibility for his life and all that is in it.

              I try to keep politics out of my bedroom, I’m more interested in how someone treats me and how he values his own life.

      • Princess Royal

        Shermy,
        Guy has a series you will easily find on the contents page about how to advertise on an online dating site so it does NOT favor the man quite so heavily. You might be intrigued if you have not already studied it. 🙂
        Princess Royal

        • Shermy

          Hello Princess Royal,

          Thank you, yes, I used that as my model for online dating. It did not yield results for me.

  2. Cinnamon

    If he does not see that she needs him, he will become temporary. Her expressions of affection make her feel good, but they do not show her need for him as do her respect, gratitude, and dependence.

    Sir Guy,

    What behaviour can successfully display respect, gratitude, dependence?

    I know that looking as good as possible at all times signals respect to him, but what else can she do apart from verbally thanking him when he does something to please her?

    Your Highness Cinnamon,

    How to show respect, gratitude, dependence? Here are a few ways:

    • Pay attention when he speaks. Listen, listen, and listen until you can comment in ways that signal he knows what he’s talking about but without it being a direct compliment. IOW, exchange thoughts without causing disagreement.

    • Find ways to show gratitude without saying thank you for his doing things that he considers duty or responsibility. Actions are better than words for pleasing him.

    • Stare at him frequently with a big smile. When he asks what, smile bigger say nothing, but maybe nod your head favorably and change the subject.

    • When you’re awaiting a response or on some thing to happen, do it patiently and lean on his shoulder while you wait. Make it routine but not bothersome to him. Gently, just ‘touching base’ while you wait.

    • Every day make it a habit to identify and tell him about one thing for which you are grateful for him or what he does. Just out of the clear for no apparent reason.

    • Don’t rattle and prattle all of your day events until you’ve given him time to unwind, shift his thoughts from work to home, and turn to you for attention.

    And it’s still my favorite. No doubt because I coined it. “Men are never more handsome than when they please their lady. Make it as routine as thank you has been for so many years and with such little effect on men.

    Guy

    • Miss Gina

      Dear Sir Guy,

      This list of ways to show respect, gratitude, and dependence is very helpful. If more ways come to mind, I’d love to know them.

      Your Highness Miss Gina,
      It’s being prepared.
      Guy

      • Cinnamon

        RI agree, Miss Gina. I think this would be a very good subject for a new series of articles.

        Sir Guy,

        These two points seem somewhat contradictory. Could you please clarify:

        1. “Find ways to show gratitude without saying thank you for his doing things that he considers duty or responsibility. Actions are better than words for pleasing him.”

        versus:

        2. “Every day make it a habit to identify and tell him about one thing for which you are grateful for him or what he does. Just out of the clear for no apparent reason.”

        Your Highness Cinnamon,

        Re 1: It applies to when you want to recognize something he has done, when you normally say ‘thank you’.

        Re 2: Make it your habit for his having done nothing. It’s more for who he is than what he does.

        New article being prepared, #2076.

        Guy

  3. You nailed it with the nagging (483 – I think.)

  4. KitKat

    This blog reminds me of that movie Coming to America. The prince wants to find a woman to marry him for himself and not because he’s a prince, but he is engaged to a girl that has been “groomed” to cater to him since birth. Anyone who’s seen the movie will get my point, without me explaining. Truly LOL funny.

    • Cinnamon

      That is very astute, Kitkat. “Coming to America” is indeed a very funny satire of a woman who puts herself in the role of “seller.”

      Sir Guy’s blog of course teaches the exact opposite, that is, that the woman should place herself in the role of buyer (and NOT the seller), ensuring that Mr Goodenough rises to meet womanly standards and expectations, not the other way around 🙂

      As women go, so goes society (or so a very wise man once told me).

  5. J'ahdor

    Royalty is given, not taken. I don’t need him to understand me. Just respect me. If he respects me, he will listen to me; if he listens to me, he will heed me; if he heeds me, he will please me; if he pleases me, he will cherish me; if he cherishes me, he will adore me; if he adores me, he will keep me; if he keeps me, he will provide for me; if he provides for me, he will set me free.

    Your Highness J’ahdor,
    Beautiful in both words and spirit. Is it original? It’s a keeper for me to use later, so thank you.
    Guy

    • J'ahdor

      This has been an interesting morning, these words just came to me. I am honored that you will keep them.

      Your Highness J’ahdor,
      Question! What do you mean by set free at the end? I think I know but you’re the author.
      Guy

      • Shermy

        What I’m seeing in this ending is that, if a man does all of the above, it allows you the freedom to be feminine. I think one of the reasons so many women are so masculine is that they’ve been taking up the slack for lazy men and are resentful. It is soooooooo freeing when you can just be a woman and not have to do the job of two genders.

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