2081. Love: You Can Do Better At It

“Love is the morning and evening star.” Or so Burt Lancaster preached in Elmer Gantry.

Women love to hear love described in endearing terms with magical qualities. But dreams of devotion to the well-being of someone seem to produce too much modern-day weakening of mutual love. Unintended consequences too often seem to follow a woman’s or mom’s best and most lovable efforts. Within both couples and families, loving relationships crumble too easily. Females continue to lose their ability to tame the male beast, socialize men into domestic prospects, and complete their domestication within the family unit. The main cause follows.

The receiver of love expects to see three ingredients that the giver usually doesn’t consider—respect, trust, and like females for who they are; and respect, trust, and like males for what they do. As those are not felt on the receiving end of a woman’s love, it weakens her importance to objects of her love.

When women feel less important to those around them, they try harder. However, she focuses on making herself important, which doesn’t work. Frustrated, she tries harder but it doesn’t work. Seeking to be important causes her to slide into ever less importance to those around her. It’s selfishness personified to try to convince someone of your importance to them.

Her problem: She loves as she’d like to be loved, which means loved for who she is. She loves without thinking or knowing HOW to show love that is appreciated by love objects.

There is a missing link in the closed loop of mutual love. The primary giver has to set the example and women and moms are the primary givers. The missing link is gratitude and successfully showing love work like this.

She finds gratitude for the respectability, trustfulness, and likeability of those she loves. Regardless of age, even with toddlers. With such gratitude guiding her heart, her expressions of love signal that the loved ones are respected, trusted, and liked. That makes them grateful and their feedback conveys that she’s important to them, which emphasizes her sense of self-importance, which enhances her ability to find more gratitude and thus have her love more appreciated.

Thus, gratefulness for all things, which is the road to happiness, empowers her love in ways that expand her importance. The more important she appears on the radar of her loved ones, the more it confirms their self-respect, -confidence, and -worth, which makes them more grateful for her, which adds further to her self-importance, which intensifies her ability to love more believably.



Filed under feminine

3 responses to “2081. Love: You Can Do Better At It

  1. surfercajun

    “Love is the morning and the evening star.”

    The Movie: Elmer Gantry, 1960 (Richard Brooks, director and screenwriter, from the novel by Sinclair Lewis)
    Who says it: Burt Lancaster as salesman/con man/evangelist Elmer Gantry
    but not to Kate Hepburn though… :oP …I love old movies!!! 🙂

    Your Highness Surfercajun,
    Thanks for the correction. If wrong, I knew I couldn’t stay that way very long.

  2. Sharon

    Wow. Once again, Sir Guy, you wonderfully articulate the differences in the sexes — difference which some “social engineers” have chosen to deny and/or obliterate for decades, to the detriment and destruction of the American family and society.

  3. Eleni


    Is it inadvisable to tell a man to his face that you respect him? NOT REALLY. AN ADMIRABLE SMILE OR TWO WORKS BETTER. For instance, we were having a conversation and I mentioned a new trait I’d noticed he displayed, and told him that it really made me respect him. Is that appropriate? Or is it too bold? BETTER TO HAVE ADMIRED THE TRAIT OR ITS RESULTS DIRECTLY. It seems hard to adequately communicate a genuine level of respect in the moment. It feels like something that has to be built over time. IT’S NOT THAT. BETTER TO NOT ADDRESS RESPECT DIRECTLY BUT LET IT SHOW INDIRECTLY.

    This post also makes me wonder the reverse, how males communicate their respect for women. I think for women, their respect comes out of a love that drives them to care for and be grateful to have such a wonderful partner. I would like to think that a man’s respect comes from his intentions to marry their partner, from the promise she holds for him. NO, HIS RESPECT COMES MOSTLY FROM HOW SHE DRESSES AND CARRIES HERSELF AS CONFIDENT AND FEMININE WOMAN, VERY DIFFERENT FROM MEN, UNIQUE AMONG WOMEN, AND HIGHLY PROTECTIVE OF HER SEXUAL ASSETS.

    I’m hoping I’m seeing this clearly. This post is getting at something on my mind a lot lately. A close companion, who has recently re-entered my life, told me that his mum had mentioned that she’d always hoped we’d get married. I thought that was a bit of an odd thing for a guy to bring up. I am hopeful that it means something, but I don’t want to be naive. RED FLAG. BEWARE. IF MUM IS THE LEAST BIT DOMINEERING OF SON, IT’S A GOOD SIGN SHE WILL DO THE SAME TO YOU EVEN IN YOUR OWN HOME.

    However, he is a wonderfully supportive and clever man, who I really see as someone I could cheerlead for as they went out and faced the working world!! Thanks to some of your previous advice Guy, I have dropped Mr Hardtoget out of my mind completely. You are right – women get caught up too easily in the possibility for love. It better not to make things harder for yourself, if a man wants to play hardtoget then he can have his games but he can’t have me!


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