2089. “Darling”— It’s Time for a Comeback


My self-gratitude articles stress that women lack gratefulness for themselves. Recently a lady reminded me of something Her Majesty Grace emphasized for years. Women do not receive the attention, recognition, and compliments they routinely expect or deserve from men that showers friendliness on everyday situations.

We need to re-initiate a customary practice that used to do exactly that, albeit indirectly. Men should tromp on political correctness and restore routinely the use of generic pet names when dealing with women. Such as these: honey, sweetie, darling, sweetheart, sweetie pie, sugar, and a few others that don’t come immediately to mind. I’m not talking about hitting on them but sprinkling everyday speech routinely with affectionate honors.

For example: Good morning, darling (to a friend). Or: Thank you, sweetheart, I appreciate you saving me on that point. Or: Hey, honey, I saw you dancing last night. You looked great. And, darling, that dress was a wowser. Or: Hey, sweetie, haven’t seen you for a month. Let’s grab a coffee. Or, Sweetie pie, you deserve a treat. Let’s you and grandpa just go get some ice cream. Or: Sugar, you fed me like a sweetheart should. Just like mom used to. If you weren’t married, I’d sweep you off your feet and marry you in a heartbeat.

When done sincerely and without ulterior motive, it automatically adds friendliness to a situation.

Looking back to earlier years, I well remember that I felt good using such friendly terms. I’ve done it a few times recently and felt the same way, good about myself passing on some special attention and perhaps light-hearted affection. (Being PC, I suspect it’s much more easily acceptable to women since I am so old relative to them.)

I have resurrected the practice for me. So, ladies, if I call you darling or sweetie take it as the pleasant friendliness intended. I will easily flip those complimentary terms around without thinking. Just a new habit. If you don’t appreciate such attention, just let me know and I’ll exclude you.

Farewell for now, you sweeties of every kind. It’s great chatting at you. I shall not bore you with what I threw out, namely a thousand words of old and new school history to justify my decision.

 

19 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

19 responses to “2089. “Darling”— It’s Time for a Comeback

  1. Shermy

    Sir Guy,

    Yes, this is lovely! I will admit to hearing my ex-boyfriend call me darling and melting!!! For men that don’t know me, it’s a bit tougher to accept, but I work on letting that go in favor of being seen as feminine. As long as it’s not delivered in the CREEPY way, I’m all for it!

  2. ari

    Good morning Sir Guy,
    My co worker has called me sweetie or sweetheart at times and I like it! It is not pc in this day and age but we are good friends so it’s ok. It’s actually disarming (does he want something? And if so, sure I’ll help him) and brightens my day each time 😉

  3. Etu

    How those terms would offend any woman baffles me! What woman truly does not want this kind of attention? As for me I say bring it on…at least in the way Sir Guy explained above. In the south even women use those terms, the older ones anyway

    • Sarah

      Agreed…..growing up down south, I don’t give a second thought to hearing men (and women!) speak with these endearing terms. It would never occur to me to feel ‘offended’ by it, as long as it’s done respectfully!

      Your Highness Sarah,
      Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
      Guy

  4. surfercajun

    I love being called these names! I always have! How often to do we hear men calling little girls sweetheart? Well, at least for me, perhaps I make a point to hear it as often as I want! I can not help myself as I admire and adore older men calling me this, tipping their hat (cowboy) to me, and giving a gentle nod as I smile at them. It reminds me of a time my oldest girl was talking to some older gentleman at the 5 and 10. They were trying to figure out what this one contraption was. Her comment… maybe it is a popcorn popper? …. Gentleman: that’s not enough to share. Her: Who said you had to share? Gentleman: Are you out of your ever loving mind? …sorry i don’t remember all the conversation as this was over a year ago… but she still remembers what he said and we all laughed up until the time his wife touched his arm and he told us… Sorry, I’m being paged to go. ….

    Other than a Christmas party I was invited too which ALL the older men kept making a big deal over what the women were unwrapping with their ohhhhsss and ahhhhhs. I was being coached by one of the older gentleman about needing the highest number to win…I kept asking him why … with a twinkle in his eye he responded… you’ll see! I did have the highest number in this white elephant game and I had the best gift!!!! He looked my way and winked. I was giddy at winning the game with his help!!!!

    At this one church a few years back, I was in a older classroom of mixed married couples. Why? Because I felt the most comfortable there. They would ask if I wanted to be with my own age group… No I shook my head… I would tell them: I feel better…. here. I adored all of them and I think they liked me too with one of the older ladies telling me I reminded her of her sweet daughter in law…. I almost melted…. I told her I wanted to be just like her when I grow up! 😀 …She gave me the biggest hug!!!

    Call me whatever you like and I promise you I will always be smiling. 🙂

    Men are never more handsome when calling ladies affectionate honorary names.

  5. My Husband's Wife

    Oh I like this a lot! I can also say that I respond really well to these sort of words. So yes! Let’s bring this back! It takes me by surprise and adds a little sparkle to my day when I hear those sort of words, especially from men.
    There is an elderly gentleman who frequents the local coffee shop where I go. He’ll usually says, “have a good day sweetie” and it’s just lovely.
    I find this older generation of men to be stellar—very masculine, but incredibly respectful of women in general which makes me as an individual feel quite special and my heart melts around them. It’s the same feeling I get when I come to this site 😉

  6. Thankful (formerly Anon!)

    “You fed me like a sweetheart should”
    What an absolute nugget of truth. Worth unpacking sometime Sir Guy, so much of life often revolves around food and therefore by the way we serve it….
    Thanks again 🙂

  7. I called my last girlfriend ‘Amor’ and ‘Preciosa’ constantly. She seemed to respond well to this. (We conversed exclusively in Spanish.)

    There is a woman at work whom the guys refer to as ‘Kissy Lips’ and another one they reference as ‘Thigh Gap’ – but these ladies do not respond particularly well to these epithets.

  8. Brown_eyes

    Hi Mr. Guy!!!
    I am still reading your blog everyday, learning more and more about myself and men.

    I wanted to ask your opinion about this blog: http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/
    I think he is trying to help women just like you, but he has another style completely, would you please give me your opinion about it? I would love to hear your thoughts! 🙂

    Your Highness Brown_eyes,
    Time not available. Come back Thursday.
    Guy

    • A.GuyMaligned

      Your Highness Brown_eyes,

      You asked for my opinion about this site: http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/

      P.S. I’m back. I read only the article, “Why Can’t Women Handle Dick?” The author describes clearly how women react to male hard to get, vague and unavailable, player games, or whatever you choose to call female willingness to jump into bed against their best interest. It’s how women victimize themselves and men capitalize on it.

      Prettybeans gives good reasons for avoiding that site. However, if you want a low-brow explanation of how men see women reacting to the sexual freedom game, you may want to read the article cited above. It explains clearly but angrily how women victimize themselves with their not-fully-developed ability to handle guilt, fear, and no boyfriend. You may choke but won’t croak.

      Guy

      • Brown_eyes

        Hello Mr. Guy! Thank you and Prettybeans. I guess in some way I was hoping that this website was also spreading the word for women to love themselves and let men treat them right, but the truth is that even if the message is honest, the wording doesn’t help at all.

        Thank you so much for taking your time to comment about this website for me! Your opinion means the world to me and I love to hear what you have to say. 🙂

  9. Krysie869

    Interesting. Do you suggest women use these terms to men as well if she is in a relationship with a man or maybe even if she is interacting with a person of interest? Maybe as a way to tease him?

    Your Highness Krysie869,
    Of course, use it. It makes for friendliness and also encourages guys to pick up and do it too.
    Guy

    • Cinnamon

      Good Question Krysie.

      I call my Mr Goodenough by several nicknames, among them are the following: Mr Wonderful, Mr Romantic, and Mr Clever. He seems to like them all 🙂

      Your Highness Cinnamon,
      If it doesn’t violate your sensibility, try Mr. Stud and Mr. Handsome. Here’s the difference: Your terms have more meaning and appeal with women. My suggestions have more meaning and appeal to men.
      Guy

  10. prettybeans

    Dear Mr. Guy,
    There is something incredibly delicious and deliciously old school about pet names (as I call them). They sound so lovely – go for it! Men are never more handsome than when they make a girl smile 🙂

    However, I do think the fact that you are an older gentleman allows you to get away with it – my dad does it regularly when talking to my mum and to me but I often find that when someone closer to my age uses such endearing terms when they hardly know me they will automatically come across as a bit of a creep, as a greasy ‘casanova’ or playboy type of chap and my guard is instantly up.
    Do you think that younger men can get away with this?

    Your Highness Prettybeans,
    It all depends on their motives. If friendly, yes. If ulterior, no. Women can recognize the difference. Even if he starts friendly and shifts to other motives. Just curious: Why are women so uncourageous these days to stand up to an offending man and discharge him from her presence?
    Guy

  11. MLaRowe

    I always call the school friends of my kids honey even though it makes me feel like a big hair truck stop waitress. I also say sweetheart a lot to family members. If someone says those things to me it does give me a warm feeling (usually).

  12. prettybeans

    Thank you for your question Mr. Guy.
    I have an answer based on observation :-

    1. The tendency is for women to jump the transition from competitors to cooperators much too quickly in our desire for harmony. I find that I especially hate the word compromise which I have been told is what makes relationships tick.
    I also smell a hint of desperation

    2. Women always want positive feedback and we do not want to be labelled negatively – we don’t want to be accused of being a bad person, a ball buster, a b**ch etc all of which make us feel bad about ourselves. Our primary weakness is what we hear therefore the potential for manipulation either with positive or negative feedback is great

    3. I think that many women are more inclined to put up with negative behaviour because we think that this demonstrates such desirable virtues as patience and long suffering, amiable and easy to get along with etc all of which are indeed attractive but need to be demonstrated in appropriate situations (in your man speak I think we allow our soft heartedness to take the lead in situations where our hard headedness ought to come first)

    Those are my thoughts – I hope that they are somewhat illuminating

    Your Highness Prettybeans,
    Thank you. I could not describe it any better and perhaps not as well.
    Guy

  13. prettybeans

    Dear Miss Brown Eyes,

    Please pardon my forthrightness but I just took a peek at the link that you posted.

    I haven’t gone too far but I think that the whole message is intended to be crude, offensive and derogatory – you will never see yourself as a lady and thereby act as one if you allow yourself to be defined in such appalling terms.

    He obviously has a lot to say and he can write which means he has the capacity to choose his words more carefully but opts not to. I think that it should offend your sensibilities and cause you keep away.

    I am however curious as to what Mr. Guy thinks.

  14. Yani

    ANY of those lovely pet names are streets ahead of how some young men (and women) addressing each other. “Yo, b&@ch” is usually the way to say “hello” . Ugh! There is a man in my church, in his 70s, who regularly says to me, “You are a good girl”, whenever I do something helpful. I am in my 40s, but I feel exactly like a schoolgirl, charmed and giggly and happy to please. Maybe he learned something in his days as a businessman, but I like it! So, yes please, let us not be afraid of a little affectionate wordplay. Life is far too short. (On the other hand, how will I feel if I hear my husband address another woman with honey, or sweetie- hmm, more food for thought, thanks Guy)

  15. boomer babe

    its just too bad, when women start to HATE the ‘pet-names’ men use to give them!!
    if you don’t believe me, just LOOK at what women are called TODAY in music especially what I call c/RAP music—anything but honey but ‘female dog’ and worse!!

    Oh and BTW , I saw something REALLY sad the other day on Hannity:

    had on, a video of little girls dressed up in princess costumes ,SOUNDING LIKE SHREWISH FEMINISTS using foul language
    one of the panel or guys he had on his show wanted the people who made the video to be arrested for forcing minors to say horrible things (the girls were around 7 1/2-11) using the f- word, s- word, saying women are paid less than men for the same work, which isn’t true IF THE WOMEN didn’t have kids and are unmarried, etc (women usually take time out for having babies, and some have postpartum getting back to their pre pregnancy body emotionally)

    i also think, if women start wearing skirts and dresses slightly below the knee, (not to the ground) and get out of jeans, yoga pants etc..(like we were before the early 90s) you may see it come back in vogue…

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