2109. Female Blessings at Birth — #94-95


I have identified two more inborn blessings that women possess in their hearts but may not use enough to enhance their self-interest. At the end of each I summarize the blessing as it appears to others and show the natural reaction of men.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F as each registers within your heart of hearts.

I write each blessing in first person, female.

94. I’m both amazed and grateful that I find it easy to be disingenuous or tell little white lies in order to protect the feelings of those I care for, which can include everyone that I appreciate as deserving of my approval. [Guy adds: Men value honesty and integrity higher in the order of principles because they fit better with what men value most—facts, logic, reason, and truth expressed directly. Women place higher value on principles that encourage people to relate well with each other—feelings, cooperation, and relationship success they can develop. Her blessing: She can get along with everybody. His admiration: How does she do that? She’s amazing!

95. I’m not really happy with myself except as I can make someone else happy. It’s my fulfillment in life but also my biggest and never ending challenge. When I can’t or when I don’t, I find that selfishness has risen in my heart. So, to ensure that my sense of self-importance remains high, I have to keep trying to make someone else happy rather than myself. [Guy adds: It’s a major virtue and makes women much better servant-leaders than men, more effective as the heart of a home than the head, and more effective as informal rather than as formal leader.] Her blessing: She’s loaded with common sense. His admiration: She’s great to be around whether as friend, spouse, competitor, or whatever.

96. (I know there are more blessings, so I await suggestions and inspiration. Target remains set at 100.)

I continue to work on this series. It’s bedrock for a happy female life. Long and intricate just as life is. I have also begun work on blessings that men inherit at birth. First installment should appear soon.

 

12 Comments

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12 responses to “2109. Female Blessings at Birth — #94-95

  1. surfercajun

    these are great! Guy, on your list… is there anything about teaching her children or other children being in her feminine nature so that they are better equipped in life? …right now i am eating a homemade doughtnut my 15 year old made :o) He is VERY generous with the chocolate!

    Your Highness Surfercajun,
    I don’t remember. Too many blessings already posted some time ago. I think yours is a good candidate for #96. I’ll see what I can do.
    Guy

    • surfercajun

      94~ T I can always tell when someone is not telling me the truth…some people look away when they tell a fib or stare at me to convince me other wise.

      95~T so true! I love to serve but feel awkward when someone serves me instead. Except when sick, then i am thankful and grateful someone is looking after me. It makes me feel special and loved. My mother was very talented at making us feel better when sick. She was great at tending to us as kids that spilled over into my life which I consider a blessing!

  2. anonymous

    94 and 95 are both very true!

  3. Magnolia

    Both true. Loved them and can’t wait for men’s blessings. Thank you!

  4. prettybeans

    94. T – however this concerns me because it is true. I do not think that there is room for dishonesty in a relationship and question whether in fact there is any difference between a small lie and a big lie because ultimately they compromise character.. On the other hand, while I do not agree with the entirety of Ms. Millers comment, I do query whether in fact men can handle the whole truth. Is it more a matter of the manner in which it is said rather than the content of the message?

    95. T – I have noticed that I enjoy doing both little and big things for people but the issue to keep in mind is not to manipulate with things – either by creating an obligation on the part of the other person or by lording oneself over others (which are both likely outcome) but rather to do these things with a clean heart simply because it is good to do good.

    As always I welcome your comments Mr. Guy

    Your Highness Prettybeans,

    I have a new vision of both sex differences and an ethical conundrum.
    I throw out the following analysis as explanation to invite dialogue. I invite contradiction and especially invite Sir Eric’s comment.

    • Men deal more in facts, women more in feelings. Facts expressed at least cause paper cuts in relationships. Feelings don’t cut if slightly misshaped with little white lies.

    • The female conscience seems more sensitive because women are more prone to guilt than men. Honesty and dishonesty to men aren’t gray issues. But they are to women as are so many other things where feelings dominate.

    • Both sexes are made to be compatible with the other. So the womanly ability to use little white lies is part of their design. It means, at least to me, that honesty for women depends on their motive. If they gain personal advantage, it’s dishonest. If it disturbs their conscience or produces guilt, it’s dishonest. If they simply smooth interpersonal feelings without personal gain, it’s not.

    Not sure if the logic would hold against a superior mind, but it makes sense to me. The difference between little and big lies is determined by the motive behind them. Personal gain is the dividing line and each woman has the conscience and sense of guilt to judge whether she’s being honest or dishonest.

    Now take that to the relationship interface. As we all know, honesty should prevail. Women now have a standard, if my analysis holds up under scrutiny of better minds. To my thinking, wifely little white lies with no guilt and her clear conscience don’t disturb a husband’s feelings as dishonesty.

    Guy

    • prettybeans

      Thank you Mr. Guy. I hadn’t considered it that way at all and I find increasingly that that men are never more handsome than when they give me something to think about and turn over in my mind.

      I do agree that testing ones motive is essential but without the proper checks and balances within the self, it is subject to abuse primarily because all lies have the potential and the tendency to grow into something bigger than the situation.

      I think that it is critical to cultivate an attitude that prefers to deal with/in stark honesty but this ought to be tempered within the confines of a ‘safe space’.

      Relationally what this means to me is that one must find ways to communicate to other person in the relationship that you always intend to tell the truth and that you tell it in the absence of malice. Once they trust that you do not intend to cause them harm then I believe that they would appreciate the truth even if sometimes it is not pleasant.

      What do you think? I also welcome the comments of Sir Eric and other outstanding bachelors on the forum.
      Thank you

    • My Husband's Wife

      Dear Sir Guy,

      Yes, that’s it! This is a great explanation of what happens and how this works. Wonderfully written as well. It’s exactly what I was trying to communicate below but couldn’t put it effectively into words. This one really sparked some good conversation 🙂

    • Eric

      Sir Guy:
      Thank you—I would basically agree with your analysis. I don’t resent ‘white lies’ so much, if the motive behind was to soften the truth somewhat; or done with a good intention. What I don’t like is intentional deception like Mary Alice had described. That sounds too much like a relationship based on fear and resentment.

      Men often look at ‘white lies’ differently when coming from women than they would coming from other men.

      Sir Eric,
      Thank you. I used your thoughts in post 2111 today.
      Guy

      • My Husband's Wife

        Dear Eric,
        You’re so right on when saying that the relationship Mary Alice describes is based on fear and resentment. This is certainly a sign of poor relationship management to lie/manipulate in that sort of way.
        I would also add that women don’t just do this “white lie” to men. They do it in their relationship with other women as well. I think women are adept on intuiting a situation and then being able to apply various methods to harmonize people together. It’s unbearable for us to think about hurting another’s feelings. If you’ve ever watched Downton Abbey, just about any episode will contain the women of the show doing this. But you end up loving them as you know their heart is in the proper place and they’re working for the benefit of others.
        In today’s culture, I experience more and more women bluntly spewing their “truth” at the expense of others. It’s pretty ugly in my opinion and offensive to men especially as it’s quite “manly” behavior to do so.
        By-the-way, you sure are able to put the dots together very well. I’ve so enjoyed reading the dialog between you, Sir Guy, and the others on this site. Men are never more handsome when they are interested in combating feminism in a dignified way!

        • Eric

          My Husband’s Wife:
          Thank you; and yes I agree. I think most normal men understand that women do this for the sake of harmony and with good intentions.

          “I experience more and more women bluntly spewing their ‘truth’ at the expense of others.”

          It’s another by-product of defective female education. The media promotes a ‘cute and sassy’ meme for younger women—that men are supposed to find women with loud mouths and vulgar vocabularies appealing. We don’t…

  5. My Husband's Wife

    Oh Sir Guy… #94 is a such a goody that you uncovered. It is so TRUE of the women I know what you describe. The “white lie” you mention is when I withhold negativity in speaking to someone or frame it in a more positive way so that it protects another’s feelings. I usually don’t think it’s always beneficial to blurt every “truth” I feel, especially when it’s at the expense of and hurtful to another. Can you imagine if everyone was “honest/truthful” with each other at all times? A relationship would NEVER survive. We’d say the most hurtful things in the name of “truth.” So yes, I do modify (withhold/alter/sugarcoat) what I say…and I do it more so around the people I care about. There are times for the blunt truth when it will hurt so that it ultimately benefits the other person…but those times are pretty rare and still should be done with care.

    #95. For me, it’s what I’m all about. My motto could be, “As long as you’re happy…I’m happy!” And I will strive to make all the conditions right for this “happiness” to occur. If not, I continue on and work harder at it.

    Great post as usual. It got me thinking a lot today!

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
    Re your comment at #94, you may be interested in my response to Pretty beans just above.
    Guy

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