2112. Conviction Redefined


I’ve undergone a change in my thinking. I’ve been touting that men want to marry a virtuous woman. Refreshing my thinking, I think that applied in old school. Modern men want to marry a fascinating woman. But only the name has changed, because virginity has been downgraded from virtue, which made all virtue unimportant to think about.

Virtuous and fascinating effectively mean the same thing to a man. He sees admirable qualities within a woman and each becomes a virtue to him although he doesn’t name it that way; she just is. As he perceives more qualities and learns to admire them, virtues accumulate. Her admirable qualities fire his imagination and confirm her likeability; he finds satisfaction with himself in her company.

Instead of him thinking of her in virtuous terms, he thinks of her as fascinating enough to devote himself to pleasing her regularly. It sets the hook for a trip to the altar. But he still has to perceive significant promise for her to improve his present life and help fulfill his ambitions and goals. All that before he hooks himself by proposing and then falls in line with what she and her mother plan for the wedding.

 

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21 responses to “2112. Conviction Redefined

  1. surfercajun

    Miss Miller,
    I’m curious….Does the comment above regard negative thoughts about men as a rule, or in general.

    • Eric

      Miss Surfercajun:
      I would say it’s very negative, and based on her previous comments, she doesn’t have an especially high opinion of men.

      Actually, in barbaric cultures where men captured and carried off their wives, even they sought virtue (though defined according to their less-civilized definitions of it). Among the American Indians, it was customary for young girls to go off into the forests hoping to be captured forcibly by a future husband. It was presumed that the Indian who captured them demonstrated his ability for bravery, resourcefulness, and being a good hunter (i.e. provider) the more difficult she made the chase and capture. And of course, he was going to put as much effort into the pursuit as he thought she was worthy of conquest.

      It’s almost a charmingly simple method of courtship: the practical Indians acting with deeds rather than words. But you can see the same dynamic in modern, more civilized forms of courtship.

      Although I have to admit there’s a part of me that sees the Indian way as being a lot more fun (not to mention easier) LOL

      • surfercajun

        Gentleman Eric,

        Yes, I concur! allot more easier as well as fun which of course if the girl knows the guy is interested, doesn’t make it so easy or fun…giggle I hope a worthy prize to be won! 🙂

        Thank you for making me smile today!

  2. krysie869

    I often see some men smile at themselves whenever I do or say certain things or maybe even show up, so I always assume they see some type of virtue in me. This may even prompt some of these same men to actually approach me. But I need some advice from this statement: “But he still has to perceive significant promise for her to improve his present life and help fulfill his ambitions and goals.” Can you give some examples of some promises men have to see in order to actually kneel down and propose to a woman, besides the usual virtues he sees in her already?

    Your Highness Krysie869,

    There’s only one clearly defined example. He works hard to please her in ways that please him for doing so. Not please her because she wants, expects, or deserves for him to act in certain ways, but please him for pleasing her his way.

    Men judge differently and expect their woman to be different in multiple ways. Such as, her likeability, patience, importance, respect, gratefulness, happiness, ability, physical attractiveness, sexual attractiveness, intelligence, manners, modesty, mystery, maturity, devotion, confidence, playfulness, relationship management, and the list continues almost endlessly.

    Who knows what and how those things play in a man’s heart and mind? Only the gal of his dreams can figure it out. He doesn’t think about it that way. And she has to interpret his actions to see if he’s devoted to her or just wants a short or sexual relationship.

    Krysie, darling, it boils down to this. You have to figure it all out yourself in the process of swapping hopes and dreams differently with each man.

    Guy

    • That Horse Is Dead

      I recently was told through several friends that a man I was interested in at church stopped seeing me because he felt he wasn’t good enough for me. I know this should make me feel better, being dumped for having standards — but it still feels lousy. I’ve looked at it from all possible angles, even wondering if I’m high maintenance, but concluded he is really saying, “your standards are too high for the way I want to live right now.” Would you agree Sir Guy or ladies? I’m not sure how to handle seeing him at church since he still waves and says hello when he could just as easily not gesture at all.

      Your Highness That Horse is Dead,

      I read it a little differently. He implied to others you were too good for him. He shined the bad light on himself, which suggests to me that he respects you but isn’t interested. So, it wasn’t dump as much as a drifting away.

      Of course it feels lousy because you, a woman, didn’t get what you want. Very natural and one of the lousy traits that women inherit at birth. Guilt about unfulfilled ambitions with a man, but it does save many a future anguish from happening with man-inadequate for her. (Perhaps #97 on my list.)

      Guy

      • krysie869

        To The Horse Is Dead,

        If you are being dumped for having standards, he wasn’t that into you to begin with. This blog and my personal experience from both men and women have taught me this. You are better off without him. As to seeing him in church, if he waves to you I would wave but that’s it. I wouldn’t speak to him unless he does so first.

        Hope that helps 🙂

        Your Highness Krysie869,
        I agree. She should put on her innocent hat and carry on as if nothing happened.
        Guy

      • Sharon

        THID, I agree with Krysie. I had a similar “dumping” many years ago. If a guy feels that he isn’t good enough for you, being with you accentuates the feeling that he doesn’t measure up, a feeling that depresses him. A guy wants to feel good about himself, strong and confident, and if he feels inadequate from the start of a long-term relationship (i.e.. marriage), he is more likely to bail later on. Better that he does it now. Be confident and consistent about your standards. Be patient, and give your attention to other people’s needs and into developing personal interests and abilities.

        • Eric

          THID, Krysie is right. It sounds to me like one of two things:

          1.) He’s making an excuse and trying to pose as the victim at the same time.

          2.) His self-confidence is so low that he wouldn’t make a good husband.

          Either way, you’re better off.

      • Cocoa

        “I recently was told…..” dear THID, don’t believe what people tell you. Not that they are lying but who knows what’s their motivations. If you haven’t heard it from him it’s as if you didn’t hear it at all. Keep the feedback at the back of your head for now.

        Not sure how your last interaction with him ended, but if it ended on good note, then, if he waves you wave back with a nice smile. If he tries to talk to you give him a chance, ask him about something he mentioned before. Be patient with him. He’s probably not sure what he wants and still assessing things in his head. If you like him and see hope in him, give him time to step up to your standards. As we’ve learnt here, men ddon’tchange eeasily. If he didn’t then let HIM find the exit door and not you. You always be your pleasant and cheerful self.

        Cheers.

        Your Highness Cocoa,
        Nice and clear, darling. I like such surprises.
        Guy

        • Cocoa

          Did I surprise you sir Guy?!

          Your Highness Cocoa,
          Delightfully, honey. You learn so well how to apply principles to make life better.
          Guy

      • That Horse Is Dead

        I really appreciate all the feedback. Sunday he waited near me while I was talking with another man to wave goodbye (when he just as easily could have slipped out the door). It’s this kind of behavior that seems odd to me. Regardless, I have a date tomorrow night with a man I met online….so, next:)

        Your Highness That Horse is Dead,
        I could be wrong. He does show interest perhaps clouded by lack of confidence. You might try to demo some friendliness and see what happens. Something to bolster his hopes and you understand how hope works. He might be a much better candidate that revealed so far. Reach out with tenderness in your heart, darling, it won’t cost you much and may gain a true friend or better.
        Guy

    • Eric

      Krysie:
      It’s a subjective thing with men. The best approach is to cultivate the virtues you already have and wait for a man who’s responsive to them.

    • surfercajun

      Miss Krysie,

      This might sound a bit off, but when you don’t look for him, that is when he will show up. Live your life to the fullest, and do your thing. I think good strong men can smell desperation on a woman and enjoy a strong emotional woman that can hold her own, raise him some sass when needed, and have a child like attitude. When she shows she is selfless,(ie a charity she is involved with, she mentions a sick friend she wants to check on, talks excitably about the good fortune of someone else) it confirms she puts others first in her life and makes her even more fascinating. Be charming with every guy you met by listening closely, nodding when appropriate, and ask questions to show your curious. You will have men on your charm bracelet before you know it. 🙂 …I was accused of that very thing! God forbid if they were yakked off, they were not invited back! LOL…ie kicked off planet Lisa.

      Your Highness Surfercajun,
      Who said old school is obsolete or lacks class? Can’t top this: “raise him some sass when needed.”
      Guy

      • surfercajun

        LOL!

        I made that up on the fly!

        LOVE and ADORE old school! It is still the best way I know and go! When I was looking for a dishwasher I asked the guy if I could change the color of the light on the bottom that showed it was in use… He took one look at me and said, “Oh, I see. You are just being sassy.” and laughed
        ….but, but, I was being serious! lol

    • Beloved

      Would you say that if a man shacks up with a woman (for almost 6 years now) that he only wants a sexual relationship with her? It’s not me I’m talking about.

      Your Highness Beloved,

      Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

      Not likely. There’s much more to shacking up than sex, such as fun, playfulness, sharing responsibility, mutual respect, togetherness for her, and RELATIVE independence for him. Sex is more handiness than interest-holder. Perhaps even a byproduct. Important, but not primary. Sex with freedom to fade, flee, or fail without obligation is, however, a prime attraction.

      Guy

  3. Sweet Tea

    Sir Guy, I have been a follower for quite sometime, but never posted before.
    I am in my late forties, never been married, have not dated much, no offers of marriage. Most of my interaction with males is through work and my friends husbands. Several of these males over the years have said to me directly or through their wives, their words, not mine are “she is beautiful, funny and she doesn’t seem to have any “issues”, I can’t understand why she is single, some guy has really missed out”. When they have said this to me directly, I never sensed they were “hitting” on me and I said “thank you, that is a very kind thing to say”. But is it really? Sometimes it just makes me feel that I must have some fatal flaw that repulses all the available males. I have always been on the more introverted side. I have battled my weight all my life, but have had periods, like now, when I am at or close to optimal weight. I don’t wear dresses or skirts, because (and it runs in the family) very big calves. I just look better keeping those under wraps in pants.
    I have been told I am very feminine and have been called a lady, by men and women co-workers. Probably because now I am working with people in their 20’s and early 30’s, who swear a lot and just basically say whatever comes to mind. A co-worker even told me one of the twenty somethings has a little crush on me. I have always felt treated with respect by men, with a few exceptions. I have also struggled all my life with low grade chronic depression, but I have taken medication for a long time to keep that in check.
    I go to church, took care of sick parents. Try to be grateful for all I do have, but sometimes loneliness can be overwhelming. Sorry for the long rant. I appreciate all you do for us ladies.

    Your Highness Sweet Tea,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    You describe things well. I address six points but from the bottom up.

    1. Loneliness. Escape will slowly open its door when you spend your time and thoughts finding stuff, things, and characteristics about yourself and other people about which you find gratitude. Gratefulness and loneliness are not quite but almost mutually exclusive.

    2. Working with younger people. Step up, open up, and let them know each time they offend you with their adolescent chatter. Let your sensibilities be known regardless of what they think. You can’t be a lady if you don’t defend your right not to be offended. Teach them to swear outside your hearing range. Even if you don’t find swearing intolerable, be different and be yourself and demo that you have standards up to which they should step.

    3. Twentysomething’s crush on you? Great. You’re accepted. They’re teasing you and teasing pretty women makes them prettier. They like to see your responses, so join in the fun. Tease back. The guy, for example, doesn’t have enough gravitas for you. Throw it back in their face—laughingly, indirectly, and non-accusingly of course—that you’re your own woman. Make it fun for you whether it is or not for them.

    4. Depression. In and after all the mistakes we all make, recovery is everything. Recovery from depression comes from actions and more actions that prove to you that you’re in charge of what happens to and around you. Take greater charge of matters in your life and depression may not go away—too many years of habit behind you—but it will lift at least and be more tolerable.

    5. Big calves. So what. Men don’t disqualify women based on one feature. Others will accept your calves as easily and to the depth that you accept them. By hiding them, you broadcast that you have less than a complete bag of personal pride. Your life will change when you turn your weaknesses into obvious strengths IN YOUR HEART AND MIND.

    6. Fatal flaw. Now there’s the rub. You need more information. You may be projecting/presenting yourself in some way that detracts from rather than attracts to you. Know yourself better and you can figure your life out better.

    The blog top menu shows the title “Female Blessings at Birth.” I suggest you study, adopt, and live out each of the blessings that you identify as buried within your heart. You are an immensely gifted person from birth. But as with modern women, perhaps you have been detrained away from your heart. That is the essence of what Feminism has done in the social and domestic arenas, and perhaps it inflicted you too.

    Guy

    • Peach Blossoms

      Just wanted to share that I’ve taken to keeping a journal and writing out the blessings that seem particularly relevant to me. I then write down in a different colour how I put the principle into practice and the reaction I got or how I felt. It helps me to remember the blessing and puts it into the context of my personal experiences. I’ve discovered that I’m grateful for more things than I had expected and my self-confidence becomes stronger every time I discover that I’m expressing myself in ways that are true to myself 🙂

      Your Highness Peach Blossoms,

      Pardon the editorial. I need to brighten my day and you encourage me.

      I credit the development of Western civilization to women doing pretty much what you describe. That is, personal growth with greater and greater dependence on their nature and heartfelt sense of right and wrong, religion and morality, affection and respect for others. With pillow talk and wordy and energizing breakfasts, our foremothers sent their men to work convinced that Christian love, values, and respectable order should rule the micro-world in which their men worked. Men did what their women expected. Slowly but surely, women got what they wanted to see outside the home so that their future brightened.

      Western civilization unfurled much faster after America was founded. For example, men conquered the American West, but women civilized it. Wifely influence shaped the American culture under first-ever, female-friendly constitutional values. Their husbands slowly morphed male-friendliness into female-friendliness. Our forefathers continued to dominate society and the workplace. Our foremothers gained dominance of culture and home. America became the most advanced version of Western civilization.

      Unfortunately, today, female-friendliness disappears faster and male dominance grows enormously from the drawbacks of left-leaning politics. Feminism killed mutual respect of the genders, watered down mutual respect for individuals, and stole the influence of females out of pillow talk and breakfast chatter and converted the influence into politics. Nowadays, as the direct result, both social and domestic relationships fall apart for little reason. That’s not what women expect but what they get. Men dominate society, workplace, home, and cultural values.

      Women gained politically, legally, and economically under the influence of political activists. However, it cost them because Feminism was and is demeaning of men relative to women. And so men stand by themselves. Women thus have lost influence in the social and domestic arenas and family homes.

      But keep up your good work. The betterment of both relationships and society always starts with one woman who has great ideas and dedication to herself, her heart, and her superior nature.

      Guy

    • krysie869

      Is this really true? “Men don’t disqualify women based on one feature.” What about women who behave differently than what he expects or who looks a certain way? I have seen this happen.

      Your Highness Krysie869,
      I think you have seen the last straw after she has been conquered or he was only after sex to begin with. People are motivated by their self-interest, which includes everything in their lives. One ‘bad’ isn’t enough to just up and dump someone of previous interest. At least it’s not normal.
      Guy

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