2127. Mirror Time — Part V: Early Reveille


Women long for happiness. It has to be earned, which means it comes at a cost. I propose a simple but not easy change in daily routine.

The way you appear at an event sends a message of how respected and important others present are to you. Have you thought about breakfast? Getting others to school or work in the morning? Sending those messages in an indirect manner that pleases you even more than them?

It’s not likely. Instead of paying the fare to jump aboard, you start the day by throwing yourself under the happy bus. You rush tiredly out of bed and rush yourself into an over-used or unsightly robe. Hair a mess, you disregard your appearance and mumble about your problems. You rush to help others before you help yourself. Rush to help everybody else and their daily start up, disrupt breakfast routine with irritation or anger, and add pressure to everyone’s departure so they rush to escape you. Consequently, by just not finding satisfaction with yourself first, you do all the wrong things for self and others. If you escape with sanity intact, you feel guilty, droopy, and worse but definitely dissatisfied for the rest of the day.

All your energy wiped out by one simple miscalculation. You didn’t start your day by proving to yourself that you’re still pretty and in charge in spite of what’s happening in your life. You didn’t renew vows to yourself that you like who and what you are even if others don’t. If you don’t know how to renew those vows, stick around. Details follow.

A simple but not easy way exists to jump on rather than under the bus. Take the rush out of your life and replace it with calm, smiles, and obvious dedication to those you love. You need only take charge and put it into habitual practice. Turn simple pretty time into extended mirror time and do it before others arise. You’ll see the people around you appreciate you much more just by you appreciating yourself much more.

First thing and before anyone else arises, spend 30 minutes before your mirror exchanging thoughts with your reflected image aka best friend. You have to make four sacrifices. 1) Go to sleep earlier. 2) Dedicate yourself to convert boring dead time into productive time for your mind, heart, and dreams. 3) Find the multitude of ways that make you like who and what you are by producing various results that enhance your prettiness, appearance, confidence, belief in self, and determination. 4) Quit quitting when trying to drop an old and develop a new habit. (Such as quitting New Year’s resolution.)

You’ll be surprised how it enables you to improve upon the world in which you live from reveille to taps. If you can’t figure out how to produce those results, sit there for 30 minutes every day and you will soon figure it out. Boredom will eventually open your eyes, mind, and heart, if you don’t quit. You’ll see that blaming others does nothing more than relieve you of doing the right thing, of taking and keeping control over your life.

Reasons and excuses always exist for not helping yourself when you don’t deserve it in the first place. Blaming others or endless wishes compensate when you don’t help yourself first. However, if not already very happy, you probably have at least one side of your life still buried in the multiplex of misery—unwanted singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, divorce, depression, husbandless, childless, dreariness, gloom, self-discipline, loss of child, discipline with kids, cheating mate, or prospects of doom in legal or economic arenas.

You chose where you are in life and got there by not making better choices to help yourself; you deserve what you have. Oh, you don’t deserve it? Well, take 30 minutes at the mirror and ask your reflected friend about that point. Are you accurately stating your case? (Also, read Path to Victory at blog top.)

I understand you’re discouraged at the thought of committing 30 minutes. You’ve gone quiet, but I can hear you, ladies. Mumbling and grumbling at the thought of taking so much time out of your busy day. You say, it’s unreal and you can’t do it. You can’t do without that last 30 minutes of sleep. You must tend your infant during that time of day. You don’t need 30 minutes to plan your day, your future, or even your whole life. And, on and on. You tell yourself you’re doing well enough, at least for now. But are you? Are you happy enough now with your importance to self, family, and date or mate? Your prettiness? Your daily appearance? How you look in church? At work? On dates? Start your day at the mirror and you’ll take the rush out of your life and that of family members.

The 30 minutes is about planning your life while painting the barn and looking for ways to improve your prettiness. It’s about using your imagination to analyze your situations, exploit your self-gratitude, and upgrade your day and future to first exit the multiplex of misery and then refine your life into your girlhood hopes and dreams. Millions of dollars won’t do that for you. Neither will face lifts, liposuction, analysis, breast implants, or wrinkle removers. It’s in your heart to do it, if your mind will only enable it.

If self-gratitude, self-importance, and respect for others isn’t resurrected in your heart by using your mind, then your happiness will not develop as you wish. Happiness has to be earned out of gratitude, and it starts best at the mirror. As you take greater charge of your life each day, self-importance and respect for others also grows and puts you on the entry ramp to a great day for yourself.

Why 30 minutes? To provide enough time for your inborn female nature to energize itself into multi-tasking. You can’t just sit there and do nothing. Your mind will take advantage of the boredom that inevitably sets in when you run out of ideas for improving your prettiness and appearance—aka pleasing yourself first. Thirty minutes allows for emotional motivators to come awake in your heart. Emotions that move you to action such as shame, guilt, sorrow, competition, grief, anxiety, gratefulness, cooperation, prettiness, duty, debt, love, and hunger for importance and appreciation. Plus, internal values that need frequent reinforcement or recovery because they shape your mental health such as self-love, self-esteem, self-interest, self-image, self-gratitude, and expanded belief in yourself. Those and other blessings are available and usable through self-talk with your reflected image. Use the committed 30 minutes plus your mind to energize your curiosity and imagination in search of making your life more important to yourself and those around you and at the same time look more appealing. Thirty minutes without interruption about improving your prettiness, appearance, and life will work wonders to improve the various attitudes that flow from your heart.

Serendipity. You finish mirror time feeling GREAT about yourself. It’s the strongest possible foundation for facing life with confidence, patience, and understanding. Why? Because you grace yourself with qualities fed by your prettiness with inner peace left over. The ultimate expression of power is forgiveness. When you ignore the little and forgive the big things—and especially forgive yourself—harmony floods your home. When you as single woman or mom isolate yourself at the mirror each morning, you earn the ability to switch the world ON to make things go your way. With kindness ignited by belief in yourself, can your forgiving spirit be far behind? With kindness and forgiveness renewed in your heart, it makes both personal and family harmony easier and more permanent.

We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I propose that women isolate themselves for 30 minutes upon arising in the morning. They have the talent and skills but need to use them more productively to calm the waters of their high pressure, super-rushed lives.

——

P.S. So, you can’t do 30 minutes? Impossible, you say. Okay. The number is not as important as your dedication to yourself and commitment to neither change whatever minutes you choose nor quit the daily routine. But anything less than 20 minutes will likely sink your ship before you start. Without the boredom that will set in, your mind, heart, and spirit will stay focused on escaping the problems of life rather than producing improvements for a better life. In that case, you will find little or nothing to reward you for sticking to your time commitment, and you will soon quit.

G.

 

13 Comments

Filed under How she wins

13 responses to “2127. Mirror Time — Part V: Early Reveille

  1. Meggrz

    I have found series of posts very helpful. As a woman raised to be “strong and independent” at the cost of femininity, I have always bristled at your concept of pretty time. Now I think I am starting to grasp it more.

    I used to think, “Only self-centered airheads spend that much time on primping.” What I realize I was really feeling, though, was a sense of inadequacy about my looks. I felt less than other women because I don’t know how to make myself look as good as they do, and feared I would never be as attractive even if I tried. I know now that feeling good about your presentation leaves even more time and mental space for me to get lost in my work and develop relationships, since I’m not self conscious all day that I didn’t make time to put on makeup in the morning.

    I thought “I am a woman of substance, smart and ambitious, and if others can’t see that in me because I dress like a tomboy, they aren’t the kind of people I want to be with anyway.” However, what I was really feeling was that I didn’t deserve the attention of people who take care of themselves. The reality is that the people I want in my life, are ones who care for themselves, and they respect that in others. It’s a giant green flag that you are satisfied and happy with yourself and your life.

    Anyway, thank you, Guy, this has been a very poignant series for me, especially at the New Year, when everyone is resolving to lose fifteen pounds, first, find Mr. Right second, and love themselves third.

    I am resolving to love myself first, and from that place of substance lf acceptance, to try to be the best me. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

    Your Highness Meggrz,

    It’s a delight that you see a different light.

    One note of caution. You may not have been around here long enough to learn this, but when you look for Mr. Right you program your heart to your own disadvantage.

    First, if a guy isn’t nearly perfect on sight, you tend to discount him as potential candidate. Many good men can slip through your screen.

    Second, once you call a guy Mr. Right, you program yourself to do everything that will capture him. That’s usually bad, because it leads you to take up the seller’s role instead of remaining the buyer.

    Third, when he thinks he’s Mr. Right, he will stop trying to win you. It’s has the same effect as letting him conquer you. He’s already won, and so he can coast regarding winning you.

    Fourth, when you discover Mr. Right, you quit looking and the parade
    passing you remains full of men good enough for you.

    Anyway, that’s just four reasons that it’s best when a woman qualifies every guy to be or not be a Mr. Good Enough. Good enough to win her if he just figures out how to play his cards sufficiently well to prove his worth to her. To present whatever he has to offer and proves it with actions that demonstrate his devotion to her and not just sex.

    Guy

    • Eric

      Sir Guy:
      Question on your 3rd point: I don’t think I would see it that way. Conquest of someone would mean that you would have to make an effort to hold them; i.e., there would not be a point in a relationship where a man could consider ‘coasting’. To my mind, ‘winning’ someone would be an ongoing effort.

      Sir Eric,
      To put it in context, his nature is to relax after an accomplishment. When she lets him know that he’s Mr. Right, he has achieved what he was after to begin with; winning her. So, he’s done trying so hard, can relax on that matter, and can go on to something else while waiting for her to plan the wedding or whatever he expects next out of their relationship. His nature guides him and his self-image dominates his behavior.
      Guy

      • Eric

        Sir Guy:
        I can understand relaxing after an accomplishment, but it would seem that there would be further things to achieve afterwards, i.e. more things to accomplish.

        I think what I mean here is that after the man has conquered, his next role is that of defender and provider.

        Sir Eric,

        Yes, more to accomplish, but conquest has a natural function that releases a man to go elsewhere for another conquest or whatever. Bonding does not occur as with women. Declaring him Mr. Right has a similar if not as intensive a release.

        Sorry, but automatically falling into the defender/provider role is not in the male nature. If he does it, it’s a lesson learned and not natural. I agree that with moral values such as yours and provided he’s been so taught in childhood. That is, lessons learned that originated with women even though it may have taught by, for example, his father.

        Guy

        • Eric

          Sir Guy;
          I’m wondering though if conquest isn’t an ongoing process? It seems as though at a certain point a man should bond more deeply with a woman, especially after she’s given of herself.

          Sir Eric,

          As I have used conquest from Blog Day One—11/23/2007—it is a couple’s first sex together. He changes after that and his and not her interests are primarily at heart. That’s the male nature. Whatever interests she aroused in his psyche and heart before that may have bonded them, but sex itself does not.

          It’s courtship before sex that primarily bonds a man. While bonding can occur after conquest, it isn’t as likely or intensive.

          Incidentally, what we call bonding isn’t nearly as emotionally clear cut as with women. We’re better to break male bonding into two elements. 1) Commitment based on his words and conscience to honor them, but it doesn’t hold nearly as much adhesive as does the second form. 2) Devotion is based on his actions that please him for pleasing her, and his actions program his heart with emotions that bond.

          You’re right, “a man should bond more deeply” after she’s given of herself. But that’s a lesson learned in life and unfortunately by too few men. Rather than being a solid moral value, it’s shunned by the pop culture and provides incentives for feminists to blame men for all manner of social ills.

          Guy

          • Eric

            Sir Guy:
            I agree that men aren’t taught or encouraged to bond by our culture. But I think the problem may revolve around point 2:

            “Devotion is based on his actions that please him for pleasing her, and his actions program his heart with actions that bond.”

            combined with:

            “As I have used conquest from Blog Day One—it is a couple’s first sex together.”

            What I’m having problems understanding is how these two things are mutually exclusive. If a man has conquered to the point of sexual relations, it seems that his goal would be to please her sexually. Hence, sex should also be an action that ‘please him for pleasing her.’

            Sir Eric,

            First, time is the answer to mutual exclusivity. Conquest can happen quickly and easily. Devotion only arises over extended time and virtually stops developing after conquest.

            Second, the purpose of conquest is not to please her. Conquest is its own goal, his achievement. Whatever he does to please her into their first sex together, it ends with their first sex. He may seek to please himself or both during subsequent sex, but it depends on his level of devotion developed prior to conquest. It’s all relative to the time, patience, smoothness, and success of her denying him their first sex.

            It’s his nature. What he should be like according to social norms and female wishes, he has to learn differently in life.

            Guy

            • Cocoa

              You are right Eric, but that’s only if number 2 came BEFORE number 1. If 1 came before there is no reason or no motivation for 2.

              You are addressing your feelings and your own approach, which is great, as you won’t approach number 1 without being comfortable with 2. But as you see around you that not always the case. Sad isn’t it?

  2. Magnolia

    Really good advice given here to Meggrz, Sir Guy! Thank you! I have several suitors vying for my attention at the moment and it’s very important to keep in mind what you say. Women get to choose the best able. We see it in the animal kingdom, too! It’s the way nature intended it.

    Also, I have been practicing “pretty time” for a few months now to *great* effect! Even the male students “perk up” when they see me in the mornings. Lol! (I’m a teacher). I’m having loads of fun with all the attention that I’m getting!

    Thanks again and happy new year!

  3. Shanna

    Mr. Guy
    Thank you for a much needed shaking at the start of the new year. This post is beyond excellent!!!

  4. Dear sir Guy,

    I’m ftom a differdng culture, yet this series made me see why I managed to overcome a deep depression of 6 months which almost ruined my marriage cause i foolishly held my husband redponsible for my depression & expected waaay too much from him!

    I have this habit I picked up from my mother (although she did in the evening) – upon waking up & doing my dawn prayer – I put on my favorite music or audiobook deprnding on my mood and spend up to an hour in my beautiful bathroom fixing my hair & make up! On the bleakest days, i would put my makeup on & fix it again less than 2 hours later because by then i have cried my eyes out! I wasnt doing it for my hudband & he wasnt around so often anyway cause he didnt know what to do with me so he turned to overworking himself. I literally felt that this is the only thing that kept me alive. On days when i didnt take time to do it, I would spend more time crying hystercially brcause looking at a mirror to find a depressed young woman was not a great antidepressant 🙂

    I thought its just me & my obsession with makeup. I’m busier now, so I’m at 30 minutes mark 🙂 Even when kids come I’ll make sure I keep the habit up. Thank you so much. You have no idea how your blog helped me in the last few months.

    ~ I’m thinking of pethaps translating this to Arabic when I find the time. If I do I’ll link to your blog 🙂

    Your Highness Lady,

    I love it when pretty women figure things out for themselves.

    Also, welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Guy

  5. Sarina

    Even this year I’m planning to visit your site. Always coming back. I see the reality that you talk about in daily life, how most women can’t keep a man and how messed up relationships are nowadays…the behaviour patterns in women are all too common….but you’re right also about men and their blame..for example, my father which is an amazing dad, suddenly turns competitive and unpleasant when I criticize his taste/choices and when I raise my voice at him, I don’t think I ever saw him ever admit his faults to anyone.

    Your Highness Sarina,
    You may understand dad a little better soon. I’ve almost finished the first article about men and the nature with which they are born. Should post it in a few days.
    Guy

  6. Everyone around me will wonder where to send the thank-you notes for the improvements my early morning reveille has made to their days. If they ask, I’ll just tell them to the wise and handsome Sir Guy. Thank you again, Sir Guy for not quitting on us and for all the good and kind advice.

  7. Sharon

    Guy, just wanting to add two points here. 1.) You wonderfully give women the “permission” they want for pretty time, with the “why’s” that support it. 2.) I urge that time for the heart is just as critical. That is a very focused time now, but when I worked an office job the morning pretty time included reading my Bible while blow-drying my hair. The 45-min. morning commute included prayer and quiet sacred music as I prepared to interact with others. THAT preparation also shows on the outside.

    Your Highness Sharon,
    Amen and thank you, sister.
    Guy

  8. Lex

    Sir Guy: I am bit sure you check comments on older posts but am hoping you do!

    On Saturdays i spend a longer time in front of the mirror with my 3 year old daughter…doing her hair etc. How can i begin teaching her to do ‘pretty time’ during this time?

    Your Highness Lex,

    Great question.

    Use leadership by example. Let her frequently observe your time before the mirror until she asks to do it by herself. If sensitive and too personal subjects come up, ask her to leave the room while you talk to yourself or just don’t talk out loud.

    Guy

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