2131. Male Blessings — How Men Start Out In Life


The following are the essentials and the forerunner of Male Blessings At Birth to be posted soon at blog top.

Female blessings are qualities that make women grateful and are first steps to their happiness. Male blessings are heart-felt characteristics that men possess without regard to gratitude; they are just that way and are born to claim it. It’s just possession rather than gratitude. Their claims, however, are essential for each man to earn satisfaction within himself. Satisfaction, it’s the natural equivalent of happiness for women.

Ladies, you may be shocked especially with the first item. All men readers are urged to disagree if they can; I seek to post the truth clearly. Before lessons learned in life teach him to be more circumspect, agreeable, and perhaps polished because he wants something from women, a typical man would say:

  1. Until I upgrade them in my interest, women play a subordinate role in my life: a) They can be fun to play with mentally and physically. b) They make marvelous distractions from everyday burdens. c) They are vital for my sex life. d) Having a good mate can make life more convenient, functional, and enjoyable and my ambitions more easily realized.
  2. My life is built on, around, over, under, and through self-respect.
  3. I respect myself but find I must reinforce it regularly by doing something until I am at least temporarily satisfied.
  4. I feel satisfied and respectable following the completion of something I set out to do. Less so when ordered to do it or it’s not my idea. And disrespected when told to do something I already know how to do.
  5. My self-respect becomes reinforced when I do everything right the first time. But I become frustrated with disturbing surprises, undue interruptions, and when things don’t proceed or turn out my way.
  6. I respect myself for doing something better as I see it—or doing something else as I want it—and enabling it all to lead to contentment. IOW, life’s rewards are in the satisfaction that comes from doing what I want to do and just how I want to do it.
  7. I work to accomplish things and feelings don’t count as things (except  self-respect).
  8. I am my own man. I don’t change to please others and especially not females.
  9. I don’t respect myself when I criticize others. I don’t like my tendency to criticize myself, and so I don’t inflict it on anyone else. Let them learn from their own mistakes the same way I do.
  10. I respect myself even when I seem to act impulsively. Much of what I accomplish well is prompted by need to act quickly.
  11. I respect myself for being a ‘figure-outer’. I believe in what I figure out much easier and more indelibly than what others convince me of. (So, why stop and ask for directions?)
  12. Having to explain myself is contrary to my self-respect.
  13. I support and uphold self-respect by living by and with my responsibilities and decisions surrounding them.
  14. Criticize me if you like. I can take it. Do it too much though and I’ll get even or leave.
  15. My erections are to be used. How I do it contributes significantly to self-respect. Hard thrusting and deep penetration amplify my sense of dominance and enhance my self-worth like nothing else. Orgasm isn’t the prime mover; it’s feedback of job well done.
  16. My sex drive comes in two very different versions. a) Conquer every sexually attractive woman I can, which significantly amplifies self-respect. b) Satisfy my sexual urges in the best way available at the moment of erection, which reinforces self-respect unless my conscience says otherwise.
  17. Purity is important but symbolic. I prefer a virgin bride in order to beat out all those other guys who tried and failed. As with other things I pursue, being first enhances self-respect.
  18. My conscience is guided by what’s best for my self-interest, which may or may not include the interest of someone else.
  19. I am easily self-encouraged to both play and be lazy, but I’m built for work. Self-satisfaction lies with work and I can’t always play or be lazy. I love to build, disassemble, grow, change, improve, and replace things to make life easier. Enabling and earning laziness that way provides immense satisfaction.
  20. I am responsible only for myself until I purposely step up to something or someone else, which takes a lot of selling for me to buy in. (Note the contradiction that women have to work out. He expects to be sold on providing/protecting but she expects to be sold on his merit as potential mate. He buys into the concept by selling her on the idea of buying into him. IOW, relationship experts have to convince men to sell themselves down the marital river.)
  21. I’m simple. I respect myself for being pretty easy to understand.
  22. I love to idle my mind, to shift into neutral. It’s nourishes me mentally.
  23. I’m not fearful. I can figure out how to prevent or overcome whatever comes up.
  24. I can recover from almost anything and know who to recruit for help if I need it.
  25. Complaining produces no beneficial results except to make me feel better about relieving myself of unwanted mental burdens.
  26. I see no reason for more than minimal foreplay. If I’m ready, she’s ready.
  27. I expect people to earn my respect before I trust them.
  28. I’m very particular about food, money, and women and don’t care to explain myself.
  29. I’m not particular about emotions except my own. I can handle mine and expect others to do the same.
  30. I’m a man of habit. I like what I like and expect to keep doing it and loving it.
  31. My weaknesses shame me, and illness tends to do the same.
  32. I’m a good lover whenever I choose to be but most women are not worth the extra effort.
  33. I don’t expect others to like me. If they do that’s fine. If they don’t that’s okay too.
  34. I’m a creature of habits that I create and have little or no wish to change.
  35. I will make a difference. Don’t know when or where, but I will.
  36. I’m capable of doing good in life but everyday conditions don’t make it worthwhile. Incentives are lacking to do anything but take care of myself as best I can.
  37. I’m a daily guy. I feel a sense of dignity if I have somewhere to go in the morning, some obligation to start my day. I can handle tomorrow when it gets here.
  38. I think the primary purpose of money is convenience, mostly for use now.
  39. I intuitively reject efforts to be or act female-like. It weakens my self-respect and makes me less respectable.
  40. Might makes right.
  41. I’m a taker. I appreciate whatever I may get but I don’t much respect those who give for nothing. I expect to earn what I get.
  42. As a hunter-conqueror I find hard-to-conquer targets far more appealing and valuable as reinforcement for my self-respect.
  43. The most intolerable offense against my self-respect is sexual infidelity of my mate. Revealing my sexual shortcomings to anyone is second. Lying is third and stealing fourth.
  44. A woman who diligently protects her sexual assets as her greatest asset earns respect. To do less is to respect her less.
  45. After conquering a woman, I ‘own’ our sexual agenda.
  46. I don’t like to admit it, but my greatest fear is insignificance.
  47. I only need one thing. A place to flop, eat, throw my things, and prepare to fight tomorrow’s dragons. I need my stuff to be left alone so I can find it when I need it.
  48. I crave the freedom to do my own life by living with my own decisions.
  49. My primary challenge in life is to beat all those other guys who aspire to do what I want to do.
  50. I am not easily offended. Even when I am, I get over it fairly easy. I like it best and things work better when normal is what is normal for me.

There must be more blessings that men inherit at birth, but they haven’t yet come to mind. Those above will soon be explained in greater detail similar to that of Female Blessings at Birth. The result will be posted permanently at blog top. I invite readers, especially men readers, to propose revisions or new blessings we males may inherit at birth.

In the meantime, I ask all readers for your opinion about the accuracy of those posted above. This is a review prior to permanent posting. It’s how men are born and not what they learn in life; you can see early traces in toddler boys. Agree or disagree? Suggestion: Use T or F for any numbered item. Better yet, use B for believable or U for unbelievable. Truth and clarity drive me to do this. Other comments are also welcome and desired if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for whatever opinions you choose to present.

75 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

75 responses to “2131. Male Blessings — How Men Start Out In Life

  1. I do not nearly have the eloquence of the Writer of the blog, nor such a comprehensive list to offer. Nevertheless, here is my contribution:

    One issue that I think men and women can improve upon is communication. Given the differences between the two genders, and all that results from poor communication – or good communication, understanding how men communicate might be helpful for the woman who hopes to improve her relationships with men.

    (Honey, nail this one and the men will be lined up for miles!)

    1) More often than not, regarding communication, brevity is next to godliness. A girlfriend who plops down on the sofa next to me, lays her head on my shoulder AND SAYS NOTHING has communicated more to me than a roomful of encyclopedias. Eventually I’ll ask her what she is thinking; from there we’ll have a discussion. By her starting out with a simple expression of love – affectionate and undemanding in her approach, I am reminded of all the good reasons why I am in this relationship.

    2) Criticism does not help. A better way to go about motivating me is to ask me a question and/or play to my drive to achieve: ‘what are your plans about fixing the sprinkler heads?’ or ‘I am going shopping this weekend and I need your help picking out a dress.’ In both cases, as the Writer of this blog points out, as a man I loathe insignificance. Call it the male ego or the male desire to achieve, but these issues have now been presented to me as matters that uniquely require my attention. Laughably, my ‘expertise’ is needed.

    3) The endlessly long dragged-out stories the girlfriend tells about ‘Maryann at the office,’ who once swiped her stapler – and how my girlfriend will go to her grave hating Maryann with the passion of Dante’s final circle of hell, are actually kind of cute. They take my mind off of serious matters. Although seeing the childishness of my girlfriend over petty matters casts her in an unpleasant light, oddly, I like this part of our relationship. Hearing the litany of the girlfriend’s daily travails doesn’t obligate me to think too deeply. I can relax. She can talk all day and night as far as I am concerned. But when these stories involve how horrible I am and that I have to change – presented with the same vindictive or juvenile tone, now I can’t relax any more. (And why am I still in this relationship?)

    Naturally, communication is two-way street. But if NEITHER participant in the relationship is any good at it, the relationship seems doomed from the start.

    Blessings!

    Sir Outstandingbachelor,
    I commend you for an important contribution. Well done.
    Guy

    • surfercajun

      I can appreciate girl squawking for #3.
      Mine was bird bombs on the loaner car after waiting a day for it. Insidious!!!

      …my girlfriend will go to her grave hating Maryann with the passion of Dante’s final circle of hell. ..this made me giggle

      • surfercajun

        …sorry… I felt a bit overwhelmed reading this…. These are spot on for blessing for a guy. I only had a few to respond on as requested.

        12. B- would say I stated to adopt myself….why prattle on?

        14. not sure- what about men that do ALL the criticizing/complaining? (25.) I know they must feel better, but at times when doing this, it leaves one feeling rather empty. Would it be better at times to do this with a male friend? I read somewhere that men should NOT complain to their sweetheart/wives. The article referenced to keep her happy in her little world. But I must admit that if I need to know something that involved me, I would like or care to know without being kept in the dark or had no knowledge of it. Does it hinge on the couple? What type of man he is? How well he can read his woman?

        26. very B- but the approach can kill the deal. (doing something she does NOT like repeatedly)

        27-B

        30-B reminds me of a singer I admire and has my respect for continuing no matter what the odds. I appreciate what he does and hope he never stops. He is in my prayers daily.

        38. B- until he saves for something that is needed or wanted. Some men are goal oriented with their money. They make it work for them. Save it to spend it later. I honestly believe these men are RARE.

        39- B and T I don’t enjoy men that act in a girl-like fashion. I would rather a man to fly off the hook than hold his tongue when something is done wrong to him. Being an a$$ might come with the territory depending on what the offense is, who is involved, and what is happening to him. I appreciate a man that can think on his feet and on the fly of the situation. Both cannons ARE loaded! …it is a great day when I am not in harm’s way nor directed at me!

        Men usually do not get angry for NO reason. I seriously never understand women that don’t appreciate this ( have had a woman complain to me about her date…she called him a polar bear… for handling a situation that was done wrong to her but she was going to let it pass) especially when he was doing this for HER comfort. I believe she was the one being disrespectful for not appreciating the situation and her date’s attention to the matter. OTOH I had guessed he was military without her telling me. Military men act differently and walk with a purpose. You always know where you sit with one. For some reason, I can read them better than most. Must have been because of my father. He was Air Force/Air Force Reserves, a wise man, and an entrepreneur. He had his own company for years before he sold it, then paid as ongoing support when questions arose. His company was a well oiled machine. He looked at things in a business like aspect as Gentleman Eric did talking about people that could not make it to a get together. This is a huge compliment BTW and he would have appreciated such thinking as well as welcomed it.

        42. Extremely believable! For an alpha male. 🙂

        47. B- saw my mom move things…my father became very angry. She thought she was helping, she was not. He could not find it where HE LEFT IT. ..unless it is shoes.

        48. B- I honestly believe men still need this especially when married. To go and do his thing without her. He comes back a better guy. Is there such a thing as to much togetherness?

        Your Highness Surfercajun,

        Thank you. I love it when pretty women respond so effectively. So, I do it too.

        #14 — Criticizing/complaining by some men is the result of lessons learned in life. Duplicating parent? Fearful of being wrong? Angry with self? Shy of self-respect?

        #38 — Again, lessons learned in life about saving money for a rainy day.

        # 48 — Too much togetherness? Yes, it’s possible, if he’s denied his independence to earn self-admiration and self-satisfaction elsewhere. However, check out the website shown in post 2136 about the evident need for togetherness.

        Thanks again, darling, for the feedback.

        Guy

  2. gonemaverick

    1 – T

    especially if they’ve never dated seriously before. it takes months of patience and of reprograming their mind for a guy to finally figure out that there’s someone important in their lives. only then does a girl start seeing signs of devotion.

  3. Eric

    1.) I’m not sure about the ‘subordinate role’ part, but the rest is true.

    2-16) All true.

    17.) Purity can be an attractive feature—I’m not sure that it’s not important.

    18-49) All true.

    Sir Eric,

    Does this rephrasing remove your uncertainty?

    1) Until I upgrade them in my interest, women play a subordinate role in my life: a) They can be fun to play with mentally and physically. b) They make marvelous distractions from everyday burdens. c) They are vital for my sex life. d) Having a good mate can make life more convenient, functional, and enjoyable and my ambitions more easily realized.

    17) Purity is important but symbolic. My main reason for preferring a virgin bride is to beat out all those other guys who tried and failed. As with other things I pursue, being first enhances self-respect.

    Your input adds clarity to truth. That’s both significant and admirable on this blog.

    Guy

    • Eric

      Sir Guy:
      Thank you for the positive feedback. But I still have a lot to learn.

      The re-wording is spot on. My feeling about #1 in particular is that I do think that men have an instinct to bond with a female, but it’s latent rather than conscious (being superseded by some other factors mentioned. It takes the effort of a good/high-value woman to bring out that latent instinct and re-direct or focus the man’s instinct).

  4. menckenhitchens

    I completely disagree with this for the plain and simple fact that it assumes from the outset & initially that a man’s only defining factor is his sense of pride. The west has given too much credence to the development of males that are egoistic & self-satisfying, & as Judith butler would say, “In reinforcing these “perfominative roles roles”, has given rise to a culture that highlights not necessarily the most flattering aspects or qualities of our nature or character.

    Sir Menckenhitchens,
    Other than the first sentence, whatever you’re trying to say does not register at the level of intelligence that prevails on this blog. However, you deserve to be heard. So, commence firing with details of disagreement with particular blog statements and I shall respond.
    Guy

  5. menckenhitchens

    Alright, Well, it’s not a big quarrel, it’s just the way the behavior of the male is framed you could cite any of the sentences. There’s an assumption that men’s character consists primarily of: the desire for dominance or a predisposition for being prideful in nature. Perhaps there are many men especially in western culture who feel that to be belittled is a terrible blow to their ego. But there may also be men who disagree with that notion being put forth. Perhaps it could be simply said, Women don’t act as an affirmation of all males sense of self-worth.

    There’s an adage that’s been kicked around, “In western nations men are told to have pride, women are told to be charming; the amount of forgiveness that society gives the women is equal to the amount of charm that she imparts upon it.” It makes me wonder if the conception of how we define the standards of normal behavior; in this case specifically the male- in some ways reinforce certain expectations we hold for individuals psychologically in the culture we live in.

    Perhaps, I’d softly ask, why do you feel that way about young men? Perhaps there are posts previously written that could act as a reference.

    Sir Menckenhitchens,

    I now have the big picture. My apples and your oranges. So mutual connectivity eludes us.

    Seven years, 2000 articles, and over a million words focus on one theme. Men and women are born differently in hundreds of ways. In effect, inherited traits are default conditions that guide people even when lessons learned later in life guide then away from their inherited natures.

    My apples are what both sexes are born with, and I describe how that impacts the multiplex of female misery. I’m unsure of your oranges but they don’t look like my apples.

    I studied behavior science for over 50 years with inadequate success. Now, blog success denies me both time and interest in oranges.

    If you are interested in apples, go to post 1747 and those with the same title that follow. I think 113 are posted in that summarizing series. You may find some interest.

    Guy

  6. Shermy

    Hello Guy, i find this list mostly believable, though it seems there are less and less men who are actually responsible, successfully competitive, and are not harmfully critical.

    YOur Highness Shermy,
    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.
    Guy

  7. As you request feedback from ladies in 2136, I will curb my initial sensation that verifying male blessings is not “my business”. Although I read none that struck me as unbelieveable, my observations tell me blessings 4, 13, 14, 18, 23, 27, 35, 37, and 42 seem especially believeable.

    Your Highness Eatacactus,
    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.
    Guy

  8. My Husband's Wife

    Dear Sir Guy,

    I believe the male “blessings” will come in quite handy for not only men, but us women too. When a man in our lives displays any of the above blessings, we can easily recognize them and then appreciate or highlight these strengths. And if maybe one of these blessings seems to be lacking in a man (as no one is perfect), we can help encourage the growth (indirectly of course) in the area in which one is struggling.

    Reading through the list: 1-49 are believable. When time permits, I’ll have my husband take a look at the list. He doesn’t read your articles, he just asks me what you’ve been writing about lately and I fill him in and ask him his thoughts—and he confirms you are “spot on.”

    I don’t know if you’re looking for any additions to the list at all, but I thought of one (that I know you’ve highlighted before on this site somewhere which caught my attention) that I truly appreciate: Men have the great ability to easily get over an offense, recover and return to normal as quickly as possible.

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,

    Thank you.

    I phrased blessing #50 this way in response to your tip:
    I am not easily offended. Even when I am, I get over it fairly easy. I like it best and things work better when normal is what is normal for me.

    Let me know if it’s not what you had in mind.

    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      About the list: At first I found it an interesting read and thought about the items throughout the week, but I wasn’t sure what exactly to do with it. So your giving a bit more direction today helped spur me along. Hopefully some of the other ladies will be able to take another look as well.

      Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
      Thank you. I love it when pretty women help me publish clear and truthful evidence of how the sexes differ.
      Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      Absolutely perfect!

  9. ari

    I re-read the list and found this list to be believable. One thing which might be part of #4…the male ego…being offended when second guessed about advice rather than respected for a good idea. Feeling disrespect because something done was not appreciated but criticized. Also wife or girlfriend called on someone else for help not husband or boyfriend. I hope this makes sense.

    Blessings to you!

    Your Highness Ari,

    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.

    Trying to determine if it’s inherited at birth or a lesson learned in life, I reworded your thought this way: I very much dislike it when someone close to me presumes that I can’t do something and seeks someone else’s help.

    In the final analysis, I believe it to be a lesson learned. Men are born too stoic to be upset by someone bypassing their ability to get a job done poorer than they could have done it. Not their concern, unless it’s an obvious slight, in which case it’s the result of whatever relationship developed beforehand. That makes the discrimination more a reflection of their relationship than a reflection against his ability.

    Guy

  10. Mia

    Hello Sir Guy,
    Most of the points mentioned are perfectly believable and plausible. Spelled out like this they are somewhat difficult to digest, but nevertheless very helpful. There are some points with which I struggle – especially 44 and 45 (also 16). I’ve noticed this in other posts. I find it hard to believe that introducing sex into a relationship makes such a big difference to men. Does it really make that much of a difference to men? Some of the readers have commented that they noticed men change and turn „not so nice“ once sex was introduced, Is there really a direct cause-effect in a sense that they find no need to try hard? I’d like to note that I’m European and people basically do as they please here. (e.g. sleep with „a boyfriend“ after 2-3 dates, move in with them after a few months, remain in unmarried long relationships) And I did notice that this often does not work in favor of women, but I never put two and two together or asked myself where women start to go wrong. I myself was raised conservatively with all that that entails, but on a logical level I never understood why women change in the eyes of men once they sleep with them.

    Your Highness Mia,

    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.

    As to your main question: A man changes after conquest. It’s his nature. He has two primal urges. 1) Conquest is more a show of dominance than sexual motivation. 2) The other is what we think of as the normal sex drive, that is, sex subsequent to conquest. IOW, conquest is like a qualifying event to ensure he has the dominant role, and conquerors assume they control their subsequent sexual agenda. The two primal urges are distinctly different motivational forces.

    Also, he’s released from his former goal to pursue conquest elsewhere. If he’s not devoted to her before their first sex together, he’s freed up to move on. But she changes too. She bonded but he didn’t. And that difference makes the conquering event significant in the lives of both.

    It doesn’t necessarily mean he will move on and leave her behind. But she has no way of knowing before the fact; it’s the most uncertain and riskiest event in every relationship. That’s why I write endlessly about long courtships, disregarding his commitment in words, and working endlessly to enable him to become devoted to her over and above sexual attraction; i.e., devoted to her as evidenced by his ACTIONS and not just words. It’s the only way she can be sure her investment of first sex together will be rewarded in her favor.

    Guy

    • Beloved

      So this might sound silly, but, do men ever actually love women? I know you say they love differently like they will do things for women instead of being affectionate. But, don’t they “feel” it? I know this blog is about natures but just wondering what you or other men might say to that. Also, I can’t conceive of someone truly loving someone and cheating on them regardless of some supposed need to conquer attractive women. Thanks for the tons of info you put on here to help us clueless women!

      Your Highness Beloved,

      Yes, men actually love women. But, it’s learned behavior and not a blessing from birth as loving someone is with women.

      Yes, their expressions of love are different. Being affectionate for the sake of affection is foreign to masculine nature. Being affectionate as expression of heart-felt fun, pleasure, and gratitude is natural but her likeability as recipient of his affection determines how well he continues to show it. IOW, he doesn’t show it without being rewarded for having exposed his feelings. It’s easy to learn the habit of keeping it to himself instead of pleasing her with what she expects.

      You may not have seen the article on their A.D.D. She has affection deficit disorder and he has affection delivery disorder. He’s not likely to close that gap and it takes endless patience for her to close it.

      Guy

      • Eric

        Miss Beloved:
        “Do men actually love women?”

        Yes.

        “Don’t they feel it?”

        Yes.

        “I can’t conceive of someone truly loving someone and cheating on them.”

        Me neither.

        The dynamics are different between the genders but the feelings are the same.

      • Beloved

        NOTE: I RESPOND IN BRACKETS AND CAPS TO your questions in lower case WITH PARAGRAPHS BROKEN DIFFERENTLY FOR EASE OF READING. Guy
        ——

        Thanks Guy and Eric for the responses, but I am still confused. How do you “learn” a feeling or an emotion? [1) BY BEING PARENTED, TRAINED, INDOCTRINATED, EDUCATED, INSPIRED, OR ENCOURAGED AND THEN ACTING IT OUT REPEATEDLY. FEELINGS FOLLOW ACTIONS. 2) BY EMOTIONALLY IMAGINING A FEELING UNTIL REPETITION DEVELOPS INTO A NEW EMOTION. 3) BY REPEATED ACTIONS THAT ARE CONTRARY TO AN EXISTING EMOTION. IN FACT, ACTION CAN CURE FEAR. REPEATEDLY PEERING FROM GREAT HEIGHTS CAN CURE ACROPHOBIA. ADJUSTABILITY IS ONE OF THE FEMALE TRAITS THAT CROWN THE SUPERIOR SEX, BUT MEN ARE ALSO ALBEIT MUCH LESS ‘ADJUSTABLE’.]

        And yes, I did see the A.D.D. post, but that’s not even my problem with all of this. Btw, please don’t misunderstand, I’m not blaming you for telling the truth and everything and I mean EVERYTHING that you’ve said has either checked out on other things I’ve read or men I’ve asked. And that’s the problem for me. And that is, that the truth hurts. [THE TRUTH HURTS BECAUSE YOU LOOK ONLY AT THE THINGS THAT DON’T FIT THE MODEL OF LIFE YOU’VE LEARNED TO LIVE WITH. ADD THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: MEN AND WOMEN ARE DESIGNED BY GOD, ENDOWED BY NATURE, AND ENERGIZED BY HORMONES TO LIVE COMPATIBLY WITH A MATE. NO GUARANTEES ABOUT LOVE FOR WOMEN AND RESPECT FOR MEN OR HAPPINESS FOR WOMEN AND SATISFACTION FOR MEN. LOVE, RESPECT, HAPPINESS, AND SATISFACTION MUST BE EARNED BY INDIVIDUALS. THE CHALLENGE OF MATING REQUIRES THAT WOMEN USE MEN TO EARN LOVE AND HAPPINESS. MEN USE WOMEN TO EARN RESPECT AND SATISFACTION. SELF-INTEREST MOTIVATES EVERYONE, WHICH MEANS THAT SELFISHNESS EASILY PREVAILS UNTIL SOMEONE ELSE BECOMES PARAMOUNT IN ONE’ SELF-INTEREST.

        FORTUNATELY, MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT LEADERLESS IN THEIR MISSION TO FIND MUTUAL COMPATIBILITY. WOMEN ARE RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS; MEN ARE RELATIONSHIP DUNCES. THEY ARE BORN THAT WAY. SO, IF YOU TURN YOURSELF AGAINST MARRIAGE, YOU GIVE AWAY YOUR RELATIONSHIP EXPERTISE AND BECOME A DUNCE AND THUS SHORTCHANGE YOURSELF WITH A LIFE OF LITTLE OR WEAK LOVE, LITTLE HAPPINESS, AND PERHAPS MISERY.]

        Before I launch into my rant I’d like you to know that I don’t blame you for how men and their natures are created. Also, I’ve been reading your blog since April ’14 so all of my angst has been building for quite some time. And, lastly, I am an anti-feminist Bible believing (yes, submission to husband and all) woman. This is what I’ve gathered from you and other sources: she’s a sex target initially (so, just a piece of meat), [MEN ARE NOT PRIMARILY OUT FOR SEX AS WOMEN THINK THEY ARE. THE NATURE OF MEN IS NOT THAT WAY; IT’S A CONDITION THAT WOMEN CREATE. WOMEN ARE LIKEABLE TO MEN BECAUSE WOMEN ARE UNIQUE AND THOSE WHO DON’T GIVE SEX ARE FASCINATING AND CAN SHOW PROMISE AS POTENTIAL MATES.

        THE MALE NATURE WORKS LIKE THIS: SHE’S AN INTERESTING TARGET TO HOLD A MAN’S ATTENTION LONG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO UNCOVER HER QUALITIES THAT HE CAN ADMIRE, THEREFORE RESPECT, AND THEREFORE LOVE. SHE EARNS HIS RESPECT AS THE FOUNDATION OF HIS LOVE BY BEING AN ATTRACTIVE UNYIELDING TARGET. THUS, SHE MAKES HERSELF POTENTIALLY A MATE AND THUS EARNS LOVE. OTOH, HE EARNS HER RESPECT BY BEING AN APPEALING AND QUALIFIED PURSUER, OUT OF WHICH GROWS HER GRATITUDE FOR WHO HE IS AND WHAT HE DOES, OUT OF WHICH GROWS THE PROMISE HE SEES IN HER AS A PERMANENT MATE.]

        he marries her for frequent & convenient access to sex (so, a married piece of meat-who’s expected to jump through hoops the rest of their married lives together in order to keep him-and even then, well, who knows? Sorry, Ladies, it’s just his male nature.) [NO IT’S NOT HIS NATURE. IT’S HOW MODERN MEN HAVE BEEN TAUGHT BY WOMEN TO ACT. METHINKS YOU’VE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR THE OPPOSITE SEX AND TRUST, FAITH, AND CONFIDENCE IN YOUR OWN AND YOURSELF. YOU’RE BASING YOUR CONCLUSIONS ON WHAT YOU SEE AROUND YOU INSTEAD OF USING THE BLESSINGS WITH WHICH YOU ARE ENDOWED AT BIRTH. EXAMPLE: WOMEN LEAD, MEN FOLLOW. AS WOMEN GOES SO GOES SOCIETY. YOU’RE THE RELATIONSHIP EXPERT; MEN KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT AND FUTHERMORE WON’T, CAN’T, OR DON’T.]

        His nature also leans heavily toward self-centeredness [EVERYBODY DOES WHEN MUTUAL COMPATIBILITY IS THREATENED OR EVEN STRESSFUL.] (he has sex for himself, it boosts him up, there could be just about ANY woman lying under him, because she is of no consequence to him.) [YES, HE’S AN OPPORTUNIST AND ORGASM PROVIDES REWARD. BUT ORGASM IS NOT THE MOTIVATOR THAT PUT HIM THERE. OPPORTUNITY MAYBE AS THE NEED FOR PHYSIOLOGICAL RELIEF ADDS SOCIAL PRESSURE. IF SHE IS NO CONSEQUENCE TO HIM, THEN IT’S HER FAULT. SHE ALONE CONTROLS THE AGENDA THAT MAKES HER OF CONSEQUENCE TO HIM. HOW? SHE MAKES HERSELF INTERESTING TO HIM; THAT’S HER FIRST OBLIGATION TO EARN LOVE. FINDING GRATITUDE FOR HIM IS HER FIRST OBLIGATION TO EARN HAPPINESS. FINDING HER OF INTEREST IS HIS FIRST OBLIGATION TO EARN RESPECT. FINDING VIRTUES IN HER IS HIS FIRST OBLIGATION TO EARN SATISFACTION WITH HIMSELF RELATIVE TO A WOMAN.]

        Again, not shooting the messenger at all. [I DON’T TAKE IT THAT WAY EITHER.] It’s just that I’ve never felt so informed and disheartened all at the same time. [METHINKS YOU MAY BE READING ONLY WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR.] Your blog has been welcome at some times and like an ice cold bucket of water in the face at other times. I know I am a woman, but I just can’t imagine marrying a man for anything other than loving him, wanting what’s best for him and doing all those things you say for women to do because I love him and want him to be happy, not out of fear. [OF COURSE YOU CAN’T IMAGINE IT. WHY SHOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER ANYTHING ELSE? THAT’S THE WAY YOU’RE MADE, YOUR NATURE. IT’S ALSO WHAT MEN DREAM OF, WHAT THEY SEE AS PROMISE THAT LEADS THEM TO THE ALTAR.]

        And definitely not without there being some sort of reciprocity on his part. [HIS RECIPROCITY IS NOT THE FEMALE KIND OF LOVE. MEN LOVE VERY DIFFERENTLY. AS LONG AS YOU EXPECT THEM TO SHOW FEMALE-STYLE LOVE, YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED AND LOST.]

        Don’t men marry for love? [THEY DO WHEN WOMEN REQUIRE IT. YOU DON’T LIKE IT BUT MEN DO WHATEVER WOMEN REQUIRE TO HAVE FREQUENT AND CONVENIENT ACCESS TO SEX. THAT TO MEN IS CONFIRMATION THAT THEY ARE LOVED, THE MAIN BUT NOT ONLY REWARD FOR HUSBANDING AND FATHERING. A WOMAN’S WORDS DON’T IMPRESS MEN; IT TAKES ACTIONS TO CONVINCE THEM. AND THE ACTIONS THAT JUSTIFY GIVING UP INDEPENDENCE FOR ONE WOMAN IS FREQUENT AND CONVENIENT ACCESS TO SEX WITH HER. WITHOUT THAT, LITTLE ELSE COUNTS.]

        I can’t imagine marrying someone because I want to “use” him for something. [GOOD. IT WOULDN’T LAST EITHER.] I can’t imagine marrying some man, deeply loving him and having his response toward me be that all I’m good for is to put his penis into (and to look pretty for him). [THAT HAPPENS NATURALLY WHEN WOMEN TREAT THEIR MAN DISRESPECTFULLY AND UNGRATEFULLY IN THE NAME OF WHATEVER A WOMAN USES TO JUSTIFY HER MULTITUDE OF CRITICISMS.]

        Since reading all you have said (and seen it reiterated elsewhere) I can tell you I’ve never wanted to be married LESS than I do now. [THAT IS A SHAME, BUT I SUBMIT TO YOU THAT YOU’RE PAYING TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU SEE AND HEAR AND INSUFFICIENT ATTENTION TO HOW YOU AND MEN ARE MADE VERY DIFFERENTLY.] It all seems so one-sided, in favor of the man and I find I have no incentive to be more feminine, look my best, etc. For what? To be used? THE ONE-SIDEDNESS FAVORS WOMEN. THEY ARE THE BEST EQUIPPED TO GET WHAT THEY WANT OUT OF LIFE. BEST ABLE TO EARN LOVE AND HAPPINESS WITH MEN, WHO ARE EQUIPPED TO EARN RESPECT AND SATISFACTION WITHOUT PAYING MUCH ATTENTION TO WOMEN. WHICH MEANS THEY MAY BE THE MORE FORTUNATE OPERATING AS SINGLES, BUT NOWHERE NEAR AS FORTUNATE AS THEY AND WOMAN CAN BE OPERATING AS COUPLES. (SEE AGAIN THE 98 FEMALE BLESSINGS AT BIRTH; IF YOU DON’T ADOPT AND USE THOSE BLESSINGS, YOU SHORTCHANGE YOURSELF AND YOUR ABILITY.)]

        I’ve no idea how you are to respond to this, [WE ARE NOT PUT ON THIS EARTH TO BLAME EACH OTHER. HOW DO I KNOW? BECAUSE BLAME WIPES OUT MUTUALITY AND WE ARE ON THIS EARTH TO BE COMPATIBLE AS MATES. IF WE CAN’T DITCH BLAME, WE CAN NEVER GET ALONG ANY BETTER. A COUPLE CAN DO NO BETTER THAN OPERATE ENTIRELY WITHOUT BLAME FOR EITHER SPOUSE. IT’S NOT LOVE AND THE ROMANTIC SPIRITS THAT HOLD A COUPLE TOGETHER, IT’S THE ABSENCE OF INNUMERABLE IRRITANTS, CRITICISM, AND BLAME THAT PROVIDES THE GLUE.]

        but I’ll tell you I’m looking for words of comfort (which you, no doubt, are wise enough to realize) from someone I sort of feel is the closest thing to a decent “father figure” some of us would ever hope to find. [MY WORDS OF COMFORT ARE THESE: YOU ARE A PRECIOUS CHILD OF GOD, OR IF YOU PREFER A PRECIOUS RESULT OF NATURE. AS YOU FAIL TO EXPLOIT YOUR PRECIOUSNESS, YOU GENERATE UNHAPPINESS FOR YOURSELF AND THOSE AROUND YOU. DENNIS PRAGER SAYS IT BEST: WE EACH HAVE THE MORAL OBLIGATION TO BE HAPPY WITHIN OURSELVES. WE OWE IT TO THOSE AROUND US, BECAUSE THEY ARE HURTING. USUALLY THEY ARE HURTING FROM BLAME OR CRITICISM OF SOME SORT. Maybe you have NO words of comfort, but I thought I’d at least try. Again, sorry, it’s all been building for quite some time—seeing the same info elsewhere just made it worse. [OKAY. YOU DID YOUR CORE DUMP. MEMORY IS NOW EMPTY. REBOOT AND START LOADING NEW APPS. THE LOVE AND HAPPINESS DOORS CAN NOW OPEN ON YOUR DIFFERENT CHOICES BASED ON NO BLAME AND ENDLESS HOPE.]

        • Eric

          Miss Beloved:
          I think that you’re painting all men with too broad a brush. It is a fact that sex and conquest are a man’s primary need, but his need to bond emotionally and love falls on a more radically sliding scale. With some of us, the two things are very closely connected; with other men (probably the majority) emotional bonding has to be learned to some extent, but most men are willing pupils. The third group—the males you really want to avoid—see no connection between the two and emotional bonding is something irrelevant to them. Those are the types who ‘use’ women as you described.

          Part of it is just the ‘weeding out’ process. What Sir Guy has said about withholding sex will weed the 3rd group out quickly; the 2nd group may or may not be ‘keepers’; the 1st is fairly easy. It’s not really as one-sided as you make it sound.

          • Beloved

            So, Eric, how do men bond (emotionally & with women of course)? We know it’s certainly not through sex! Which actually seems rather sad to me that she shares her body (her most prized asset according to men) and it means nothing? And as long as I brought that up, what does it mean to a man (since he definitely doesn’t love her more) when a woman shares herself-let’s say only after he marries her?

            Your Highness Beloved,
            See posts 1757 and 2130 for how men bond.
            Guy

          • Beloved

            And, btw, Eric, “I” am not painting all men with a broad brush, Guy is! I’m just trying to figure out how to wade through all this (not so happy) information. But, you (and any other guys who want to) answer me is very, very welcome. I just want to learn and hopefully get over my anger at how God made men, my disgust and confusion.

        • Beloved

          I will take your words to heart. Will study the female blessings. And try to see things differently. Thanks for the response.

        • Beloved

          Ok, sorry to bug you again, but I feel I have seen so many contradictions (or at least I think they are) that that is why I am confused. On your note to me you say…[MEN ARE NOT PRIMARILY OUT FOR SEX AS WOMEN THINK THEY ARE. but on 455 “Men won’t admit” #10 it states…”That he’s primarily after one thing with her, sex.” Do you understand my confusion now?
          I have been reading the female blessings and they are really helping me.

          Your Highness Beloved,

          See if the following eases your confusion. The context is different.

          1. “That he’s primarily after one thing with her, sex.” The context is what men think. It’s phrased this way at top of the article: “The male agenda is full of private agendas. The list continues of what a man will seldom volunteer or admit.”

          2. “MEN ARE NOT PRIMARILY OUT FOR SEX AS WOMEN THINK THEY ARE.” The context is what women think.

          In fact, the primary motivation within the urge to conquer is not sex but dominion over the conquered. In the conqueror’s mind, he wins ownership of their sexual agenda. It’s his victory and he expects to profit from what he earned. Subsequent sexual urges are expected to take place in that scenario, and so sex becomes secondary. She’s the most important reason for them to get together again. Remember, it’s the male nature but not how they necessarily act in real life, which depends on how women act to downgrade or embellish their conqueror’s dominance before conquest.

          I hope your confusion is given a rest.

          Guy

          • Stephanie

            I understand exactly how you feel beloved. I think it has something to do with not having a father. It makes no sense to me how “MEN DO WHATEVER WOMEN REQUIRE TO HAVE FREQUENT AND CONVENIENT ACCESS TO SEX. THAT TO MEN IS CONFIRMATION THAT THEY ARE LOVED.” How can sex make a man feel loved yet at the same time sex and conquest causes no feelings of love from the man. It really makes it sound like men can only love and need sex. Society bombards us with those type of statements. And when we don’t have a fatherly example or we have a poor one. We grow up clinging to everything we hear and see about men. But its based off of our fears instead of our experiences. I have been lucky to be the one to care for my grandparents as they got old. But I could see how much my Grandpa loved my grandmother. He worked so hard everyday for years on end to give my grandma everything she needed. He adored her and she could be a feisty thing sometimes but he knew at her core it was only because of how sweet and sensitive she is. When he died he hung on for as long as my grandma needed to be ok. Even in his pain his love for her was more important. He also had all the families inheritance worked out so she would not have to worry about that or see her children fighting. along with making sure she was taken care of until she dies. I know I can love deeply but even I do not have that sort of selfless love. I wouldn’t even want to provide for someone. They had 9 children and he loved everyone of them and I know he loved me to along with his other 85 grandchildren. So men do love possibly even deeper than women.
            My real dad died and I got a bad step dad. I’ve got more reasons to believe than a men only need a woman for sex and are incapable of love. That men cheat regardless if they have a good woman to love. But that all only happened because my mom was broken after my dad died and so she believed all men were good. So a predator married her before he proved his love. But the negative beliefs remain. This blog can trigger everyone of them sometimes. But I can now see it was my own fear of men that kept me manifesting exactly the type of man I feared. I struggle for hour trying to wrap my brain around these concepts and sometimes I get it. But no matter what I figure out. I believe for those of us who do not know the love of a father we had no way to believe we were lovable. It is something that only a Father can instill in his daughter. When I can get out of my own fear and pain I can see that everything Guy teaches is that we are women. We are love incarnate. All we have to do is be ourself because that is what men want and need more than anything. Sex is only the drive that makes them even want to pursue us. But it won’t keep them, fear and hatred of men only keeps us from giving the love and gratitude we naturally possess. Men love the way we can make them feel. So if we only knew we were lovable. Something that should have just been there. But it’s a fathers gift to give. So we have to believe it without proof. Because we are worth it. We are love and light the very things that make men see that their is more than just sex. So we have to make sure to choose a man who does live up to our expectations. We just need to believe that men are capable of love. I know that can be easier said then done. But look around at all the men you know who do love and are completely devoted to their wife and family. They are good men who wouldn’t risk hurting the one they love let alone their own self respect to to go try to conquer some strange. How could we who didn’t have fathers deserve anything less than all the love we’ve missed? Guy gives us the key to helping us to find one who qualifies. It’s our choice. Men will value us as much as we value ourselves. The ones who don’t aren’t worthy of our time. That is why men pay for dates. They should pay for our time if they are only trying to get a piece don’t you think? I hope this is able to explain it in normal woman terms. For those of us who have to decode it because it’s not engrained from our fathers. But just think of the time Guy has put into this blog? He does it for us. If that is not love then I don’t know what is. Thank you Sir Guy for being a cyber father to many.

            Your Highness Stephanie,

            You say, “It makes no sense to me how ‘MEN DO WHATEVER WOMEN REQUIRE TO HAVE FREQUENT AND CONVENIENT ACCESS TO SEX. THAT TO MEN IS CONFIRMATION THAT THEY ARE LOVED.’ How can sex make a man feel loved yet at the same time sex and conquest causes no feelings of love from the man. It really makes it sound like men can only love and need sex.”

            You’re close. Manly ‘love’ flows out of fulfilling masculine duties; sex is the reward for doing one’s duty. If he ‘loves’ her, he needs sex as confirmation of her dependence and loyalty.

            You’re looking to find womanly love in a man; it isn’t there. Male ‘love’ is different from female love. Respect and appreciation for a woman’s qualities that he admires induce a man to accept responsibility for her. He obligates himself to fulfill responsibility for her, and the duty associated with it becomes his way of showing his ‘love’. Not in male-embarrassing words of affection, but in actions that speak louder and more masculine as he fulfills his duties. The broader, deeper, and more enthusiastically he fulfills those various duties, answers for his responsibility, and holds himself accountable for success, then the depth of his love of her grows. His ‘love’ isn’t based on what she says and provides but how he does what he expects of himself.

            What she brings to the table are rewards, and female words of love are not as rewarding as women imagine. It’s the investment of himself on her behalf that is his ‘love’, and reliability of his ‘love’ is proportional to the sincere rewards he earns for both husbanding and fathering.

            It makes a man feel he is ‘loved’ when his woman shows him the male-expected respect and gratitude for who he is and what he does for her. It’s what he expects for having given up his independence and pledged himself to her. But, there’s a possible glitch. She loves him according to female standards and expectations, which have much less meaning to him than her. Relationship success flows out of this emotional mixture; her expressions of love confirm in his mind that respect and gratitude for him reside in her heart. Her rewards for husbanding and fathering must also confirm it and raise no suspicions.

            OTOH, she is left with the onerous task of pleasing herself with self-love rather than the female-style expressions of love that she expects and he doesn’t deliver. For example, both have A.D.D as I’m sure you’ve read elsewhere.

            Guy

            • Eric

              Miss Stephanie:
              Thank you for the story and it brings up an important point (hopefully Sir Guy will give his opinion). Contrary to what many in the Manosphere believe, I think the breakdown of the family and fatherless homes has actually had a worse effect on women than on men. Girls without fathers are left with no masculine influence with whom to develop an emotional bond. Their first impressions of men are shaped by popular culture or the thugs their single moms take on.

              Sir Eric,
              As usual you’re right and right on.
              Guy

              • MLaRowe

                Miss Beloved, I want to read all of this in detail and respond soon but I wanted to say quickly that two things helped me get over cold feet about getting married:

                1. Tuesdays with Morrie (book) where Morrie says something to the effect of if you never marry and never have children you are going to miss out on some really big love. I have found this to be the truth.

                2. A sermon I heard where the pastor said that in life there are simply some things you will not know unless you try them for yourself.

                In my mind 2. also applies to divorced people. One may think they know about marriage because they have been married before but all they really know about is what it was like to be married to that particular person, they have not experienced marriage with a different person which would be a totally different experience.

              • Stephanie

                Miss Beloved, Yes I agree. I believe it is a cycle. Our beliefs create so much of our reality. I read a book on psychology, it said that fathers give their daughters a place in the world. I think a fathers influence affects us on so many levels. Without that steady presence and the security of knowing we are loved. We question it subconsciously and seek proof that we are loved or as in my case seek confirmation that no one cares. Because I had to accept that truth to survive. Those core beliefs we developed growing up are hard to change. Especially when we aren’t really aware of them. I always assumed I’d fall in love and live happily ever after but for some reason it never worked out that way. I swore I would not end up like my mom. But the very fear of that happening kept drawing those same situations into my life. Maybe it was meant to be like that so I could finally heal from my childhood? I just had to be ready to do so. Or more like get to the point that denial was no longer an option.
                When I read this blog sometimes all I can see is things that trigger my fears. I’m surprised I haven’t been kicked off the site. As upset as I get I keep coming back because I am determined to figure out how this all works. I can see now that If I would have had that ingrown self worth, a place in the world, oh and the luxury of believing I was pure to begin with. Then I would have made sure that the man in my life could see it too. As I try to implement what Sir Guy has taught us. I’m finding that all the little me’s are growing up. It’s a battle with my fears but I know where they will get me so I have to confront them and let them go. I’m developing my own self worth in the process. Men aren’t so different than us. We all just want to be loved or “respected” for men. It’s the same thing, just a different word to describe it. It makes me glad I am a woman because I would not like to deal with all that rejection. I think the problem in today’s society is the men have been hurt to. They have their own fears and their own ways to try to protect themselves. They are looking for love just like we are and when they can see love support and acceptance for who they are from us. Then they will want it. They will do anything to protect it. That is if they are ready or capable. So don’t accept poor treatment from them. The ones who are ready can be taught how to treat us. They will become devoted in the process. Because we are both just trying to get back to that source of love from whence we came. It takes the masculine and feminine nature to join together to do it. Fear is a thief! When we get rid of it our separate natures bring us together in perfect harmony.
                Faith hope and love. You’ve got to have the first two to get the greater one of love. So you say you are a bible believer? It may take putting on the whole armor of the lord to win the battle with core beliefs from childhood. But you didn’t choose that so give those fears back to the people who gave them to you. It was their problem not yours. You are as perfect and miraculously made as the day God created you! Jesus will never stop loving you! You are never alone. So know that we will be OK even if the men have all been warped by today’s culture. Because we will be caring about we now have the choice to care about ourselves.

                Your Highness Stephanie,
                Beautifully described, darling.
                Guy

            • Beloved

              I think the problem here is that we’re not just talking about the male nature but her having to “suck it up” and meet his needs while he forgets about hers. If I am to be expected to regularly “give” sex to my husband it won’t last long if I am not getting the affection which is my greatest need. He can say it’s not his nature all he wants but it won’t fly and he won’t end up happy. I believe if both people do exactly as the Bible states…she respects him, submits, doesn’t deprive him….he loves her as himself (would he not give attention to a part of his own body if it “needed” it?), loves her as Christ loves the church, etc. all will be worked out just fine.
              Thanks to all who have commented and tried to help, I think I’ve got it from here.

              • MLaRowe

                You sound very smart Miss Beloved so I’m sure you will find the path for yourself. Choosing an unselfish partner is key which is why making someone earn their way into your heart, screening and hard to get are good options for females seeking an honest and fulfilling relationship.

                My mother was a virgin when she married and I have spoken to her and found (in retrospect) her way was the better/smarter one. There was no question about my father’s commitment obviously. They grew and changed together as a couple and he did turn into Mr. Right for her after many years.

                I’m sure every marriage is different but I know I certainly never feel put-upon by my husband. Ever. I doubt he sees any martial relations it as a “price” that I have to pay as a wife although when I say no he does seem to feel rejected.

                I certainly never liken myself to a prostitute* who is forced to entertain him in any way. There are clear boundaries. This is one reason the idea of a one night stand or sex with a stranger is so repellent. Would a stranger respect my wishes? Probably not and being bigger and stronger would give the man many advantages. All the more reason to screen for character.

                *In no way am I demeaning women who are forced to work in that line of work, women who must choose that have my empathy and hope for a better future for themselves and their families.

            • MeowMeow

              EDITOR’S NOTE: MY RESPONSE IS IN CAPS following your questions in lower case. I’ve also added paragraph breaks for ease of reading. Guy

              Dear Sir Guy,

              Is the part about seeing love as doing one’s duties/obligations for a woman and sex as his just (and justly earned) reward the reason why the marriage/sex life tends to go south when the husband is unemployed? ABSOLUTELY, HIS SIGNIFICANCE SLOWLY FADES AWAY AFTER THE INITIAL HIT WHICH IS DEVESTATING. He has no way to fulfill the needs of the family so doesn’t feel he even deserves the reward? IF SEX IS THE REWARD, TRUE.

              How bad is it for them that she sees his failures as he tries and is thwarted in his attempts to succeed and secure a job again? it sounds like a good man’s worst nightmare come to life. TRUE. How can i help him (or can I?) I am the breadwinner working 2 jobs for the past 10 years day and night but its a tough economy and our once rich sex life is nearly nonexistent or too passive for me to enjoy and a depression has settled over my under/unemployed husband like a fog. If we lived only on his unemployment….my family would be homeless. Is receiving unemployment detrimental to a man’s internal well-being even if he applies for it himself? NO, PROBABLY NOT. CULTURAL ACCEPTANCE MAKES UNEMPLOYMENT ‘EARNED’ AS RESULT OF FORMER WORK THAT HE CONTRIBUTED TO THE ECONOMY.

              (Also I am turned off by the fact that he won’t accept any work that pays less then unemployment….Am I too harsh?) TOO HARSH? PROBABLY IN YOUR PRESENTATION OF YOUR OPINION. AT THIS TIME I CAN’T THINK OF A WAY TO CONVERT HIS THINKING TO VALUE A JOB OVER MONEY. HIS NATURE SHOULD CONVINCE HIM OF THAT, BUT THE PROMISE OF UNEMPLOYMENT MONEY LURES HIM INTO INCOMPETENCE ABOUT BETTERING HIS LIFE AND THAT OF THOSE FOR WHOM HE’S RESPONSIBLE. THE VERY NATURE OF UNEMPLOYMENT DISCOURAGES INITIATIVE AND THE MALE LONGING FOR FREEDOM OF CHOICE.

              I am getting exhausted from being the workhorse when i just wanted to be a feminine wife and mom and take care of the “roost.” I have missed being there for my daughter growing up. I am starting to be attracted to other men, who even if they may not have much money, seem stable/confident. Thankfully I have not acted on these feelings, I am trying to keep faith that my husband will be able to get a full-time job and that his depression will then subside….and maybe I won’t have to work so much….and I can take care of the family like I want to… YOU’RE A CREDIT TO WIFEHOOD. KEEP AT IT, DARLING. VICTORY CAN’T BE TOO FAR AWAY AS LONG AS YOU KEEP TRYING.

              Would you please write a post about masculine/feminine role reversal and how we women who have been thrust into this position of unwanted leadership can regain/hold onto our femininity? Sorry this is so bleak but any ideas you have (frankly that anyone has) would be very much appreciated! Trying desperately to have some confidence and act like a high value woman under very trying circumstances! A POST ABOUT ROLE REVERSAL IS A TALL ORDER. I’LL WORK ON IT THOUGH. SO STAY AROUND. MY SCHEDULE IS TIGHT, SO IF I’VE POSTED NOTHING BY FEB 1, REMIND ME.

              • A.GuyMaligned

                Your Highness MeowMeow,

                I have an idea. Action cures depression. Try gently, pleasantly, but appealingly to get him to do small (at first) tasks around the house. Anything that enables him to achieve something, even dusting tables in ways that delight you. You’re overloaded; quit doing so much yourself.

                If he can renew the practice of pleasing himself to please you or children, the actions will help lift depressive thoughts and perhaps stimulate more significant actions. Such as job hunting or something else to just get out of the house and do more meaningful (to him) things.

                Guy

              • MeowMeow

                Thank you so much for the positive, encouraging words. i take them gratefully to heart. Your advice/perspective means so much to me as for obvious reasons this situation is one that’s difficult to talk about with family members/friends. I don’t want to add to the stress/shame we feel…we are living (my) paycheck to paycheck, no savings, and we are not young… But I’m married to a smart, handsome, good guy with morals. He says it would be easier to step in front of me to take a bullet than go through this prolonged hardship. He’s older, and has pride, which is why I think he isn’t offered much work. And sometimes I just want to escape, its the worst pain ever to see someone you love so much depressed/angry after so many years of trying to do the right thing! But real old-fashioned values this man has, which is why I’m still here. Holds my hand after 18 years of marriage to walk down the street. He will go dancing with me, if I can find the time! In many ways he’s a far better person than I am. The past few years in the U.S. are making me understand why many people were never the same after the Great Depression. I love your blog. You are doing so much good through your work, thank you again! (And yes, a little help in the daily chores would be greatly appreciated. My husband does already do some, and I should let him know more how much it really helps and matters to us as a family.) I know I can’t make everything better for him, but I want him to know i value his efforts.
                xoxo

              • Eric

                Mrs. Meow:
                Here’s a thought that may help: years ago, I got sick of unemployment and decided to work for myself. An idea may be to encourage his interest in something he likes doing that can translate for him into self-employment. That way, it will feel less for him like he’s a burden and more like he’s in a stage of transition (IOW, it will give him a goal of being the breadwinner again).

  11. Cinnamon

    I am fascinated by this series and very grateful that you have started it. I have not comments at the moment, but hopefully will contribute more as the series unfolds.

  12. krysie869

    I agree with everything in this article. It seems just about right in my experience with men. However I have a question on one bullet point below:

    “My erections are to be used. How I do it contributes significantly to self-respect. Hard thrusting and deep penetration amplify my sense of dominance and enhance my self-worth like nothing else. Orgasm isn’t the prime mover; it’s feedback of job well done.”

    What do you mean by the first two sentences where you state that how a man uses his erections contributes to his self-respect? I am assuming you mean there is a huge difference in self-pleasure and actual intercourse with a live person?

    Your Highness Krysie869,

    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.

    Re your assumption, self-respect arises out of strengthening/reinforcing his sense of dominance, which arises out of hard thrusting and deep penetration to prove himself. Only a live person completes the process. Porn and masturbation fail to enhance self-respect because they lack the essential ingredient of dominance.

    Guy

    • Stephanie

      NOTE: I RESPOND IN BRACKETS AND CAPS TO your questions in lower case WITH PARAGRAPHS BROKEN DIFFERENTLY FOR EASE OF READING. Guy

      I’ve heard that dominance is one of the main reasons that men are drawn to porn and so easily become addicted. [I DON’T THINK SO. THE LACK OF GAINING ANY SENSE OF DOMINANCE (NOBODY THERE) PREVENTS SELF-RESPECT FROM ARISING. BY KEEPING ON TRYING, ADDICTION SETS IN FROM CONTINUING TO ACHIEVE WHAT’S FRUSTRATING BUT NOT AVAILABLE.]

      When men are visualizing the acts the mind and body respond just as if they were there in person. [YES, VISUALIZATION UNDER THE RIGHT CONDITIONS PROGRAM THE HEART.] Pornography makes men feel that they are in control and have got the reward of conquest too. [CONTROL OVER WHAT? THEIR ERECTION? NO SENSE OF CONQUEST THERE IF NOBODY TO PENETRATE.] Orgasm only reenforces the reward center in their mind. The women always act like they are satisfied as well. [I’M USING PORN TO MEAN NO WOMAN PRESENT, ONLY IMAGES.]

      I here men speak all the time of how they bought into the lie than porn offers. I’m sure as soon as it’s over and they realize they are alone it isn’t self esteem enforcing. But I have seen how delusional some men can get because of it. They start to believe they are all that. It just makes me wonder because as far as biology goes it is causing the same affect. I guess that is why they make it like that though because it does play into the male nature. As much as I hate to admit it, I have seen it disrupting the natural dynamics in relationships and there for society in general.

      We have a generation of men being molded in how they view women and sexuality from pornography that is for the most part hatred and violence towards women. [I AGREE.] I can’t even imagine what the next generation will be like when male sexuality has been shaped long before their first sex with a real woman actually occurs. It’s rendering a lot of them incapable of becoming aroused by a real woman. [I SUSPECT THE SAME.] But I guess that right there is enough to destroy a man’s self worth [TRUE!] and he must then start the process of overcoming it. [I’M NOT SO SURE THAT IS LIKELY. RATHER, I EXPECT MORE SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL AND PATHOLOGY.]

      Sadly most men cling to it with their life because of how it ties in with their self worth. [IT DOESN’T PRODUCE SELF-WORTH BUT THEY KEEP TRYING OUT OF FRUSTRATION TO JUST EARN SELF-RESPECT.]

      They can easily blame the woman in their life as the problem. [TRUE, BUT SHE IS VERY LIKELY TO BLAME FOR HIS HAVING STARTED.] She then kicks him back out into the dating pool where there seems to be an over abundance of men who are so controlled by their own biology they are either unwilling or incapable of making it to Mr Good enough with a woman. [RIGHT, THEY BECOME SOCIALLY WARPED INTO NOT GOOD ENOUGH.] It’s the leading reason stated in over 55% of divorce cases.So in a way it doesn’t really change anything yet in another way it changes a lot. I guess that is why the marriage rate is declining so rapidly. I do like the list though and it seems to be on par as far as I can tell. [I LOVE IT WHEN PRETTY WOMEN RESPOND WITH THEIR OPINIONS AS I REQUEST.

      There are so many other key essential things a man gets from a woman outside of sex, that porn will never offer. [AMEN, SISTER, AMEN. HOWEVER, IT’S UP TO WOMEN TO SET THE STAGE, PRODUCE THE SHOW, DIRECT THE PLAY, AND EVEN SELL THE TICKETS.]

      I guess I’m curious to know how much you believe sex to be the main motivator in pursuing women at all? [EXCEPT FOR CONQUEST, IT’S NOT.] If most of it is gained through the pursuit of conquest of first sex? [YES, PURSUING CONQUEST WITH TYPICAL MASCULINE INTENSITY HAS THE BIOLOGICAL EFFECT OF HIS IDENTIFYING HER QUALITIES THAT CAN HOLD PROMISE FOR HIM. THAT IS, QUALITIES ADMIRED HE SEES AS VIRTUES, MORE VIRTUES MAKE HER FASCINATING, AND MORE FASCINATION EXPOSES HER PROMISE AS SUPPORTIVE MATE FOR HIS PRESENT LIFE AND AMBITIONS. THOSE EFFECTS ACCUMULATE BY HIS TRYING TO FIND WEAKNESS IN HER TO FACILITATE CONQUEST. HOWEVER, THE PROCESS OF UNCOVERING HER VIRTUES VIRTUALLY STOPS AFTER CONQUEST. HAVING PROVEN HIS DOMINANCE IN BED, HE’S RELEASED TO PROCEED WITH HIS LIFE AND OTHER MISSIONS AND OBJECTIVES. HE PAYS MUCH LESS ATTENTION TO HER QUALITIES. SHE’S EITHER GOOD ENOUGH OR NOT FOR FURTHER INVOLVEMENT IN HIS LIFE.]

      How does the virtual reality along with the biological reaction of endless conquests affect a mans drive to pursue women at all? [HE LOSES RESPECT FOR THE FEMALE GENDER. IF THEY ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO SO EASILY GIVE UP THEIR GREATEST ASSET, OR SO MEN THINK, THEN THEY DESERVE WHAT THEY GET.]

      All I know for certain is it is detrimental to their ability to be very good at it. I have to try to believe that the same biology that draws them to porn is just as powerful to draw them away from it into a real relationship.But dang that would mean I have something pretty powerful in just my female nature alone. [ABSOLUTELY, YOUR POWER ARISES OUT OF THE BLESSINGS YOU ARE GIVEN AT BIRTH BUT DON’T DISREGARD AS THE RESULT OF LESSONS LEARNED IN LIFE. REVIEW AGAIN THE 98 QUALITIES LISTED IN FEMALE BLESSINGS AT BIRTH (BLOG TOP MENU) THAT MEN CAN’T RESIST TO ADMIRE WHEN THEY SEE THEM IN A WOMAN.]

      Awe and now I get why all these other traits of men truly are blessings at birth for both of us. [YES, BOTH SEXES ARE BORN TO BE COMPATIBLE WHEN THEY ALIGN THEIR LIVES WITH THE BLESSINGS THEY ARE BORN WITH. I THINK YOU CAN SEE THAT MEN ARE MORE ALLEGIANT TO THEIR BLESSINGS THAN MODERN WOMEN ARE TO THEIRS. WHICH, TO ME, MEANS THAT WOMEN ARE TO BLAME FOR THEIR MISERIES. OH, NOT INDIVIDUALS BUT THE GENDER THAT FELL PREY TO THE POLITICAL PROPAGANDA OF FEMINISM.]

      You’ve reminded me of all the things that I do really like about men. Even if they do seem ego driven it all equates to something much deeper and I believe that to be love. [YOU ARE MORE FORTUNATE THAN OTHER WOMEN.] With that comes lasting fulfillment that porn can never offer. [VERY TRUE.]

      SO maybe it’s not dominance that porn is missing. It’s actually a man being brought into [APPARENTLY DOMINANT] submission by caring and giving to a woman that in exchange brightens his life by her very nature. So it actually has very little to do with sex. [IF HE CAN RULE THE ROOST, SHE CAN RULE THE ROOSTER. IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THAT HER VERY LIKEABLE AND FAITHFUL NATURE BRIGHTENS HIS LIFE THAT MAKES A MARRIAGE CLICK. THE GLUE IS THAT HIS PRESENT LIFE AND HER FUTURE LIFE ARE BRIGHTENED BY THE OTHER. A COMPANIONATE ARRANGEMENT RATHER THAN ROMANCE OR LOVE MODEL.]

      This may seem obvious to most people but for me it is miraculous to be able to see it clearly for once. Or at least in a better light that is. So sorry my post is so long [NO PROBLEM] but it helps me when I type it all out. [ME TOO] I’m finally starting to be able to pull myself out of that tail spin of old negative beliefs, that men can only love sex. [MEN LOVE WOMEN WHEN WOMEN ARE UNIQUELY DIFFERENT AND MEN ARE LEFT WITH PUZZLES AND CHALLENGES TO FIGURE THEM OUT. WHAT MEN FIGURE OUT BY AND FOR THEMSELVES, THEY BELIEVE IN.]

      Along with my anger at God for making them that way. [I’M GLAD YOU’RE ON GOD’S GOOD SIDE AGAIN.] So that you for that. [YOU’RE WELCOME, DARLING.]

      • Stephanie

        Awe thanks Guy. I love it when an intelligent man calls me darling. I am learning slowly but surely, and I agree men are stupid to give up their greatest asset. I also agree that it causes pathology and social withdrawal. It makes me scared to attract them if they do see me out in public. That causes social withdrawal as well. But that is what I love about your your concepts. They will work no matter how you look at it. So I have nothing to fear. This fear was given to me not by my choice. I do believe I’m giving it back!! Because I am darling and that is something that porn will never be. I’m also real! Pretty women trump easy women any day. So it’s shouldn’t be so scary that God made me pretty. I’m starting to realize it’s a powerful force I’ve been blessed with. It only gives me more options to choose from and there for a better chance at finding a man who will qualify for Mr Good enough. I will be so grateful when I do find him, he will have no choice but to evolve into Mr. right.

        You do good work Sir Guy,
        sincerely your most grateful pupil.

        Your Highness Stephanie,
        And you earn the A-pluses that I award in my mind.
        Guy

  13. Princess Royal

    Dear Sir Guy, After re-reading these at request of your latest post and realizing I had forgotten to respond, only one stood out to me as maybe requiring an extra clause to clarify… #41…the part that says “I appreciate whatever I may get but I don’t much respect those who give for nothing.” I have found many men who, while uncomprehending, when they see a woman’s unreasoned, genuine, spontaneous kindness to others (NOT them pre-conquest, as this would be counter-productive in the relationship) who have done nothing to earn it, are in awe of same quality. They don’t understand it, but they seem admire it when they see it. It seems to be a way women’s softheartedness becomes a virtue in the eyes of men. I am sure after conquest/marriage they feel they have already earned the right to any kind action their woman can think up, but pre-conquest seeing this quality demonstrated to the benefit of others seems to be a plus in their book. It can even be as simple as kindness shown to children, animals, the elderly, a mentally ill person, etc.
    Hope that makes sense 🙂
    Princess Royal

    Your Highness Princess Royal,

    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.

    You’re a perceptive lady. You describe how men differ before and after conquest. Before, they look for qualities to admire and identify as her virtues. After, they are not so vigilant. It’s the way their nature pushes them.

    How she gives of herself before conquest can be appreciated because he’s looking for attractions to keep him on track and in contact for conquest. After conquest, however, she has a different role in his life. For example, they marry and he easily becomes jealous of her associations with others; or she spends too much money needlessly as he sees it. The examples are lessons learned in life. Spotlighting her virtues prior to conquest is more a function of the male nature.

    Guy

  14. Cocoa

    Hello sir Guy and respectable men.

    I am amazed!

    Ok, all seems believable to me except the following points seem to me as acquired rather than born-with blessings, but who am i to say yea or nay, i am just female.👸
    17 seems to be acquired.
    28 i believe males need to be fed and not to feed themselves, but they are not particular about food in itself. Money? Maybe. Women? Yes, very particular if they are planning to spend the rest of their lives with her. However, if to play as described in point 1 then why be particular? !

    50, lucky you guys no wonder you cruise through life and i admire you for it.

    Sir Guy, I think it was a bit hard for me to go through all 50 blessings at once. If we could have them broken down it would much easier to assess, digest and respond.

    Cheers and thanks again for the education of my life. 😊

    Your Highness Cocoa,

    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.

    By the numbers you cite:

    #17 — Yes, the purity part is acquired and women are largely responsible as they use it to compete with each other and to harness men to the female way of thinking. Virginity gives them a special prize to offer. However, the meaning to the nature of men is built around the competitive aspect; he can be first, which provides self-admiration, reinforces self-respect, and elevates his sense of significance.

    #28 — Particular about women to play around with as described in #1? If they’re not attractive, they serve little to reinforce self-respect. Plus, it allows competitor men to tease and reduce their respect for him. That’s two reasons to be particular.

    #50 — And we guys admire you ladies for admiring us for most anything.

    As to working with a fewer blessings at a time, you’re right. However, it doesn’t work for me. I have to keep it all bundled or I get lost in daily tasks and keeping things organized.

    Guy

    • krysie869

      “Plus, it allows competitor men to tease and reduce their respect for him.”

      Huh? I am confused.

      Your Highness Krysie869,
      Her Highness Beloved beat me to the punch with this. “I think Guy is saying that if she’s not attractive that other men will respect him less and tease him about her unattractiveness. Like he couldn’t do better because he doesn’t have what it takes to get a truly hot woman. But, being a woman, I could be wrong.” [Of course, she’s perfectly correct.]
      Guy

      • Beloved

        I think Guy is saying that if she’s not attractive that other men will respect him less and tease him about her unattractiveness. Like he couldn’t do better because he doesn’t have what it takes to get a truly hot woman. But, being a woman, I could be wrong.

        Your Highness Beloved,
        Being a woman, as usual, you’re absolutely correct.
        Guy

        • surfercajun

          funny enough, this reminds me of a time in jr. high this plain Jane girl came to visit our church… everyone seem to ignore her… Within a week before she left the guys as well as the girls thought she was beautiful. She was always swarmed with people around her. I remember my friend stated,” I don’t know why I did not think she was beautiful to begin with.” I remember feeling somewhat jelly of her but I liked her as well. She was gentle, soft spoken, and had a kind encouraging word for anyone. She was someone that was filed away in a manilla folder of my mind to reference.

  15. Simplicity Evermore

    EDITOR’S NOTE: MY RESPONSE IS IN CAPS following your questions in lower case.

    Re: your list [OF MALE BLESSINGS AT BIRTH]

    1.B in some respect this is true. But I know men who value women so highly that they play a major role in their lives rather then a subordinate one. I wonder if that’s acquired because of the way the man was raised, or if that is part of the male nature. [YES, THE FOUNDATION IS HOW THEY WERE RAISED. BUT THE RESULT DEPENDS ON HOW THE WOMAN OR WOMEN TREAT THE MEN.]

    2. B What about men who don’t respect themselves? I’ve met some good men, who are womderful, but don’t see themselves that way and don’t respect themselves. [THEY LEARNED IT IN LIFE, MOST LIKELY FROM POOR PARENTING BUT PERHAPS FROM POOR SCHOOLING.]

    3.B, 4B,

    5.U maybe I am not understanding, but I have never met a perfectionist man. [NO, NOT A MAN BUT A PERFECTIONIST AT SOME SKILL, SUCH AS WOODWORKING, ARTISTIC DESIGN, ETC.] I know that there are men who expect to inherit a perfect woman. [JUST ALL MEN BY THEIR DEFINITION OF PERFECT.] Are you saying the sooner success comes the more he respects himself? [YES, IF IT BEGINS IN CHILDHOOD.] (i.e. the easier a task the more self respect?) [NO, JUST THE OPPOSITE. THE MORE DIFFICULT, THE MORE SELF-ADMIRATION AND THEREFORE MORE SELF-SATISFACTION AND SELF-RESPECT.] What about men facing challenges? What motivates a man to face a challenge? [HIS NATURE. CHALLENGES STIR HIS INTEREST FOR PROVING HIMSELF.]

    6.B. 7.Completely believable. 8B

    9.U Maybe I grew up in a house where criticism is normal. My Dad doesn’t criticize as much as mom does, but he says he’s becoming more libertarian as he gets older. Does that mean dad is acquiring more self respect? [IN ONE SENSE, YES. LIBERTARIANISM IS ALL ABOUT RESPECT AND RESPECTING THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS. IN ANOTHER SENSE, HE’S GAINING WISDOM WITH AGE. HE’S HAD TIME AND REASONING ABILITY TO FIGURE THINGS OUT, AND MEN TEND TO BELIEVE MORE ASSERTIVELY WHAT THEY FIGURE OUT FOR THEMSELVES.]

    10 B, 11 B,

    12 U. Dad explains himself just fine. I know there are men who don’t. [DOES DAD EXPLAIN HIMSELF JUST TO HIS FAMILY? OR TO OUTSIDERS? TO FAMILY IS SIGN OF SIGNIFICANT RESPECT AND LOVE. DENYING EXPLANATIONS TO OUTSIDERS FOLLOWS HIS NATURE.]

    13.B but I think that’s just human nature.I uphold my self respect the same way.

    14.B skip 15, 16 (I will let someone else comment on that.)

    17 LOL B, 18 B,

    19B I hear that a LOT from my dad.

    Hope the feedback helps. [IT HELPS IMMENSELY AND THANK YOU.]

  16. Magnolia

    20. B- It works similar to when you say that he rules the roost and she rules the rooster. Men fall in love with what you call “an extraordinary woman.” Only then they decide to marry and will sell themselves. First she must display “her jewels” as you call them, so she must be really wise in how she acts, how she dresses, her demeanor, etc. 🙂

    21. U- I don’t think they are as simple as they make themselves out to be. One example of many is a quote from the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. In it, the author says: “Ironically, men are primarily motivated by being needed, but are turned off by neediness.” It confuses a lot of women. It seems like they can never get it right– they are too independent for men or too “needy” from a man’s point of view. Either way they get dumped. And again, that’s just one example of not being simple. No human being is simple.

    24. U- The type of man that you are describing, a man “in the raw” would never ask for help if he can because in his eyes he is perfect, he knows everything, and he is never wrong. Admitting that he needs help with anything is “weak.” He believes in “fake it ‘til ya make it.”

    28. U-They are about women but *only* when it comes to her being “marriage material.” If it’s to sleep around, almost anyone will do. I don’t know that they are any picky about money and certainly not about food, in my experience.

    31. B- Whoa! I knew that weaknesses make men feel ashamed, but I never thought that illness does as well. I have to say, it’s not hard to believe that they would see illness as weakness because of their nature. It makes no sense, though, because illness sometimes just happens. But as Mark Manson says when men write to him saying the women are “irrational” and “illogical”: “People do not process logic or think rationally. Not women, humans.”

    32. B- Sadly, it’s very true that not more women are extraordinary. Same with men, of course.

    50. B- That’s a wonderful trait that many, if not most men have.

    The rest are believable for what I’ve experienced with men who haven’t been well- trained and for what I’ve learned in this blog and elsewhere. I believe that an extraordinary woman can and should do better than that.

    Thank you for working on the “Male Blessings at Birth.” I’m glad my questions inspired this series!

    And about this wonderful blog and your amazing and tireless work in it…men are never more handsome than when they gently and patiently lead women to their destiny. You are God’s vessel. 🙂

    • Eric

      Miss Magnolia:
      “He rules the roost and she rules the rooster.”
      Ha—that reminded of what Cato, the ancient Roman Senator once said: “We Roman men rule the men in the rest of the world, and Roman women rule us.”

      • Magnolia

        Lol! Yes, as we all know, it’s been like that since antiquity. And I love the way Sir Guy puts it– the reference to the roost and the rooster. You know, if modern women realized the powerful (and beautiful) influence that they can have with their men, they would do things very differently and would be a lot more successful with the opposite sex. We just have to be very wise and always remain ladies. I love, love, love the following quotes from Renee Wade from thefemininewoman.com: “Feel confident that the feminine energy can and always will be able to handle the masculine energy (without matching its aggression and anger). And not only handle it, but inspire it, drive it, and influence it! ” She also says: “Men just cannot resist a woman who loves and respects men.” I love it! You guys have a wonderful weekend! 🙂


        Your Highness Magnolia,
        Excellent quotes containing great wisdom.
        Guy

  17. Cinnamon

    “Ironically, men are primarily motivated by being needed, but are turned off by neediness.” It confuses a lot of women. It seems like they can never get it right– they are too independent for men or too “needy” from a man’s point of view.

    Hi Magnolia,

    I used to be confused about this point too, until Sir Guy clarified. I can’t remember the name of the article where he explained it so I have no direct reference, but I will paraphrase what he said., because it is hugely important to everything taught at WWNH. The difference between a man feeling “needed” (a big turn on) versus him finding a woman to be “needy” (a big turn off) is whether or not he believes himself to be SUCCESSFUL in meeting her needs. In other words, if she rewards him effectively for what he does (using mainly indirectness as taught here at WWNH) he will feel needed. By contrast, if she fails to reward him for what he does and instead complains about his faults (either through nagging or passive aggression), he will feel he can never please her, which makes him feel insignificant.

    I’ll try to expand bit on this idea. As explained throughout WWNH, a relationship needs to be nurtured, and this requires infinite patience and a degree of caution (hard-headedness) on her part. A man’s devotion must be allowed to grow and strengthen over time. A woman who employs her relationship expertise as taught at WWNH will NOT have to continually “ask for reassurance” about his devotion because she will see evidence of it unfold over time and will in turn reward him for it, which establishes a positive loop of devotion (his) /reward (hers)/more devotion/more reward, etc. Such a dynamic makes him feel successful and her feel loved – talk about a “win/win” for both Mr Goodenough (the man) and Miss I Want Her (the woman)! If the signs of devotion do not grow after a reasonable amount of time, however, she puts him back in the parade (politely, of course).

    If she sticks to the above rules there is never any reason for a woman to act like a needy or demanding “drama queen” toward ANY man.

    Your Highness Cinnamon,
    Very nice explanation. Thank you.
    Guy

  18. Magnolia

    Cinnamon, I understand the dynamics of it, but a lot of women don’t.

  19. anonymous

    1. B beginning at age 20. In the teen years it seemed as though having a girlfriend was upmost priority in guys’ lives. It appeared to be the major provider of self -admiration (and admiration of others). Once I got to college though, having a GF seemed unimportant to guys and hookups took over.
    2. B
    3.B
    4. B
    5. B- reminds me of watching men play sports or games. They don’t like to lose!
    6. B
    7. B
    8. B- except unconquered females who appear hard-to-get.
    9. B
    10. B

    ” I respect myself for doing something better as I see it—or doing something else as I want it—and enabling it all to lead to contentment. IOW, life’s rewards are in the satisfaction that comes from doing what I want to do and just how I want to do it.”
    Our biggest challenge as women is to make good husbanding and fathering ‘what he wants to do’. This is particularly relevant to me right now. When my fiance and I first started dating it seemed that he romanced me to ‘sell’ himself. Eventually it became less to win me over and more that he admires himself for a job well done (job= pleasing me). The main reason my reaction matters is because it’s confirmation that he’s done well at something he set out to do. IMO this transformation was good, because if it had not morphed into that then he would’ve stopped once he ‘won’ me. That said, I worry that my excitement as reward will eventually become old. It might no longer provide sufficient reflection of a job well done for him. Like if one played the same video game on the same difficulty repeatedly, eventually beating it wouldn’t be fun. Right now, good husbanding is in fact what my fiance wants to do and he knows just the way to do it–The past two weeks he’s been telling me he can’t wait until Valentine’s day because he thinks I will love what he got me (I will, not because of what it is but because of his attitude about it).
    But how does a relationship expert keep good husbanding as what he wants to do for the rest of his life*? IOW how do I keep him being pleased by pleasing me? And how do I provide sufficient challenges for him without seeming unappreciative of what he already does? All is well right now, but I figure an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Any advice for a soon-to-be wife?

    *I don’t worry about divorce, once we take those vows it’s for life. It’s more I don’t want to grow apart and become roommates over the years, does that make sense?

    Your Highness Anonymous,

    You worry about the inconsequential. Once he’s in HIS habit of pleasing you to please himself, it becomes achievement—which he’s made to do—rather than ‘selling’ himself—which had to do to win you. Once you’re won and especially after conquest, he takes you for granted. Sorry, but it’s natural. So your burden becomes how to manage your own feelings to prevent your discouragements and blaming him for it.

    Also, congratulations, on you upcoming marriage. Five or six years ago neither you nor I saw this coming, right?

    Guy

    • anonymous

      Sir Guy,
      Thank you! No I certainly did not see it coming. 6 years ago the suggestion of me merely dating him would’ve been laughable to me. We were just friends, that would be crazy :p
      You didn’t see it coming with the limited information you had, but I almost guarantee you would’ve if you had the whole picture. I always asked you for advice on the negative parts of our relationship and downplayed the positives… What kind of man spends 3 of his college years (when he could be hooking up with random girls at parties) driving 600 miles every weekend to sit next to one girl while she studied? A devoted one!

  20. anonymous

    11-B
    12- B
    13-B
    14-B
    15- U I assume you mean his orgasm? The limited conversations I’ve had with men about this leads me to believe they admire/respect themselves more from making her orgasm than from making himself orgasm.
    16-25: B
    26- U Same reasoning as 15 above.
    27-39 B
    40- Would you mind explaining this one?

    Your Highness Anonymous,

    15 – Yes, his orgasm. When she achieves orgasm, he takes it as his sexual proficiency and, therefore, the highest form of self-complimenting performance. Trying for her orgasm, however, isn’t natural. It’s lessons learned in life to magnify his sexual ability.

    26 – I don’t see the link with 15. Men are poor readers of a woman’s readiness, and so they don’t try very hard to let her emotions determine what happens next. He wants to get on with it.

    40 – Personal strength – physical, political, or financial – is more powerful than what seems to be right at the time and place. Women tend to believe that right makes might.

    Guy

    • anonymous

      “Trying for her orgasm, however, isn’t natural. It’s lessons learned in life to magnify his sexual ability.”
      I see, that makes sense then. I have a hard time distinguishing between learned and natural behaviors, especially for men.

      “26 – I don’t see the link with 15.”
      I was just thinking if his desire to please her was natural then it would also be natural for him to want to do more foreplay since that pleases her. But since 15 is learned than this would also be learned.

      40. Thank you for the explanation. That is believable 🙂

      Your Highness Anonymous,

      Re “I have a hard time distinguishing between learned and natural behaviors, especially for men.” If it’s not on the list of Male Blessings, it’s more than likely learned behavior.

      Re 26: With her passion aroused, men consider her ready; he is. But aroused and ready are far different for women. His nature guides him with this: Her exhibitions of passion signal that she’s already enough, so he can’t wait for her to see what he does next. He’s already pleased her by stirring her passion as his nature guides him but pleasing her on the matter of timing comes from lessons learned in life.

      Guy

  21. anonymous

    41-46: B
    47: U- what about companionship? It seems as though many of the teens who have shot up schools etc lacked close friends or family.
    48: B
    49: B
    50: U- I would’ve thought the opposite. Aren’t men’s egos quite fragile particularly to a woman’s criticisms. Wouldn’t that be easily offended? Or are those different?

    Your Highness Anonymous,

    47 – Men don’t NEED companionship. The school shooters are products of our culture and lessons learned in life more than the result of their male natures.

    50 – It reflects what a man thinks of himself. What women call ego-reaction is doubt raised in him as to his competence with the insinuation that he should therefore change. His resistance is to change and not to criticism. The implication to change questions his significance, but criticism doesn’t.

    Anonymous, darling. You went far above and beyond my request to critique this list. I love it when pretty women do that.

    Guy

    • anonymous

      Sir Guy,
      Men are never more handsome than when they answer a lady’s questions so promptly and detailed. I am pondering your responses and will respond in the next few days!

    • anonymous

      47. Makes sense…I don’t remember hearing much about school shootings before the 2000’s. Do you think they would stop if the media stopped giving the shootings so much attention?

      50. I’m not sure I understand the difference between doubt raised in his confidence and criticism. Do you by any chance have an example in mind?

      “Anonymous, darling. You went far above and beyond my request to critique this list. I love it when pretty women do that.” 😀 😀

      Your Highness Anonymous,

      #47: I don’t see a connection with school shootings, but here’s a response. No. Desire for attention is a symptom. The cause is self-loathing and lack of self-respect. The first caused in the first three years of life by poor parenting; the second caused by destructive parenting after the conscious mind opens. Not lack of parenting either, but parents flooded with self-loathing or -hatred and passing it on to the next generation by refusing to show and even denying the ability to earn self-respect.

      #50: I don’t see a connection here either. But I’ll try. Doubt raised in his confidence is serious and plagues a man much like guilt plagues women. He usually seeks recovery in some form. Very much doubt, however, leads to lack of motivation to tackle new things. Criticism by others is not impressive except as lessons learned have taught him to honor or disregard those who criticize him.

      Guy

  22. krysie869

    Random question: Do you have any reason as to why a man would continue to chase a woman who seemingly shows no interest in him? Is it an ego thing for him? This happens a lot to me. Too much to count. Such men I find out or suspect are not long-term material because either they have temper tantrums, put down others, misogynist, too cocky, not interested in me for me or is involved with another, or a mixture of the above, and I ignore them. But why would they continue to chase me? Are they not so easily discouraged? Based on a man’s personality and character, I would then decide if he is worth my time. I cannot imagine sleeping with such men. I know you said if men are interested in me for sex only, they would forget me. But these men seem to find their way to me regardless. Am I doing something wrong? I know you mentioned one day that these men lack respect for women, but it seems like most of the men I attract are this way. Why??

    P.S. Why would a man continue to be awkward and shy around a woman although she smiles and for the most part is very friendly with him. This is another problem I have with men. I used my feminine charm and told him that he should “man up” and pursue me but my gut tells me that there is still hesitation there and/or he still looks “lost” in the eyes, if that makes sense. Intuitively, I can never respect a man who is too shy to pursue me or kiss me. Any advice for me there as well?

    Your Highness Krysie869,
    I regret that I’m stumped. I can’t imagine what causes it. Perhaps a lady or two has an idea.
    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      Dear Krysie,

      Regarding your question, “Do you have any reason as to why a man would continue to chase a woman who seemingly shows no interest in him?”
      If you don’t mind me injecting a thought here, the reason could possibly be this: They THINK they still have a chance with you because you haven’t been firm enough in your intentions. I had the same thing happen to me when dating years back and was baffled. After saying “no” to a date a relentless pursuit would still ensue. Years later looking back on this, I realize that my signs of disinterest weren’t strong enough or direct enough for them to understand. I thought despite not dating, the “friends” thing would work. It never did, they took my friendship as a sign that could mean more.
      Another thing, what us women think are strong rejection signals, I don’t think men are able to pick up as well. The opposite happens too…us women think we’re sending signals of interest loud and clear—but the men don’t pick them up as we might think. It’s one of those lovely natural differences between the sexes. I think the learning about the “signals” we send to the opposite sex in the way we communicate verbally and non-verbally is quite a fascinating subject.

      If anyone else has any insight on this, I’d love to hear what you might think on this as well. Interesting topic.

      • krysie869

        Hi My Husband’s Wife,

        Thanks for the response. I honestly haven’t thought that I may play a role in them continuing to chase me outside of course my physical appearance. You got me thinking that I should start being more firm in my rejection skills because I haven’t outright told these men that I am not interested in them. I have only ignored them completely. I guess I better be more clear and combine my actions with words. Thanks!!

        Any advice for my second question?

        • Miss Gina

          Hi Krysie,

          I’m wondering whether the man in your P.S. might like you quite a bit but be extremely intimidated about approaching you. When a man–even a confident, successful one–very much likes a woman, he can sometimes act as you describe. (The author Agatha Christie said once that if he looks like a sick sheep, he’s got it bad for you.) She’s a fascinating mystery to him, and he wants to pursue, but he doesn’t know how. He is terribly afraid of making a mistake in front of her. All the conflicting impulses and emotions befuddle him–remember that Sir Guy says that men often don’t know what to do with strong emotions. This situation can work very strongly in a lady’s favor. She has less work to do because he is headed in the direction of devotion already.

          If you think he has potential, you could just continue to smile a lot, make a lot of eye contact, and be very approachable and easy in conversation until he works up the nerve to show interest more directly (while you keep your options open). You say you are doing this already…it might take more time, and you might choose to step up the encouragement a little.

          I wouldn’t worry too much about whether you can respect him for pursuing you yet. With all the attention you speak of getting, you must be doing something(s) right. He may feel unworthy of you…that can happen when you are doing things right, and it would be a strong indication that he respects you. If true, it probably also shows good character–or at least a willingness to re-examine his character to have you. It could also be that being around you makes him think of things he never considered before…things like chivalrous behavior, love, and marriage. He may need time to sort all that out. I speak only of possible reasons, not certain ones.

          Having young adult sons, I think that the dating world is just as bewildering to a lot of single men right now–especially men looking for a good woman/wife–as it is to single women. Good men often don’t have wise older men they can ask for advice. They may not know how to pursue. They may need even more time and/or encouragement than they would otherwise.

          At the same time, if you’re not already, I’d occupy myself with other things when not around him or other men. I don’t know about you, but I used to drive myself crazy over stuff like that. He may pan out; he may not. Try not too care too much at this point; it can show and drive a man off. Even as a married woman in my late 40’s, I keep up friendships and hobbies that use my hands to stay fresh and joyful. They channel my endlessly working thoughts into productive paths, which increases my attractiveness to men (husband and grown sons in my case…but works for all of them.) Something about a woman who seems content in her world–completely oblivious to their self-doubts–makes men long to join her there.

          • Miss Gina

            Krysie,

            I’m sorry, I missed Beloved’s earlier remarks and your response below. However, I will leave my comment here and respond to your comment below.

    • Stephanie

      Krysie. I get the same thing. It’s the really arrogant ones that view you as a trophy they need to conquer. Even if you are not giving them sex. In their mind they still want it and what have they got to lose by continuing to try weasel their way into your life somehow. These are the type of men with no conscience. They can be pursuing five other women just as adamantly at the same time. Their Narcissism doesn’t allow them to feel rejection. It is also the reason they want you so bad. Where as the good normal decent men are intimidated. They don’t know how to respond to the strong feeling you provoke in them. Also their conscience does make them question their worthiness and also puts their ego at risk if they can’t measure up to you and all the other competition from other men who want you too. In my group of friends their are two who are considered very pretty and all the rest agree it is more of a curse than a blessing when it comes to men and dating. It’s hard to weed through all the narcissists to be able to even pick up on the subtle clues of other men who are attracted. You may be the least intimidating person on earth but before they have the chance to get to know you you are being judged based off of your physical attraction alone. From what I hear that can be intimidating to some men. I have no answers for you on how to change it though unfortunately. Maybe try to play down your attractiveness as odd as that may sound. But I don’t think that works very good personally.

      • Krysie869

        Stephanie,

        Thanks for responding. I don’t know about downplaying my sexual attractiveness but I will be a lot more encouraging and feminine while keeping my options open.

        • stephanie

          Ya your probably right and I should try letting down some of my walls so I can do the same. I hope it works for you and the men you do like will man up as you say. Sounds like you at least have a class or something you get the chance to have him warm up to the idea. It’s harder when men only see you for a brief moment out and about. I don’t like bars either I really need to figure out a way to meet the type of men I’m interested in. Most of them are probably already married though. Oh to be young again. I’m sure Mr good enough will come sweep you off your feet in no time. I wish I would have had this blog when I was younger and I may not have chosen Mr. Wrong. Oh well better late than never. I wish you the best in love and life 😀

          • krysie869

            Hi Stephanie,

            Below are some responses to select quotes from you I wanted to comment on briefly:

            “Sounds like you at least have a class or something you get the chance to have him warm up to the idea.”

            Yes, some of these men I see regularly. Most for many months.

            “It’s harder when men only see you for a brief moment out and about.”

            I agree, and I am sure they miss out on a good one by not dating me LOL.

            “I don’t like bars either I really need to figure out a way to meet the type of men I’m interested in.”

            Yes, most women today in my experience like to go bar hopping and the environment in general makes me highly uncomfortable. Men go for casual sex. (And these same women claim they are not whores yet they engage in one night stands and heavy petting with random men. But who am I to say?)

            “Most of them are probably already married though.”

            It seems that way for me too. The men that seem to be full of self-respect and marriage worthy seem to be the ones who are taken off the market very quickly!!

            “Oh to be young again. I’m sure Mr good enough will come sweep you off your feet in no time…..Oh well better late than never. I wish you the best in love and life”

            Thanks so much!!!!

            • Stephanie

              Lol! Yes they would be missing out that is a great attitude to have. I’m a nerd and bars tend to bring out the bitch in me instead of my feminine side. If only my handsome price would come start talking philosophy with me while picking out produce.;) I have been learning a lot about the power of intention though, I can pretty much manifest anything I think about or envision. I kid you not I had been dreaming about a pair of true religion jeans I could never afford and bam some just my size showed up in a thrift store with the tags still on them. The tag said $216 but looks like someone bought them for me and donated them. I’ve had this happen with countless things. I know I could manifest the man of my dreams too if I could only envision him. I have no problem manifesting the men that I fear so I’m gonna work on it. So keep up the positive attitude. Because you are the prize and only the best should win it. Just try not to let running into to many Mr. wrongs made you paranoid like me. Because your so pretty you’ll attract all types. The key is to not let it suck your feminine nature right out of you. Your two steps ahead of the game already by being able to spot the liars and the cheats before they convince you to marry them. Sometimes this site is therapy for me and i emotionally vomit all over the page. But It helps and i don’t know anyone so It’s ok. I really don’t hate men though. I actually love all their manly qualities and truly appreciate watching even the not up for the challenge men. Give it their best shot to make you us happy. We all learn and grow in the process so it’s all good. I’m so glad to know that men really do need our respect and admiration more than they need sex. I’ve been trying to believe that love is more powerful than lust since I was 3. Now that I understand how men perceive love I can believe it. I’m so grateful for this blog and all the people who post!

              • Eric

                Miss Krysie & Miss Stephanie:
                Just a quick thought here, though I brought it up with Sir Guy when I first came to this blog; when men are bombarded daily (both in the media and in real life) of women swooning over the latest scrawny, rat-faced male celebrity or chasing after some slovenly, illiterate yardbird; I think it’s difficult for good women to understand just how dispiriting repeated exposure to this widespread cultural phenomenon is to normal men.

                As Sir Guy has pointed out, a man’s greatest fear is insignificance, but being held in LESS esteem than insignificant males makes men much less inclined to take risks than they otherwise would. Most normal men can handle a polite refusal from a woman, but the thought of losing to a worthless male is difficult to overcome.

                That may account in part for the reluctance of some men to come forward.

                Sir Eric,
                Bravo. A golden spike driven into the heart of a female dilemma.
                Guy

              • krysie869

                Eric,
                I agree with you that women nowadays have a tendency to chase men and especially men who are of what you describe. But in my experience these same women also choose their girlfriends poorly as well. I tend to not get along with such women on a deep personal level. I believe its both a mixture of personality and insecurity differences. I believe this is what my frustration came from in previous posts when I said that people don’t respect me enough. But I find honestly, that I don’t respect such people anyway. I have met people who I truly respect. I will stick with those and hopefully, I find a man in the mix. 🙂

                I just want to add a few points here:
                “As Sir Guy has pointed out, a man’s greatest fear is insignificance, but being held in LESS esteem than insignificant males makes men much less inclined to take risks than they otherwise would.”

                I can see why this haunts good men. I have heard men say that women prefer “bad boys”. I will say that emotionally immature women do. At least they claim they don’t, but still want to try things out with such men. Repeatedly. Unfortunately there is much of those women around. But, mature women do not want those men. PERIOD. Like as for women, weeding men out who only want her sexually, men now need to filter more than ever before to find a marriage-worthy woman.

                “Most normal men can handle a polite refusal from a woman, but the thought of losing to a worthless male is difficult to overcome.”

                I have seen men take rejection personal cursing women out and yelling obscenities at her. This personally has not happened to me in person as far as I know, but I know it exists. Also, I understand now that good men feel like they have no chance with “worthless men” since it appears that is that all women want. I think so too that many women choose men who lack character, but I do believe there are good women around for you Eric, just keep looking!!!

              • Cinnamon

                Krysie,

                In addition to endorsing Sir Eric’s comment I also want to add that many times good men have suffered rejection at the hands of at least one woman who was looking for a man who was flashier and more glamorous than he. Maybe this story will help illuminate my point:

                When my Mr Goodenough was in his 20s he really liked a woman from his church. She was strikingly beautiful and had what appeared to him to be feminine graces. He was crazy about her. He used to call her at the house she shared with her female roommates and leave messages (this was in the days before mobile phones or facebook) but she would hardly ever call him back. But she would talk to him some times and be sort of friendly to him at church (talk about “mixed signals” – LOL). So he never really knew where he stood with her. He continued to pursue her for many months. Apparently during this same time she complained to her girlfriends that she couldn’t find a “good man” (he found this out much later). Many years later she married a wealthy businessman who was a good few years older, and who would provide her with a luxury lifestyle.

                Obviously this experience eroded his confidence. She was never interested in him for whatever reason (my guess is she wanted someone wealthier and better looking – in short, someone more glamorous) but she didn’t communicate this clearly to him (she could have done this politely using indirectness) and left him hanging. This whole experience made him unsure of himself, particularly around women who he thought were “out of his league.” I suspect most good men have had at least one similar experience in their lives, and that it has left an impression which influences how they interact with women to whom they are attracted, particularly if the woman of interest is considered very good-looking.

              • Eric

                Miss Krysie & Miss Cinnamon:
                It does have an effect on men’s confidence, but moreso the situation that Krysie describes. A man can kind of rationalize a woman who spurns him for a man who seems to be (superficially) a better man. But when a man is first hit with ‘you’re out of my league’ and then gets some male who’s barely above the level of a baboon presented to him as ‘in her league’; it’s no wonder that men take it personally. I’ve seen men do what Miss Krysie described, though I never did. My problem was that I would internalize it; which also leads to a vicious circle.

                The point here being that a lot of men really DO believe that—that is, that women will never love or value them regardless of what they have to offer. It’s often the case that these men are not struggling so much with lacking self-confidence as they are with having confidence in women. What’s the point, after all, of sacrificing for and committing to a woman if she’s only going to reward you for it by running off with some dirtbag anyway? Experiences like these are what fuels the misogyny that’s rife in most of the Manosphere. Admittedly, I still struggle with this too sometimes.

  23. Beloved

    Krysie, you wondered……”Why would a man continue to be awkward and shy around a woman although she smiles and for the most part is very friendly with him. I used my feminine charm and told him that he should “man up” and pursue me but my gut tells me that there is still hesitation there and/or he still looks “lost” in the eyes, if that makes sense.”

    Maybe no matter what you do he’s convinced himself that he’s not good enough for you. Or that even if you did go out with him he wouldn’t know how to keep you so why bother?
    Maybe because you told him to “man up” and he didn’t feel motivated because he needed it to be of his own choosing?
    But, I really think the key words are “awkward and shy.” Meeting someone you really like doesn’t make those things go away, it intensifies them.

    • Krysie869

      Beloved,

      Thanks for the response!

      You make some good points. However, I am leaning towards the first two. Based on my knowledge of this blog, if a man is truly interested in a woman, he would pursue her. It is possible that such men don’t think they deserve me. But honestly, if they are too shy to pursue me after I give them permission, then they are not good enough. I just have to keep searching for men with good character who have the balls to take charge.

      Your Highness Krysie869,
      Don’t be so quick to conclude that men are as you imagine. I strongly endorse all that Miss Gina says below. You’re in the driver’s seat only as long as you don’t start throwing possible candidates away because they don’t measure up to your imagination and expectations – not standards or values – but imagination and expectations.
      Guy

      • Miss Gina

        Dear Miss Krysie,

        It is good to look for a a man to step up to our expectations, but we must remember that the men these days are even more lost than we are. Part of Sir Guy’s purpose in writing this blog is to help us understand how lost they are. Another part is to help us know how we can subtly direct them in the right path without them being aware (or at least not offended) that we directed them.

        Part of the problem these days is that men with (forgive my quote of the expression) “the balls to take charge” are going to be overly dominating and interested only in sex. His dominance betrays his lack of respect for you.

        Men with good character who like you are likely to be befuddled by your femininity and mystery and therefore hesitant. Even a clueless one will start to think of treating you with gentleness and chivalry. The one who thinks he is not good enough for you is actually the one who has the most potential for devotion to you as I describe above. Sir Guy teaches us that these are the very things that give the woman the upper hand in the relationship (which is a good thing).

        Battery running low. Must go.

        • Krysie869

          Miss Gina,

          Thank you for your advice! You have given me a new perspective! I am starting to reevaluate my temptation to “throw” these men away so quickly. Thanks so much! I will continue to be more encouraging and feminine around these men!! 😃😃😃

          • My Husband's Wife

            Dear Miss Krysie,
            I would have to agree with Miss Gina, as she so eloquently explained what could be happening in your situation. Have a great day!

      • Preach Blossoms

        Sir Guy,
        Could you explain a little about the difference between expectations and standards? How should we distinguish reasonably high standards from unreasonable expectations?

        Your Highness Peach Blossoms,

        Standards are values sourced from above us as individuals up to which we are expected to step for the sake of participating in society. Examples: laws, regulations, public education for kids, religious requirements, moral values, monogamous marriage, voter registration, prohibition of domestic violence, marriage vows.

        Expectations are individually personal. How do you expect others to live up to the standards to which you try to adhere, or you think they should adhere in order to accommodate your interests? Don’t marriage vows come to mind? IOW, how do others live as you expect them to live?

        As to reasonable and unreasonable, those are determinations made individually.

        Guy

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