2134. Compatibility Axioms #611-620


611. Talking about and blaming her ex makes current man anticipate the same happening to him. [216]

612. Is she not cherished? Perhaps she’s standing up inside! [216]

613. Commitment is a reflection of his character and his words. Devotion is a reflection of his dedication to her as perceived by her. [216]

614. Females have relationship management instinct and maintenance intuition. But proficiency and expertise are developed through successful experiences. Success comes from denying something to someone and making them accept it agreeably—for example, denying sex to boyfriends, denying selfish demands of children, denying self-centered interest that gives advantage of others. [216]

615. Modern women try to be more like men. Modern men want women to be more female, feminine, fancy, and supportive of what men do and have to do. [217]

616. If he were as good as she expects him to be, he wouldn’t be with her but have chosen a better woman. [217]

617. Men like to marry over their heads, to partner with someone better than they are. When his spouse expects him to be a different man, she effectively tells him that she’s in over her head.

618. If his commitment—whether true or disingenuous—is enough for her to yield first time sex together, his devotion will likely never grow to her satisfaction. [217]

619. If husband expects wife to dress seductively in public, he wants other men to admire him more than her. This reveals his extreme self-centeredness, and when aging makes her less youthful or attractive, she will be expendable—emotionally if not physically. [217]

620. If she chases a man or men, then she appears desperate, which presents her as disposable. [217]

36 Comments

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36 responses to “2134. Compatibility Axioms #611-620

  1. “Modern women try to be more like men. Modern men want women to be more female, feminine, fancy, and supportive of what men do and have to do.”

    I am at the point of only dating women who exclusively wear skirts or dresses. They are a whole lot sweeter than the other lot; I guess they internalize and develop their feminine qualities to a greater degree.

    Their identity is with their God-given gender.

    • Eric

      OutstandingBachelor:
      Me too, or at least ones who do most of the time. Women who think that being feminine is too much of concession to me aren’t likely to give much else.

      • surfercajun

        Gentlemen,

        Mother said you could always tell a lady by her hands. ~Gone with the Wind

        I shall set forth and test this theory. 😀

    • Miss Eliza

      That’s a shame because I know plenty of young women who although wear skirts/dresses are quite feministic – they sleep around/binge drink/chase men etc. Conversely, I subscribe to the ideas behind this blog but I often wear jeans/trousers. Maybe things are different here in Britain.

      • Miss Eliza

        I don’t look unfeminine at all either just ’cause I don’t always wear a dress. I’m 5’2, slender/blonde, still wear feminine looking, ‘pretty’ clothes and do my hair and make-up.

        • Eric

          Miss Eliza:
          To clarify a little, it wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for me, just a personal preference.

    • Miss Kitty

      I actually think, the more women start to wear skirts/dresses again (at an appropriate length) the stronger men will be
      i’ve just noticed, that since the early nineties and right after, WOMEN WEARING PANTS ONLY
      look around!!
      and its WORLDWIDE!!

      • Miss Kitty

        Oh I forgot
        I THOUGHT LEGGINGS were supposed to be worn UNDER DRESSES/SKIRTS for the winter or when it gets colder outside
        but these poor girls are wearing them without a covering.. which shows the backside of their bottom (the crack)

  2. Ely

    I try to wear more dresses or skirts, but its winter time really cold and windy here where I live. I wear jeans or trousers, but I wear feminine blouses and feminine coats, gloves and hats to make up for it. I curl my hair too and add a bow or a headband.

    Your Highness Ely,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
    Guy

  3. Miss Kitty

    Sadly 620. is getting more common among the girls 14-35… because it isn’t told to them NOT TO DO THAT!!

  4. surfercajun

    619 – :o(

    She has to put a stop to it.

  5. Melodie

    impressive insights. Can you explain ‘ she’s not cherished, perhaps she stands up inside’ Does this mean she is being combative ?

    Your Highness Melodie,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Yes, combative, and a good choice of words to describe her.

    Guy

  6. Tanisha

    Good evening,
    I Just want to share something with u all. Ive been practicing virtual virginity and decided not to be exclusive anymore with my boyfriend who has been unable to go from committed to devoted for many years. He finally found out i’ve been dating other people. His reaction was to propose to me with the ring I wanted, over dinner. I turned him down. I’d be miserable tied to him. I don’t regret my decision, but it’s true ladies. Men will do whatever it takes to have frequent access to sex. Even propose when he doesn’t really want to marry you.

    • Miss Kitty

      THIS IS WHY, imo,
      Why WOMEN shouldn’t think being ENGAGED is a big deal
      NOT TODAY.. since many have been ‘engaged’ for YEARS and they are no more connected to him than being a GIRLFRIEND

      is also why, when some women say “I’m not single’ when they are NOT MARRIED.. that has to stop as well–but sadly, the ‘language’ seems to be changing among the younger set…

      • Absolutely true. I counseled at Pregnancy crisis centers for years and about ten years ago noticed a change. Women used to say, “I live with my boyfriend” and now they say, “I live with my fiancee” but it means the same thing to the man. I’ve mentioned this on here before but a very helpful book is The Ring makes All the Difference by Stanton (referring to a wedding ring). Based on long-term studies, researchers found that live-in couples have a high level of “cheating” and that the idea of monogamy without a marriage simply doesn’t exist. It’s a fascinating book.

    • gonemaverick

      Tanisha,

      happy for you ma’am. brave decision. it takes nerves of steel to pull off what Sir Guy teaches here.

      “the one most fearful of losing the other will lose.”

  7. Sarina

    When two people choose to be a couple, women make a huge mistake when they keep dating other guys..I mean, what’s the point in calling someone a boyfriend if you’re still open to others? It leaves a sense of distrust and seems like mocking..how would he perceive me as serious and loyal if I’m smiling and seeing others? He would feel like a joke, like he doesn’t mean a thing and then he would find tons of reasons to date plenty of girls himself since it’s only fair. When a boy wants to be exclusive, I wanna concentrate only on him..because I expect the same of him., it’s practicing faithfulness before marriage.

    • Eric

      Miss Sarina:
      I’ve heard of this happening, but you measure about how long I would tolerate it with a stopwatch. Mocking and disrespect is exactly how I would interpret it.

      • surfercajun

        Gentleman Eric,

        Spot on!

        ….but you measure about how long I would tolerate it with a stopwatch.

        No laughing matter material, but I about nearly chocked on my coffee when first reading this statment! This visual makes me chuckle every time. What a zinger! Or would that be a Dolly Madison and Hostess? …giggle

        Men are never more handsome when expressing themselves in an intelligently, metaphorically, and visual way. 🙂

        Wow, I am in awe!

        ….sorry if that sounds silly or girly

        • Eric

          Miss Surfercajun:
          Thanks! Actually it doesn’t sound silly at all: that’s how a normal woman would react.

          As far as choking goes, that would more likely happen to the man involved, if he was unfortunate enough to be present when I heard about it. LOL

          Seriously I can’t help but wonder what is going on in such women’s minds. Imagine them telling their girlfriends: “Sure, I date other guys but my b/f doesn’t care.” Do they ever stop and think what kind of man isn’t going to care about something like that?

          • surfercajun

            Gentleman Eric,
            Thank you for your kind reply. I am embarrassed about my spelling mistakes but it makes me wonder as the night wanes on if my spelling gets worse. (blush)

            Perhaps you and others can help me with something. It is with the word TRY…..I said this to a friend,” I will try to be at your get together this Saturday.” and she became angry. Even though I meant no disrespect, and was trying to save feelings in case I could not make it, I feel as though I made two people angry. I talked it over with my family Friday night when we went to dinner to hear what they had to say. Never the less, it seemed a negative word in which to remove from ones vocabulary! Not the be confused with (give it the old college try) Do you know what I mean? I would love to hear any feedback you have and perhaps others have to say about it.

            • Your friend wants a real answer! Can you come or not? Do you WANT to come?

              I agree that your response was not thoughtful or kind. You are leaving your options open in case something better comes along and that is rude!

              Would you like it if you got the same response when you worked hard to plan a party and extended a gracious invitation ?

              • surfercajun

                nt12many,
                thank you for your honest response. To answer your last question. Would I have liked it if received the same response. I have received such responses, but it only sadden me or worse lie to. Saying yes they would come only to call at the last minute to say they can not. But I knew better. One of the family members reminded me of a time which one lady said she wanted to take me out to lunch but she had to check with her husband. I knew this couple well, and I knew he would not care if she did or did not, it was another way in which, like the word try, she could get out of going. We never went. Like the good book says… let your yes be yes and your no be no… I don’t think there is a try or even a maybe any where in there.

                It was unkind, and thoughtless as well as careless of me. I was truly sorry. It would seem this word hits a raw nerve. I feel now as though I am child that has been yelled at. Perhaps I should have never asked this question?

              • I did not mean to make you feel yelled at but I will say that we CAN decide if we are going to make a commitment to an event and then make every effort to be there. That means, leaving the house on time, planning for traffic etc. Of course, we can’t know what the future is but do we live other areas of our lives like that? Do we say to our boss, “I’ll try to be there?”
                (actually, I have worked at businesses where twenty-somethings had every excuse in the book for being late every single day…but didn’t notice that the rest of the employees managed to get there on time…consistently).

                Again, saying that you will try is a not being honest with yourself and, thus, being dishonest with your friend. I have taught my eight children that “try” is a pretty wimpy word. Say, “I will” and then do it or, say, “I won’t” and don’t waste people’s time.

                I have no patience for that kind of weak excuse. The same goes for a friend who always shows up late even when we agreed ahead of time to be there at a certain time. Her tardiness tells me that she thinks her time is more valuable than mine and I can be kept waiting. A true friend does not treat another person like that.

              • A.GuyMaligned

                Surfercajun, N12many, and Eric,

                Let me enter the fray without trying to end it. I like your exchanges and hope to show how right is each of you. I wish to make a few points about how the sexes compete. Different natural and therefore default values spark your competitive discourse, so take this as a teaching moment for me and not a judgment moment of you.

                As one expects, Eric follows the male nature, and N12many follows the female nature. Surfercajun sparks the dialogue and her dilemma because she seeks to be more deliberately considerate of others, another female trait and initiative that makes women feel good about themselves.

                Men like to keep their options open because they don’t spend much time worrying about the future. More options makes the future easier to handle when it arrives. So Eric sides with Surfercajun. To only ‘try’ is to leave options open.

                Women are the opposite. They seek to firm up their future today, so that tomorrow has fewer surprises. So, N12many advises against Surfercajun with the natural female argument for firming up the future. She includes another natural female value that some things are more right than others and should be sought; that is, she seeks to strengthen morality of the situation.

                In the end, it’s all about individual taste for dealing with other people. As for me, I try to choose and support the choice that is most likely to earn the respect of whomever I am dealing with. As I see it, to foster mutual respect between people is inevitably the best avenue to take.

                In this case, I think N12many takes that position; she adds doing the right thing in support of brightening her future. Imagining myself on the receiving end, I think I would find her intention respectable. But notice how slippery is that eel of my interpreting her intention as respect for me.

                Of course, we could argue for some time that the other options earn respect too. If you wish, let’s continue. I’ve already learned a lot from your exchanges.

                Guy

              • Eric

                Miss Surfercajun:
                I often do the same thing. I don’t see it as being rude it seems to me more of an honest response since nobody knows what the future is. Like you mentioned, how many times have people promised to come to an event then called at the last minute and said they couldn’t?

                It wouldn’t have bothered me at all if somebody told me that. Like Sir Guy always says, you can’t control what others think.

  8. KitKat

    I really wonder how any men and women marry and stay together. And I’ll assume everything you say is true — I’m not sure I would even want to date let alone marry. And no, I don’t think the fault all lies with men. But then a lot of what you say is true of women, is not true of myself. Define “chasing” a man? The best description I’ve heard is a woman should plant the “seed” just make sure not to water it too often.

    Your Highness KitKat,
    “[A] woman should plant the “seed” just make sure not to water it too often.” Brilliant advice.
    Guy

  9. surfercajun

    Dear Guy,

    WOW! Thank you so very much for your input! I was thinking on your blog yesterday and wondered if you wanted more dialogue between others. (women’s intuition perhaps?) So in with my question!! In the course of that day I also wonder that we cannot expect you to start and hold the conversation on your site. I honestly believe that you want, expect, and encourage us to speak to one another and if needed be you add the defining line and give food for thought on both sides. I am still very curious about what others think. (perhaps if I don’t get yelled at. …winks at Jill) A family member told me I was a gluten for punishment for asking such a question but I don’t feel that this morning! (Laughs with joy)

    Gentleman Eric,

    Thank you for your timely and kind support of rescuing a DID. (Damsel In Distress) I honestly believe that if that word came from a loved one or friend we might perhaps take more offense to it because we do expect them there. BTW, I DID make it to the get together and had a very nice time! 🙂 But if anything else, this has taught me an interesting lesson.

    Perhaps the lady thinkth too much…giggle

    • Eric

      Miss Surfercajun:
      I just don’t think it’s that big of a problem. Since you went anyway, it should show your friend that you intended go.

      Like Sir Guy mentioned above, it’s impossible to predict the future. To me it would have become more an obligation than a fun event if I had to cancel any/everything else to go; and I wouldn’t have felt it disrespectful if someone hedged on coming or even didn’t come at all.

      • Jill Farris

        I still stand by my original comment. You would have felt disrespected if everyone that was invited kept their options open and cancelled or didn’t show up at the last minute. Indeed, let your, “Yay be yay and your nay be nay” and make a decision. Any one who hosts get-togethers knows how frustrating and rude this type of mindset is. It’s different if I say, “Drop in if you can” but, especially if I am planning food and preparing my home for friends, I need to know who is going to be there.

        Jill

        • Eric

          Miss Jill:
          “You would have felt disrespected if…”

          No I wouldn’t. I would assume that I planned the event at a bad time and plan another one.

          “Especially if am planning food and preparing my home…”

          It wouldn’t be frustrating at all. It would just mean I wouldn’t have to do any cooking or housecleaning for the next few days. You have to plan these things like a business decision and allow for some incidental loss.

      • surfercajun

        I awoke around 2 this morning and thought on what you said. It made me think of the bible story in which a man gave a great party and invited his friends. Each gave an excuse to why they could not make it. It did not stop him! He went out into the street and gathers all the (what I am reading) homeless, lame, and poor and took THEM to the party instead. I have a feeling he might have seen this, like you, as a business like aspect. Wonderful reply! Men are never more handsome when giving their support to ladies and seeing a daily problem in a business like focus manner. I was smiling all day.

        • Eric

          Miss Surfercajun:
          Thank you!

          I suppose that’s another idea: if people make last minute excuses, send out some last minute invitations. There’s always a practical way to circumvent these kinds of problems—LOL

          • surfercajun

            I was laughing at this wonderful comment for most of the morning! I hope your day is not so rainy and brrrrrrr!!!!

  10. MLaRowe

    Whenever I’m invited to something I’m not entirely sure about I say, “Can I check and get back to you on this”, that response gives me the space I need to figure out the answer. It happens fairly often when people like you and want to get together but this answer doesn’t offend.

    Maybe this works for me because I don’t carry around my calendar on my phone so this let’s me use this let-me-check answer better than someone more hi-tech than myself. (I usually explain that I’m old fashioned when it comes to technology).

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