2139. Compatibility Axioms #641-650


  1. Commitment is a two-way, negotiated exchange of obligations. Devotion is one-way verbal and physical communication aimed at inspiring two-way dedication. [222]
  2. Commitment is made with words. Devotion is observed through actions.
  3. Commitment promises togetherness with her. Devotion shows that she’s cherished and he’s dedicated to her. [222]
  4. Commitment may promise physical fidelity. Devotion promises emotional faithfulness, because she’s worth too much to lose. [222]
  5. Commitment signals she’s worthy enough for him at least for now. Devotion signals that he needs her with him for the long term. [222]
  6. Commitment’s promise of togetherness may last or not, because only time and future tell. Devotion to her lasts because his dedication shapes both time and the future on her behalf. [222]
  7. Commitment fades under daily pressures that eat away at promises and weaken togetherness. Devotion of himself to one woman triggers a man’s nature to provide and protect against life’s pressures; dedication determines his duty. [222]
  8. Promises require no cherishment of her at the present. His devoted actions and sacrifices show that she’s cherished. [222]
  9. Commitment leaves room to blame her for togetherness problems. Devotion bonds him more tightly and inspires him to blame everything else rather than her. [222]
  10. Commitment has no obligation to excuse his woman’s mistakes. Devotion finds excuses to forgive and forget her mistakes. [222]

12 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

12 responses to “2139. Compatibility Axioms #641-650

  1. Beloved

    Very informative. Even though you have touched on this in other posts, this is so much more complete. Thanks!

  2. surfercajun

    649/650 ~ was a difficult and excruciating read yesterday.

  3. Eric

    Sir Guy:
    Question on commitment vs. devotion: on the other thread we were mentioning how women pursue worthless men; and my question is: do you think that many women today are actually afraid of good men? What I’m thinking here is that if women are relationship experts by instinct as you described, when they encounter a man who doesn’t fit the cultural stereotypes, they become afraid to act or try to withdraw from any (actual or potential) relationship?

    Sir Eric,

    I agree completely and funny you should ask. I’ve been working several days trying to describe how this theme plays out in the lives of women. (Especially the younger they are, the more vulnerable and damaging the learning experience.)

    Modern females are so excited to love someone that they prematurely demo loving actions and attitudes based solely on infatuation. They don’t give love a chance to develop by allowing mutual interest to morph into mutual likeability and further morph into dedication to one another.

    On the receiving end, men don’t think they deserve what comes across as overwhelming attention and affection. It’s a ‘gift’ they have not earned, and so they don’t appreciate her. (But we can do sex, huh?)

    Her technique doesn’t work as she intends. Her relationship expertise is brought into question. She loses confidence in herself, and she reorients her techniques to win the next time, which just brings on actions that reflect desperation. Thus, her expertise crumbles from her impatient infatuation. Before she ever finds love, she finds that things don’t work like her heart tells her the world should work, which prompts her more and more to rely on pop culture values instead of her heart as originally hardwired at birth.

    I have a psychologist acquaintance who says that he counsels clients to “listen to your mind; your heart can lie to you.” Of course, I say the opposite. The modern female mind has been propagandized by male-dominated pop culture values and expectations. When the heart follows the mind, we get what modern society looks like today. As women go, so goes society. When they choose to follow their infatuated minds, they find that it leads them to become little more than prey for sex sans love. And that further marginalizes their natural relationship expertise.

    Guy

    • MLaRowe

      Dear Sir Guy,
      Perhaps did a lot of the confusion actually begin with the invention of birth control? Pre- widespread birth control women had to be very wise about choosing the man who would gain access to their bodies.

      The advent of birth control (which, of course, I’m glad we have but I’m thinking about it as a recent phenomena in the history of human beings) seems to me to be the big game changer here.

      What are your thoughts? Oh and let me say again how helpful and valuable I find this blog. (I’m still working on trying to tell men how handsome they are without feeling like I look like I’m hitting on them in some way).

      Your Highness MLaRowe,

      No, I think the big game changer was the sexual revolution brought about by political activists of the Left. The pill opened the door for masculine-style sexual freedom for females. Marxists claimed this at the time; everything is political except politics, and that’s personal.

      The pill was and remains just a choice.

      Guy

      • frackered fairy

        Madam,
        I am curious about your statement regarding birth control.
        You stated: which of course, i am glad we have.

        Please allow me to understand, you LIKE putting poisons inside your body? With the recent recalls, lawyers that are involved, cancer that one receives, and even death I find it curious women still want such things. And all of this for not having a baby? Aren’t we an entitled bunch.

        • MLaRowe

          You have a right to your opinion.

          Mine is I’m glad there is such a thing as birth control in any form a person would choose. Married or single it’s a helpful tool should one desire to use it.

          What I think it did though was set the stage for the idea of casual sex we have today which is not in the best interest of women. This is my question for Sir Guy.

      • Eric

        The Cultural Marxists/Sexual Anarchists embrace feminism because they know that’s easier to manipulate the environment to influence women to their ends than it is to change the male nature. Women have a greater susceptibility to environmental influences because it’s part of their biological programming as educators and nurturers of the young. Male-dominated societies tend to the opposite problem—cultural stagnation (e.g. Saudi Arabia).

        The Cultural Marxists and Sexual Anarchists—at least at the leadership aren’t simply misguided idealists. They believe exactly what Sir Guy says: ‘As women go, so goes society’ although they pervert it towards their own goals. They know exactly what they’re doing but are employing gender psychology and biology towards negative purposes.

    • My Husband's Wife

      Dear Sir Guy and Eric,

      This is such an important topic in “women’s recovery” — the problem and how it progresses once again accurately identified here. This will be helpful to many. Can’t wait to read more on this…spot on, especially this:
      “Modern females are so excited to love someone that they prematurely demo loving actions and attitudes based solely on infatuation. They don’t give love a chance to develop by allowing mutual interest to morph into mutual likeability and further morph into dedication to one another.”

      It seems to me that today both men and women for some reason remain emotionally stunted—so those teen infatuation values that most girls have when young, end up staying with them throughout their adult years now, instead of learning and outgrowing them. And it seems Eric is seeing this. He’s maturing, yet those around him are not.

      Do you think some of this could be because parents these days are now removed or “checked out” from guiding their daughters with boyfriend/husband choices these days—leaving it up to the immature girl to “figure it out” on her own without direction? That parents aren’t saying “no” when their daughter comes home with a loser?

      • Krysie869

        My Husband’s Wife,

        I know the question isn’t directed towards me, but I believe many women/young girls end up chasing infatuation instead of character is due to some feeling of insecurity and inadequecy brought on most likely by poor upbringing and poor parenting. Which of course means that the most likely reason is low or non-existent self-respect from parents or guardians, and so the cycle inevitably continues down each generation.

      • Eric

        Sir Guy & Others:
        Thank you for the replies. As a follow-up, I wondering if this dynamic is added;

        “Modern females are so excited to love someone that they prematurely demo loving actions and attitudes based solely on infatuation. They don’t give love a chance to develop by allowing mutual interest to morph into mutual likeability and further dedication to one another.”

        To which Sir Guy gives the average male response. But, if a man in this case is truly interested in developing the relationship further—the woman (the relationship expert/manager) is likely expecting things to develop ‘according to script’ or pop-culture values; and when it’s instead clear that the man is hoping for commitment/dedication as the goal, I think that modern women become completely lost at this point and don’t know what to do next. IOW, I think that good men actually frighten them to some extent (augmented too by femihag preaching that ‘nice guys aren’t really nice’ &c.).

        I think how well a girl can overcome this depends on how strong her connection to her nature is vs. her environment is.

  4. i think Sir Guy has it so right in his reply….Women lose confidence in their ability to determine good relationships and treatment from bad, and so contrary to what most of “The Manosphere” believes, most women really don’t think they are “All That”. I hear and see so much private self-hate and insecurity among teen girls/young women you wouldn’t believe. They tend to hang on a boy’s every word and seem to give themselves up as offerings hoping one boy or another will validate them by choosing them. Then all the other girls try to act like that one girl who had a “boyfriend” for a few weeks! They act like prey and see themselves that way, unaware of their ability to set standards for boys to look up to or to choose their own fates in one of the few countries that they even can. Its very depressing (I think in the long run for both sexes) and very sad. I am very worried for my daughter and her generation, as well as for the kinder boys who feel swept to the side by the more aggressive, immature boys, as if their values are worthless. Girls today have no idea that they are “supposed to be the relationship experts” as far as I can tell. They are very passive and leave decisions up to the boys. At least this is how it is in my neighborhood.

    Your Highness MeowMeow,

    There’s an old if not ancient argument about Nature versus Nurture.
    Does genetics or upbringing have the greatest influence in shaping human behavior? I spent my first seven decades figuring it to be roughly 80-20 Nature over Nurture. I was wrong. I’m convinced now that it’s more like 90-10 Nurture over Nature. (The numbers are unknowable and only relative for comparison.)

    So worry less about your daughter and work on becoming a better mother and inducing better fathering out of him. Not that you need it, but it’s just the best insurance. Children develop themselves; mutual respect that invites guidance is far more influential in the long run than direction and trying to shape a child’s development.

    Guy

  5. surfercajun

    Was thinking about this song, which then reminded me of this article. Funny how these things *happen* to me!! Enjoy.

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