2150. Pinkie Finger Recovery

Ladies, this is just a test drive of an idea. I need feedback. I have many reasons that I think will support using the suggested technique but it will take me days to write, proof, and publish them. However, before I do that, I want to hear your reactions to how easily the actions proposed could fit into your persona and relationship.

Immature women seek to have things go their way and are not too quiet about it. They find fault, seek redress, and care not a whit for the reaction of their man. They live by criticism and expectations for him but with little or no expectations that they themselves can or should change themselves.

OTOH, mature relationship experts know better. They master the art of indirectness, and I’ve just developed a new technique. For reasons I’ll explain later, I suggest women adopt this practice.

Gently, patiently, and as indirectly as possible teach your man that you will silently flash your pinkie finger at him whenever he displeases or disrespect you. No words, no complaining, no explaining, just a wave of the pinkie. He is free to do whatever he pleases about it.

Then, when appropriate, flash the pinkie as your way of saying that you have been made to feel bad. If he displeases you, look him in the eye and smile—just friendly as it can’t be very sincere—as you flash it. If he shows disrespect, look him in the eye but don’t smile. Flash your pinkie and always change the subject or go on about your business of the moment and let him do the same.

Develop the technique into a habit. Four cautions: 1) Use it ONLY when he displeases you or disrespects you as person, woman, wife, mother, or other legitimate role you live in your home. 2) If you start having success with him trying harder not to make you feel bad, then don’t get too ambitious and critical and flash it for other reasons. Stay on the targets of displease and disrespect. Keep your wits and good judgment about you. 3) Don’t flash it angrily as in flipping the bird. Just a friendly wave works best to stir his curiosity, which fires his memory to figure out what he did, and—hopefully—ignites his imagination to figure out how to compensate or do better the next time. 4) When he pumps you to find out what he did wrong, do your best to remain silent with a smile as if to say you’re confident that he can figure it out. (Note: If he can pull the reason out of you, he has an easier time of figuring it out. Men believe and act on what they figure out for themselves, and so your complaints and explanations weaken his reaction. It’s not really what you want.)

Consider it, think on it, or if you have the courage try it a few times. Then, critique it in your mind and send me your response. I have no problem if it’s a bad idea. I’ve had hundreds and perhaps thousands in my time. So please feel free to tell me what you think.

For mental exercise on your end, try to figure out why it should, does, won’t, or doesn’t work. What are the beneficial reasons and the objections? Such feedback will help my refinement of the reasons for a new technique that puts a woman more in charge of her life.



Filed under How she wins

15 responses to “2150. Pinkie Finger Recovery

  1. tink

    mental or mettle exercises are fun!

    You make these worthwhile!! I am excited as I could use this right now!!!

    #4 I could learn better. Thank you for stating it!!

    He would be angry….I always kept thinking… well, you asked!! …I see now it was doing no good!! I saw it as being honest about my feelings but they were always trumped by an excuse which in turn always made ME angry, feel misunderstood, confused or worse some violence would take place around me….scary place to be….. Thank you, Sir Guy….thank you!!

  2. Men are never more handsome than when they are clever and constructive. Thank you 🙂

    Your Highness Thankful,
    I love it when pretty women tell me such things.

  3. gonemaverick

    Sir Guy,

    this part appeals to me, “teach your man that you will silently flash your pinkie finger at him whenever he displeases or disrespect you. No words, no complaining, no explaining, just a wave of the pinkie. He is free to do whatever he pleases about it.”

  4. Sharon

    Guy, it’s a good idea. One reason I like it, and believe it will work, is that a little bit of “mischief” appeals to a man.

    Your Highness Sharon,
    A point well taken about mischief.

  5. You know – my father told me I actually did this to him when I was a little girl, but then it was to try to cajole him into doing what I wanted 😛 When he displeased me I put my hands on my hips, but I see how as a grown up woman putting your hands on your hips is a bit too stern and belligerent.

    Your Highness Eatacactus,
    Thanks. Your story of you as little girl using body language to get your way confirms that the pinkie finger recovery is natural. I can see you frowning and stomping your foot when dad resisted, because you knew instinctively words were not the way to deal with a male. It’s a priceless contribution to my still unconfirmed idea.

  6. I’ve always been told that men need us to tell them what is bothering us because they can’t figure it out. That was mainly talking about things such as forgetting a special date. So is the reminder of a special date okay, but not coming right out and telling him what is disrespectful or upsetting? I like this idea. It’s very quiet and powerful. I will have to use this.

    Your Highness Sharonwithmaryandmartha,

    1st sentence: Men claim that to improve their own decision-making efficiency. That way, they can develop a defense and know how to change their mistake to your guilt. Why help them make you feel bad again?

    3rd sentence: No, if he forgets a special date, just wave your pinky. Make him figure it out, if he’s interested. What he figures out will carry more weight and for longer than anything you can say. After all, the date has already passed, so why should it continue to prey on you that he was at fault. The more it preys, the more likely you will say something, which makes both of you feel bad.

    Thanks. You’ve helped confirm that pinkie waving may be the next best technique for relationship management.


    • tink


      Thank you for this fine example. You put into words my special date that was forgotten recently. When I went and did something for myself cheerfully, he claimed he felt bad because of it. But like Guy mentioned, I had told him…the date had passed but I pepper mine with a little salt… So I remark with a shrug,: “It does not matter.or who cares.” along with a small smile (which is not sincerer) which always gets a verbal response of another suggestion in my defense to soothe ruffled feathers.. I use it sparingly….Guy is right. I get told all the time…. I’m a figure-outer… but yet wants an easy answer for a general defense for himself. perhaps that is the extra salt needed when pushed and prompted when he asks, “what did i do now?” Instead of me looking at him like he is crazy and say, “nothing”

    • Sir Guy, do you have a pinkie-waving idea for Husband who is overseas 50 weeks out of the year?

      Your Highness Sharonwithmaryandmartha,

      I suggest you reverse it. Tell him that “wink-wink” means he has pleased or especially respected you, and spend your waking hours finding ways that he has pleased or especially respected you. Neither of you need to think about the ‘pinkie’ and what it is supposed to represent.

      Makes it mysterious and loveable for Mary and Martha too. Or, maybe they can copy you and find new ways to appreciate dad.


  7. That Horse Is Dead

    Sir Guy,

    I’m trying to figure out the pinkie waving, is it in a “no no no” way or a “come here” way or a “ONE” as in counting…is the wrist moving at all, LOL! I use my hands to talk all the time so I can see where it may be natural, but perhaps need help from the ladies here.

    Your Highness That Horse is Dead,
    None of those. Just a silent thought that says ‘I feel bad after what you just said or did’. Keep it in his mind that she can be made to feel bad easily.

    • Miss Green

      So, is the “waiving pinkie” not literally me waiving my pinkie but just code word for “displease=look and smile” and for “disrespect=look and no smile”?

      Your Highness Miss Green,
      It means literally and not code words. The picture will clear if you spend time studying my numerous comments that answer readers’ questions below the article, #2150.

  8. MLaRowe

    Dear Sir Guy,

    I’ll try it and let you know how it goes. Usually the silent treatment works for me but this might be better, plus it can’t hurt to mix it up a little every so often.

    Your Highness MLaRowe,
    It is the silent treatment with just a nudge that he should reconsider what he just said or did. Ain’t no big deal, just a simple reminder that it’s easy to make her feel bad.

  9. 1jarofclay

    Sir Guy, I take it that we should never express it when we are displeased/angry/offended. Or are there any exceptions? Thanks.


    Your Highness Magnolia,
    Why not if you’re smiling? It’s usable to send many messages depending on how well he can read you. But I think the best benefit comes if he doesn’t know EXACTLY what you are thinking at the time. Let him figure it out. The gist is this: Here’s a NEUTRAL message to say, think about me for a moment.

    • Femme

      Hello Magnolia,
      I was thinking the same thing.
      There is a relationship coach who suggests that to build intimacy with a man, a woman needs to speak to him in “feeling” messages (as in, “when you do this and that, it makes me feel this and that”) – then leave him to figure out what he wants to do with the information.
      She says it creates an instant connection but to me, it sounds like expressing ALL our feelings, not only the good ones.
      I’m not sure if it’s the same thing as the pinkie technique.
      Am curious as to what Sir Guy thinks.

      Your Highness Femme,
      No, I don’t think it’s the same. The pinkie technique is a subtle clue passed inconspicuously to mate that says: Uh, oh, I don’t like what you just did or refused to do. Or, you just now reflected poorly on me, you, or us. Or, I wish you could elevate me in your eyes, think of me first, or comply with my wish to depart early. If he knows you, he understands, although that does not guarantee the reaction you expect. But he can’t say you wronged him.

      • 1jarofclay

        Hello Lady Femme,

        Yes, I know exactly who you’re talking about. She suggests that we communicate to men in a way that doesn’t serve us. Any woman should be very, very careful before expressing her displeasure with her man the way she recommends. Your intuition is spot on.

        Before I got married, I belonged to a dating forum and saw women say they had a lot of problems with her approach. (Men do not take it well at all!) When it comes to making a negative observation, Sir Guy’s approach is much better (though admittedly much more difficult for us ladies to handle). Why? Because as he says, to men, constructive criticism is still criticism. It’s very hard on their ego. I love the subtlety of Sir Guy’s suggestions and will be using it.

        Mastering the indirectness that he promotes on this blog takes an enormous amount of patience, gentleness and tact. I’m not there yet, bit I figure it’s worth it in the end when you see so many people divorcing, sometimes after marrying two, three times and more, and you have a successful marriage after 20 or 30 plus years. It makes me feel hopeful and empowered knowing that my future is up to me and not something as random as “fate”. You know? 🙂


        PS. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. 😉

  10. Peach Blossoms

    Sir Guy,
    A colleague has been rather rude to me when there’s pressure at work. I tried the silent treatment but it didn’t register. Finally I verbalised my displeasure. He apologised but avoids talking to me now unless it’s strictly necessary. He also said I was oversensitive. You said in comments below: “Keep it in his mind that she can be made to feel bad easily.” But isn’t that being oversensitive in men’s eyes? And he has also told me several times to tell him directly if I’m unhappy about something…

    I would like to recover but don’t know where to start. Should I start smiling more at him per your advice in other posts?

    Your Highness Peach Blossoms,
    Take him to the cafeteria for cuppa coffee.

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