2152. Push Husband Out, It’s Easy


Her Highness Mia inquired about clarity on minor subjects, but it prompted me to rant. Nothing she did or said. Just me reminding myself. So, she and you can take yourself personally out of what follows. No accusations aimed your way. However, some of it applies to women everywhere just to the extent they find something of interest to do or undo.

Pointed at all women, the writing just comes better in second person, you, and hopefully reads more interestingly that way.

It doesn’t matter if cheating husband’s other woman is perfect partner or not. If he sought her out, it means you’re not the perfect partner he thought he married. You were the love of his life. So what fractured, shattered, or crumbled his love into nothing with any loyalty left for you? It’s not even a shadow of what left the altar.

I’ve preached it for several years. Positive and affirming emotions such as love and respect do not hold marriages together. Not as much as negative emotions rip marriages apart. Such as a continual bombardment of irritants, criticism implied or stated, and mini-failures to close the gaps of emotional differences. In short, the lack of relationship expertise that recognizes little nods of negative connection and finds ways to abolish them.

Counselors and advisors advise continually on what to do to please your partner. It may help a little but it’s not the answer for marital success. Your time is better spent avoiding what ticks off your partner or spouse. Stop kicking him and kick yourself.

When a husband takes up with another woman, he’s at fault. No way to justify it. However, we can examine his motivational background.

His love depends on his respect for you, so how did you undermine it? Nag? Criticize? Withhold sex? Enable him to feel inadequate in bed? Blame him? Point out his shortcomings? ID his faults? Treat him as uninteresting? Talk endlessly about things of no interest to him? Feed him what you like instead of what he likes? Get up grouchy in the morning? Nag? Do little to please him but expect him to please you continuously? Act grouchy after work? Have too many headaches at night? Refuse to entertain his friends? Resent his hobbies or habits that take him away from you? Dislike yourself and too lazy to do something about it? Forget who you were that attracted him to you? Plan to return to your natural personality once you hooked him? Always act sick with little reason? Manipulate him? Never smile at him? Fail to confirm his importance in your life? Never try to please him for the pleasure it gives you? Keep alive your own negative attitude? Fail to show gratitude for what he does? Fail to show your dependence on who he is? Complain to girlfriends about him? Expose his foibles to others? Show disdain for him in public? Embarrass him? Whine endlessly about all your problems? Fail to teach the kids that dad ranks higher in the pecking order than they do? Fail to grant him the status of family leader? Nag? Spend too much money with the false expectation you will like yourself better? Expect him to make you feel better about yourself? Disturb him unnecessarily at his job? Express complaints about him in front of the kids? Overeat as if you deserve it to feel better about yourself? Fail to acknowledge your secondary role in family matters (as he sees it, darling, not as you suppose it should be)? Fail to step up to your responsibilities for harmony in the home? Fail to use your relationship expertise to generate harmony between the two of you?

Change your habits/personality/behavior from the woman he married? Refer to him minor problems with kids that you could solve if you weren’t fearful the kids would dislike you? Find less interest in him than other people and things outside the home? Fail to read and understand just what goes through his mind during both good and bad relationship incidents? Fail to help him recover from his mistakes and self-caused accidents? Disagree with each other in front of the children? Fail to reward him for special tasks that please you? Overdo pillow talk with irrelevant or unimportant issues? Resent his frustrated sense of independence? Find ways to shame him? Use too many words, rather than silence-that-informs, to plead your case that he upset you? Nag? Resent his rest and recreation with TV and beer immediately after work? Fail to show faith in his judgment when he’s intent on doing things his way (e.g., not asking for directions). Elevate your job as more important than his? Fail to trust him. Resent his earning satisfaction daily at his job while happiness comes to you after years of striving? Disrespect men generally and it leaks over onto him?

You see, I enumerated many ways that you could and perhaps still do that disappoint him. If he provides any feedback, you ignore it. In any event, before he met you at the altar he expected none of the above or he would have left you standing by yourself. Now he takes it out on you. He resents, resists, and eventually retaliates on some simple thread the camel’s back could not carry.

Men are not inclined to stay married to women who are not the same one they married. Some men do it by sneaking off to cheat first. Others let their woman’s surprises turn them into abusers. Still others just walk out. Finally, a few hang around having had their masculine courage smashed into apathy; they prefer the certainty of misery to the uncertainty of change, which then reverses the game by costing them your respect.

Men follow inspiring female leadership in relationships. When will relationship experts learn to lead men respectfully in ways that men accept with dignity and gratefulness? Learn to make themselves more important by making themselves less obvious, less intent on being completely understood, less convinced that only they know what’s proper, and less convinced that micro-management will improve their marriage?

The pinkie finger article is aimed at highlighting your upsets and leaving unstated what you expect out of him. It dumps your displeasure in his lap to do with as he pleases, which gently and without accusing flips his ‘Uh Oh’ switch to read: ‘I probably should not do it that way again’. Self-correction is a much more agreeable meal for him to digest, which makes you as the relationship pinkie-waving ‘cook’ look much more dependable, friendlier, and likeable. He can easily learn that he wants to remain closer to you rather than another.

NOTE: More reasons to justify use of the pinkie will be disclosed in a day or two. If you have reasons, feed them to me and thanks for doing so.

 

32 Comments

Filed under Fickle female, How she loses

32 responses to “2152. Push Husband Out, It’s Easy

  1. gonemaverick

    #powerful

  2. Emma

    As usual – amazing ! I am one of the women who’s husbsnd got tired of my endless shaming (serial cheater) so he showed me by hooking up again. This time I said nothing and moved all the chips towards separation. Since, I don’t nag, preach nor explain my new found independent – he knows questions that I CAN do without him. My only response is – silence. Not sure they future for us but one thing I know, I will never ever nah not diminish him, when he decided to cheat he knew the consequences – he needs no reminder. 🙂

  3. Cinnamon

    Thank you for this, Sir Guy.

  4. Beloved

    Um, Guy, I think you forgot to say “nag.” Hope you’re having a great Sunday! Great & informative article as usual, btw.

    Your Highness Beloved,
    I love it when pretty women like my attempts at humor. Wish I could muster up a lot more of it.
    Guy

  5. Didn’t you say, “nag” at least three times? I had to chuckle at that. Thanks, Sir Guy for this list. I have been and am guilty of many, but not all, and am trying to correct my faults in these. As the Bible says of a wife, “SEE THAT she respect her husband”. What you have said here gives us something to see where we have shown disrespect and how to be respectful even when he is not respectable.

    Your Highness Sharonwithmaryandmartha,

    Darling, you may not realize how brilliantly accurate this is: “…how to be respectful even when he is not respectable.” Leadership by example works best, and leaders always do the right things first.

    Men become like women treat them, not how women advise or criticize. It’s a natural reaction; when women respect men, men respect women and want to please them for being so astute. But men have to not hear words but see respectful action by women that indirectly says, ‘I respect you’.

    It spins off of this. Men have greater respect for a woman’s opinions never before expressed than for those they have heard before. Surprise helps. Greater respect arises especially for action unaccompanied by words. Men have to figure out the message and it’s best done individually. Best if they never heard the message earlier or were never given any clues to lead or mislead them. Thus, their evaluation and judgment is more easily claimed as their own; they figured it out and that makes it easier to accept and believe. And that generates respect for the message-sender who relied on actions rather than words. (Men just don’t hear as well as women and pay even less attention when they do hear.)

    Guy

    • Sharon

      GREAT list, Sir Guy — one that women should be issued before they marry. I love your last comment here that “men don’t hear as well as women and pay even less attention when they do hear.” And the subtle “nag” inclusions slipped into your list! Early on, from my husband, I learned that if I make a request or comment more than ONE time, he considers it nagging. (Unless he has requested a specific reminder.)

      Your Highness Sharon,

      I think that men are quick to think their woman doesn’t understand them, and they’re equally quick to let her know about it. I think it comes from women relying on things female and erroneously thinking men are the same. Think on this: Do you talk to him in the same way and perhaps manner that you talk to other females when they forget to do something, or you want to remind them, and they respond favorably to you while husband takes offense? Just some new thinking.

      Guy

      • Sharon

        Hmm… good question. Even after many years of marriage, we continue to learn subtle differences in male/female preferences and responses. With other females, I usually put the reminder as a question, “Did you still want to do such and such?” Perhaps the tendency for wife to husband is a tone that sounds (to him) like mother to child, or boss to employee, i.e. telling him what to do. Perhaps the familiarity of day-to-day living contributes to this, whereas with a friend outside of home, more thought is given to the communication.

        Your Highness Sharon,
        Good headwork. I think you’re right.
        Guy

  6. tink

    Question: Would fail to cook for him be another way to run him off? I know a lady down the street in which she INSISTS he cooks when he comes home from work. (she states that they worked it out that way before marriage and she is home ALL day long playing games online) so I asked her recently… don’t you prep anything for him?? or cook him a meal… say crockpot?? the answer was a pointed no. …so when she begin to complain about him I directed her here…. but of course she does not want to fix it, she wants to complain… and they are newlyweds!!! ….this is not going to last long..

    …sigh……

    Your Highness Tink,
    You probably have it right about not going to last long. I wonder just how involved he was in “they worked it out that way before marriage.” It looks like she entered marriage with no interest in sustaining it.
    Guy

    • tink

      With you stating that, Guy I seem to recall she invited me to know that they lived together for two years before he asked her… I believe she told me Valentine’s Day was about 3 years now. …it is so sad… he adores her but how much adoring can one take when the other refuses to do the work that resides in her sphere? She told me she deep cleans the house…but uh, I saw no evidence of it when over there and when I invited her to my home (when I knew he was out of town) she was of no help what so ever in the kitchen. She stood and watched me wash and put the dishes out to dry and I had to ask her to please remove the other dishes on the table… sure she did it, but she was a poor guest in which I shall not be inclined to invite back. When I was invited to someone’s house to spend the night about 4 years back when my kids and I were invited to a AiG conference in Lufkin, TX. (Answers In Genesis) I told the kids we needed to clean up after ourselves since this sweet lady invited us to her home (we did not know) which saved money by not staying in a hotel. So we striped the bed, vacuumed the room, washed the breakfast dishes and the kids cheerfully dried and put them up. My host only stopped me at the washer because she stated it was woky. Was told we were the perfect guesthouses and was even invited back!  IT still makes me smile.

      Your Highness Tink,
      You’re a model for the lady that needs to come back so that men will follow with gentlemanly behavior.
      Guy

      • That Horse Is Dead

        Your Highness Tink,

        I would encourage you to be a friend to this woman and speak truth in love at appropriate moments. As someone who grew up in a feminist home, I can attest that it’s possible her thinking is all messed up from a similar experience. You didn’t live her past and it can take years to undo all the damage of growing up without proper modeling. Be patient and nonjudgmental and perhaps you can be the light to prevent her marriage from unraveling. Keep directing her to the blog.

        • tink

          That Horse is Dead.

          I have tried on a few occasions but it almost seems like madness now. She is 26 and yes, I do try to be encouraging and do continue to recommend this blog. we have walked together a few times and her view points are solid as ice… you are right about her past as she has shared it with me. it is rather sorted and as usual ( i laugh here not out of meanness but what usually happens to me, people begin to talk about what REALLY is bothering them…but that’s ok. :o) ) she states her past issues with a family member. Please don’t get me wrong, there have been times in which I do have to play Queen Esther and remain silence but present, but laugh out loud at some of the inappropriateness of it all of WHAT she believes now. At times, when I laugh, it seems to quiet her…recently, I had to take a break from her…perhaps she seeks me yet smothers me because she wants to be friends…I have backed away so I could breath. Perhaps prayer is needed now. I do thank you for your encouragement to me. I do plan on seeing her this week as she has suggested many times for me to visit her. Perhaps I needed to vent here with more positive parties than the family member I am currently explaining this to. Thank you guys…..

  7. Joyful

    Why must our happiness come from years of strive? From previous articles I don’t know the exact one but why must a working woman come home but discipline herself to take care of the house before relaxing. Why can’t why a woman come home and immediately r&r? Why can her relaxation come only once its time to retire to bed? What gets thrown off in the cosmos when that happens? That was a joke. But I am interested in the answer. Its just a few questions that have been on my mind. Does this also apply to single women. That is what I am. Is the above only relevant once you’re married?

    Your Highness Joyful,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    All that you ask about is deeply rooted in the female nature.

    • Women are born to be happy, but they have to earn it. It comes after finding gratefulness for herself, for others, and for as much as possible in her life. That usually takes a number years to overcome popular opinion and find gratitude where others can’t or don’t.

    • “Discipline herself to take care of the house?” It’s part of her nature. Her primal need is for a brighter future, which puts her in the frame of mind to prepare better for tomorrow, which registers in her heart as there’s always something more she can do.

    • She can come home and immediately R&R. Then guilt sets in when the next day she sees that she should have done something else. Too much guilt plagues her for finding gratitude and so her delay finding happiness is extended. Too much immediate R&R brings frustrations that tear away at other benefits in her life.

    • It’s vital that a woman follow her nature after she marries, or not enough gratefulness will she find to make it worthwhile. Practicing it while single is good insurance for making marriage easier and stronger.

    You’re always free to do as you wish, but don’t blame men for following their nature too. They work to find self-admiration. At the end of the workday they are satisfied with themselves, and satisfaction suppresses motivation to do more. In parallel with your need for a brighter future, your man’s primal need is for a place to flop, eat, throw his things where he will find them, and prepare to fight the dragons tomorrow. Hence, immediate R&R after work. (Incidentally, satisfaction for males is the birthright equivalent of happiness for females. They have to earn it too, but their work normally provides it daily.)

    Meanwhile your nature keeps you going till bedtime. Sorry, but God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize us to do it two different ways. The difference adds to our ability to live compatibly with mate.

    Guy

    • Joyful

      Ok thank you Sir Guy. I know you’ve explained all this before on your blog. I just needed a reminder. Now I have it all in a succinct response. Im going to bookmark this for when my memory lapses and the lazy creeps up again. 😋

  8. Magnolia

    Awesome post!

  9. This morning I held my dear husband in my arms as he shook with despair about not being able to find work to support us…conversely I have been working so hard I have barely been home for 3 weeks and he’s been cooking/cleaning/taking the kid to school etc. But its just not enough for his self respect. I know he loves me but is so depressed/embarrassed.

    The recession may have killed our marriage….He is older and fears that he may never get a job again. We have no money so he can’t retrain, he is looking for menial work at this point. That is DEVOTION. I get 4 or 5 hours of sleep nightly working 2 jobs. He’s been unemployed/underemployed over 13 years now. He is ashamed that I see him like this, trying to get hired but turned down again and again! For his own self respect and pride should I just ask him if he wants to divorce me and accept whatever he says?….that we can get back together when he is back on his feet? I can’t seem to comfort him any more. He just says he’s sorry I “married a loser.” that “Maybe you should just forget about me.” Sad sad! I feel so sad even to consider something like that!

    Sir Guy I would so love it if you would write a post about Role Reversal in a marriage…..any small gems of wisdom about what you can to to help alleviate it/reverse it in an ideal world…..over the years since I had to take on this unwanted leadership, I have finally become disrespectful, worried (lack of faith in him) and exhausted. I feel like my morality, faith, and even my memory of being the feminine fun-loving woman he married is being tested daily! In panic mode I can’t be my best self! And we are not young….Yet I know many women are going through what I am……and have…..as in the past Depression…this isn’t new! How best can a feminine woman deal with hardship— (Unemployed/angry/depressed husband, crazy work schedule, lack of sleep and money, special needs kid) —and maintain the feminine role under duress? Have a sense of humor, find calm or peace? And what about our future? Should I be planning one? For he is not. As usual, any thoughts you have are greatly appreciated! i hope you can write a Role Reversal article soon. I think its one of the most destructive things in marriage, whether it was due to traumatic events where the woman stepped in to fill the man’s shoes, (my case) or through a more gradual loss of respect. I think it all starts with the woman’s fear. Things happen in life and how you react to them, as a couple, can make or break even the most loving marriages.

    Your Highness MeowMeow,
    I regret that you are so burdened and will go to work on your request. But my daily schedule got short-circuited so it will be awhile.
    Guy

    • tink

      Oh Ms Meow…..
      I am going to add you to my prayers… I am reading and I care. Please keep us posted.

      If I may ask, (and i am trying to be kind) what did your wonderful husband do for a living? Do you guys live in Texas?

      I love you, frustrated sister.

      • Cinnamon

        I am praying for you and your husband too, Meow Meow. There is an employment crisis in the U.S. and has been for many years although most Americans , who themselves are employed and/or financially secure, remain unaware and DO NOT want to hear about it.

        I have been following this issue for years and have hundreds of newspaper articles and anecdotes bookmarked relating to it. I read a blog comment yesterday from an American who believes the real unemployment rate to be at 20% and the rate of underemployment to be at 50%. So many people are suffering. This commenter noted that those effected are many and the problem widespread, but not so widespread to cause rioting in the streets. Thus families like yours suffer invisibly and in silence. Friends/family/neighbours most often do little or nothing to help find employment, preferring to remain aloof. and indifferent. As a result, the unemployed, who are otherwise employable but cannot find work, internalise what is a systemic problem and blame themselves, eventually falling into despair. It is a vicious circle. This is where “radical individualism” has taken us, and it will only get worse unless people begin to reclaim the culture and rebuild the social fabric that made America great.

        If I was in a position to help I would do everything I could to help your husband find employment, and Tink would no doubt do the same, as would many others here. In the meantime we will do what we can, which is pray.

        You have written about your husband before and he sounds like a good man and that you and your daughter are lucky to have him in your life. Please do not lose heart, and know that there are other good people out there who share your sorrow over this situation. I will pray that those who live locally come into your family’s life and help open doors that will give your husband a chance at a job, which he will no doubt excel at when given the opportunity.

        • tink

          Thanks, Cin for your kind and thoughtful remark not only about me, but others on this site. You are Toot sweet…. :o)

    • MLaRowe

      Prayers to your family Meow Meow and know this, I have had financial hardships in my life too at times. Coming through them has made me grateful and strengthened my faith.

      I agree with Cinnamon in that this is a national crisis no matter how one looks at it. In this way your husband doesn’t need to personalize this as his fault although of course it is hard to feel that one doesn’t have control.

      Prayers going out for you both- you for energy and wisdom and him for opportunity and patience.

    • Thank you Sir Guy. i know you are so busy. But everything i read here keeps me uplifted, so I’m going to take time to read more of your older posts meanwhile!

  10. Thank you Tink, Cinnamon and MLaRowe for your prayers and positive wishes! My husband is several years older then me, i don’t want to say exactly what he did to preserve his anonymity, but it was a well paid job that no longer exists in the tech field. For many years he made a decent living providing for our family with that but technology changes and his very specific skill set is no longer necessary. We have tried other lines of work and he even went to trade school for a year but found that his age was prohibitive and even getting a foot on the ladder has so far been difficult. We are thinking now about something like plumbing, mechanic etc but by now we are out of any savings to try one more certificate so it will have to wait…

    Cinnamon’s analysis (which is true—I live it and I feel it–) is absolutely right on, it feels personal but one of the things we have to accept is that historical events sweep over us and affect us sometimes no matter what we do to try to change our fate. We will never give up trying to better ourselves (or at least I won’t, ) but i try to remind him its not his fault and whatever he does is vital. I think this is one of the hardest things for we Americans to accept. We always believe somehow we will be able to overcome. But some of the little people don’t always make it….at least in the same condition they went in. We seem to make most of our neighbors uncomfortable, and I understand. At first I was mad at them but now I see that their looking away is because its hard to look at…..because it too could happen to them and they don’t want to think that.
    I am thankful for your prayers and the opportunity to wail to a supportive if anonymous “family.” Its hard to talk about to anyone (even family) and he is trying to preserve the remains of his pride, so your virtual support is so soothing and inspiring to me and I’ll let you know if anything positive happens. Meanwhile, I am here because Sir Guy’s messages are about women maintaining their grace, dignity and femininity despite the pressures of men, society and life’s challenges and helps me be brave. Thank you all for your love and support! I hope I can teach my daughter even a little bit of this.

    Your Highness MeowMeow,
    You may find this series of interest in teaching your daughters, Boot Camp for Girls.
    Guy

    • Miss Gina

      I am so sorry to know about your situation, Meow Meow. My husband has experienced a couple of extended periods of unemployment/underemployment and I have some idea of what you are describing.

      I think you hit on a couple of really good points in your comments. Maintaining femininity is a lot about finding ways to help others feel comfortable around you. I don’t know what your religious beliefs might be, but in my case I found it invaluable to take my concerns to God while if possible never mentioning them to my husband. I made a point of downplaying stress and portraying smiling confidence in him and our prospects.

      Of course, there were times when I would need to delicately and respectfully ask him how to handle a certain situation.

      But in general, as you mention, a wife’s sense of humor, grace, and dignity go a long way toward making a man feel like a success. I think we have the ability to “reframe,” if you will, our man’s perception of the situation, just by smiling. After all, everything we are reflects his manliness in choosing such a winsome, charming, attractive woman. If a woman like her is so positive and believes in him so utterly, at least he’s got that going for him. Maybe things aren’t so bad.

      I am not trying to minimize the difficulties and pain or pretend that a snap of the fingers can fix a decade-long situation. It’s just that sometimes there are subtle changes we can make that can result in massive shifts in response; however, of course, it remains his choice.

      By the way, have you ever read the short story called “When Queens Ride By,” by Agnes Turnbull? It portrays the dynamic I’ve been trying to express in such an inspiring manner.

      Prayers for you and your husband and family. Take care. 🙂

      Your Highness Miss Gina,
      I found a pdf file of When “Queens Ride By.” It fits terrifically well with this blog. Thank you and I hope readers avail themselves of a revealing story.
      Guy

      • MeowMeow

        Thank you Miss Gina! Yes I was like that at first (Sweet, positive, hopeful) but as the years dragged by I have simply had to turn my attention to the immediate needs of my family and I have begun losing faith in him….but the truth is we do need him to make it as a family in this tough new world. Reading this blog has made me realize that no matter what happens I need to get back to being my best, most feminine self. I will try to find the story you were mentioning and I completely agree that taking one’s concerns to God is the best thing to do with them. i don’t pray any more to make things better for us i just pray for the patience and strength to deal with life’s challenges. I am so appreciative of all the goodwill, good ideas and prayers coming my way from everyone here!

        • Cinnamon

          Meow Meow,

          A good friend of mine went through something very similar when her husband was laid off in his 50s. He couldn’t find any work (pharmaceutical sales rep) and, after numerous job applications, ended up working part-time as a security guard. She went back to work full-time as an executive secretary when he lost his job.

          These two had one of the strongest marriages I have ever seen. Her attitude during the time was that although neither she nor her husband would have chosen this arrangement, her ability to work full-time and step into his role was a gift from God for their family to get them through this terrible time. They discerned through prayer that he was being called to the ministry and even made plans to move to Milwaukee for him to attend seminary, where she planned to continue supporting the family with secretarial work. I can’t remember exactly how it turned out (I believe he did find work for a few years prior to retirement and did not attend seminary, although both remained very active in lay ministry in their church) but the key point it, their marriage never really suffered, and I think this belief, that God was looking after them both through her job, along with the fact that they both admired and respected each other so much., and had no intention of allowing circumstances beyond their control to in any way divide them or undermine their love for each other, was the key.

          This happened back in the 1980s. and I know things are MUCH worse now economically then they were back them. But I think the same principles apply. He is the Captain of your ship and you are the First Officer. When the Captain is incapacitated or restricted through no fault of his own, the FO steps in. This is teamwork, and a role-reversal only done out of necessity, not choice on either part. I hope this story can be of some help to you in finding ways to build up your marriages in this extremely difficult situation.

          • tink

            sorry… you guys know I can’t help myself…. (((smiles)))

            minus the lyrics of this sad song…. this music is very calming and beautiful…. I hope you might find some comfort in this Meow…. 🙂

          • Meow Meow

            I LOVE this story! (And yes, my husband works as a security guard too when he can get it, so interesting!)
            My spirits are really being buoyed by all the support here ladies….these are the stories you don’t hear much about (one tends to not to want to talk publically about these things) but its so important to hear and know how other families make it through difficult financial times. Lack of money is one of the taboo subjects to talk about in life, and what it can do to the masculine/feminine self image.
            Giving back—-i have found two great resources over the years—there is a web site called ‘The Dollar Stretcher” and also Dave Ramsey’s “Baby Steps” principles have helped us at least not take on debt. (Sir Guy you can feel free to delete this portion of my post if you are not comfortable w/ my mentioning these other resources on your blog.)

            Your Highness MeowMeow,
            You’re too big a help, darling, to cut off your suggestions.
            Guy

      • tink

        I have that somewhere in my computer as well! it is wonderful…..

  11. Tooconfused

    EDITOR’S NOTE: MY RESPONSE IS IN CAPS following your questions in lower case. I also broke your paragraphs differently for easier reading. Guy

    This is all true and i agree women are fundamentally different from the ones back in the day i.e. My grandma… The simple fact is that feminism has ruined a lot for both men and women. TRUE. ONLY WOMEN CAN RESTORE MEN TO FEMALE-FRIENDLY GENTLEMANLINESS. THEY HAVE TO FIRST ACT LADY-LIKE AND GET MEN TO FOLLOW. AS WOMEN GO, SO GOES SOCIETY.

    But the cheating thing, i mean, men cheated back in the day when women acted more lady like. Back when women enjoyed lavishing their husbands in the kitchen. Men cheated when women did their part, kept their mouths shut and basically treated their husbands like kings. OF COURSE CHEATING OCCURRED BUT FAR LESS FREQUENTLY, BECAUSE WOMEN DID NOT SO EASILY BETRAY THEIR MARRIED SISTERS. WOMANHOOD WAS BOUND UP IN VICTORIAN VALUES AND STANDARDS THAT PROTECTED THE SISTERHOOD. ALL WOMEN COULD IDEALIZE THEMSELVES AS PROSPECTIVE WIVES AND THUS ATTRACT DECENT MEN.

    They cheat today because -Well- you listed all of these reasons – yes its true lot of women today can’t cook or clean or they can they are just busy chasing careers etc. But the reasons you listed above are simply excuses. In a marriage cheating is still a betrayal of trust. If the man needs to find a way out then he should just tell the wife “goodbye”, divorce and then he can “cheat” all he wants. Though it would no longer be called cheating. SEEKING TO CONQUER ATTRACTIVE WOMEN IS PART OF THE MALE NATURE INHERITED AT BIRTH. IT NEVER DIES. THE ONLY DETERRENT TO CHEATING IS A MAN’S DEVOTION TO ONE WOMAN PLUS HIS PERSONAL INTEGRITY TO STAND BY HIS ALLEGIANCE, VOWS, AND HIS ANXIETY OR FEAR OF DISPLEASING HER.

    To make a list of all the things women can do wrong to make the man cheat? Men want to cheat even when the wife is perfect or near perfection. It’s simple as that – the heartbreaking facts of human nature – men are not wired for monogamy. TRUE RE MONOGAMY.

    If the man cheats b/c of “nagging” i question his manliness. I mean is he a baby or what? A man who needs an excuse to cheat or uses any of the reasons above to make it easier he is a loser in my eyes. Either cheat and have your wife accept it with as much dignity as she can or end the marriage. My point is that this article seems like men won’t cheat if their wives are near perfect? I find the ones who will cheat will donut regardless it isn’t really about the wife. IT’S NOT THE PERFECT WIFE THAT KEEPS HUSBAND FROM CHEATING. IT’S THE HUSBAND’S PERCEPTION THAT HE IS FAITHFUL BECAUSE HE PLEDGED HIMSELF AND VOWED TO KEEP AND DEFEND HIS IDEAL MATE. SHE WHO HAS SO MUCH PROMISE FOR HELPING TO FULFILL HIS LIFE. UNFORTUNATELY, WIVES TOO EASILY LOSE THEIR PROMISE AS IDEAL AS DESCRIBED IN THE 2152 POST ABOVE.

    Fact is some men are players, casanovas – they too get married and then they crave variety – if the man isn’t a player and cheats he can try and list “nagging” as a reason but i assure you i would be on the floor laughing at any of these reasons. WHEN A MAN’S CONDUCT IS UNRESPECTABLE, SO IS HIS RATIONALIZATION. CHASING SEX FOR ITS OWN SAKE IS UNFRIENDLY, UNRESPECTABLE, AND UNTRUSTWORTHY FOR FEMALES. YET, SO MANY WOMEN PLAY THE MAN’S GAME THAT PLAYERS AND CASANOVAS THRIVE. WOMEN BLAME MEN FOR WOMEN PROVIDING WHAT MEN CRAVE.

    The only time cheating might be ok is when the woman does it first. Nothing worse in my book than a woman who cheats on her poor provider husband who has been loyal. YOU’RE RIGHT. HE CHEATS AND SHE TALKS. SHE CHEATS AND HE WALKS. A WIFE CAN COMMIT NO BIGGER SIN IN HER HUSBAND’S EYE.

    • MeowMeow

      i agree TooConfused, it’s very upsetting you could do “All the Right Things” and still end up cheated on, or be disrespected/abused in other ways. I have to be my best self because I just want to be. (Even though one certainly doesn’t always succeed!) So if a cheater cheats he has only him/herself to blame. i know that doesn’t make it feel good though. But it makes walking away with head held high a possibility. I am all for keeping a part of our heart for ourselves/for God so in that way one has a measure of independence/pride no matter what happens.

  12. 1jarofclay

    Sir Guy, I have a question. Which one was the pinky finger article? I remember reading it. I wasn’t married then. I need help to not offend my husband by stating things too directly. Thanks.

    Magnolia

    Your Highness Magnolia,
    Try post 2150.
    Guy

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