Relationship development begins at end of first date. Want it or not? It’s up to you, provided numero uno seller thought you numero uno buyer.
Life is a power game. So are relationships with these exceptions. Dating and successful courtships are predominantly an endless mind game. They require that you make your man more female friendly by subtly neutralizing two masculine drives, those for dominance and sex. You do so by substituting opportunities and promises that satisfy his urge to achieve, which is another primal urge that triggers his prime motivator for increasing his sense of self-admiration.
In effect, dating and courtship require that his feelings be drawn away from dominance and especially sex to magnify and focus on you and your interest. Your biggest challenge is to encourage him such that his romantic love morphs into enduring love, but you may have up to a year or more to make it happen.
Contrary to what women believe, lathering on your love and affection doesn’t win him. First, he doesn’t need it; he does like to see it however as confirmation that you like him and he’s making progress toward his objectives. Second, smothered with love reminds of mom, nurturing, and childhood, which may be too much and irritate if not offend him. He looks more for loyalty than affection.
The human mind works diligently to erase conflicting and disruptive thoughts or ‘noise’, aka cognitive dissonance. For erasing the noise, actions overpower feelings, e.g., action cures fear and conquest enlarges his significance. Consequently, deliberate actions can change one’s feelings.
Actions that contradict emotions overwrite feelings with new ones. For example, act as if you love someone, and love will blossom. Act as if you love them more and more, and love deepens.
Women do it naturally. Men don’t, which is why long non-sexual courtships work best to capture and hold a man. His actions, both trying to influence you to yield sex and simultaneously not displease you, program his heart with a sense of loyalty that over time grows into devotion.
You expect and he demonstrates his infatuation or romantic love with actions—flowers, gifts, hot dates, surprises, special attentions, and deep inquiries into your interests. Having to simultaneously suppress lustful urges creates both ‘noise’ in his thinking and desire to escape it. Hence, more action essentially invests himself deeper in you, which moves him ever so gently away from the noise and his intent to conquer.
Such actions also stimulate greater displays of infatuation in hope of getting you to yield sooner. More mental noise. Over time in a long courtship, his actions that confirm infatuation reprogram his heart and his lustful feelings into loyalty and dedication to you, aka devotion.