Turn on your grins, ladies. I know you can’t or won’t follow what I suggest below. I offer it as the fun side of preparating for mid-life dating. It describes what a woman should get clear between her and date before she falls prey to his charm or her infatuation and desire for next date. Every potential date should be exposed to a woman’s standards.
I know it’s far too direct for your taste. However, I view it as the ideal way to make dropouts of those primarily chasing sex, and throw up challenges for the guys truly interested in you. The former will be shocked and retreat. The latter will fall back, recover from their discomfort, compose themselves, revise their thinking, and begun to pursue you earnestly.
Were I in your shoes and asked for a first date, I would simply pass the following in a note and tell him to call me in a week.
- Promptness signifies respect. Tardiness signifies that your convenience outweighs my importance. Tsk, tsk.
- You pay or we don’t play. If not fair, who is to care?
- I don’t go to yours or anyone’s apartment, and we won’t spend time in mine for awhile.
- I will be home by midnight except for formal events that may run over. Barhopping isn’t formal.
- I don’t kiss like in TV and flicks. If we get there, be sure to kiss tenderly and affectionately. Kiss as a compliment rather than faux passionately to impress me. Or else, keep lips and tongue to yourself.
- We both have A.D.D. Mine is affection deficit disorder. Yours is affection delivery disorder. Mine is incurable. Yours is self-curable.
- Erogenous zones are accessible by invitation only.
- Men are never more handsome than when pleasing a lady.
- Of course I like you. Do you think I’d be giving you this if I didn’t?
- I don’t want a Mr. Right. You may, however, turn out to be Mr. Good Enough. Willing to try?
- Incidentally, no ring, no booty.
- Still interested? If you need more info than my phone number (xxx-xxx-xxxx), we are not compatible enough for the date you just requested.
Think: How effective would your screening and dating have been if it were used earlier in life?
By now you should be alternately laughing yourself silly and wishing that you were brave enough to do it. You see the merit but it’s so contrary to both your experience and nature.
Here’s the real message for dating: You should early-on convey your standards to your dates. Don’t leave them wondering. They will follow their instinct and intuition and you will find yourself overwhelmed with situations you can’t resolve to your advantage without paying too big a price.
This is one of the more fun posts I’ve written. I dreamed it last night and typed the rough at 2am. I continue to enjoyably imagine the awkwardness women would have passing such a manifesto to a dating prospect. I’m still grinning big time. You should be too.