2165. Dating in Mid-life — Part C3: You Dominate or Lose

Attempts to dominate either a man or your date can both challenge and offend him. Yet, you should dominate relationship development. To do that, you dominate the subject of sex until conquest. After that your dominance goes away and you have to rely on his respect, your likeability, his devotion, and your ability to get your way while being submissive.

Men may disagree, resent, and even storm off in anger for effect or permanently. But, they know you’re entitled to protect your sexual assets. Regardless of their apparent unwillingness to respect your right, they know they have to earn it. Proof? They don’t really expect you to be submissive until they have conquered you.

You should also dominate the subject of your dignity. It’s identified by what you can’t live with, and you need to have your mind fixed strongly on just what those things are. Example: Don’t tolerate his embarrassing you. If you feel a reddening in your face, he’s violated your nature,  gone too far, and needs to know it. Your modesty is your best weapon to stave off masculine misbehavior.

When you dominate sex and dignity successfully, it enables you to develop a better relationship—if one is to develop out of subsequent dates. With this caveat, do it all without seeming to dominate. Perception is reality, so you don’t want him to perceive that you’re dominating the subject. Not telling him how or what to do but just standing your ground, protecting your interest, and guarding your unique assets with a strong will. You may offend him by defending yourself, but you will also earn his respect. If offense exceeds respect, he’s not the guy for you anyway. If respect exceeds offense, he’ll be more careful next time. He’s learning to not displease or disrespect you.

If you commit to following your nature, you will instinctively do the following and intuitively respond to his words and actions with behaviors that promote a promising relationship.

  • Identify and commit yourself to your unbendable values, standards, and expectations. Seal them in concrete in your heart and pledge your intentions to yourself to not violate them or let anyone talk you into acting contrary to them.
  • The first time it happens, inform him that if he displeases or disrespects you, you will let him know with an almost insignificant signal. Subsequently, don’t try to correct him directly. Just show the same signal each time he displeases or disrespects you or challenges, offends, or attempts to bribe you out of your panties or the solid values, standards, and expectations sealed in your heart. (As a signal for example, I suggest just showing him your pinkie finger (see #2150) but you may find something less unique and more pleasing to you. Rub your nose, pat the top of your head, or whatever as long as he gets a silent message that you’re displeased but can get over it if the subject is changed right away.)
  • Recent articles [2153 and 2154] put forward the condition that female dominance causes masculine discomfort. Actually, most of the time it works in reverse; causing masculine discomfort generates female dominance. It enables women to dominate with the right discomforting signal.
  • The knife edge of successful dating is this. He is so cocky and confident that he expects to have no trouble bringing up the subject of sex. He’s comfortable with the talking or the doing. You aren’t, shouldn’t be, or at least your nature is not comfortable. Your objective should be to make him uncomfortable about sex until you introduce it as acceptable. He’s uncomfortable about marriage. So, when he brings up sex, you respond by bringing up marriage. Oh, not proposing it; just mention it as discussable until he drops sex. Tie the two together tightly until such time as you deem the relationship well developed and ready for you to yield initiative to him on the subject.

So, if he can’t find comfort with you and still live with some discomfort about sex and marriage, it’s a red flag that he probably is not truly after you but just sex with you. And that’s a major part of breathing success into relationship development.



Filed under courtship, How she wins

6 responses to “2165. Dating in Mid-life — Part C3: You Dominate or Lose

  1. vashti

    Thank you Sir Guy for this enlightening post. I have one question…. What to say to a man if he states that he has done the “dating for a long time” thing, and when they finally had sex, it was awful, even after time passed, so they broke up. Thus, he wants to have sex sooner than later to determine compatibility in that area? I’ve heard this argument for early sex one too many times from men just in general conversations, and I can understand their point, so I really have no answer.

    Your Highness Vashti,

    You heard the typical con job.

    The only, the most accurate, and the perfect response is this: Sex is no better than the man makes it. All women are sexually compatible; they just need a man who is at least adequate for the task.

    If it ain’t right, it has nothing to do with tight. It has everything to do with his lack of what’s right.


    P.S. Just to gain strategic advantage, darling, I suggest you refuse to participate in general conversation about sex. Mystery wins, full disclosure loses.

    • anonymous

      “He’s uncomfortable about marriage. So, when he brings up sex, you respond by bringing up marriage.”….I used to do this with my now fiance before we had sex per the advice here. Humorous now that I reflect on it. Used to go something like this after about 1 year of dating:
      Him: So I was wondering how you’re feeling about a certain topic? Are you any closer to being ready? (He knew better than to be blunt)
      Me: I don’t know….How old do you think you want to be when you get married?
      Him: Probably like 25. Why?
      Me: Just wondering.
      Him: Anyway, you haven’t thought about if you feel ready?
      Me: I don’t know, not right now. Do you have a gameplan for marriage or is that just a vague idea? What are your plans?
      Him: I’ll probably propose around 24 and like I said get married at 25. I want a few years with my wife before we have children.
      Me: Nice. I’m kind of hungry, want to go eat soon?
      Him: Sure, but honey can you please at least think about this in the next few weeks?
      Me: Okay.
      Textbook method of scaring off a dude only interested in sex!

    • gonemaverick

      #shy giggles @ paragraph 2 of Sir Guy’s response.

    • Vashti

      wow! Thank you guy! Once again, I feel empowered by your wisdom, because I always thought that the man had more “responsibility” in that area than the woman, but these days we never hear that. I feel like the media, etc just makes it all about the woman and how hot she is, blah, blah, blah….Thank you! I’m so thankful for your blog, and I will refrain from talking about this stuff again….mystery wins!

  2. Andromeda

    Hello Sir Guy,

    Nice information! Could you suggest how women can go about talking/not talking about sex if the couple is engaged but marriage is still a few months away?

    Your Highness Andromeda,

    Stick to the same strategy. Don’t look back. Focus on future hopes and dreams. He brings up sex, you bring up wedding plans, bells, whistles, mom’s involvement, wedding site, decorations, cake, rings, expectations for him, father’s role and financial burden, post-wedding plans, blessings of children, honeymoon, first vacation, nursery decoration, new home, good news, financial advantages, next job, home schooling, limousine service, flowers, pictures, photographer, grandparents’ attendance, thank you notes, gift registry, gift returns. You got this far on your wit, charm, and relationship expertise, so turn your imagination up higher.

    In Navy deck logs of ships at sea, each 4-hour watch begins with “Steaming as before.” It means that whatever has passed has been working so don’t change anything until ordered or situations demand it.

    It’s a great philosophy for when pressures can change on sudden notice. Having gotten to engagement, you can handle anything if you trust your heart. You’re steaming as before, so stay the course with your usual resilience and courtship-developed mental toughness. That does describe you, doesn’t it?


  3. Southernbelle

    Sir Guy

    I presume this is true in other matters (not just sex) of importance to her too?

    “Not telling him how or what to do but just standing your ground, protecting your interest, and guarding your unique assets with a strong will.”

    I feel like these important matters are when directness/ being clear and unwavering, head over heart in these matters during courtship is of utmost priority in relationship development but only when they arise.

    Am I on the right track? I do wonder if these “important matters” should be preemptively discussed but my intuition tells me that could be misconstrued by him as already judging him as not being honorable/ respectful of me. If he doesn’t give me reason to bring up these matters I feel I should let things play out and only directly discuss if something comes up that directly conflicts with one of these important matters or if he directly questions.

    Your guidance and correction is most welcome to this lady still learning 🙂

    Your Highness Southernbelle,
    You’re right, darling. Keep your standards and expectations to yourself until they come up in convo. However, know ahead of time where and how diligently you will stand up for yourself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s