2170. Chivalry — Wherefore Art Thou?


We need to teach children there is no shame in acting chivalrous, and no shame in girls welcoming and appreciating a chivalrous boy. Why wouldn’t a girl or woman, for example, love and appreciate that her male friend or potential suitor fixed a flat bicycle tire for her?

Parents should teach sons to NEVER stop acting chivalrous, no matter how many figurative slaps to the face they receive. Teach each boy to never stop trying to be the one who is first to help the damsel in distress, first to pay a compliment about a girl’s appearance, first to open a door for her, first to brave up to bullies on her behalf, first to put down boys that demean her, and first to ignore the taunts of boys for paying chivalrous tribute to girls.

And parents should teach little girls to pleasantly accept kindness every time it comes their way. It’s a blessing when males extend the chivalrous hand of help or friendliness that lacks sexual overtures. It doesn’t need to happen; males have other things to do, other and easier ways to earn self-admiration and respect. OTOH, the chivalrous boy CHOOSES to give unconditionally and make something come out to some female’s favor. Just the attitude of chivalry in the hearts of boys is sufficient to uplift the worthiness of females after both pass into adulthood.

As one of the most important character traits, parents should teach that no shame attaches to chivalry, even if and when females denigrate offers or the deliverer of help. It happens because of unwillingness in the modern pop culture to accept being called the weaker sex. Yet, accepting that pretense produces guys putting themselves at the disposal of women. However momentarily it may be, a chivalrous act confirms unconditional respect, unconditional willingness to please, and eagerness to earn female favor. It may be duty to him, but he acknowledges with action her self-worth in his world. It’s the beginning of mutual respect.

Our present-day pop culture continues to become more unfriendly for females.  It’s a small factor, but disclaiming being the weaker sex fuels the female ego contrary to the best interest of women and the natural propensity of men to win their favor. Yet, feminists and their followers continue to demean men and boys, which causes other women to miss the good old days of chivalry that so boldly confirms females as important.

Women feel awkward when faced with chivalry. They have little confidence. Some think they don’t deserve it, others wonder how they can adequately express their gratitude.

A ‘thank you’ is fine but it means little to men. Words just aren’t that meaningful to men; actions are. Women should provide more encouragement; they can reach a man’s heart with an action statement of admiration. Such as, ‘Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady.’ Or, ‘Wow, who taught you to be such a pleasant gentleman’? Or, ‘I measure a person by their deeds, and you make your deeds special.’ Note that each statement praises indirectly; nothing direct enough to be taken as a hit even so much as ‘You’re likeable.’

He’s admired and that makes her gratitude meaningful to men. Such admiring remarks are significant. But at least some acknowledgement must be paid by women. No recognition of chivalrous action shames the woman as ungrateful.

If we ever restore chivalry to society, women have to do it starting with boys and girls and blending it in over future generations. It’s amazing how the principles and practices of chivalry please both sexes with the other.

Tomorrow we return to dating in mid-life.

 

3 Comments

Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter

3 responses to “2170. Chivalry — Wherefore Art Thou?

  1. MissBlackbird

    Mr. Guy,
    I want to use your idea of more often replacing a “thank you” with an “action statement of admiration”. In many situations, for example going through a door, there isn’t time to use the ones you suggested unless I speak really fast, creating awkwardness. Would you suggest saying these things first (before entering), or do you have any ideas for sometimes using a shorter alternative. Would something like “You are a thoughtful gentleman” register the same way as your options?

    Your Highness MissBlackbird,

    “You’re a thoughtful gentleman” works okay but he already knows it, or he wouldn’t have opened the door for you in the first place. So, it doesn’t touch his heart, which is what men appreciate out of women.

    There’s a better way. To overcome awkwardness, muster your personal strength and take charge of the situation. If it embarrasses you to start, it’s a good sign you’re doing right. (Will power can overcome modesty, although when men instigate embarrassment, I recommend against it.)

    You probably fear stopping him, but don’t. Much good will come of it. Stop the guy, look him in the eye, make your statement, and let others hear it.

    Such take-charge dynamism impresses a man and bystanders, especially when done with feminine grace. Female uniqueness adds extra meaning because other women don’t have the courage and determination to do it. Have you ever seen it? They think it easier to flip a thank you into the air or stay silent. Whereas, your saying that what he did was very important to you sends a loud message that earns respect from all observers.

    Since he’s never conquered you, he accepts and expects you as a competitor and is willing to hear your reason. Momentarily he’s uncomfortable, which makes him listen. You have his attention, and I guarantee he doesn’t expect what’s coming. Men don’t like surprises, but delightful admiration outshines surprise every time.

    You’ve made his day with such attention. Not a gift that he didn’t earn, but admiration for making you important.

    It works so compatibly well because a man’s prime motivator is to earn self-admiration, which he does by making you important. A woman’s prime motivator is to earn self-importance, which you confirm by spotlighting your admiration for him.

    Guy

  2. surfercajun

    Sir Guy,

    The article today prompted a memory. It was one that I remember being (cute) but I never thought it to be important to the development of growing up a man. When my two oldest were young, I had one of my sons open a library door for his sister and I. He remarked,” Do I have to do this if I am a bad guy?” Sweetly I looked at him and said,” Yes, even if you are a bad guy. Always open doors for ladies.” He then used a favorite line from a childhood show. ”….oh man”

    I guess I never thought about your (thank you phrase/s)being long. Sure it might feel awkward to say at first but like you stated it is payment for an act rendered. I feel no awkwardness saying it and in fact when faced with this now, I feel a bit ((giggle)) empowered! My courage actually rises up and my thoughts are (I’m ready for you!) But I am sure if we women make ourselves feel put upon by saying it, the delivery can sounds rather awful and ungrateful. Even I appreciate if someone says MORE than just thank you. Especially when they take the time to look me in the eyes. And as a southerner, attaches a pet name. 🙂

  3. Sarina

    Does anyone know any nice but firm methods to stop a younger guy from teasing? She feels uncomfortable because they are those sort of unpleasant daring remarks, for example: ‘oh, so you do know how to fold it properly’, ‘oh, not that, what is your REAL occupation?’ ‘oh, I know you’re playing tough’…There are ways to answer back, but she implements the overused ‘please leave’ directive. The guy’s stubborn and keeps trying with cringeworthy replies ‘oh, I can be mature, you wait an see’.. Unfunny situation.

    Your Highness Sarina,

    How about one or more of these said politely and smilingly?

    “You know, teasing pretty women makes them prettier. When are you going to start?”

    “Would you do me a favor and look up a new word a ran across today? It’s ‘adultolescent’. I’d appreciate it if you would do it just for me.”

    If one doesn’t work, don’t give up. Come back again.

    Just an idea.

    Guy

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