2176. Dating in Mid-life — Part C9: Prepare Against Submission

Gotcha! Prepare against submission? Yes, and do it while dating. No legal, moral, marital, or biblical injunction makes you submit. In fact, both sexes have free will, both are made to be compatible as mates, and to submit means that one side loses. However, superior relationship wisdom enables women to generate win-win regularly if not every time. Your relationship expertise ranks with adaptability and survivability as cardinal traits that enable the irresistible force to move immovable objects.

Your man may not have been taught any better; he might try to enforce submission. You may have to teach him. Indirectly works smoothest and leadership by example works best. Your examples can be absorbed as logic, reason, and the compatible nature of mating. Men look for logic and reason and love the likeability afforded by compatibility.

Marital common sense to teach such things is embedded in the female nature. Not in you? Not to worry. I’m here to help. As you will soon see, submissiveness is the hub around which revolves most of the important family interactions.

When you marry and husband expects you to submit, you steal his thunder by revealing a submissive spirit that shows him how smartly he married. Submissive, it’s an adjective describing you as volunteering; you don’t do mandatory. Why volunteer? Are the following 16 reasons enough?

1) A family can’t stay together with two leaders, too bosses equally yoked to the same undivided responsibility. They eventually fight for dominance. 2) A man won’t conscientiously honor and fulfill his responsibility unless he appears to dominate control of it; it’s his nature and often more ego than logical. 3) You are more flexible, the relationship expert, and the only one capable of balancing and harmonizing all the challenges inherited with family life. Without you taking the home load off of husband, he’s not free enough to earn a good living. 4) Two bosses can be successful only when they agree to having separate responsibilities, and a separation of powers empowers and rewards them both. 5) Children can’t function much less develop successfully, if they have unequal standards and expectations to which they must respond. It causes confusion to reign, teaches rebellion, and kids learn to play one parent against the other. Everyone functions better with only one boss, and kids respond best to mom with backup from her husband. 6) You can’t manage the home without husband’s recognition and acceptance that it is your responsibility, which places you in the follower’s role wherein submissiveness pays off with greater success for both parties. 7) A successful organization needs both a chief executive officer and chief operating officer, CEO as ultimate authority and COO to administer CEO policies. 8) The ultimate authority is no better than the chief operator below who promotes the respect due him, protects his reputation, and preserves his dignity even when he doesn’t deserve it. 9) The next-to-ultimate authority does best when looked upon as supporter and facilitator of CEO’s expectations. 10) Men are satisfied and significant—happy in your words—when someone weaker proves to be stronger in surprising and dedicated ways. 11) Whereas husband can’t do it at least by his nature, you can bring the superiority of your gender into the home—especially adjust-ability and survivability—in ways that everyone benefits. 12) He’s not naturally willing; only you can find ways to balance his dominance against getting your way sufficiently to fulfill your hopes and dreams. 13) Converting from courtship to marriage, you’re capable and understand the wisdom of shifting from the competitive mode of protecting yourself to the cooperative mode of fulfilling your marriage. 14) He’s generally unwilling to do something about it, but you are well enabled to find ways to smooth the rough edges from his dominance. 15) With his constant focus on the present, and your focus more in the future, you’re better situated to adjust to his present-day needs than he to your future aspirations. 16) Submissiveness enables you to impose a rank structure that calms family leadership jitters. In rank order, this works well: husband, wife, mother, father, and children, which splits adult roles into four separate responsibilities for better, more efficient, and more easily acceptable decision making.

Accomplishing all those things fits naturally into your marital persona. He’ll see all the merit once he’s taught by you. Success starts with your submissiveness that so clearly matches up with your relationship expertise and the other blessings you inherit at birth. Then you can fit him into your nest. (You may find other benefits at Female Blessings at Birth at blog top.)

To prepare for dating, I suggest you study those 16 items above for the different roles that you and future husband will fill. Then, measure each man against your imagination of how you two will fill those roles. That is, imagine how his personality would fit yours in this situation, just for example. As his wife and ‘second in command’, you hold him up as more important than the kids. Yet, as their mother, you fight him in favor of the kids. Can and will he help fulfill your hopes and dreams and be Mr. Good Enough? Or…?

You might deny it, but I view it this way. Mystique mystifies you, vanity promotes you, modesty protects you, marriage insures you, and submissiveness elevates you to kingpin in the monogamy-sphere. Nothing else produces a more successful family. You see, when you know what you’re doing, you do everything right for everyone. It’s your superior conscience. That, darling, is what the submissive spirit enables you to do. To give it a fanciful name, I call it sterling wifeliness.


P.S. For background material, you may wish to review the 12-part submission series that runs with interruptions from 2043 to 2058. (Or, two dozen other articles with submissive/submission in title plus a chapter in my book.)



Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, How she wins

4 responses to “2176. Dating in Mid-life — Part C9: Prepare Against Submission

  1. Magnolia


  2. ari

    Good evening Sir Guy,
    I just want to let you know I am enjoying this series. It seems there is much to learn, review and practice! I am filled with hope that as I continue to date during this time in my life – mid forties – I approach it with new insights into the male mind which will help enrich my relationship.
    Men are never more handsome than when they arm a lady with the wisdom necessary to brighten her future and that of the men in her life…I have sons, brothers and a father and you have helped me better understand them.
    Thank you!

  3. surfercajun

    Please explain this….
    as their mother, you fight him in favor of the kids.

    I do not quite understand this phrasing.

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    A gigantic root of domestic squabbles is the motherly practice—not instinct—of trying to earn the love of her children. It pushes her intuitively to favor kids over husband, when the first are temporary and the latter is hopefully permanent. She favors short-range thinking, the man’s instinct, as opposed to long-range thinking, the woman’s instinct.

    It’s so easy to fall into the trap that relationship expertise is supposed to prevent. Modern women seem to have lost the ability to handle a dilemma that too easily divides families. A mother’s sense of importance centers so specifically on being a great mom and EARNING the love of her children that she not only forgets but sometimes chooses not to retain the love of her husband.

    Mom doesn’t teeter on the knife edge of responsibility of both mother and wife. Instead, she purposely positions herself on the side of her children, which automatically biases her against husband. Far too easily out of dedication to representing her chicks, to proving her great love to them first, she’s willing to fight—to the death, excuse me, to the divorce if necessary.

    Relationship expertise holds the skill to prevent fighting. But the skill is laid aside by many mothers. They feed their own psyche with the imperative of earning glory as mother by EARNING the love of their kids.

    Meanwhile, on the other side of their marriage, a more important wifely job is ignored. That is, to retain husband’s respect. A man doesn’t respect a wife who makes him play second fiddle to anyone; it’s his unquenchable nature. It’s also the opposite of his expectations for marrying her.

    The attitude of a mom to go all out for her children first and foremost unbalances a family in two ways: a) The kids see it and learn to play one parent against the other. b) Husband senses it and knows that when he insists on policy or discipline to meet his standard, his wife is likely to fight against it, and thus divide his marriage into a three-way decision arrangement. If he can’t rule, it can’t be his castle. If queen insists on ruling, who needs him?


    • Magnolia

      “Now go to France. The queen of France is sophisticated. Be useful to her, amuse her. She’ll admire your spirit. Learn from her. Observe the ladies of the court. See how they achieve what they want from their men, not by stamping their little feet, but by allowing the men to believe that they, indeed, are in charge. That is the art of being a woman.” – from the movie The Other Boleyn Girl

      It’s age-old wisdom, the way women have done it since the dawn of time. Only in more recent years women (at least in the West) have insisted on being direct with men… and have failed miserably. In the home arena feminism has failed over and over and over. Only with politicians have women been successful in asking what they want directly, but we all know it’s just because politicians want our votes. Feminism cannot succeed because *biology trumps ideology.* Yet, with all the evidence to the contrary, people come to this blog to fight Sir Guy for stating the truth. Wishful thinking, I say.

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