Duty motivates men much as love motivates women.
Women aren’t aware. Men attach themselves to responsibility out of which flows duty. Fulfilling duty is satisfying and he expects no recognition or reward except that which originates within himself. He’s that independent and easily satisfied by his own endeavors.
If instead of his just pursuing sex, you as potential mate are his primary incentive, then he designs a date to deliver to himself a good, fun-filled, challenging, adventurous, or whatever pleasing event that he can design and fulfill with confidence to sell himself. His duty is to date, mission is to sell, and you are the tagalong. He seeks to convince of his value in life and implies in many ways that you’re foolish not to tag along with him. He doesn’t do it overly smooth, and so tagalongs do best by just listening.
Dating imposes duty for which he expects no reward from you. If you listen well, he sells well, and you also enjoy yourselves, then he fulfills his duty. It’s a detectable attitude that suggests he’s after you more than sex.
OTOH, if he’s primarily after sex, no duty attaches to the date. He always fulfills his duty, so pursuit of sex doesn’t qualify since someone else determines the outcome. In which case, he expects to be rewarded for doing his best to conquer, and is disappointed when you fail to yield. You’re to blame. The less he’s after you, the more volatile his reaction, because he doesn’t really care what your opinion of him personally.
It begs the question. How do you tell the difference between duty and pursuit of sex? The following are probable motivations from the way he talks and acts.
- Too smooth, too pleasant, too confident, it’s sex.
- Hesitant, cautious, fearful of offending, it’s duty.
- Applies pressure to get you alone, it’s sex.
- Seeks to just remain in your company, it’s duty.
- Touches you a lot, it’s sex.
- Hesitant to touch you, it’s duty.
- He proceeds first and expects you to follow, it’s sex.
- Wouldn’t think of not deferring to you, it’s duty.
- He’s too good to be true, it’s sex.
- He’s awkward in your presence, it’s duty.
- He tries to impose guilt on you, it’s sex.
- He easily assumes all blame upon himself, it’s duty.
- Plays hard-to-get, it’s sex.
- Plays up your character more than attractiveness, it’s duty.
- Overly eager for first kiss, it’s sex.
- Patiently awaits some signal that it’s time for first kiss, it’s duty.
- Your instinct and intuition see red flags, it’s sex.
- Your instinct and intuition make you feel sorry for him, it’s duty.
You get the picture. Trust your gut. Let red flags guide you. You still won’t know if he’s primarily after you until either he conquers you for sex or you conquer him for marriage.
More tomorrow about who you face across the table.
P.S. Duty doesn’t mean necessarily that you’re the only one for him. He might just be testing the waters. It does means that sex is probably not his primary objective.