You’ve read much of this before, but a summary is appropriate. The male heart is programmed to work through the following steps so smoothly that they can’t be identified as individual steps. They all merge together into one constantly developing process that emerges out of his determined effort to get you into bed. However, in his subconscious background, these things are happening.
- Sensing his pressure to uncover weakness, you exercise due caution and refuse to be exploited. Almost accidentally to his mind but not yours, he discovers that you have admirable qualities that he likes and can admire. His curiosity arouses, his imagination soars according to how emotionally attractive you are to him.
- Admired qualities are virtues to him, and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. Chaste dating enables you to disclose other qualities worthy of his admiration. (OTOH, conquest ends his search for weakness, which terminates the rapid growth of your virtue and expansion of his respect, which makes yielding counterproductive to your long-view expectations.)
- His verbal commitment, followed by courtship, enables more virtues to accumulate and compound. He starts pleasing himself by pleasing you more and more, which is the development of devotion. Devotion grows and morphs into fascination. At some point, in a surprising realization, he concludes he can’t live without you. The surprise upgrades his mind from your fascinating likeability into a new app. He perceives you as full of promise as a potential mate. The hook is in his mouth but not yet set.
- Spurred by his imagination, his judgment shifts you from potential mate to possible wife. Thinking himself unable to do without you, his focus changes. He looks for your promise as his life-partner, which casts the lure of your help to routinely uplift his present life and fulfill his ambitions. That realization qualifies you as highly desired wife. After imagining the full consequences of that, he envisions a trip to the altar. You hold so much promise that he can no longer ignore it. The hook is set.
- He proposes, is accepted, turns the arrangements over to you (and bride’s mother), and gets himself to the altar on time.
Thus, just by being yourself and not trying to accelerate the process or convince him to commit or marry, by showing extensive patience, you pave with undisclosed female dreams the pathway to the altar. You dodge his search for weakness, demo your abundant qualities that he can admire, and await the proposal in his good time.
As I hope you have seen, the nature of men produces a premarital process and commitment agenda very different from both the womanly process and whatever women envision for men. Women are fond of makeovers in appearance because men appreciate the results. If more women had makeovers in virtuous behavior—aka feminine, moral, religious, and anti-feminist qualities—I predict that men would appreciate it. Many more would step up to the monogamous plate and swing for the marital home run as if in the world series, score tied, two outs, and bases loaded in the ninth.
You win through the activity of his curiosity, imagination, and subconscious mind. None of which you can influence directly and effectively (only subtly and indirectly). That’s why manipulation and pushing a man to the altar makes a marriage short-lived. You have to let him determine his commitment, devotion, and proposal. To figure important things out himself is to confirm his sense of independence before he yields it to you.
Before this series ends, I shall cite many of the virtuous qualities that women can follow to upgrade their virtuous behavior. In the meantime, tomorrow’s posting continues with some tips for interacting with men and dates.