2184. Dating in Mid-life — Part D8: Devotion Toxins


You’ve read it here before. A man’s devotion can be seen by his pleasing himself to please his woman. She may receive little, but if he admires himself it’s a sign of devotion to her. But detecting additions to his sense of self-admiration is not easy. Much easier is to ID those traits and actions that are pleasing to him exclusively or disturbing to you. They are foreign or even toxic to devotion to you. So, I cite red flags that women should detect easily if they pay enough attention to each man’s actions and attitude.

Keep this in mind. It happens once in awhile that a man falls in love at first sight. If true love, devotion follows right away and almost automatically. He knows what he wants and intends to get it, HER. (Women, however, don’t love a man at first sight; they just imagine it out of too much infatuation, anxiety, desperation, or hope.)

I think more benefit may come from citing things often overlooked by gals enthralled in romantic love. They are most vulnerable to miss red flags, such as the following.

  1. He resists or resents just about anything that pleases her. He pleases her only when he wants something. (Which reflects deep self-centeredness and probably selfishness.)
  2. He lacks thoughtfulness, respect, punctuality, reliability, politeness, deference either to her, others, or everyone.
  3. He may not be awkward or uncomfortable in his early attempts to charm her. (Awkwardness discloses uneasiness or fear of doing something wrong, and so it’s a good sign at the outset of dating.)
  4. He lacks appreciation of her humor, presence, patience, housekeeping, job and family obligations, or attractiveness above and beyond the sexual.
  5. He presents her with no evidence that he admires any features, traits, habits, or qualities about her. Lack of admiration means he sees no virtues and she won’t in his eyes be virtuous, which translates to not marriage potential.
  6. He doesn’t please her in order to please himself. (This is tricky. He’s more invested in her when he pleases her to please himself. If he doesn’t feel good about himself pleasing her, he won’t please her very long and may just be after sex.)
  7. He lacks interest to do what she sometimes wants them to do together. Repeated failure to honor her wishes means lack of respect or too much self-centeredness and signals no foundation for his love, regardless of what he claims even to the contrary.
  8. He considers her attentions to him to be excessive—e.g., smother-love—and has no problem telling her about it. (If she nags about loneliness, she is the red flag that he perceives.)
  9. He angers easily at her for little things. She ticks him off easily. (And readers say, most men do. And I say, not if she’s important enough for him. He either values her above his temper or devotion is probably not in the cards. Admittedly, after they marry, couples learn that husband’s temper and devotion are not mutually exclusive like they should be in courtship when his self-control is part of selling himself to her. Wife has already bought into him.)
  10. He shows little interest in contacting her frequently and regularly. (He may have good reason and slowness of initiative should not raise a red flag. For example, it’s tolerable if he doesn’t try as hard as she does to keep him in her mind, but highly preferable if he wants to set her mind at ease.)
  11. He seems unwilling to respect and accommodate both her modesty and vanity. He can’t live with the fairness of being punctual to her tardiness fixing up. (In the natural course of things, her tardiness signifies that she’s the more important member of the courting arrangement. If not acknowledged by him, red flags unfurl and courtship may not be right for them.)
  12. He exhibits bad habits as she defines ‘bad’ without his showing interest to change just to please her. (Doesn’t mean he has to change at her request but to at least show honest and sincere effort to do so hopefully for the purpose of just pleasing her.)
  13. He prefers the company of buddies over aloneness with her. (IOW, she’s not respected comparable to his fun or socializing time?)
  14. He lets sex dominate his thinking when around her and when contacting her routinely. (The more prevalent his interest in sex, the less his true interest in her. How can I say that? People get what they think about. Thinking about it leaves less time and words for other things. Unless sex with her is hugely secondary, he’s not very devoted to her.)
  15. He resists investing his time, effort, or money in her. He’s single-minded to be super-efficient in their relationship. To produce the most for them at least cost to him. (After they marry, he gets worse. He won her with cheapness, he can keep her satisfied—frugal man’s value—while he becomes more successful at it. It’s husband’s true nature becoming more financially inhibited. He learns to admire himself more for every nickel saved. Unfortunately, she pays a huge price for his satisfaction and her inability to earn happiness for lack of resources with which to even be grateful for herself much less spread her gratefulness among others.)
  16. He gives too big rather than thoughtful gifts. (Trying too hard to impress her signals that he’s buying her off, which reverses their natural roles. It pushes her into the corner of becoming the seller (to keep gifts coming) rather than the buyer of whatever he has to offer of himself without gifts. Respect is not buried in gifts but in the intent behind the giving. Thoughtfulness reflects his respect much better than his gift. Am I right, ladies?)
  17. He keeps his schedule from her to prevent her knowledge, involvement, or ability to investigate. Super secrecy raises the red flag. (It’s natural for men to protect their independence and tend to their own business in their own way. It’s a strong instinct proportionally related to alpha, beta, gamma traits.)
  18. He keeps his agenda mysterious and doesn’t even hint at what her role might be in his life if and when they get more serious or marry. (Unwillingness to address her role keeps her closer to the sideline in case he wants to jump out of the relationship. The absence of such thoughts corresponds with unwillingness to fully commit.)
  19. He seems to purposely make himself unpredictable to her. (To be predictable is to lose independence. Men not fully devoted to their woman try endlessly to retain their independence even in small ways.)
  20. He flirts with other women when with her. (Contrary to woman-think, routine flirting does not signify emotional infidelity. Men don’t recognize emotional infidelity as important, and they don’t or can’t empathize with women about it. Therefore, women have to be more direct and teach their man, Thou shall not flirt, period.)
  21. He fails to flirt and tease her tenderly, abundantly, and sincerely. (Then he has little or no interest in making her feel good about herself.)
  22. He shows more interest in other things and people than in her. (He’s just not that into her, is he?)
  23. He sends out signals that she interprets as his using her to advance his agenda. (Does she want to tag along with his agenda? Does he even reveal his true agenda.)
  24. He dodges commitment except when tied to frequent and convenient access to sex—e.g., shack up—and dodges even more when marriage comes up. (The female heart is loaded with self-protective reasons to find fault in such a guy.)
  25. He uses words of commitment but doesn’t show actions that signify devotion. (Her heart knows this. Words are temporary. Only the actions of devotion program the heart in her favor. Now, how does she go about helping the words become actions? Be herself, trust her heart, and rely on her patience, indirectness, and most easily admirable qualities.)
  26. He attaches little extra value to the ‘us’ side of their relationship. He just can’t truly make her more important than him in his value system. (It does not bode well for her future even if sweetened by his presence.)
  27. He proactively claims both intent and ability to make her happy. (His idea of her happiness is her responding favorably to his leadership. OTOH, if he’s truly into her rather than chasing her for sex, he’s worried about keeping her happy in the present more than promising things for her future.)
  28. He promises her the moon. It’s an indirect invitation to bed. (When men come courting with indirectness, they abandon their direct nature. Women like to hear but should not trust romantic promises. Don’t dump him yet. Wait for his actions to match his words.)

Now, obviously those behaviors are more easily detectable during courtship. But some symptoms can be detected in dating and should raise red flags.

I know you ladies read more good signs and red flags in your lives than I can ever imagine. I think reason to veto is more useful. Avoidance usually beats the cure. Women already know how to buy in when they want to believe their date is almost a Mr. Right.

During dating and courtship, women should look for behaviors that hint that he’s not likely to fit her ideas about devotion to her. Devotion positives help seal a deal, but it’s devotion toxins than become more obvious and often demeaning after they marry. If her screening and judging stop before they meet at the altar, she sells herself short.

15 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins

15 responses to “2184. Dating in Mid-life — Part D8: Devotion Toxins

  1. Simplicity Evermore

    Hey ya’ll it’s me again!!

    [He resists or resents just about anything that pleases her. He pleases her only when he wants something. (Which reflects deep self-centeredness and probably selfishness.)]

    There are some guys who take this to an extreme and go out of their way to influence other’s opinions against a woman by gossip or slander or just imposing this attitude on others. A good example would be a man who gets a couple of his buddies / rivals together and gripes about how much you require or tries to get them to do the same.

    Some men appeal to another’s “man pride” with this tactic. e.g. “hey man, you know she’s just asking for that cause she wants something. Or “your a girl [implied] for trying to please her.]

    Make sure you have some trustworthy friends who can keep an eye out for this. Or pray because (in my experience) I find that God usually reveals this kind of stuff about a man early on in the relationship.

    [He presents her with no evidence that he admires any features, traits, habits, or qualities about her. Lack of admiration means he sees no virtues and she won’t in his eyes be virtuous, which translates to not marriage ]

    WIth these guys, if you keep trying to prove yourself it becomes a game of control. He’ll never admit that your virtuous. But he might “Think” about it. He’ll say stuff like ” I think women are great when x” (Read: Whatever he wants at the moment) and when you do it he’ll put you down or criticize it as not good enough.

    [He considers her attentions to him to be excessive—e.g., smother-love—and has no problem telling her about it. (If she nags about loneliness, she is the red flag that he perceives.)]

    I think this one has less to do with jerk-ness and more to do with being ruined by other women. I know of young men who think it’s excessive for a girl to notice them before they’ve noticed her. Like any kind of being noticed is too-much-easiness on the part of a woman. But then…having seen some of the girls they’re around I suppose it’s not hard for them to think that way.

    There are guys who like to tell other guys what they should be perceiving in a relationship. (e.g. “That means she really likes you dude”) just to keep the competition off kilter. I call them “guys-who-know-too-much” and the ones who believe them “gullible”.

    –gossip gossip gossip. What comes out of our mouths goes in our hearts and vice versa. Words can kill if there are enough of them.–

    [He proactively claims both intent and ability to make her happy. (His idea of her happiness is her responding favorably to his leadership. OTOH, if he’s truly into her rather than chasing her for sex, he’s worried about keeping her happy in the present more than promising things for her future.)]

    This is another control game. Guys who “would man up and do x if you would do y” and when you do “y” they’ve forgotten all about “x”.

    [He promises her the moon. It’s an indirect invitation to bed. (When men come courting with indirectness, they abandon their direct nature. Women like to hear but should not trust romantic promises. Don’t dump him yet. Wait for his actions to match his words.)]

    In my experience words are cheaper than the air we breathe. IF a man is using words it’s for control or sex. (Usually. There are exceptions to this, but I can count them on one hand.) The nicer the words the more likely it is that he wants sex. (I call that drooling or driveling.)

    Make him prove everything. It’s easy to tell men who don’t want sex if you play your cards right. Here are some questions you should ask yourself. Once you figure out the answers, getting what you want should be easier to find.

    Questions:

    1. a. What does basic respect look like? (Between one person and the next.) GIve some examples. b. what makes me feel respected?(From a man? From a woman?) c. What parts of question a can I change to include question b.? Does this look like any men I know?

    2. How does he habitually respect other people in a way that builds them up as human beings? Does he do this for you before he declares interest?

    3.Does he flirt? What does that say about him? About me? Do I like these answers? What is my position on flirting and how would that look in a relationship? Is this something I can enforce?

    4.Where is his male dominance seated? (Male dominance being the one thing that he treasures most about his manhood from another person’s perspective. E.g. a man who’s man-pride wont let him loose a game, or who’se man-pride makes him have to be ‘right’ all the time. etc.) Can I live with this burden? (I.O.W. Crown of thorns) Can I respect and cherish him for it? (Maybe Sir Guy can put this in better words.)

    For example: I know a young man who has to be the best at everything he does. He does all his hobbies in secret because he doesn’t want to be criticized or seen as second best. If I were to date him (and we both went into the same field of work) I would always have to come up second to him.

    5.Who is his higher being? (God, himself? Etc.) How does that play a role in his life? Who is your higher being? Are they the same? Can you live with how he sees his god?

    6.Does he speak with modesty and from-the-heart honesty? Is he guileless with his words? Does he keep more promises than he breaks? If you were to sit down and erase all his words, would his actions scream “I love you?”

    These aren’t all the questions to ask obviously. Getting married requires a lot of thought, scrutinization and prayer. (Don’t. Forget. To. Pray.) Good News: I have learned that if one sticks to one’s standards and keeps herself from emoting her way into the relationship, most guys will slowly but steadily emote their way into her idea of the relationship. Patience patience patience. Somebody I met briefely once told me: A woman of great patience is worth much.

    Thank you for reading all this!!

    Your Highness Simplicity Evermore,
    You’ve been doing a lot of adventuring and thinking on your vacation from this blog. Thank you.
    Guy

  2. Simplicity Evermore

    (Picking up from here)
    [For example: I know a young man who has to be the best at everything he does. He does all his hobbies in secret because he doesn’t want to be criticized or seen as second best. If I were to date him (and we both went into the same field of work) I would always have to come up second to him.]

    This is the Crown of Thorns that Sir Guy is always talking about (FINALLY figured this out not too long ago XD). That’s a man’s pride and joy. (What he bases his manhood on. How he sees himself being on top of this great big world.) The closer anyone gets to this piece of male dominance, the closer they come to competing with him. (Correct me if I’m wrong Sir Guy)

    Depending on how men compete with other men, they either gain admiration (As in “Boy! What a MAN!) or they threaten another man’s manhood.

    Women are the same way but different when it comes to guys. Men can get admiration through competition.

    Women Can’t. That’s why Sherlock Holmes never married/courted Irene Adler. She was smarter if not just as smart as he. He was enthralled by her beauty, but would have been threatened by the fact that her sleuthing skills outmatched his.

    (Which brings up the point, that I don’t think most men are threatened by smart women. I think they are threatened by competing women. And I don’t think women know this. Which is why men say they are threatened by smart women.)

    I think Sir Guy’s words should be read like this: When one is matching a man at his dominant spot one should never look like one is winning. Be as indirect and sensitive as possible. (the more directly a hit to his dominance the more indirectly it should come.) Take care to not emasculate this sensitive man.

    What do you think?

    Your Highness Simplicity Evermore,
    Your last two paragraphs are spot on and very significant as advice.
    Guy

  3. Lyndeeloo

    Dear Sir Guy,

    First of all, I’d like to wish you a happy (belated) birthday!

    Secondly, would you expound more on this?:

    20.He flirts with other women when with her. (Contrary to woman-think, routine flirting does not signify emotional infidelity. Men don’t recognize emotional infidelity as important, and they don’t or can’t empathize with women about it. Therefore, women have to be more direct and teach their man, Thou shall not flirt, period.)

    How can women most effectively teach their men not to flirt?

    Lyndeeloo

    Your Highness Lyndeeloo,

    Thank you, sweetie pie for the birthday wish.

    Re 20: This isn’t hard and fast but a wife is entitled to a couple or a few demands she can place on her man. As a matter of fact she needs to do something much like what follows; it reinforces his respect.

    For example, no gambling, no smoking, limited or no drinking, no flirting. But watch that word ‘demand’. That’s the catch. She doesn’t really demand it. Indirectly she hints and plants seeds that something is unacceptably offensive when she sees it in other people. Examples: A nearby family falls apart because of gambling, and she does a near-tirade on the evils of it. Or she spots a man flirting while accompanied by another woman and comments vehemently about it.

    She lays all the groundwork in courtship, and boyfriend learns that she is dead set against certain things. He can’t understand her, but that’s just the way she is, which adds to her uniqueness compared to other women. He gets himself prepared for having to forego those things that she’s so set against.

    At an appropriate time and venue before marriage, she describes her expectations. Without explanation or complaint, she admits to her ‘failings’ in ways that he understands. Without demanding or threatening, she enables him to perceive that he had better not participate in the shenanigans that she abhors so much.

    Wives are expected to lay down a few laws. She just has to do it in an inoffensive manner that breeds his cooperation by not competing with him nor challenging his dominance. It’s just the way she is and about it she will not change. The option is made clear for him in the most indirect way, if he wants her he must live by her ‘laws’. But she never says it that directly.

    Contrary to expectations, negative—-let me call them—-her requirements are easier for him to take than positive ones, such as housekeeping and childcare will be 50-50. Prevention is more easily workable than expectations for future effort. To give up something is easier than be reminded daily that he has to meet her expectations, which merely invite her bossiness when he falters in duty conceived by her.

    Also, the more personal, idiosyncratic, and unexplained and unexplainable her demand is, the easier for him. He can more easily accept ‘that’s just the way she is’ than accept what’s PC, popular, customary, like her friends, or makes him appear as wuss or bossed at home.

    For him to go along, she has to anticipate, decide what will always be unacceptable, play her cards indirectly and patiently, and stick by her decisions. Those things collectively prevent his losing respect for her, which makes his acceptance much easier.

    Remember, 1) don’t demand directly, 2) do an end run around his dominant side, and 3) anticipate that you only have a very few things to expect prevention.

    Guy

    • That Horse Is Dead

      Was wondering the same thing myself, Lady Lyndeeloo! I know there are 31 comments under “Flirt & Tease” post and haven’t ventured through it yet. — Also, happy birthday Sir Guy! If any ladies could share what works for setting appropriate boundaries regarding flirting and how soon in dating to set the standard (is first date too early) and if this is different for middle aged to older men who want to feel good around younger women (like a mid-40s male flirting with a young 20 year old)…lots of questions about #20!

      Your Highness That Horse is Dead,

      Thank you, honey, for your birthday wish.

      Re first date: not too early.

      Re older men: It signals that he’s tired of or bored with wife. She lost her crispness as the woman he married. She could use a makeover physically and mentally to dissuade his interest outside the home.

      Re the whole issue, it’s never too late—but requires much more gentleness and gentility—for wife to lay down a new ‘law’.

      Guy

    • Emma

      Sir Guy,

      This list and the article are so spot on. I can tell you from my experience as a girlfriend who became wife and experience all of those things. I actually took on the indirect and more hard headed approach to find that hubby was not having it. I do wonder how one must recover when husband has lost all respect for wife. For example: he cheated – wife took him back. or He controlled all finances and wife complaint. He spent more time with friends and she bossed him around. When it came to wife he was somewhat sloppy and interested when it was to his convenience but not much for her.

      Expensive gifts were the apology, when wife complaint that he was trying to buy her (hint: I knew the game he was playing) the gifts stopped and so did anything else. I have many examples to show, hence the reason why I am headed to divorce. He blames me for all, he started a relationship while still married not the first affair, but the first one he has kept longer than a month. I never complaint nor explained. I just made the decision that I would not discuss it and dump him. I did and forced him to move out. Since this, the relationship with me has been worse, I need help in this area as I can’t comprehend why happy husband with new love flame is so angry at me. He is super independent, never discussing his moves, changes his mind constantly, makes promises to see the kid but doesn’t. And now he is in this love affair that he concludes she loves him enough because she is willing to be with him. While complaints that I don’t because I wont fight to get him back. He takes my stands as an insult for his manhood “how dare I choose differently”! He also tries to make me jealous by insinuating of all the great things he is about to accomplish and I how I will miss it because of my stubbornness. I am the mother of his child and he wants to make me suffer more for something I did not do, in part.

      I have been down this path for 7 months, can’t seem to recover although some days are better than others.

      • Stay strong Emma! Sounds like you are doing the hard thing, but the right thing. After all if he loved YOU he would not put you in this difficult situation in the first place. He is surprised you actually don’t want any more part of a crazy life but sometimes we realize your breaking point, and what we need to stay sane…….It seems unmanly to make so much drama. Find other means of support if possible to get through the days……(This blog and the amazing, thoughtful people on it, for example, are helping me get through some difficult times)—family, friends, pets, God, spending time with your child in ways or places that don’t cost much but make you happy.

  4. Eb

    Sir Guy,

    Does chaste courtship have the potential to turn any of of these around?

    Your Highness Eb,

    For all practical purposes, NO. When you think of changing a man think only of this. Over the course of two decades of marriage a patient and understanding woman can change Mr. GoodEnough into Mr. Right. Other than that, quit even thinking of changing a man. He’s the immovable object especially when he senses an irresistible force trying to make him become someone else. Moreover, your attempts make you less likeable and respected.

    Men change only to please themselves. It’s very seldom. Some men do find a woman they want so badly that they’re willing to adopt new habits of behavior. It’s his idea, not hers. However, it is one of the most unpredictable games in the world and the results are not always what’s expected or desired.

    So, devotion toxins appear as either red or pink flags. Red disqualifies as Mr. GoodEnough. Pink signifies that you can live with it.

    Guy

    • krysie869

      Eb and Sir Guy,

      I always wanted to know the answer to this question, especially if he uses her male dominance towards her in some capacity..Some men I intuitively know would never be interested in me as a person, and others I am not so sure…

    • Cocoa

      I testify to this. It’s a two edge sword as I see it. One edge makes you, as a female, get frustrated and you loose your mind between why, when, where and how. Then the other edge, at least for me, I see men very worthy of respect for this very nature of them. I see them as a solid high majestic immovable mountains, you just can’t help but respect it. Now, they have to be majestic though. So, choose carefully.

      But then if the mountian chooses to change it’s colour or maybe produce more lovely soft trees then, it’s up to it, right? You just have to be worth the change.

      I see us girly girls and soft females like rainbows however.

      Oh, sir Guy, a guy at work, a very quite senior colleague called me ‘such a girly girl ‘ I should take this as a compliment, right?

      Your Highness Cocoa,
      Of course. It implies youthfulness, femininity, and an appreciation of who you are.
      Guy

  5. Eb

    OK thanks for the clarification Sir Guy. But I’m also wondering then what the “men will do whatever women require for convenient access to sex” means if change doesn’t apply. Although, I do see your list of devotion toxins above as having much to do with character traits and attitudes in men moreso than demonstrations of devotion through actions.

    Your Highness Eb,

    Men don’t have to change even to marry if a woman doesn’t require it.

    Women can’t change a man, because just the hint of her expecting it triggers him to resist. If pushed he can resent and even retaliate. His nature is determined to prevent it happening, as it discredits his sense of dominance.

    This is the other side of the coin that works better for women. Men will change themselves to get what they want bad enough. It works like a cost-benefit ratio to them. It places women in the position of having to rely on indirectness, patience, and other feminine qualities to make men see the light of changing themselves. In that way men can have what they want, when women define and expect to receive what they want for themselves rather than what they want out of a man.

    It works this way. She doesn’t ask him for anything. She just lets it be known what pleases and what displeases her, what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable. Each man decides how far he will go in the direction she desires in order to make his changes agreeable to her. He never wants to do more than he has to if winning her is his objective. She baits the hook and fishes, he nibbles and eventually bites, she sets the hook with her approval, and he’s on her line to be landed as she chooses.

    Guy

  6. Cinnamon

    Sir Guy,

    A great series – one of your best, I think, as you are really digging deep under the surface here to explore in detail the most fundamental issues.

    With respect to the question of men’s capacity to change, I note your earlier comment to Eb’s question about whether men can change:

    “For all practical purposes, NO. When you think of changing a man think only of this. Over the course of two decades of marriage a patient and understanding woman can change Mr. GoodEnough into Mr. Right. Other than that, quit even thinking of changing a man….Men change only to please themselves. It’s very seldom.”

    What I take from all this is:

    1. If there are essential character problems in a man (red flags) it is not advisable to spend time using indirectness to encourage him to change, i.e. you do so at your own risk, as he is unlikely to change (the red flag is probably very entrenched).
    2. If there are pink flags, use the same indirect methods – your chances are much better than with red flags.
    3. The best candidates for Mr Goodenough show neither red flags nor a significant number of pink flags. As you wrote recently on another thread, wives can do a lot to influence bad habits but little or nothing to influence bad character.
    4. Don’t let your emotions get in the way when trying to discern whether a particular man falls into category 1,2, or 3.
    5. Of course, all of this presumes that you yourself are working hard to be a great woman (“Miss I Want Her”) who exhibits no red or pink flags of your own!

    A separate article on “Pink Flags” would be interesting. The line between red flag and pink flag can, I think, be a bit of a grey area (no pun intended!), and may, for certain behaviours and habits, differ from woman to woman. But I do think there are some objective principles that can be applied when trying to distinguish between the two (red and pink). This is an area where a lot of single women struggle and I would be interested to hear others’ thoughts on it.

    One final thought – perhaps red flags = bad character whereas pink flags = bad habits? Any thoughts?

    Your Highness Cinnamon,
    A very good summary. I agree with 1-4 would hope that 5 is true because it’s essential for female success. (If she isn’t as good as she can be, how does a man confirm her as uniquely better than other gals?)
    Guy

  7. Eb

    Cinnamon I like your take on this.

    Sir Guy- Do you think men know we are looking out for red flags? Do they know themselves what are major red flags for women? Do they care?

    Your Highness Eb,

    They don’t have a clue. Nor much care unless so in love they don’t want to lose her. They presume they are the best thing for each woman for whom they have interest, until they are sent scurrying for breach of the protocol each woman determines for herself. To men, women have all the protocol to resist with and men have the pressure to apply.

    In Guy-speak, over the issue of sex it’s role reversal. Only over sex, he’s the irresistible force and she the immovable object.

    Guy

  8. Eb

    ok. No clue. WOW!

    • I know, right? I’m guessing women are more observant to changes in male body language/tone as our lives have depended on it more for generations…a man and woman talking past one another can run the gamut from cute/charmingly awkward/best intentions to terrifying!

  9. Remember that a guy can be a Christianized version of these traits. He can say all the right bible verses, treat the girlfriend or wife badly and (when confronted) say, “Wow, thanks for pointing that out to me…I’m so convicted…” but continue to be a schmuck.

    Again, watch what he does not what he says.

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