2186. Anorexics, Suicides, et al. — Part 1

We’re all concerned with this subject. What causes teen behaviors identified by the title above plus overdosers, rapists, and mass shooters?

Several new revelations tied together in this series explain how some infants are mistreated, improperly guided as toddlers, and poorly led prior to puberty. The unintentional outcome leads to family disorder, heartbreak, and often tragedy.

Before such unfortunate children turn up to surprise everyone, their behavior is unpredictable or else preventives would work. But preventives have to address main causes, which modern preventive efforts do not. Ignorance prevails but no longer.

The childhood causes are described in this series. It enables preventives to be made part of a child’s upbringing. IOW, insurance against raising kids too far outside the adolescent and adult norms.

Those malformed personalities arise out of four phases of life before adulthood: 1) As a fetus responding to mother’s disrupted emotions. 2) Infant care which is the most critical. 3) Well-intentioned but ineffective parenting. 4) Associating with like-minded people.

I close this opening post with an offense that will scorch the equilibrium of virtually every mother. Details will follow but loving a child to deliberately make him like himself is both ineffective and can be contrary to good self-development. Read that sentence again and focus narrowly on this part: make him like himself. That’s the only issue under discussion here, and the point I intend to prove with a description of how human nature works contrary to that motherly wish and well-intended practice.

Don’t stop loving him for that or any other reason, he needs all you provide. However, by depending on mother’s love too often prevents doing what is necessary to ensure that he likes himself. Moreover, the harder mother tries, the less he may like himself. None of us are convinced we deserve tremendous love when we get it, and children and especially sons realize it too. If we feel we don’t deserve it, we don’t appreciate it all that much. Consequently, it affects our belief system very little if at all.

I can imagine you ladies vigorously shaking your heads, but bear with me. By the time this series ends, you may not be persuaded or change, but you’ll be better informed of some of the unexplained behaviors you see in your own kids.

Part II tomorrow if I can finish it in time.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, Her glory, nurturing

8 responses to “2186. Anorexics, Suicides, et al. — Part 1

  1. Something to add for your consideration: I had suicidal thoughts, several eating disorders and disconnected behaviour from early childhood. A while back, I found out that I inherited a hormonal, brain imbalance disorder from my father. Had I known when it started to show up, it would have saved me a lot of grief and I may have come to terms with my issues before my mid teens. If a child has an inherited mood disorder, mental disorder or hormonal imbalance, they deserve to have it explained (in age-appropriate terms) when it starts to rear its head. Otherwise you’re basically leaving a kid alone to figure out the demons in their head and they may adopt “defensive” self-harm behaviours to try and cope.

    • surfercajun

      Hey there Superslaviswife! I enjoy the read of Handbag Essentials!! Excellent points!! You should see the inside of my car… compact tissues, wipes, pink straws, rose printed paper napkins, pretty paper, lovely pen, a pretty small pink basket to hold extras, mini emergency kit, good strong basket that that goes with me shopping when in Fredricksburg and an very large umbrella…. did I forget anything? 😉

      ….well, maybe my Sprouts recycle bags… giggle…

  2. May

    Good sir, I am commenting owing as much to my experiences as to my studies: mental health really is heavily affected by imbalances in neurotransmitters, in ways that people with doctorates in the subject are still trying to figure out. Two things are known that apply to my own case —

    1. That stressors in infancy and early childhood can raise a child’s cortisol levels, thus altering that child’s neurotransmitters for the rest of its life (i.e. living too close to an airport [my problem] or suffering physically [the child of a friend]).

    2. That genetic tendencies play a significant role, and if a person should turn up needing medication for her illnesses, like as not she would have required them anyway at some point. I was seventeen when it was decided I should begin such therapy. I had come home from a week in Washington ten pounds under my usual fighting weight from stress and being run ragged, having gone into a panic attack in midair on the return flight.

    2a. Deeply stressful periods in a person’s life, as well as hormonal changes as we age, can change our brain chemistry. I include periods of severely ill health in this.

    Please, *please* tread carefully around this subject. I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist; I will, however, be a therapist someday, and I’ve nursed my father through the consequences of genetics plus enough abuses to drive three men mad. Parents of children who need help before they fly the nest undoubtedly worry for their futures, if they are still loving and involved parents, and are already blaming themselves; as for those parents who are a major part of the cause and unrepentant about it, well, they won’t care what happens to their children.

    Your Highness May,

    I neither doubt nor contest what you say. Many causes result in many mental disturbances. I’ve narrowed the scope of blog articles to interference with the natural development of kids.

    I stick solely to behavior practices of parents and educators that lead to self-destructive behavior in children. Some may also be afflicted as you and others describe as genetic, hormonal, or neurotransmitters. As to emotional disturbances, they become part of the results that I protest.

    Everyone fighting the problem treads lightly as they work on cures. I try to man up and take the next step, which is to describe a preventive. I’d love to hear from you if you think I go wrong.


  3. kebe

    I’m very interested in what you have in store for us with this series! As someone who fought disordered eating for years (with no apparent cause either: supportive parents! wonderful home life! loving boyfriend! everything is peachy!), I’ve only recently began looking back on my childhood in search of why. Looking forward to your insights, as always.

    Your Highness Kebe,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    May I invite you to look for and compare the freedom you were allowed to have to determine for yourself what courses of action you took on a daily basis. Did you lean toward self-development or was your development shaped more by others? Were you overly loved? Smother loved, perhaps, so someone else got their way with what you did and thought? Please don’t take this as accusations or insinuations in any way. Just tips of what to look for to better understand the influences under which you grew up. Only you can know how it all fits together.

    I’m eager to hear from you if you uncover any revelations. A month before I turned 84 I finally figured out how my upbringing determined my current life. It shows me the childhood behavior that led to an inability to ‘fix’ self-perceived shortcomings as an adult, which is a highly satisfying understanding. Moreover, it confirms that I was preparing all my life to do what I’m currently doing. That understanding produces my self-satisfying blog life.


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