2196. Compatibility Axioms #711-720


  1. Virtual virginity means just say No to unmarried sex. The purpose: To separate mature from immature, real from phony, reliable from irresponsible, surprising from humdrum, decisive from spineless, adult from adolescent in men and boys. Otherwise known as assessing a guy’s true potential for responsible husbanding and fathering. [248]
  2. Unless he chooses to drop her—very likely in today’s sexual arena—denial of unmarried sex makes a man focus more and more on her quality, value, and potential as whole person and, hence, potential wife. [248]
  3. Conquest releases a man to focus on other things. It frees him to move his attention to something else such as job, hobby, buds, or other females.  [248]
  4. If she can refuse unmarried sex until she conquers him for marriage, she expands her influence over his natural dominance. The winning conqueror shapes their subsequent relationship. [248]
  5. Modern women play the man’s game. They shop for friendship, pay with sex, and hope the relationship leads to marry up with shack up as back up. Friendship based on sex doesn’t last. Since sex doesn’t bond men, it makes escape easier for them. [248]
  6. When unmarried women yield the first time to a man, he wins much more than sex. Men rule over women they conquer. If she refuses, she becomes an ex. [249]
  7. Men see friendship differently. Women don’t fit a man’s mold of pure friendship, except when they are not sex targets, which means sexually unattractive to the man. Even then the personal sharing isn’t the same. [249]
  8. Men treat women according to what they appear to be—sex object, target, slut, lady, sloppy, neat, pretty, immaculately groomed, careless, desperate, disposable, old, older, oldest…. It may not matter to her but she’s responsible for the treatment she receives. [249]
  9. Men treated as sex targets by females learn that all women have little else to offer. Let the fun and irresponsible games continue. Visible groupies are more significant than bed post notches at home. [249]
  10. One major facet of a man’s sense of significance rests upon not having to face men who have bedded his woman. [249]

 

27 Comments

Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Fickle female

27 responses to “2196. Compatibility Axioms #711-720

  1. Sarina

    At 719 it rings home with the pop culture; how fangirls talk sexually about the male singers, how they become obsessed and offer gifts at concerts; backstage, when they beg for hugs in their presence. What do famous men think of these fangirls who are sometimes obscene and direct with their language? Of course it is difficult to know since they won’t be honest as long as they depend on these girls for buying albums, for overall support..but I’m left wondering how they perceive this ridiculous desperate behaviour.

    Your Highness Sarina,
    As “ridiculous desperate behavior” plus stupid, dumb, childish, unrespectable, uneducated, ineducable, sacrificial, and worthless for anything but sex. They probably can’t even cook or accomplish anything else worthwhile. Other than that, they expect their vaginas to pay their way to unexpected misery.

    Full disclosure: A date of mine went groupie on me in a very small club. She and about a dozen other girls clambered onto the steps with Elvis on a postage stamp stage. His earliest days. When I pulled her back to our table, she choose to go home alone. Never did like him or see her.

    Guy

  2. Beloved

    712-“Unless he chooses to drop her—very likely in today’s sexual arena.” Then he really didn’t care that much about her, only getting his selfish “needs” met. So why would she want him anyway? I’ve heard that men will wait when it comes to the right woman.If a husband is supposed to “give himself up for her” (like Christ did and like is required by God of men in marriage) then I guess he disqualifies himself as Mr. GoodEnough.

    Your Highness Beloved,
    Is your last sentence worded correctly?
    Guy

    • That Horse Is Dead

      Your Highness Beloved,
      I think women can struggle with idealization of a man of interest, placing him prematurely onto a pedestal he doesn’t yet deserve (our “prince charming”). We imagine our hopes and dreams fulfilled instead of starting from the position that he is just another frog auditioning for the part of Mr. GoodEnough. I think Sir Guy refers to this eagerness to get into relationship as adolescent thinking. There are many posts in WWNH that discuss how to qualify Mr. GoodEnough. If we can search for his good qualities, we can just as easily search out his lack of character. Women who are not informed ignore the latter to their own detriment, rely on their feelings instead of his actions that indicate devotion — and so when he leaves sans sex she still wants him because she has made him more important than he deserves. I tend to idealize and so I have to be wary of Mr. Vague and Unavailables, but I’m learning to spot them easily now. As Sir Guy says, “If one man’s not good enough, another will be along soon, if she shines herself up attractively, likeably, and smilingly.”

    • Beloved

      If a man isn’t willing to give himself up for her as God requires, even before marriage, then he disqualifies himself. That’s what I meant. What are your thoughts? Because I guess “in today’s sexual arena” or not, it really comes down to what kind of man is he regardless of what the rest of the world is doing. A good woman should be able to count on a man being good and doing the right thing without selfish motives being at the forefront of every thought or action. IOW, if he goes to a convention out of town and all the other guys are looking for flings she should be able to trust that he won’t participate regardless of what others are doing. Am I living in a dream world to expect this? Because if I give 100% in my relationships I damn well expect it to be reciprocated, otherwise why should I bother? Why should any man be the beneficiary of all my “goodness” (honesty, faithfulness, selflessness-no I am not a selfish person, I like making others happy, etc) if all I get in return is his BS?

      Your Highness Beloved,

      Your first sentence is now clear. Thanks.

      You make immense sense. However, expecting men to act as faithful and devoted women act is not going to happen except as one man becomes inspired by one woman to live up to her standards about fidelity.

      You may not have read it yet, but this pretty much summarizes a main theme of this blog.

      It’s one on one for you to train such a guy. In the meantime, two pressures work against you. 1) Men no longer unconditionally respect the female gender as unique, mysterious, modest, and fundamentally chaste except under marital conditions. When men know women through the vagina, they lose interest in respecting other features. It’s her defense that earns masculine respect. 2) Too many of your womanhood sisters enable husbands to slip into infidelity. Men learn quickly it can also work in reverse. Women can slip easily into conqueror’s traps, which is more rewarding to men than cheap and easy sex. Thus, women empower men to exploit the male nature to the great disadvantage of their sisters who are wives. Regrettable but true.

      Yes, you’re living in a dream world IF you expect to find such a man without your first having conditioned his heart to be like you want him. Men don’t do what women want them to do. Each man does what he wants to do in order to earn self-admiration by fulfilling his responsibilities and duties, abiding by his obligations, and keeping his vows. In return he expects his woman’s respect, gratitude, and dependence on his character and faithful effort to please her.

      Cheap and easy sex diminishes mutual respect, which weakens manly love for each woman. Only each woman can restore the kind of relationship she dreams about.

      Great female effort, diligence, and devotion to self are required to capture and keep a man permanently. Far more than required to capture one temporarily just to have a boyfriend. You’re admired on this blog but we can’t make you happy.

      Guy

      • Beloved

        You do make me happy. Just learning all I have here has helped me immensely. I think I just have a very strong sense of fairness and am a good person who tries hard and loves to please others. I’ve had many people (including family) who have treated me like crap and my tolerance is non-existent for any more of that behavior. Sometimes I feel like to have a man means to have more of what I grew up with. I have trust issues, no doubt. So maybe the kind of man I need is one who can go above and beyond the typical “nature of men.” If such a man exists, sometimes this blog makes me think he doesn’t. Not blaming you just confused as to what to expect. Sometimes, I think I just don’t get what you’re trying to say until it’s said in a different way.

        Your Highness Beloved,
        Add this to your thoughts. Trust issues are respect issues. One earns the other in both directions.
        Guy

        • Cinnamon

          Sir Guy,

          I was thinking about trust and its relationship to respect over the weekend. I believe that respect is a necessarily element of trust, but not vice-versa. In other words, you can have respect for someone without trusting them, but you cannot trust someone without first respecting them.

          In the context of dating, this would mean that she should have unconditional respect for him and the male gender as a default, but that trust should grow only as her respect for him deepens based on character. as revealed through his actions. Trust should be withdrawn (silently) if respect diminishes. And even if she loses all (or most) respect for him, she should continue to respect the male gender unconditionally as she moves on to the next candidate.

          Your Highness Cinnamon,

          Perhaps a couple of wrong assumptions mislead you.

          • Unconditional respect doesn’t fade. It’s genetically inherited or learned in upbringing that a person appreciates themselves sufficiently well enough as a person (high self-esteem) that they can unconditionally love people, groups, and genders because interaction is based more on principles and indirect contact. But not unconditionally respect individuals, because interaction inevitably brings on judgments that rattle any unconditional appreciation that may have preceded.

          • Consequently, love between individuals is conditional. If not conditional for other reasons, cheating sure proves it’s not unconditional.

          You say, “you can have respect for someone without trusting them, but you cannot trust someone without first respecting them.” First is true, second is false. You may have to respect before you can trust someone; that’s your preference.

          Trusting someone is proof you respect them. Anything else that convincing? People do and say a lot of things and claim it’s respect, but where’s the proof? Hugs? Loving words? Treat them kindly? Don’t yell at them? Provide service to them? Give them a wage? A raise? An awful lot of manipulation occurs in the name of respect, but little misinterpretation accompanies the granting of trust.

          Trust earns respect and vice versa. If you don’t show trust first, you shouldn’t expect much respect to flow back toward you. The easiest way to earn respect is to trust someone. Even if it happens only subconsciously, the trusted one learns to appreciate the widsom of the trust giver for choosing him to trust, which morphs into respect over time if not early on.

          For example, organizational leaders trust in order to earn respect; it’s the essence of good leadership by example. Parents do far better job raising kids by trusting first and expecting respect later. IOW, trust is a wholehearted gift. Respect is a conditional opinion and sometimes affectation.

          You not only can but should trust before you learn to respect someone. It’s a main principle of how good leaders successfully work the game of life.

          Guy

          • Cinnamon

            Really interesting, Sir Guy, particularly as it pertains to leadership skills. The two concepts (trust and respect) are very closely linked, and I think part of my confusion was that I had not clearly defined what I meant by both terms. I understand your point about extending trust prior to respect, but I’m still not 100% clear what “respect” actually looks like. moreover there is a deeper meaning of trust (such as trusting someone with confidential, sensitive information) that you would be wise not to extend without first concluding they are worthy of this kind of trust. So it’s potentially quite a nuanced topic I think.

            I would like to see a series on this concept (respect and trust), since it’s a topic worthy of detailed discussion as it pertains to all interpersonal relationships.

            Your Highness Cinnamon,
            Perhaps an article soon on what ‘respect’ looks like.
            Guy

      • Miss Gina

        Your Highness Beloved,

        I think there are some truly good men out there who walk a godly path without the inspiration of a woman, but they are rare. My take on what Sir Guy is saying is that far more common these days is the man who is capable of walking a godly path if challenged (indirectly) by a sufficiently attractive (in all ways) woman. (Let’s remember the kinds of temptations that particularly appeal to their natures that thrust themselves on men daily, whether they want them or not.) It behooves us as women to become sufficiently attractive and well-versed in emotional intelligence to win the second kind of man; the same woman would attract both types.

  3. Beloved

    So men will wait or they won’t? It sounded like you were saying because he can find a slut somewhere he won’t wait for good women because they won’t sleep with him. It sounded somewhat hopeless. But in this last part you say she needs to train him that way, but how can she if he won’t give her a chance because she won’t sleep with him and he won’t wait? Do you see my confusion?

    Your Highness Beloved,

    “But in this last part you say she needs to train him that way, but how can she if he won’t give her a chance because she won’t sleep with him and he won’t wait?”

    Your confusion is self-caused. You’re anticipating failure. Your responsibility is for yourself, not him. You don’t directly train him. You act your virtuous self and he trains himself.

    If you anticipate success, your hopes go up. The world turns on hope (Emerson) and so you’ve got a new ballgame to play. First inning: Dress attractively 24/7 and let men discover you. Second inning: Defend virtual virginity. Third through Seventh inning: He gets to try harder and ever harder to conquer but finds that you’re full of virtues. Eighth inning: He chooses if you’re virtues are worth the price he has to pay to win access to your assets. Bottom of the ninth inning: One of you strikes out to retire the side and lose to the other. Or, you go into extra innings.

    Eric and other ladies have joined you on this subject. I am preparing a comment or article to respond to all of you at one time. The subject is four kinds of men that women have to learn how to deal with if they hope to achieve marriage. It’s the upfront battle of screening the worthy from the worthless.

    Guy

    • Eric

      Miss Beloved:
      I’ve had some discussions with Sir Guy on this very issue, although from the male perspective.
      The bottom line is that men apparently need some type of training to that kind of fidelity. Now, a certain percentage of men are trained that way in their youth: I have no idea how many; but regardless, there are some men out there who need very little conditioning.

      Sir Eric,
      Thanks. You’ve inspired my response to Beloved in either comment or article about four kinds of men. Critical or clarifying commentary invited.
      Guy

      • Beloved

        Thanks for chiming in Eric. i also think that training or not some men are better, nicer, whatever or really want a quality woman and therefore would (now, due to maturity) be willing to wait. Like maybe if he’s already sown his wild oats, is a little older and now recognizes the value of a quality woman, he’ll wait or be afraid of missing out. Sex can’t possibly be the only motivating factor for men to have women in their lives. Or can it?

        Your Highness Beloved,
        “Or can it?” Of course not. Frequent and convenient access is secondary but urge to conquer her distorts her agenda to qualify him.
        Guy

        • Miss Gina

          Beloved,

          Sorry, I didn’t see the later posts when I posted my answer above. It still applies here.

          I think it’s very hard for we women to conceive how strong the sex drive is in men, whatever their desires to do right. Celibacy requires more restraint for men than for us. With age, testosterone levels do diminish some and change the dynamic, but it’s always there and different for different men.

    • Cinnamon

      “If you anticipate success, your hopes go up. ”

      Beloved,

      This is key to the whole thing. It is about cultivating the above mindset. Without the confidence in your heart that you will eventually succeed (sooner or later) it is too easy to become discouraged, especially when encountering players and V & U types (men who lack unconditional respect for the female gender as a whole).

      When you begin to cultivate the above mindset and it finally settles in your heart, you will detach more easily when a man does not live up to your standards. You will not mind that he has disappointed you (and that you cannot prevent him from doing so) since you will be in full control of yourself. This will enable you to put him back in the parade and move forward with strength, instead of approaching the next candidate from a position of disappointment and uncertainty.

      I find that intensive studying of the Content section of this blog (including re-readings) will help you to shift your mindset to where it should be. Moreover if you need concrete inspiration that you will succeed, read some of the comments from the contributors here who are happily married (such as Miss Gina, MLaRowe, My Husband’s Wife, etc). Like baseball, a lot of this stuff really is a “mental game.”

  4. Tooconfused

    I kept bringing up this point about courtship and the duration of how long it will go before I lose out. I too am confused on this issue. You tell us to fight for virtual virginity yet you say “it is very likely you will be dumped if you don’t put out in today’s day”. So what gives? I specified it would be nice to hear how to extend courtship without sex but then I’m told that I shouldn’t lift a finger trying to keep the man. So basically, do nothing.

    I lack the experience and wisdom of sir guy. But I will say that even amidst my confusion I won’t go back to sexual courtship.

    Why? If it was fruitless thus far? Why? If I’m still confused? Because I tried it Sir Guy’s way and was able to date a man sans sex for almost a year. Before that half a year. Before that a month. I kept practicing the principles on this blog and my courtships got longer without putting out. Basically a whole new world is opened up to you, you learn an entire new language of dating without sex. And then bam! You know it will be easier to be that booty/girlfriend to a man and extract commitment. But this now feels like cheating. You shift your mindset. Dating while having sex feels like a rigged game and you’ve bought all the test answers instead of fundamentally understanding core concepts.

    I keep feeling this way now. Having sex while dating doesn’t count. Any woman can get some form of commitment from any man by being booty. You have a boyfriend? Great. You’re most likely having sex with him, duh. Nothing special about your ability to get pumped by a dude. Yes of course he keeps calling you! He knows he will get laid.

    You can read this blog all day long but if you don’t practice in the real world on different men it will feel too abstract. From my experience I noticed that practice does make a difference. You have to date around. On top of this a rigorous physical maintenance regime is required. It’s not to be underestimated. Look hot 24/7. If you date around and look your best – both combined make it possible to date while keeping the legs clamped. It’s not easy at all. Again I went in for almost a year and at end of it all my mind was blown. In 2015 I was able to somehow able to keep a man interested for that long without sex. How the heck did that happen? And why did I think I had to put out when I totally didn’t? It’s like going dutch and then having the man pay for everything. I’m not going back. I would feel like such a cheap girl if I did so.

    But still Sir Guy – if it is highly likely for us to be dumped for another booty call I guess I’ll be honest and say I don’t want to hear this – but you’re preparing us for the tough world out there. I get that your intentions are good. My mom says this kinda stuff to me all the time and I know she means well but it drives me nuts. So whaddaya want mom? For me to die single?? LOL.

    Your Highness Tooconfused,

    Die single? Not no but hell no.

    You’re doing all the right things, thoughts, but too much self-induced frustration. God’s timing is perfect but you have to make the interval productive by screening men as up, down, or maybe. It’s a skill set that someday will match up with God’s timing.

    Guy

  5. Tooconfused

    Also, I may sound like a jerk … I really really don’t mean to.

    But lets do the maths here. Prostitutes get paid an hourly rate. Young girls at the height of their youth and beauty can charge 10-20 grand for one night. High class escorts etc. Older women or those lesser in physical attractiveness can still demand 100$ on a good night.

    Does any woman in their right mind really wanna give up their precious assets for a dude who bought a couple of drinks and dinner and a couple of sweet talkin’ texts????

    I didn’t think so. Puttin’ things into perspective the only way to go is no ring no booty.

    Your Highness Tooconfused,
    Well done, darling. I love it when pretty women put life into proper perspective.
    Guy

  6. That Horse Is Dead

    Miss Beloved,

    I agree with Lady Tooconfused that you really must begin practicing, both being your best self and interacting with a lot of men. Without the practice, you won’t be able to spot the players as easily. And you will also gain more confidence. As far as trust, that is a wound that you need to get worked out or you will take it into the next relationship you have and it won’t be pretty. I can’t say enough about Brene Brown’s books on vulnerability and shame resilience. I’m currently reading “Daring Greatly” and coupled with WWNH and my daily Bible readings, I’m bound and determined to live a wholehearted life, whether single or eventually married again one day:)

    • Tooconfused

      LOL spot da players!! I can spot them out my problem is that they are the only men that chase me persistently. *ZzzzZzzz* The good men pursue me but they drop me early for the overweight feminists. Oh I’m not a narcissist. I’m sure the good men like us more than the players on the inside. But they are too Gamma to express it and chase boldly. Blame Gloria Steinem. She was the one who said “A liberated woman is the one who has sex before marriage and a job after.” *zzzZzzzzzZzzzzzz*

      I love when I gently try to nudge my girlfriends and say, “ay he seems like a player”. For me there are usually glaring OBVIOUS signs. Like for example does the pal wear white jeans? BINGO. A player. Trust me I have done market research! I know it sounds random. But think about it! White jeans?!?!? Way too bold.

      Because of this blog I know more about the mind of a male players than I do good men. The casanovas are either in the closet or have mommy issues. Or a combo of both. Forget about those CADS who try to play me like a violin into thinking I’m a typical emotional female who thinks “I am the special girl who will change him” LOL.

      The players are just in between entertainment I get while I burnish all the rules I learn on this blog through dating them. Besides a little trick for da ladies here – get a player to pursue you and sweet talk you. It helps keep the weight down. But make sure to give your heart to the good men. Hey I don’t feel guilty! So long as the guy pursues me and no negotiations are made, you are single and you have all the right to string him along as long as you want, legs closed of course.

  7. prettybeans

    Dear Sir Guy,
    I hope that you are having a lovely new month of May.

    ‘Men marry a woman not expecting her to change but she does and a woman marries a man expecting him to change but he doesn’t..’ You have made this statement and I have 2 questions related to it.

    Background:
    I personally take painstaking efforts to dress in as feminine a manner as I can and it has had amazing results not only in how I treat myself but I have noticed that others – both men and women alike treat me differently – and I like it.

    Issue:
    I expect that the person who catches my attention will take an interest in his own appearance (cleanliness included)

    Question:
    Granted, there is a fine line between arrogance, shallowness and vanity (in a man) and simply taking care of ones appearance therefore is
    (1) is this an issue worth noting and
    (2) if performance is unsatisfactory, is it worth approaching (indirectly of course) with a view to improving a man’s general style or should it be ignored completely considering that indeed character wins the day any day over style.

    I welcome your perspective. Thank you

    Incidentally, are you a boxing fan? If so, Mayweather or Pac? 😉

    Your Highness Prettybeans,

    His appearance and cleanliness is for you to decide. If unacceptable, start early and indirectly to condition his thinking in a direction more appealing to you. Don’t blame, criticize, shame, or threaten.
    Find ways to cite better conditions in store windows, on other men, in your gifts, or in dreams about the future (where upscale attire is expected). If you’re unsuccessful, then you have to decide if he’s the right man for you.

    Full disclosure. I was once chief judge of amateur and pro boxing in my state. I gave it up when I learned of brain damage inflicted. So, no, I’m not a fan.

    Guy

  8. Mia

    Sir Guy,
    Having read the comments above got me thinking: Since I’m currently on an “extended mirror time” regime (you’ll hear about that soon) I’ve had an idea. Would you mind opening up a post, in which your readers can share their beauty secrets with regard to look appealing to men and you and the other esteemed men of the blog comment on what you think is important? I think this would be immensely helpful. 🙂 I know this was partly discussed elsewhere, but I think there a certain tricks and tips that are essential for improvement. I actually don’t share my beauty secrets with anyone, but would do so here, in exchange for getting information from the other ladies. 🙂 You always talk about women rallying for their own cause, so I thought this would be a really good start…

    Just a thought. I totally understand, if you feel this to be beyond the purpose of the blog.

    Your Highness Mia,
    Sounds good. How about sending some ideas around which I can build an article for comments to be attached.
    Guy

    • Lyndeeloo

      Mia,

      I love this idea!

      Lyndeeloo

      • Amy

        Yes, I agree with lyndeeloo 😊

        Your Highness Amy,

        Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

        I love it when pretty women imply they want pretty women to look prettier.

        Guy

  9. Mia

    Dear Sir Guy,

    so to give you some inspiration for an article about beauty, I offer you what’s on my mind these days:

    In Europe we’re celebrating 70 years of freedom. Everybody is in a reflective mood and I spend much time reading journals of soldiers – victors as well as defeated. Europe was destroyed and broken in 1945 – materially and in spirit – and it seems men looked to women to make their lives whole again. The fashion designers of the time knew to tailor clothes with this in mind. If you read these accounts it’s remarkable how far a woman’s smile could go and how starved these men were for some kind of beauty in their lives. In some ways men these days are starved for kindness and beauty as well. I don’t believe that men and their tastes have changed much since then, though I haven’t experienced the period – maybe you can help out, Sir. You might know what patterns and styles appeal to the male eye, now and then. In our hearts we women know what feminine looks like, but sometimes we need a bit of direct guidance from a man, Sir. I believe that, yes men crave sex, but above all they want someone to bring light into their life. If you ladies can do that, ya’ll be fine. So not to worry.

    So here goes: Sir, you’ve strewn in your wisdom regarding beauty into different posts and I have found these bits incredibly important – maybe you can tie them into the article?

    1.) Smiling: it’s completely undervalued. A genuine and pleasant smile makes a huge difference in appearance to men apparently.
    2.) Color: Bright colors attract attention. Everyone likes to look at bright colors. (Ladies:You’re doing it right when little girls admire you and other women envy you.)
    3.) Well-put-together-women seem mysterious: Men seem to wonder why she cares so much about herself. If they don’t ask her about it they stare.
    4.) The importance of movement in clothes and the importance of wearing sensible heels.
    5.) Sweet vs. sexy. Focus on the former. The latter comes with it anyway.

    P.S. Sir, do you detect a change in my attitude? Guess that’s mirror time for you… 😉

    Your Highness Mia,
    Yes, your attitude moves smoothly toward the brighter and more attractive (emotional attractiveness).
    Guy

    • Cinnamon

      Mia,

      You have really captured beautifully the spirit of the “Mirror Time” teachings, including the reason why Sir Guy has it as #1 on his list (regardless of whether you are single, engaged, married, separated, etc).

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