Single women face four types of men to judge ASAP on encountering them. Quick-witted women screen best, but even they need experience judging men. So, I propose these categories to help shape first impressions.
A. Men so lacking in self-respect they compensate by being disrespectful of women. To justify their dishonorable behavior, they commit to this political ideology that arose as counterweight to Feminism: Women are subordinate, playthings, and deserving of disposal when they become boring.
Such a man can’t be converted to a faithful husband regardless of who the wife is or what she does. His disrespect views her trust as ignorance and therefore lack of appreciation for who and what he is, and therefore he cheats to confirm his sense of superiority.
That loop keeps him comfortable with himself as he refurbishes self-respect with conquests and personal pleasure. The same process pushes him to take his wife’s relationship development as direct competition with him and so he subconsciously torpedoes her cooperative efforts. Actually, he’s incapable of cooperating with a wife because he can’t accept ‘us’ as worthier than himself.
Such men seem to populate what I understand to be called the Manosphere.
B. Bitter men. Many may have joined or originated the Manosphere.
Few things make a husband more bitter than a wife turned harridan, spiteful, manipulative, and with low self-esteem who blames him for her heartaches and turns to vengeance in divorce. Low self-esteem men are particularly vulnerable to exiting a marriage in a highly bitter state. Bitter men are not good marriage candidates. Such men sour on marriage itself, presuming the next woman will do the same thing, which is a sign he felt but was not allowed or appreciated by ex-wife to act as husband and fulfill his responsibilities. (The least little things can jumpstart the self-fulfilling prophecy and makes it all come true again.) IOW, she fought to be the CEO and used irritating and offensive manners to get her way. She demeaned both him and the roles he presumed to fill. He decided to let someone else put up with her s*** (as I’ve heard several men express it).
C. Men so well brought up in childhood to respect women and children that it reinforces their self-respect. They have strong internal resistance against cheating, but it doesn’t mean they won’t if opportunity lures and marital loyalty isn’t strong enough. Conquest remains as the primary and most forceful motivator in the male arsenal for dealing with women. Some of these men may be divorced but have escaped the destiny slated for those described at B.
D. Somewhere in between A and B are millions of men with sufficient self-respect, healthy self-image, keen self-interest in logic and reason. They choose to mate with women because it’s a good life they envision, but they don’t see enough really attractive women to lift them from the doldrums of all women grooming and trying to look alike rather than unique. They seek a woman who deserves their respect, trust, and cooperation in order to build a compatible relationship. ‘Us’ is not a foreign concept to them. Some of them may be divorced but have escaped the destiny slated for those described at B.
You ladies waste time worrying about wrong things. It’s not where the men are and why they don’t show up in your life. You should worry about learning to separate A and B from C and D. Learn what those in the Manosphere think of women. Learn to spotlight bitterness. Learn to convert each man’s thoughts into behaviors you can perceive. Then, you can send the unqualified back into the passing parade without making serious mistakes and only having minor recoveries to handle.
You can probably spot many unqualifieds before first date. If not worthy to consider, stick to what serves you best and leave them dangling emptily as they ask for second date— or third or fourth. But you need to gain the experience of giving them a test drive or three in order to develop your skill to perceive character that you can admire.
Test Ideas. These questions can be used to change the subject when a man mentions sex and thus uncover his character. Shock and awe, baby, that’s the way to convo away from sex and also ID just who or what you are dealing with and screening. His answers are most important for what they reveal of his character. No need to disagree in order to uphold your beliefs; it may work against your interest to do so as it provides him with ammo to negotiate better.
- What’s the best marriage you ever heard of? The worst?
- What’s the main theme for successful marriage?
- What’s the primary cause of family breakup?
- Ever thought you could do bigamy? You know, two women in the same house? How about three?
- You’re sworn in and on the witness stand. The attorney asks, After your wife slapped you, what did you do?
- How do your buddies handle marriage? Divorce?
- When’s the last time you saw a bitter man? What caused it?
- What’s the ideal number of kids to have? Could you live with eight?
- Could you personally home school?
- Would you let your wife home school?
- What’s the ideal way for a couple to handle two incomes?
- What works best in your view of teaching kids to be responsible adults?
- How early in life do you want to retire? Why? How about wife’s retirement?
- What’s more important to you? Wife or job? How so?
- Ever heard this expression? No ring, no booty. Would you teach it if you had a daughter?
- What kept your parents/grandparents from divorcing?
- If you were a judge in a divorce court and the husband was escaping with most of the wealth, how would you view it differently? Or would you?
- If you were fathering, I guess you’d prefer son to daughter. Why?
- What to you is the measure of female dignity? Male dignity? Wifely dignity? Husbandly dignity?
- On matters involving the healthy well-being of children, which parent should dominate the decision-making?
- Is this an acceptable statement for a husband? He rules the roost, she rules the rooster?
- If you were married and told that you married over your head, what would you think?
- Presuming one family income, how does wife get a share comparable to her importance? How is her importance measured or judged?
- Let’s suppose husband loses his job. How does he prove his earnestness in trying to recover with another one?
- If you were running for public office, what would be your platform?
- If you were running for office of husband, what would be your platform?
- If you were running for office of father, what would be your platform?
- If running for public office, what comes first? Helping self, helping people, or impersonal principles?
- Where in your priority list of life’s responsibilities do morality and religious character show up?
Well, you see how I would delve into the character of men were I a woman. The purpose is to judge him, not to believe everything he says. Qualify him for character, not marriage—yet that is.
I suggest you make a similar list for your journal and work off it for every man you meet. Of course, you’ll need other questions to chat about when he doesn’t mention sex. Uncover his character; it pays off better than anything else
Your Highness Beloved, your confusion will fade when you develop a plan of action for you to follow in screening every man of interest to you even before they find interest in you. Sneaky is permitted in preliminary screening but nothing else. (Heck, it’s essential to keep men from talking about sex.)
** At post 2196, several people prompted this article. I’m grateful to Beloved, Miss Gina, Tooconfused, and That Horse is Dead plus clarification added by Eric.