2198. Four Kinds of Men to Screen**


Single women face four types of men to judge ASAP on encountering them. Quick-witted women screen best, but even they need experience judging men. So, I propose these categories to help shape first impressions.

A.   Men so lacking in self-respect they compensate by being disrespectful of women. To justify their dishonorable behavior, they commit to this political ideology that arose as counterweight to Feminism: Women are subordinate, playthings, and deserving of disposal when they become boring.

Such a man can’t be converted to a faithful husband regardless of who the wife is or what she does. His disrespect views her trust as ignorance and therefore lack of appreciation for who and what he is, and therefore he cheats to confirm his sense of superiority.

That loop keeps him comfortable with himself as he refurbishes self-respect with conquests and personal pleasure. The same process pushes him to take his wife’s relationship development as direct competition with him and so he subconsciously torpedoes her cooperative efforts. Actually, he’s incapable of cooperating with a wife because he can’t accept ‘us’ as worthier than himself.

Such men seem to populate what I understand to be called the Manosphere.

B.   Bitter men. Many may have joined or originated the Manosphere.

Few things make a husband more bitter than a wife turned harridan, spiteful, manipulative, and with low self-esteem who blames him for her heartaches and turns to vengeance in divorce. Low self-esteem men are particularly vulnerable to exiting a marriage in a highly bitter state. Bitter men are not good marriage candidates. Such men sour on marriage itself, presuming the next woman will do the same thing, which is a sign he felt but was not allowed or appreciated by ex-wife to act as husband and fulfill his responsibilities. (The least little things can jumpstart the self-fulfilling prophecy and makes it all come true again.) IOW, she fought to be the CEO and used irritating and offensive manners to get her way. She demeaned both him and the roles he presumed to fill. He decided to let someone else put up with her s*** (as I’ve heard several men express it).

C.   Men so well brought up in childhood to respect women and children that it reinforces their self-respect. They have strong internal resistance against cheating, but it doesn’t mean they won’t if opportunity lures and marital loyalty isn’t strong enough. Conquest remains as the primary and most forceful motivator in the male arsenal for dealing with women. Some of these men may be divorced but have escaped the destiny slated for those described at B.

D.   Somewhere in between A and B are millions of men with sufficient self-respect, healthy self-image, keen self-interest in logic and reason. They choose to mate with women because it’s a good life they envision, but they don’t see enough really attractive women to lift them from the doldrums of all women grooming and trying to look alike rather than unique. They seek a woman who deserves their respect, trust, and cooperation in order to build a compatible relationship. ‘Us’ is not a foreign concept to them. Some of them may be divorced but have escaped the destiny slated for those described at B.

——

You ladies waste time worrying about wrong things. It’s not where the men are and why they don’t show up in your life. You should worry about learning to separate A and B from C and D. Learn what those in the Manosphere think of women. Learn to spotlight bitterness. Learn to convert each man’s thoughts into behaviors you can perceive. Then, you can send the unqualified back into the passing parade without making serious mistakes and only having minor recoveries to handle.

You can probably spot many unqualifieds before first date. If not worthy to consider, stick to what serves you best and leave them dangling emptily as they ask for second date— or third or fourth. But you need to gain the experience of giving them a test drive or three in order to develop your skill to perceive character that you can admire.

Test Ideas. These questions can be used to change the subject when a man mentions sex and thus uncover his character. Shock and awe, baby, that’s the way to convo away from sex and also ID just who or what you are dealing with and screening. His answers are most important for what they reveal of his character. No need to disagree in order to uphold your beliefs; it may work against your interest to do so as it provides him with ammo to negotiate better.

  • What’s the best marriage you ever heard of? The worst?
  • What’s the main theme for successful marriage?
  • What’s the primary cause of family breakup?
  • Ever thought you could do bigamy? You know, two women in the same house? How about three?
  • You’re sworn in and on the witness stand. The attorney asks, After your wife slapped you, what did you do?
  • How do your buddies handle marriage? Divorce?
  • When’s the last time you saw a bitter man? What caused it?
  • What’s the ideal number of kids to have? Could you live with eight?
  • Could you personally home school?
  • Would you let your wife home school?
  • What’s the ideal way for a couple to handle two incomes?
  • What works best in your view of teaching kids to be responsible adults?
  • How early in life do you want to retire? Why? How about wife’s retirement?
  • What’s more important to you? Wife or job? How so?
  • Ever heard this expression? No ring, no booty. Would you teach it if you had a daughter?
  • What kept your parents/grandparents from divorcing?
  • If you were a judge in a divorce court and the husband was escaping with most of the wealth, how would you view it differently? Or would you?
  • If you were fathering, I guess you’d prefer son to daughter. Why?
  • What to you is the measure of female dignity? Male dignity? Wifely dignity? Husbandly dignity?
  • On matters involving the healthy well-being of children, which parent should dominate the decision-making?
  • Is this an acceptable statement for a husband? He rules the roost, she rules the rooster?
  • If you were married and told that you married over your head, what would you think?
  • Presuming one family income, how does wife get a share comparable to her importance? How is her importance measured or judged?
  • Let’s suppose husband loses his job. How does he prove his earnestness in trying to recover with another one?
  • If you were running for public office, what would be your platform?
  • If you were running for office of husband, what would be your platform?
  • If you were running for office of father, what would be your platform?
  • If running for public office, what comes first? Helping self, helping people, or impersonal principles?
  • Where in your priority list of life’s responsibilities do morality and religious character show up?

Well, you see how I would delve into the character of men were I a woman. The purpose is to judge him, not to believe everything he says. Qualify him for character, not marriage—yet that is.

I suggest you make a similar list for your journal and work off it for every man you meet. Of course, you’ll need other questions to chat about when he doesn’t mention sex. Uncover his character; it pays off better than anything else

Your Highness Beloved, your confusion will fade when you develop a plan of action for you to follow in screening every man of interest to you even before they find interest in you. Sneaky is permitted in preliminary screening but nothing else. (Heck, it’s essential to keep men from talking about sex.)

——

** At post 2196, several people prompted this article. I’m grateful to Beloved, Miss Gina, Tooconfused, and That Horse is Dead plus clarification added by Eric.

10 Comments

Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, sex difference

10 responses to “2198. Four Kinds of Men to Screen**

  1. Miss Gina

    Dear Sir Guy,

    Congratulations on the double play!

    Awesome list of questions! They most certainly will send a guy reeling or get him thinking–and make the lady appear unique and mysterious. I wish I had had such notions thirty-some years ago!

    As for the list of men, it’s spot on. I only wonder whether it is intended to cover all men. For instance, I have a family member in his late 20’s who is a sincere Christian, reads the Bible and lives by it, has had Christian girls break up with him because he didn’t try to sleep with them, has dated for several months at a time but never had a girlfriend he seemed to consider as a potential mate. He is handsome, successful in his field and travels overseas in it, and has excellent people skills (has been successful in sales and management). He is not bitter but does seem disappointed in the available women, including Christians. Would such a guy be a C or a D?

    Finally, I would pick up on your point about gaining experience. I agree. I think it’s a great idea for women to practice on *all* men. Not flirting necessarily, but charming them, blessing them with your femininity. Screening them mentally, what if they were available–would they be Good Enough? Also, we need to get out of our comfort zones in meeting more people, usually.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,
    He’s enough of both C&D to make a good candidate.
    Guy

    • Cinnamon

      Miss Gina,

      The anecdote about your family member is a reminder that these days, single Christian men of character must do as much vetting as their female counterparts. He must also guard against being drawn into the thinking of either A or B.

  2. Cinnamon

    EDITOR’S NOTE: MY RESPONSE IS IN CAPS following your comment in lower case.

    Sir Guy,

    This is a very interesting topic but I’m not sure I see much of a difference between C and D. The traits listed in both groups seem to apply to one group of men, not two. Are you saying that the D men aren’t as well brought up as the C men, but they don’t actively dislike women (as A and B men do)?
    WELL-RAISED MEN SCREEN FAR BETTER THAN THOSE ‘JERKED UP’ AS MY GENERATION CALLED THEM. WOMEN SHOULD RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE AND SCREEN THEM QUITE DIFFERENTLY.

    Also, I do think there is a class of Christian men who are not nearly as conquest driven as the C man. I’ve written before about these men, where I described them as having a high “Mr Rogers quotient” (as opposed to “Great Santini quotient”). I PURPOSELY PHRASED IT THIS WAY: “CONQUEST REMAINS AS THE PRIMARY AND MOST FORCEFUL MOTIVATOR IN THE MALE ARSENAL….” YOUR “NOT NEARLY AS CONQUEST DRIVEN” MEANS THEY AREN’T FOLLOWING THEIR NATURE BUT HAVE SUBSTITUTED RESTRAINT LEARNED IN LIFE. SO THEY REMAIN C AND/OR D DEPENDING ON OTHER CRITERIA.

    These men are very old-fashioned and have immense self-control rooted in religious conviction when it comes to matters of sex, and are not conquest driven (except for marriage). IOW, THEY GET IT FROM LESSONS LEARNED AS OPPOSED TO THEIR NATURE AS BORN. SO THEY EITHER FIT IN C OR D DEPENDING ON THEIR GENETIC DISPOSITION.

    They are rare, but I’ve met a few of them, mainly (but not exclusively) from the older generation. It sounds like Miss Gina’s relative may fit in this group. My life has been blessed by this type of man, and they are excellent candidates for Mr Goodenough. YES, YOUR LESSONS LEARNED TAUGHT YOU TO DISCRIMINATE ACCORDING TO YOUR PERCEPTIONS. QUITE NORMAL BUT NOT AS UNIVERSAL AS YOU WOULD EXPECT. SUCH CHRISTIAN MEN MAY FIT EITHER C, D, OR BOTH. (ALSO, RELIGIOUS BELIEF IS LEARNED AFTER BIRTH.)

    • Cinnamon

      Thanks Sir Guy. Unfortunately, I am still not clear on what separates group C from group D. I might just be a little slow the last few days
      🙂

      Your Highness Cinnamon,
      You’re defining C&D to separate them. I’m defining to describe how women face off differently with them. Example: Cs are much easier to trust early and earn their respect. Ds require more time to earn respect, different screening techniques.
      Guy

  3. Emma

    Amazing list of describing. I married an A (I think). Always cheating to make himself feel better, never really had a united front, but took care of everything financially and because he did this that was enough. Reading this today sorta solidify that I married someone who would never change no matter what. We have been separated for 7 months now and he has tried to come back a few times, but never with real attempts (just words), never doing, specially not leaving the OW. Everything is still my fault and some days the pain is bigger, but reading this blog helps me move in the right direction. If he valued his family enough, he would have done something differently, more than that he would not have treated me the way he has, as his enemy (I enable his bad behaviors for long). The moment, I made a decision not too, I became the ego driven, stubborn wife; the silent and non-involved was an insult to his ego, where he wanted me to chase him (tell him to come home and stop messing around). I stood firm ans communicated that his decision to mess around was his, but I was not going to play that game anymore.

    I must say that this list is very good for when I get ready to mingle again to qualify the good enough’s.

    • That Horse Is Dead

      I must agree with Lady Emma, I was married to A and it is actually comforting and validating for me to read that I wasn’t “crazy”. All my efforts to restore the relationship were torpedoed by him. Sir Guy, could this be indicative of a personality disorder, like narcissism or worse? I’ve often wondered if my ex could kill me someday and never blink an eye because somehow I deserve it. Despite divorcing 7 years ago, he is still overly obsessed with me in an extremely hateful way, and then nice to me when the wind blows a certain direction. His mood swings are highly unpredictable. I feel like he will never go away and avoid him at all costs, but unfortunately with the children there is contact.

      Your Highness That Horse is Dead,
      Sorry, but I’m not qualified to judge what you ask. But I admire your courage.
      Guy

  4. Andromeda

    Just wonderful Sir Guy! Great article!

  5. Beloved

    Thanks for clarifying things Guy. I guess my problem is not wanting to even go out with someone unless I’m sure of his character first. That doesn’t sound like it makes sense, but it’s like I want to spare him (and mostly me) that discomfort of having to say, “I don’t think we are on the same page. I’m a Christian….” These are great ideas though and gives me something to go on. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty about going out with someone, having him spend money on me and then being like, “oh well, sorry.” But, it does feel weird although I know they shouldn’t be out to use someone for their body thinking a few drinks or dinner will buy it. What nerve! So I guess go out with no guilt because men don’t feel guilty about trying to use someone, have fun, get to know them and then blow them off if they’re a loser.

    Your Highness Beloved,

    Action cures fear, worry, anxiety, confusion, and depression.

    I suggest you spend more time at the mirror (2123 – 2127). Prettify yourself more. Groom yourself better. Practice smiling more assertively. Do whatever makes you feel good and better about yourself just to start every day. Dream of your next date, both him and the event, with you as the princess or queenly gal that you deserve to be.

    When you worry about how you impact him, it makes you want to make him like you. It disadvantages you. Practice dolling yourself up to the top of your ability with the sole purpose of earning his respect. If you fail, you tried. If you succeed, he’s on your side. Either way you win by pleasing yourself in preparation, which makes you immensely more valuable than being confused and worrying.

    Guy

    • Miss Gina

      Your Highness Beloved,

      A lot of screening goes on before and during dates. Your good company for the evening is a fair exchange for his purchases. Make it an enjoyable evening for both within your boundaries and you have done enough. 🙂 I think sometimes we ladies put too much importance on any single date…maybe this helps: dates can be just fun opportunities to practice what you are learning. A modern tendency to “instant relationship” puts too much pressure after a few dates. The more dates, the more relaxed you will be with men, the better you will get at screening and handling men, and the better company you will be. I think we ladies might give a guy a chance, even if he doesn’t seem quite our type, as long as no giant red flags. He might grow on us. Even non-Christian men may have good potential and decide to convert based on meeting a Christian girl. (Marrying a Christian is the standard, but that’s quite a distance from a few dates.)

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