2199. Divorced Men and Chaste Single Women

At post 2182 Her Highness Eb asked for info about the titled subject. Their natures push both sexes in these ways, but default conditions don’t always lead to decisions made.

Divorced men full of lessons learned in soured marriages steer away from ‘being caught’ again. They dedicate to thinking against another marriage, and it makes them susceptible for re-marriage. Their nature says try again, they reject it as too risky. They won’t put up with ‘that’ again. The chaste single woman (CSW) need only remove the risk by keeping him thinking about not marrying again.

Having been burned trying to live with a poor mate, such men want and think they can do better. They tend to depend on guidance from their male nature. They want independence. They fear insignificance and another breakup would repeat that of the first.

Such men face off against women who have been living for some time keeping to their female nature. They have learned to balance their hard-headedness and soft-heartedness. They are accustomed to guarding sexual assets as the way to a brighter future with someone as mate.

CSW don’t need to change, just be themselves. They are emotionally attractive by remaining steadfast in character and stable in emotion. They know who they are and what they want. They don’t try to be liked but respected. They aren’t desperate, but they do have a calculating mindset.

Divorced men know who they are but they also know what they don’t want, which keeps them thinking about it.

(The self-fulfilling prophecy favors women with such men. Our subconscious mind takes us toward what we think about. It doesn’t know the difference either, whether we like it or not, want it or not, or even if it’s good for us or not. No values, it just aims us toward what occupies our conscious mind frequently and emotionally. As long as he keeps thinking about what he must avoid, he moves closer to being the husband he wants to be.)

They meet. She has high hopes and he has hidden hopes for marriage. He still has to prove to himself that his ex was the problem, which requires what he claims he will avoid. He develops strong determination to restore his self-respect by avoiding another failure, which means take no risk.

He blames marriage for his sour disposition to avoid acknowledging that two people caused the breakup and each blamed the other. Hence, he’s vulnerable for Miss Right. You know, the lady that knows not to blame a man. (He’ll blame himself if he’s much of a man, in possession of quality character that CSW should be looking for while ignoring his claims of ‘never again’.)

He thinks he knows himself and seeks relief and compensation by exploiting women and in multiple ways that convince him that he can do without marriage. OTOH, she knows that she knows herself. She’s ready to lead by reducing his risk; he’s ready to follow the right leader, although he can’t admit it. She has every advantage; he has none except faith that he’s doing the right thing for himself.

Men want CSW to remain the woman as courted. Miss Right guides their relationship to assuage his fear of risk, and turns over the reins of leadership after they marry. CSWs are the best qualified to accomplish that.

The process of his walking himself to the altar has this uniqueness; he’s not primarily after sex. He’s looking directly for CSW’s strengths to admire as virtues rather than weakness to bed her. He recognizes that sex is not her primary attraction or virtue. Virtual virginity works much easier for CSW competing with divorced men. (If he’s deeply bitter however, her job becomes much lengthier, burdensome, and perhaps never successful.)

Regarding sex, important but not vital. He’s determined to not repeat what he doesn’t want. So, she qualifies more and more as he discovers that she’s not what he expects in a woman. SHE IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT HE EXPECTS IN CHARACTER (to make her honest and straightforward) AND LIKEABILITY (too make her fun to be with).

The more eager and impatient she is to deepen their relationship, expecting lovey-dovey intimacy while remaining chaste, perhaps promoting marriage before he’s ready, then the easier he perceives her to be like other women.

Trying to avoid what they don’t want, men are surprised to encounter a woman far different from what they have learned to expect. Surprise brings discomfort, which brings thoughts of reconsideration, which brings changes in thinking, which brings changeover from trying to just get her into bed. That’s the lesson he learns after she has presented herself as the ideal of a woman unlikely to cause him another marital disaster.

Could, would, should she make a reasonable mate? Totally different from the last one? That’s the final question before he proposes. It isn’t womanly love that brings him on board her ship. It’s masculine loyalty pledged to someone of more virtues, higher value, and greater promise than he ever expected.

CAUTION. CSW who are divorced inherit an extra burden. Don’t deny or hide it but teach yourself to think and act as if never married. You think it impossible. However, to continue trying is to develop habits that promote greater compatibility. It’s natural that new man wonders about your ex; you should dissuade any comparisons against old guy. Keep new relationships focused on only two people, never any exes. It’s tough but practice pays off.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she loses, How she wins

12 responses to “2199. Divorced Men and Chaste Single Women

  1. Eric

    This is also true of men who’ve been in soured LTRs. Women would be surprised if they heard how many say that the woman they’d most like to meet is one ‘who isn’t like all the others.’ That’s a rather sad commentary on what femihag education has done to women.

    • That Horse Is Dead

      Hi Sir Eric,

      Do you care to expound on the details of what these men describe as a woman who is unlike all the others? Or do they just say it in general because it is unique to each man? From the article here, it seems that uniqueness is not eager for relationship, not eager for false intimacy and allowing things to unfold naturally.

      Also, another question. I’m interested in a man who is divorced…we’ve had a friendship for a while now and it is progressing very slowly but there is obvious interest on both sides. I’ve kept my online dating profile up on one of the popular dating sites. It is tasteful. Dating infrequently from there because the pool of men is less than desirable.

      What will he think if he sees my profile on there (it records your last login time)? If he is in no hurry to progress things forward, I’m left wondering what proper etiquette is for talking with other men online. This is a gray area that is confusing to me, perhaps other women as well. I know not to take it down because he’s not qualified yet as Mr. Good Enough, but just wondering your thoughts from a dating male’s perspective if you spent a nice outing and then later saw she was logged in 24 hours later. See my point? Is this good or bad?

      Your Highness That Horse Is Dead.

      Pardon my intrusion with Eric. I may have some guidance, although I’m not the dating male you inquire of.

      As I understand your question, does your online presence disturb new guy’s thoughts of promise he sees in you? Only if he’s really interested in you. If he saw you logged in after a nice outing, and you are just another chick to him, no bother.

      However, if he’s fascinated by you, then it requires action to preserve his investment. You can expect him to raise the subject. When he does, the ball is in your court. If he’s promising enough, let him earn your taking yourself offline. If he’s not promising enough yet, let him continue earning the privilege until you figure what’s best for you.


      • Eric

        Miss THID:
        Men as a rule don’t expect much of anything positive from modern women. Not being like the others is actually doing the opposite of what men expect by treating them well and being like the CSW described above.

        I don’t think a lot of women fully realize how hopeless most (decent) single men feel in today’s dating scene. Most anticipate being treated with contempt and dumped for thugs at the earliest opportunity. The last woman I showed any interest in seemed a good. intelligent, traditional and level-headed girl who suddenly declared that she had no interest in monogamous relationships, and in the last two weeks has bedded (at least) 5 different guys. This kind of thing doesn’t even surprise me anymore. She’s ‘just like all the others’ and I go on looking for one who isn’t.

        IOW, don’t be THAT girl, and you should find a decent guy alright.

        As for your online dating question, it probably varies from man to man, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much unless he brings it up.

        • That Horse Is Dead

          Thanks for your insight and I’m sorry to hear about the woman who interested you. At least you know there are CSW out there. WWNH is evidence of that:)

          • Eric

            Thanks—yes, and women who are aware like the readers really have a HUGE advantage in the dating market over other women. Good women today are so rare, that a decent man really feels fortunate to have one. The positive side to the dysfunctional culture is that once a good woman lands a good man, keeping him is much than much easier than finding him.

  2. Cocoa
      “He develops strong determination to restore his self-respect by avoiding another failure, which means take no risk.”

      Sir Guy, how do men do that, restoring their self respect? By knowing , but not marrying other women just for fun and to prove their significance? Or maybe by immersing themselves in work, their jobs, for long and extended hours? What restores a man’s self respect most? If he is of a good character that is.

      Your Highness Cocoa,
      How do men restore their self-respect? By making hard decisions and standing by them even to the point of refusing to defending them.

  3. Eb

    Thank you Sir Guy. I hope that there’s more coming our way on divorced men. I personally have sensed that it is more of an uphill battle with them. I also find that a lot of divorced men (especially if the divorce was rather recent) want to date but only by dipping their toes in the water so to speak (keeping their options open I suspect).

    Your Highness Eb,

    About keeping options open, of course. Either stupidity or caution and assessment precede risk-taking.

    Uphill battles are your forte. You’re endowed with the patience, fortitude, and hard-headedness necessary for his uncovering your virtues. Divorced men find it easier, because they know exactly what they don’t want. So, rather than bachelor tactics, they screen with a negative cast in their eye. You have to allow more time and an uphill battle to make your relationship work. You can do it, you’re infinitely prepared from birth.


    • Ari

      Sir Guy,
      You have peaked my interest…what are these “bachelor tactics” you speak of? Is there a place on the site that I might find some of these as I am afraid I may see them and not recognize them for what they are. Please point me in the right direction.
      BTW I read the articles and find that the comments are many times just as golden…

  4. Femme

    Sir Guy,
    is there an article on the site that explains how women can get over a divorce?
    Once a marriage is over it’s not only the man who can become embittered…
    Also, I was wondering about this point:

    “teach yourself to think and act as if never married. You think it impossible. However, to continue trying is to develop habits that promote greater compatibility. It’s natural that new man wonders about your ex; you should dissuade any comparisons against old guy. Keep new relationships focused on only two people, never any exes. It’s tough but practice pays off”.

    I think it’s very wise advice, but how can it be done if there are children from the1st marriage and therefore the ex will be in the picture forever – both men might even see each other from time to time?
    Thank you.

    Your Highness Femme,
    Yes, several about divorce. Search on the home page.
    As to children from first marriage, the series on Virtual Virginity covers it pretty well. As I recall the subject of ex and new guy meeting is discussed too.

  5. Southernbelle

    Sir Guy

    What about men who marry and initiate divorce multiple times, never for death of spouse just sighting she cheated or she changed. Wouldn’t he learn to date longer rather than marry or have better judgement. Seems like faux commitment, using what she wants in the moment to keep what he wants in the moment without any true commitment to the vows he’s making. Huge red flags to me but she (his newest fiancé) keeps making excuses about how terrible each of these women were/are. This kind of man’s nature seems to be very different than the masculine nature described on WWNH.

    Your Highness Southernbelle,

    It’s not his inborn nature as it’s described on the blog; he acts in response to lessons learned that taught him to put women down to get what he’s after.

    He is conning his newest fiance, else she would not know “how terrible each of these women were/are.”


    • Southernbelle

      What’s he after though? If just conquest he could likely get that without matrimony. He definitely has more financial resources. Just seems like he has more to lose in respect and financial risk for “just another pretty face”. Seems more like what a woman would do for “love” or romance.

      Your Highness Southernbelle,

      What’s he after? Conquering you because you won’t accept it. The challenge doesn’t go away.

      • Southernbelle

        Oh sir Guy this is not a suitor of mine! Multiple divorces among other things is a deal breaker for me for even a date yikes! The woman I speak of however is a close friend who just won’t listen to reason because she “loves him”. She claims to be chaste but her actions and emotions seem contrary. Trying strongly to dissuade her from proceeding with this marriage.

        Your Highness Southernbelle,
        I understand now.

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