At post 2182 Her Highness Eb asked for info about the titled subject. Their natures push both sexes in these ways, but default conditions don’t always lead to decisions made.
Divorced men full of lessons learned in soured marriages steer away from ‘being caught’ again. They dedicate to thinking against another marriage, and it makes them susceptible for re-marriage. Their nature says try again, they reject it as too risky. They won’t put up with ‘that’ again. The chaste single woman (CSW) need only remove the risk by keeping him thinking about not marrying again.
Having been burned trying to live with a poor mate, such men want and think they can do better. They tend to depend on guidance from their male nature. They want independence. They fear insignificance and another breakup would repeat that of the first.
Such men face off against women who have been living for some time keeping to their female nature. They have learned to balance their hard-headedness and soft-heartedness. They are accustomed to guarding sexual assets as the way to a brighter future with someone as mate.
CSW don’t need to change, just be themselves. They are emotionally attractive by remaining steadfast in character and stable in emotion. They know who they are and what they want. They don’t try to be liked but respected. They aren’t desperate, but they do have a calculating mindset.
Divorced men know who they are but they also know what they don’t want, which keeps them thinking about it.
(The self-fulfilling prophecy favors women with such men. Our subconscious mind takes us toward what we think about. It doesn’t know the difference either, whether we like it or not, want it or not, or even if it’s good for us or not. No values, it just aims us toward what occupies our conscious mind frequently and emotionally. As long as he keeps thinking about what he must avoid, he moves closer to being the husband he wants to be.)
They meet. She has high hopes and he has hidden hopes for marriage. He still has to prove to himself that his ex was the problem, which requires what he claims he will avoid. He develops strong determination to restore his self-respect by avoiding another failure, which means take no risk.
He blames marriage for his sour disposition to avoid acknowledging that two people caused the breakup and each blamed the other. Hence, he’s vulnerable for Miss Right. You know, the lady that knows not to blame a man. (He’ll blame himself if he’s much of a man, in possession of quality character that CSW should be looking for while ignoring his claims of ‘never again’.)
He thinks he knows himself and seeks relief and compensation by exploiting women and in multiple ways that convince him that he can do without marriage. OTOH, she knows that she knows herself. She’s ready to lead by reducing his risk; he’s ready to follow the right leader, although he can’t admit it. She has every advantage; he has none except faith that he’s doing the right thing for himself.
Men want CSW to remain the woman as courted. Miss Right guides their relationship to assuage his fear of risk, and turns over the reins of leadership after they marry. CSWs are the best qualified to accomplish that.
The process of his walking himself to the altar has this uniqueness; he’s not primarily after sex. He’s looking directly for CSW’s strengths to admire as virtues rather than weakness to bed her. He recognizes that sex is not her primary attraction or virtue. Virtual virginity works much easier for CSW competing with divorced men. (If he’s deeply bitter however, her job becomes much lengthier, burdensome, and perhaps never successful.)
Regarding sex, important but not vital. He’s determined to not repeat what he doesn’t want. So, she qualifies more and more as he discovers that she’s not what he expects in a woman. SHE IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT HE EXPECTS IN CHARACTER (to make her honest and straightforward) AND LIKEABILITY (too make her fun to be with).
The more eager and impatient she is to deepen their relationship, expecting lovey-dovey intimacy while remaining chaste, perhaps promoting marriage before he’s ready, then the easier he perceives her to be like other women.
Trying to avoid what they don’t want, men are surprised to encounter a woman far different from what they have learned to expect. Surprise brings discomfort, which brings thoughts of reconsideration, which brings changes in thinking, which brings changeover from trying to just get her into bed. That’s the lesson he learns after she has presented herself as the ideal of a woman unlikely to cause him another marital disaster.
Could, would, should she make a reasonable mate? Totally different from the last one? That’s the final question before he proposes. It isn’t womanly love that brings him on board her ship. It’s masculine loyalty pledged to someone of more virtues, higher value, and greater promise than he ever expected.
CAUTION. CSW who are divorced inherit an extra burden. Don’t deny or hide it but teach yourself to think and act as if never married. You think it impossible. However, to continue trying is to develop habits that promote greater compatibility. It’s natural that new man wonders about your ex; you should dissuade any comparisons against old guy. Keep new relationships focused on only two people, never any exes. It’s tough but practice pays off.