It’s very common. Everyone proclaims they respect others. But too much shortage exists or relationships of every kind would be better.
You have to live with men and hopefully with one successfully. Without respecting them, it ain’t gonna happen. Real men have no use for anyone, women especially, who disrespect them or fail to show the respect they expect. (Check out the Manosphere by Eric in tomorrow’s post.)
Showing respect begins with first encounter. Perhaps contrary to your intent, flirting does not show respect; it just shifts any man’s interest to sex and diverts his attention away from your appeal as possible mate. Not terminal but not beneficial either. (See footnote about first encounters.)
Dating and courtship exist to enable you to display and prove your respect of men. Why? Because men won’t pay attention to you (except for sex) until they see signs of respect. Or stay with you unless well respected. Each date and courtship event together is another opportunity for you.
Your respect for a man unlocks the door to his ambitions (aka emotions to you) and his intentions (aka pursuit to you). Doesn’t mean he’s all that interested, but without you unlocking the door he stays fixated on sex or turns elsewhere.
Detecting your respect, he can then offer up his loyalty and his likeability to you. It’s his gift; he lets you see him in all his masculine glory, aka his vision of being lovable and just right for you. He seeks to earn your loyalty and enjoy your likeability, aka his interpretation of love. He’s not looking for love as you express it and expect to see yours matched. He’s intent on convincing you of his worthiness either for you or for sex. To keep him focused away from sex is to keep him focused on you as possible mate.
Other than that, you have little to do with relationship development except to make yourself more loyal and likeable in his eyes, which means to let your respect grow for him. You should be yourself and not interfere with his presenting what he offers—unless he turns you off. (Sex excluded, of course, as it definitely interferes.)
If he’s not loyal and likeable to you, he’s not good enough. Measure him by those factors; he measures you by them. They’re what he’s selling and figures you will buy.
Originating at birth, your primal motivational force is to earn a sense of your importance. Successful relationships begin by respecting the male gender and one special man. (If you don’t respect the gender, your man too often in your mind becomes one of ‘them’.) Your showing respect is both action and accomplishment that confirms to your heart that you’re important as a person, sweetheart, girlfriend, woman, friend, mate, or wife, which energizes you to make yourself even more important to others.
Women don’t need respect as men do. In early stages of relationships, you rely more on instinct, intuition, and infatuation. From that base you do things to please both your man and yourself. Pleasing him confirms your importance to yourself and hopefully to him. Pleasing yourself programs your heart with the appropriateness of what you do. IOW, the more you do for him, the more you love him. Your heart won’t let you invest yourself without figuratively patting you on the head and saying Well Done, young lady.
Women should pay more attention to this natural paradox. The more respect you show to a man, the less feedback you need to confirm your importance. (Funny how that works, isn’t it? God knew what He was doing.) Moreover, the more you respect yourself, think mirror time, the more you’re able to respect others. It also means that the more mirror time, the less you need others to sustain your spirit and morale.
Blame weakens respect. The more that women blame men, individually and collectively, the less that men sense womanly respect, which weakens manly respect for both female gender and individuals, which weakens masculine love of women, which makes men more self-centered, which brings out their aggressive side, which turns them toward violence and victimizing females. It all starts with the finger of blame pointed at men because women seek to change them and they refuse to change as women expect it.
Men, OTOH, try to offer up their loyalty and likeability in exchange for the same from women, but women won’t accept them as is, which means they don’t respect them as is, which means that men don’t much care what happens after that.
If you want to be respected and loved by a man, he must be respected, and you are in charge of that regardless of how unrespectable you view his behavior. You always have the option of not respecting him with the consequence that you lose whatever love he has for you. It’s easily proved with the finger of blame.
When women individually and collectively demonstrate respect, men quit blaming women and learn to follow the female lead. They fall in line with whatever values and standards women impose and religiously expect, such as strong sense of family responsibility.
After paying the price of respecting him, you only need to decide if his loyalty and likeability can be made mutual with your expectations while he determines the same thing. That’s the shortest version of relationship development.
By using respect as your empowering first principle, you are naturally prepared to generate mutual loyalty and likeability and thus develop compatible if not fully successful relationships. It works as surely in dating and courtship as it used to work all across American society.
**First encounter may well be a man’s hitting on you. It’s a compliment that you have either sex or mating appeal. You get to choose to listen or not. Listening sends a message of respect, which I propose. Refusal sends the opposite.
You listen, smile, and show interest in what he says. You let him hold your attention—preferably eyeball to eyeball to confirm your courage—while he presents himself for you to consider buying what he says. Do the same earnestly, sincerely, and habitually with all men. Then make your decision each time.
If it’s beyond a polite self-introduction, say a bold hit, then listen and get bolder to reject him. Bold but not insulting rejection—after listening sincerely—adds to your respect for him and his gender. Your anger or rapid escape to avoid listening to his compliment shows disrespect for both him and his gender. It also may lead you away from some good men who are sincere in the compliment that is the foundation for their hit.