After seven years I’ve uncovered something new about Jill. She doesn’t pay enough attention to her self-respect. I hope to show how to improve it with a simple change in attitude and behavior.
If I can make my case, it’s both opportunity and immense advantage to each woman to respond exactly the same to all men who hit on them, including the hottest hunks and richest guys.
Unlike men, self-respect is not a woman’s most prominent trait. 1) Women have been disrespected through the millennia. They are accustomed to having themselves demeaned and self-respect crushed by both mannish behavior and that of females with hearts hardened by power. The hurt lingers and women have adjusted by diminishing its importance to herself. 2) When a woman stands up for herself in a self-respecting manner, the feedback from others may confirm her behavior. However, she tends to roast herself on the coals of self-doubt or guilt and finds subsequent displeasure with herself. She could have done better and will the next time. As relationship expert, she pressures herself to find alternatives, which tends to confirm she was perhaps wrong the first time: oops, more guilt. Consequently, it causes confusion in the heart and women outwardly stand up for themselves less and less as they age. Unreinforced self-respect tends to weaken itself over time. It’s kind of like the older you get the more you get beat down.
Men cause 1). Women cause 2) by the way they react to 1), so room for improvement lies within.
Other than within your mothering instinct, your self-respect as a female depends on the presence of men and a man in your life. It bounces around all the time based on how well you feel compatible and comfortable with them and him. More accurately, it bounces around based on the respect you are shown by men and your man. That is, you feel as compatible and comfortable as you are treated with respect, which just happens to be both foundation of masculine love and major source of your self-respect.
Why such emphasis here on self-respect? High levels of self-respect—such as that spawned with feminine mystique, female modesty, personal vanity, and mirror time—weaken male dominance. Putting hitters in their place has similar effects, especially when they think they can’t be refused. You rebuff them for no other reason than they hit on you; your standard is that it’s disrespectful to be that presumptive of you. (The second or third hit is another matter to be covered later.)
Consequently, because of constant concern or involvement earning masculine attention and hoping for affection or boyfriend, you pay too little attention to self-respect. Yet, one of the immutable laws of nature is this: The greater your self-respect, the more likely and easier for others to respect you and you to respect them. IOW, the root of all respect is self-respect. Since a man’s love is based on respect for women generally and one woman particularly, your weakness in self-respect weakens the prospects of a man’s love.
I propose that all hitters regardless of desirability be dismissed with female charm. Take advantage of more opportunities and you reinforce your potential to be loved. Don’t overlook this fact. The guy you finally win thinks your standard of dismissing hitters means you’re not a pushover, but yet he was good enough to try again and won you. Huh? Think he won’t be proud of himself for having overcome your initial rebuff? Try it, you’ll see.
My next job, however, is to wrap my mind around how you gals distinguish what you want and don’t want. Is there a universal definition of ‘hit’. I’m working on it and hopefully it will magically appear by next post. Tomorrow perhaps at #2209 or soon thereafter. This is a tough series to write, because of the need for separating ‘hit’ from ‘approach’, unwanted from appreciated, disrespect from compliment.