2208. Hits: A Matter of Self-respect


After seven years I’ve uncovered something new about Jill. She doesn’t pay enough attention to her self-respect. I hope to show how to improve it with a simple change in attitude and behavior.

If I can make my case, it’s both opportunity and immense advantage to each woman to respond exactly the same to all men who hit on them, including the hottest hunks and richest guys.

———

Unlike men, self-respect is not a woman’s most prominent trait. 1) Women have been disrespected through the millennia. They are accustomed to having themselves demeaned and self-respect crushed by both mannish behavior and that of females with hearts hardened by power. The hurt lingers and women have adjusted by diminishing its importance to herself. 2) When a woman stands up for herself in a self-respecting manner, the feedback from others may confirm her behavior. However, she tends to roast herself on the coals of self-doubt or guilt and finds subsequent displeasure with herself. She could have done better and will the next time. As relationship expert, she pressures herself to find alternatives, which tends to confirm she was perhaps wrong the first time: oops, more guilt. Consequently, it causes confusion in the heart and women outwardly stand up for themselves less and less as they age. Unreinforced self-respect tends to weaken itself over time. It’s kind of like the older you get the more you get beat down.

Men cause 1). Women cause 2) by the way they react to 1), so room for improvement lies within.

———

Other than within your mothering instinct, your self-respect as a female depends on the presence of men and a man in your life. It bounces around all the time based on how well you feel compatible and comfortable with them and him. More accurately, it bounces around based on the respect you are shown by men and your man. That is, you feel as compatible and comfortable as you are treated with respect, which just happens to be both foundation of masculine love and major source of your self-respect.

Why such emphasis here on self-respect? High levels of self-respect—such as that spawned with feminine mystique, female modesty, personal vanity, and mirror time—weaken male dominance. Putting hitters in their place has similar effects, especially when they think they can’t be refused. You rebuff them for no other reason than they hit on you; your standard is that it’s disrespectful to be that presumptive of you. (The second or third hit is another matter to be covered later.)

Consequently, because of constant concern or involvement earning masculine attention and hoping for affection or boyfriend, you pay too little attention to self-respect. Yet, one of the immutable laws of nature is this: The greater your self-respect, the more likely and easier for others to respect you and you to respect them. IOW, the root of all respect is self-respect. Since a man’s love is based on respect for women generally and one woman particularly, your weakness in self-respect weakens the prospects of a man’s love.

I propose that all hitters regardless of desirability be dismissed with female charm. Take advantage of more opportunities and you reinforce your potential to be loved. Don’t overlook this fact. The guy you finally win thinks your standard of dismissing hitters means you’re not a pushover, but yet he was good enough to try again and won you. Huh? Think he won’t be proud of himself for having overcome your initial rebuff? Try it, you’ll see.

My next job, however, is to wrap my mind around how you gals distinguish what you want and don’t want. Is there a universal definition of ‘hit’. I’m working on it and hopefully it will magically appear by next post. Tomorrow perhaps at #2209 or soon thereafter. This is a tough series to write, because of the need for separating ‘hit’ from ‘approach’, unwanted from appreciated, disrespect from compliment.

14 Comments

Filed under feminine, How she wins

14 responses to “2208. Hits: A Matter of Self-respect

  1. eighteen

    Reblogged this on myfemininecore.

  2. That Horse Is Dead

    Sir Guy,
    When sitting next to a man and he reaches across you (such as to tap the person next to you) and touches your breast with his upper arm, what should be done or said? The first time you wonder if accidental. The second time, this is a pattern. This is one of those guilt situations for me because I froze both times it occurred and acted like I didn’t notice. What is your advice?

    Your Highness That Horse is Dead,

    Since you had dated him, I approve of what you did as a lady. So, forget it.

    But you don’t have to forgive. So, have nothing to do with him, including don’t sit by him. IF he asks why, then tell him he has to figure it out and turn away. He will try to ‘fix’ whatever guilt you inflicted on him, if any, and the process that follows will provide you with plenty of info to screen and find out who he truly is in your life.

    Guy

    • Dove

      Punch him in the face. Kidding.

      I would definitely show unease. Pull my bag across my chest to let him know his actions aren’t unnoticed. And then move away from him, like to another seat or something.

      Is the man a stranger?

      • That Horse Is Dead

        Lady Dove, the man is not a stranger and we have, in fact, been on a date.

        • Miss Gina

          Your Highness Miss THID,

          The man is testing your boundaries in a very dishonoring way. I personally wouldn’t see such a manipulator again. Also, any time I have (or expect) an unpleasant encounter, I try to come up with a couple of short responses and practice them. Getting up and leaving without a word is one of them. Guilt isn’t necessary; studies show that it’s impossible for the logical brain to operate when its alarm system has been triggered. Creeps count on that. Practice/training bypasses that weakness. 😀

          Your Highness Miss Gina,
          I totally agree. “Getting up and leaving without a word” is one of the most effective actions you can take. Leave your friends behind (say from dining table) makes it even more effective.
          Guy

        • Dove

          Don’t go on another date with him.

  3. gonemaverick

    “I propose that all hitters regardless of desirability be dismissed with female charm.”

    i agree.

  4. Miss Gina

    Dear Sir Guy,

    “Dismissed with female charm…” What does that look like? I think we ladies are maybe too ready to go wrong either way…Being married, I read with interest, learning what I wish I’d known decades ago, but also to try and guide younger women in extended family.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,
    Female charm looks like serious, non-accusatory, and unexpected action that has the effect of dismissing someone without making a scene.
    Guy

    • Cocoa

      That’s just me, but silence and soft withdrawal work for me. If the guy is pleasant and not creepy I change the subject straight away.
      Now that I am getting the picture slowly, I see that this is a good way to test guys in general whether you are married or not, simply to see who you are comfortable around and who deserves to be your associate.

      If the man how pays attention with words (aka Hit) respect your reaction and felt your unease through your silence, withdrawal and/or changing the subject, he will not do it again and will find another acceptable way to approach you. He will try other means ever so carefully. I think this is a good man.

      If he doesn’t respect your reaction, he’s either slow in understanding female sensibility (not good) Or he doesn’t care. Either way just cut associating with him.

      Am I getting this hitting business right?! 😟 Just the word is uneasy!

    • Cinnamon

      Sir Guy,

      This is priceless information. I have written it down for future reference.

      • Cinnamon

        My comment about “priceless information” was in reference to the following:

        “Female charm looks like serious, non-accusatory, and unexpected action that has the effect of dismissing someone without making a scene.”

    • Miss Gina

      I agree with Miss Cinnamon: priceless. 🙂

  5. krysie869

    Out of curiosity, what do you mean when you say “The second or third hit is another matter to be covered later.” How should women handle subsequent hits from the same man?

    Your Highness Krysie869,
    If you’re offended, drive him off. If he’s a desirable candidate for some fun or more, then play his game to your satisfaction. It’s the first hit that provides the greatest opportunity to earn respect.
    Guy

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