I give up. So many combinations and permutations of hits, men’s motivations, and women’s motivations and individual reactions that I can’t describe how best to handle each. So, I propose you figure out how to use the following to your advantage.
- There are only two kinds of hits. Those that you appreciate and those that you don’t, guys that may appeal to you and guys that don’t. So, take the easy way out.
- WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I propose that rebuffing each guy’s first hit on you does that.
In defense of being falsely accused, what motivates men to hit on women? It’s far more than ‘just one thing’, although that always lingers and sometimes lurks in the background. Chatting with an attractive lady who encourages him to tell about himself is a very inviting exchange of thoughts for many men. Men hope for their mate to be attractive, and so they start looking among the best. A lot of self-admiration can be earned by a man just sweet talking a pretty woman into finding him likeable. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman and many start with virtues they see in attractive women. Men can be innocent too but women only see them as being after that one thing, which sharpens the finger of blame for some women and cautions others into fearfulness.
Self-talk at mirror time can help immensely to prepare for four kinds of hitters.
- Guy A pleases or compliments you. Also, he appeals to you as prospect for a relationship. As a lady, rebuff him with smiles and encouragement but determination that he’s finished for that first encounter. He has to know you’re not a pushover, and he only believes actions that he sees. If he returns for another encounter, handle him as suggested with guy B next.
- Guy B pleases or compliments you. As a lady, give him benefit of the doubt but rebuff him as matter of principle. If he comes back for next or more hits, make him suffer the agony of uncertainty. Keep him off balance and uncomfortable. It’s called screening, and his repetitive effort is his investing of himself. After a few encounters he may bloom for you, but he should earn every step. Perhaps a potential Mr. GoodEnough, but the first rebuff got his attention that he had to work to win you.
- Guy C displeases or offends you. Dismiss him with ladylike composure and without anger. It impresses observers more than guy C, which makes it a game changer for all those other guys thinking of you and for all the women who learn to have new respect for you.
- Guy D just comes on as very pleasant and likeable but not like A, B, or C.
The guys that come back for another encounter are likely interested in you more than sex but no guarantees. By ending the first hit with rebuff, your screening process takes a great stride forward.
Sample rebuffs and dismissals. Don’t claim yourself to be good or try to convince or explain or complain. Refer to how you’re obligated to or respectful of others. And don’t accept guys saying anything else. You end it with your response and don’t accept more from them.
- Hit from Guy A: Smile as if you like him. “Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady, but I’m busy now.” If that’s not enough for him, he may not be an A.
- Hit from Guy B: “I love compliments but I’m busy now.”
- Hit from Guy C: Stare a few seconds, give him a long silence (you know, the old evil eye), and then turn away as a determined lady rather than disgusted woman.
- Hit from Guy D: “Try again sometime. I think I’d like to know you, but I’m busy now.”
- Hitter is married: “I would never betray a sister female, especially your wife. Goodbye.”
- You’re married: “Thanks but I like it much better when my husband says that.” Or, “My husband would never say such a thing. He’s such a gentleman. Goodbye.”
- He’s a hottie, rich guy, or beamer driver: “You’re kidding, right? I’m supposed to drop who I am for you? Bug off, buster, you don’t qualify for me.”
- Hit in church: “I gave my heart to the Lord” (and walk away). If guy A or B invites for coffee after church, it’s another matter but still refuse first invitation. Not to be mean but to stand on your principle that all men are to be treated equally when they first approach you. It’s your standard, without which men have less to step up to in order to prove themselves worthy of you.
You’re made differently, so exploit it. You can’t stop being hit on, but you can win every encounter and send yourself off with grand rather than demeaning feelings about yourself. You can easily teach men that your self-respect and feelings are not to be tampered with. Your action, your immediate response can cure disappointment, discomfort, disruption, and disrespect when you’re surprised.