2209. Hits: Rebuffs and Rejections


I give up. So many combinations and permutations of hits, men’s motivations, and women’s motivations and individual reactions that I can’t describe how best to handle each. So, I propose you figure out how to use the following to your advantage.

  • There are only two kinds of hits. Those that you appreciate and those that you don’t, guys that may appeal to you and guys that don’t. So, take the easy way out.
  • WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I propose that rebuffing each guy’s first hit on you does that.

In defense of being falsely accused, what motivates men to hit on women? It’s far more than ‘just one thing’, although that always lingers and sometimes lurks in the background. Chatting with an attractive lady who encourages him to tell about himself is a very inviting exchange of thoughts for many men. Men hope for their mate to be attractive, and so they start looking among the best. A lot of self-admiration can be earned by a man just sweet talking a pretty woman into finding him likeable. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman and many start with virtues they see in attractive women. Men can be innocent too but women only see them as being after that one thing, which sharpens the finger of blame for some women and cautions others into fearfulness.

Self-talk at mirror time can help immensely to prepare for four kinds of hitters.

  • Guy A pleases or compliments you. Also, he appeals to you as prospect for a relationship. As a lady, rebuff him with smiles and encouragement but determination that he’s finished for that first encounter. He has to know you’re not a pushover, and he only believes actions that he sees. If he returns for another encounter, handle him as suggested with guy B next.
  • Guy B pleases or compliments you. As a lady, give him benefit of the doubt but rebuff him as matter of principle. If he comes back for next or more hits, make him suffer the agony of uncertainty. Keep him off balance and uncomfortable. It’s called screening, and his repetitive effort is his investing of himself. After a few encounters he may bloom for you, but he should earn every step. Perhaps a potential Mr. GoodEnough, but the first rebuff got his attention that he had to work to win you.
  • Guy C displeases or offends you. Dismiss him with ladylike composure and without anger. It impresses observers more than guy C, which makes it a game changer for all those other guys thinking of you and for all the women who learn to have new respect for you.
  • Guy D just comes on as very pleasant and likeable but not like A, B, or C.

The guys that come back for another encounter are likely interested in you more than sex but no guarantees. By ending the first hit with rebuff, your screening process takes a great stride forward.

Sample rebuffs and dismissals. Don’t claim yourself to be good or try to convince or explain or complain. Refer to how you’re obligated to or respectful of others. And don’t accept guys saying anything else. You end it with your response and don’t accept more from them.

  • Hit from Guy A: Smile as if you like him. “Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady, but I’m busy now.” If that’s not enough for him, he may not be an A.
  • Hit from Guy B: “I love compliments but I’m busy now.”
  • Hit from Guy C: Stare a few seconds, give him a long silence (you know, the old evil eye), and then turn away as a determined lady rather than disgusted woman.
  • Hit from Guy D: “Try again sometime. I think I’d like to know you, but I’m busy now.”
  • Hitter is married: “I would never betray a sister female, especially your wife. Goodbye.”
  • You’re married: “Thanks but I like it much better when my husband says that.” Or, “My husband would never say such a thing. He’s such a gentleman. Goodbye.”
  • He’s a hottie, rich guy, or beamer driver: “You’re kidding, right? I’m supposed to drop who I am for you? Bug off, buster, you don’t qualify for me.”
  • Hit in church: “I gave my heart to the Lord” (and walk away). If guy A or B invites for coffee after church, it’s another matter but still refuse first invitation. Not to be mean but to stand on your principle that all men are to be treated equally when they first approach you. It’s your standard, without which men have less to step up to in order to prove themselves worthy of you.

You’re made differently, so exploit it. You can’t stop being hit on, but you can win every encounter and send yourself off with grand rather than demeaning feelings about yourself. You can easily teach men that your self-respect and feelings are not to be tampered with. Your action, your immediate response can cure disappointment, discomfort, disruption, and disrespect when you’re surprised.

8 Comments

Filed under feminine, How she wins

8 responses to “2209. Hits: Rebuffs and Rejections

  1. Shermy

    This is spectacular advice Sir Guy!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Meggrz

    I appreciate the advice – it makes for a very good starting point for rebuffing in-person hits. (Especially D!) The trouble is, a lot of these fishing expeditions from men I communicate with come in text or email form, and while “I’m busy now” is good for ending a conversation in person, it doesn’t really apply to email (I mean, if you -are- busy, why are you replying at all?).

    Should I just ignore text / email hits entirely?

    For example a male coworker of mine emailed, asking “Were you at the big game last night? I saw someone on the big screen who looked like you.” I replied that I was not, to which he followed up “Oh, well, whoever it was looked like you. She was very pretty.”

    If any of the other ladies have advice, I’d appreciate it as well. experience is the best teacher.

    • Shermy

      It seems like in a case like that, you just say, “Thank you!” And go about your merry way. Even via email or text. If a man goes no further than making random statements, no further engagement should follow other than an acknowledgement of the question or statement. I think the main point is in just learning to acknowledge any man’s hits gracefully and full of fascinating femininity.

    • Cinnamon

      Meggrz,

      Hmmm…..I’m going to go out on a limb here, and apologise in advance if my reply offends you (I am intending to help, not offend).

      You describe these online hits as “fishing expeditions.” Could you give few examples? Why are you communicating with these men via email in the first place, if you don’t welcome their hits? Do you want to be approached by them or not? To be quite frank, the term “fishing expedition” sounds pejorative to me, unless the hits are coming from group C.

      I would ask yourself why you are communicating online with these men in the first place if you don’t want gentlemanly hits? Don’t the single females here WANT to be “hit on” by good men–hopefully in order to enable the advancement of a relationship with Mr Goodenough? To rebuff such hits for the sake of it in my view is somewhat wishy-washy, and does little to harmonise the genders in the choppy waters of today’s SMP/MMP.

      It’s a very rare occasion when I disagree with our magnificent Sir Guy, but today is such a day. I really have mixed feelings about the advice in this article. As you know from the Manosphere, Meggrz, most good men suffer from “approach anxiety.” Shouldn’t we be using feminine charm to help them overcome that handicap instead of handicapping them more? Being cautiously receptive to a man’s first hit , and not rebuffing, does NOT make a woman soft-headed.

      Do you like this co-worker (is he an A,B, or D)? If the answer is “yes,” I would accept his lovely compliment with something like the following: “Gentleman are never more charming then when they give an unexpected compliment to brighten up a Tuesday morning ;-)” If he is a Group C, ignore it, since you don’t want to encourage him.

      Your Highness Cinnamon,
      Your disagreement and mixed feelings perhaps stem from the difference in our objectives. You would help guys get over approach anxiety. My purpose was expressed yesterday in 2208, how women can earn more self-respect.
      Guy

      • Cinnamon

        Sir Guy,

        Apologies for my misunderstanding. Speaking for myself, however, I find (and I speak retrospectively, as I am no longer in the SMP/MMP) that responding with gentle receptivity to a gentlemanly hit in a way that shows sensitivity to the issue of “approach anxiety” increases my self-respect every bit as much as much as (or more than) a charming rebuff could. But I may be an outlier in this regard.

        Your Highness Cinnamon,
        Your approach to a guy’s ‘approach anxiety’ uses sympathy and is very natural to females. But guy’s don’t respond to sympathy the way you wish. It tends to make them dependent if they believe in you as a respected person. Challenges motivate men to action much more than does sympathy. Sorry to disagree; you know so much good stuff.
        Guy

        • Cinnamon

          “It tends to make them dependent if they believe in you as a respected person. ”

          Sir Guy,
          What would this look like? What is the difference between him being “dependent” and him being “eager to please?” (which is a good thing, according to my understanding of WWNH) I think there is perhaps a very fine line, but would like to hear your explanation.

          I guess my point Sir Guy is that I don’t see “gentle receptivity” at the hit stage coupled with sympathy for approach anxiety as necessarily being a de-motivating force that lessens the “challenge” for a man. If a woman remains hard-headed during courtship , and he wants her, she will continue to be a challenge long after that first date that she accepted without a rebuff.

          Ultimately, a man does want a woman to sympathise with him IF (and this is a “big if”) she is to be his “Miss Right.” He dreams of someone not only that he respects and desires, but who also wants the best for him, sympathise with his struggles and support him in overcoming them, and that he can count on to have his back**. I know these things are not that relevant in the early dating stage, but these end goals should, I think, lurk silently in the background when we devise our strategies for the early dating phase.

          **And by the way, thank you for teaching us how to become all these things for our Mr Goodenough.

          Your Highness Cinnamon,

          You make thorough exams. Good work and woman’s choice.

          As to “What is the difference between him being ‘dependent’ and him being ‘eager to please?’”

          If dependent, he’s easy to comply. If he pleases, he’s independent; it’s his idea.

          Guy

    • Dove

      Based on experience:

      -if i’m interested in the guy, i chat with him a little and if he responds with something that doesn’t require an answer, i end the conversation with a smiley or with “got to go”.

      -if i’m not interested, i ignore completely.

      -if i’m not interested but he’s quite persistent with making conversation, i answer his questions (if there are any), otherwise, i reply with a smiley – and usually that ends it

      Nobody’s forcing you to respond to emails and texts, so don’t feel compelled to respond.

      If they’re complimenting you, say thank you. With your example above I would have said “wow haha” and a smiley. And usually that would end it.

  3. Krysie869

    I agree with this post! I find that when I say these things to men my self respect increases and their respect for me also increases. The conversation usually ends with smiles and/or laughter. I think my problem is creating future interactions given that they do come back to my advantage.

    P.S. How should a woman react if a guy pleases her? I normally say thank you or smile. Wouldn’t it be rude to reject him? I can deal with compliments and sexual innuendo but I am not sure about this one.

    Your Highness Krysie869,
    You’re doing fine, lady. Big smile is better than ‘thank you’ to men. Or, I like ‘men are never more handsome than when they please a lady. But it’s more for unexpected pleasing of a lady.
    Guy

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