2214. Compatibility Axioms #751-760


751. It’s self-fulfilling: A wife blames husband for his faults. Accused men resist change and defend themselves by disproving the evidence presented. In her eyes, his resistance makes her see his faults as her failure to correct him. More of her failures make his faults even less tolerable to her. [259]

752. Short-term romantic love seduces women into ignoring the need for her man’s respect. Hence, when romantic love fades in a year or two, his respect for her is not enough to fuel long-term enduring love.[259]

753. She seeks to be friends with her kids and elevates them to adult status. It demotes husband to subordinate status, which he views as denial of admiration, tampering with his significance and, therefore, insufferable. [260]

754. A woman has to sell a man on fidelity, marriage, and her worth as comfort partner. Otherwise, men focus on frequent and convenient sex as comfort from their daily ‘battles’ — and it may not be her. [260]

755. She welcomes kids with open arms but not him. She takes his arrival home for granted, because she wants relief with the kids. [260]

756. Hook up but no call? She lost her footing playing in a man’s territory. [260]

757. Couples try to make their life together fair or equal, but it’s self-defeating. It puts them to competing and women usually lose in the long run. Equal is never possible and fair depends on who defines it. [260]

758. Budgeting comes easily if a couple focuses on building a successful mixture of spousal interaction. Lots of imagination, small bits of will power, negotiable cooperation, and frequent confirmation of mutual trust can all be energized through the budgeting process. [261]

759. Forgive yourself and each other. Ignore what’s past. Presume financial decisions already made were sound at the time even if you fought over them. Else, you would not have made them. Someone won and all is done. Hindsight sees too many mistakes; those little buggers trigger spousal disputes. Why pay attention to what can haunt, irritate, and demotivate you or generate distrust for spouse or your budgeting process? [261]

760. Pay yourself first: Save at least 10% off the top for long term savings for home purchase and retirement. Otherwise, late in life you will financially stagger before you physically limp. Life is best the other way around.  [261]

4 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, sex difference

4 responses to “2214. Compatibility Axioms #751-760

  1. Dove

    “Hindsight sees too many mistakes; those little buggers trigger spousal disputes.”

    Do husbands forgive more easily than wives do?

    Just noticed that men forget easily 😀

    Your Highness Dove,

    “Do husbands forgive more easily than wives do?” No, and it’s related to their different focus on time.

    Women focus on the future. They forgive more easily than men in order to promote cooperation and calm emotional upheavals. But they don’t forget; you might say never forget. Why give away something they might need someday to promote guilt or win a dispute?

    OTOH, men are pretty much opposite. They base decisions more on the present rather than the future. Can they live with her offense now and justify forgiveness? If yes and so inclined, they forgive and forget it because the memory holds little value for their future.

    If his forgiveness turns out as a mistake, he can always just walk away. His love is not as bonding as hers. His is based on his loyalty to her, which is based on her likeability and loyalty to him. She’s no longer likeable or loyal enough if she twice seeks forgiveness for the same offense. Promoting cooperation and resolving disputes isn’t as important as it is to her. He has more options than she.

    Guy

    • Magnolia

      Sir Guy,

      What do you mean by “He has more options than she”?

      Your Highness Magnolia,
      He can ignore her, cuss, fuss, fight, get violent, leave for awhile, stay away, cheat, divorce her, and probably select from a few others.
      Guy

  2. Magnolia

    Women can do all that as well, and in fact, many do. Do you really think that women’s options are that limited? Maybe you mean within the context of a woman wanting to keep harmony in the home and, as you said, promoting cooperation and resolving disputes. Am I correct?

    Your Highness Magnolia,
    Yes, you’re correct. Remember the context. She has offended him twice and seeks forgiveness. He has more options because he isn’t as concerned with preventing breakup and many other things that arise out of her more intensive love.
    Guy

  3. Magnolia

    Thanks.

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