2221. Back to Basics: Respect Trumps Love


Subject: For long-range compatibility, masculine respect earned early in a relationship is more important than female love, which earns its great value over the years of marriage as its importance turns confusion into order, disorder into harmony, and husband’s hard-hearted nature toward pleasanter results.

——

Long-range marital compatibility depends greatly on how long a woman holds off a conqueror with standards he must accept. The more willingly he honors her expectations, the more respect she earns.

She can choose. Either earn masculine respect or take shortcuts that weaken her conqueror’s love. The following works against shortcuts.

  1. A man’s love is built on the foundation of his respect for her. Without it, he has no interest in being loyal to her or—except for sex—see her as very likeable for fitting into his life. OTOH, greater manly respect breeds his greater loyalty and promotes her greater likeability.
  2. Men do whatever women require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. But if she doesn’t require that he pay a dear price—and men don’t appreciate unearned gifts—then she doesn’t earn much if any respect. If that happens, his interest turns to sex or temporary and probably both.
  3. Men expect to be respected three ways: as a person, as a man, and in the various roles he fills, such as boyfriend, fiancé, husband, father, son, friend, job holder…. Respect as a person, which means acceptance of how well he likes himself. Respect as a man, which means acceptance of who and what he is relative to women. Respect in his various roles, which means acceptance of his legitimacy to fill and effectiveness filling those roles.
  4. Women extend their love with attention, affection, and helpfulness predicated on their ability to add importance to the life of a man. All promote her likeability but have marginal magnetism without sex interspersed and his likeability and her loyalty to him very much in evidence. When a woman tries to win a man with her love, she stumbles over his less interest for what she seeks, crumbles before his determination to win whatever battle she has invented to convince him to accept her. IOW she fails to earn respect and may be disrespected.
  5. Men honor the female nature this way. They expect to face off against each woman’s hard-headed resistance to protect sexual assets against infringement. Men respect women for it. It’s expected just as men expect women to rely on their soft-heartedness after marriage.
  6. A man changes after he conquers a woman. Mission accomplished. His primal sex urge is satisfied, he’s satisfied with himself, and he’s satisfied that he knows all there is to know about her—at least all the most important things. His mind is free to hunt elsewhere, conqueror’s right gives him control of their sexual agenda, and his respect for her just lost roots for further growth. Their relationship stabilizes in his heart and determines if she’s a keeper, booty, or dumpee.
  7. A woman’s love during dating, courtship, and even engagement is relatively unimportant compared to it’s worth after marriage. A man finds the right woman and walks himself to the altar almost unassisted. Too much of her attention, recognition, affection, stroking, helpfulness, compassion, empathy, and demonstration of her importance before he needs it actually work against his getting to the altar. They confuse his mind about her likeability, which was formed early in their relationship and men don’t often change their minds about things they figure out.
  8. The female urge to love and express it arises mostly from her soft-hearted nature. It’s best reserved for after marriage. It ill-serves her for earning manly respect during dating, courtship, and engagement.

Thus, for long-range compatibility, masculine respect is more important than female love.

13 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, sex difference

13 responses to “2221. Back to Basics: Respect Trumps Love

  1. eighteen

    Reblogged this on myfemininecore.

  2. KitKat

    If a man never marries a woman after he’s had sex with her why did my husband marry me. But more importantly when I played by your rules I was dumped for someone beyond promiscuous, and not only did he get the sex he wanted but MARRIED her within six months. And no, I was far more physically attractive than her. I know you don’t specially say NEVER but your blog at best seems to say, rarely if ever, does it not happen the way you say. Or is your blog directed mostly at church going people.

    Your Highness KitKat,

    Your tone reveals your hurt and I regret it. My best response is to help you recover. I suggest you begin with 618 and the next four through 622. Some others with “recover” in the title may apply.

    Also, I suggest you explore the articles with mirror in the title. Take this claim with you to your mirror. I only describe how we are born differently. Out of that I propose what works better in the real world that has changed so much from how God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize us.

    Guy

    • Eric

      Miss KitKat:
      You have to choose good men for the advice to work.

      • Blayze

        Thank you Eric for clarifying that for me. I was wondering the same thing at KitKat. I e now that some men are just lower class, like the bottom feeders of society, and they don’t recognize, desire, not appreciate virtuous women. Much like the type of men that marry strippers and then want them to keep working on that industry. Obviously, being a good man worthy of respect doesn’t mean much to them.

  3. gonemaverick

    #trying to suppress a smirk. yep. i know it’s not funny.

  4. Miss Kitty

    what do you think of the MGTOW movement sir guy

    Your Highness Miss Kitty,
    Highly praiseworthy, just what we need, and just what women need to SEE. Men returning to their masculine nature may spread to women returning to their feminine nature.
    Guy

  5. Southernbelle

    Sir Guy

    Will you please further expound on this:

    “They confuse his mind about her likeability, which was formed early in their relationship and men don’t often change their minds about things they figure out.”

    What does he get confused about if he made up his mind earlier regarding her likeability and virtue?

    Your Highness Southern Belle,

    The original reads this way: “A woman’s love during dating, courtship, and even engagement is relatively unimportant compared to it’s worth after marriage. A man finds the right woman and walks himself to the altar almost unassisted. Too much of her attention, recognition, affection, stroking, helpfulness, compassion, empathy, and demonstration of her importance before he needs it actually work against his getting to the altar. They confuse his mind about her likeability, which was formed early in their relationship and men don’t often change their minds about things they figure out.”

    You question the last sentence. Answer: He questions the full meaning of the pressures that he senses when she overwhelms him with too “much of her attention, recognition, affection, stroking, helpfulness, compassion, empathy, and demonstration of her importance.”

    Guy

    • SouthernBelle

      Ok I think I’m understanding better. Does it mean when she does a lot or too much of those things before marriage it seems as too much (in his mind) compared to what he perceives he’s given her. It’s underserved/unearned so why would she do/give that? Am I on the right track? If so it’s such an eye opener for me because good women naturally want to do this for all people they care about. To take pause and realize men do not naturally perceive these things the way we intend is definitely an eye opener!

      Your Highness SouthernBelle,

      “Does it mean when she does a lot or too much of those things before marriage it seems as too much (in his mind) compared to what he perceives he’s given her. … Am I on the right track?”

      Not quite. Too much in his mind means too easy for his worrying about it.
      Therefore, he loses interest when challenge is missing.

      “It’s underserved/unearned so why would she do/give that?” That’s a possibility, but it applies mostly to the guy who thinks little of himself, the gamma- or omega-type man. The man under-whelmed with self-respect, -image, and -esteem.

      Guy

    • SouthernBelle

      So Sir Guy if his mind is confused because these things emerge over time (because that’s her natural inclination) what is she to do to recover other than stop doing these things? Withdraw? Just for clarity there’s been no conquest… Danced around discussions of it

      Your Highness SouthernBelle,

      This man’s mind is confused. Can you provide more details?

      What seems to confuse him? Your refusal to yield or something else…?

      “…what is she to do to recover other than stop doing these things?” What things?

      I figure you seek answers but the questions are not clear or your problems evident.

      Guy

      • SouthernBelle

        My apologies Sir Guy.
        I’m still trying to understand why attention, recognition, affection, compassion confuse his mind about her like-ability when it seems to me these are very natural femine virtues that will develop overtime in a good relationship. If she truly admires him more and more why not attention and recognition to him? If he begins to share some things why not give compassion and care? This seems to be the very things a female can provide to a strong masculine man.
        I’m assuming her intuition would tell her when it’s “too much” for her particular man/ relationship and she would sense his being “overwhelmed”and would decide to withdraw some and await his approach again? This seems to be the natural ebb and flow of a relationship
        I would very much appreciate clarity where my thinking may be faulty and/or shine some light on what the male perspective truly is Sir.

        Your Highness SouthernBelle,

        You seek to find success dealing with men as you would deal with women. Doesn’t work; men value very differently the qualities you mention.

        Men seek conquest and not to be defined. Your trying to convince a man that he’s as you perceive him makes you look or sound desperate. Desperate women make men fearful of associating with them.

        Contrary to female-think and what females want to believe, men strive to convince women of who and what they are. They are sellers and expect to earn you that way. You as buyer earn respect best by just listening; you have plenty of time to weigh what you hear and assign red flags when appropriate.

        A good man for marriage has little or no interest in you defining him. He seeks to convince you of what he claims. He is busy presenting his own show of his worth for you; he cares little to hear your opinions about who and what he is. Of course, I exaggerate for effect; the theme is correct but imprecise.

        OTOH, you make progress with him when you admire him for who he says he is and what he does.

        You ask, “If she truly admires him more and more why not attention and recognition to him?” Miss Gina below describes it beautifully and much better than I can.

        Guy

        • Miss Gina

          If I may poke my head in to offer some thoughts and possibly shed a bit of light…Sir Guy, it appears Lady Southernbelle is flummoxed that the things that make a Southern lady a Southern lady (offering feminine attention to a man) would work against her and is not sure of what to do next if she has bestowed too much attention on her beau.

          Lady Southernbelle, I think Sir Guy’s point is that female concern, comfort, interest, attention, and recognition are things that a man tends to value much more if he has had to pay a price for them, much like sex. If they are freely given, they are of little value to him, but if they are earned by marriage to the lady and are offered exclusively to him, then they will be highly prized.

          In other words, there are gifts of herself consisting of emotion and care that a lady should only give to the man who has paid the price of meeting her at the altar. Her gentle heart is willing to give more readily to all those around her, but even she must exercise restraint to protect herself from those who would take advantage until she has screened her prospects thoroughly. We can think about it this way…If she were to offer this level of care to some other man after her marriage, would her husband not be jealous? Why lavish her special gifts on non-husbands before marriage?This in fact goes for female friendship, as well…we can give too much, too easily.

          If a lady senses that she may have been overly generous in her gifts to the gentleman before marriage, she can simply adopt an attitude of friendly or even affectionate reserve. Of course I don’t mean be prudish or self-centered…just be interested in his affairs from a bit of a distance and indirectly, as he chooses to share them, and there’s no need to try to fix them other than by listening respectfully. With men, much more is accomplished this way, anyway. To a man, it is a way of offering respect…Since men tend to live in the moment, recovery from mistakes with them is almost always a matter of just changing the behavior in a friendly way with nothing said. It’s one of the wonderful things about them. 🙂

          Your Highness Miss Gina,
          Another spot-on contribution shining from your wellspring of wisdom. Thank you.
          Guy

  6. Southernbelle

    Sir Guy,

    I’m not sure where this question fits best. When a woman senses her Mr. Good Enough is not “ok” just seems like he is sad, is it disrespectful or mothering to inquire if he’s ok? Or attempt to cheer him up? I guess I’m wondering when to act on this intuition or just not “do” anything unless he brings something up. As a student of WWNH I’m wondering if my good intentions may have unintended consequences…

    Your Highness Southernbelle,

    Probe with questions that are peripheral to your best guess so they come across as indirect. If you think it’s his job, inquire about associating with various friends and even ‘enemies’. If you think it’s financial, inquire about future developments or what’s coming that doesn’t reflect on him. Just doing routine planning….

    With questions try to boil it down into his becoming verbal about it.

    Guy

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