Subject: Single women make their relationships more shallow. They’re far too eager to say, “I love you.”
Women say I love you to feel good about themselves. They say it to energize a man into responding the same. And, they say it to ‘grow’ his love of her. And they think that it works the way they wish. Not so.
The following reasons are developed out of natural traits of both men and women. The reasons work against women who volunteer those three little words to proclaim their love, make themselves feel good, and add emotional stability to their relationships. All legitimate reasons but they fly in the face of the masculine nature.
- ‘I love you’ has a very different effect on men than on you. In fact, almost opposite of what women expect. You expect it will double his interest in you but not so. It reduces his interest in what he has to do to keep your relationship going the way he wants or expects.
- Men change their intentions when they receive new information. Being loved doesn’t make them love more or return it. In fact, it makes them ambitious, so what comes next? Expect conquest sooner?
- Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. If he hears those words before he’s put forth his best effort, he figures you’re less worthy than he expected earlier. He should have to earn those words the same way he should earn both your hand in marriage and conquest. His having to earn you makes you worthy. Prolonging his earning you thus makes you worthier.
- Saying I love you before he demonstrates his devotion in effect turns you into the seller and him into buyer. If he doesn’t have to earn you, then he’s not the seller.
- If he knows he’s loved, he doesn’t have to show that he feels the same or demo his devotion as women naturally do. It reduces the affection you normally receive when he’s working to earn those three little words.
- Men don’t disclose their emotions. Women use those words to reveal their emotions in order to convince men they are loved. Men don’t need to hear the words; they expect actions out of which they figure they are loved. Having won that phase of the game, men needn’t try any harder to win the next phase, conquest.
- A man seeking to win a woman is uncomfortable as he seeks signs that he’s winning. While he’s uncomfortable, he’s willing to change his habits and techniques in order to achieve his goals. It means greater effort to please you, which morphs into devotion through repetitive actions.
- Men shift into comfort mode after hearing I love you. Comfort satisfies men and they see less reason to please you.
- The more you say I love you to a man, the less he seeks to please you and less attention he pays to what all else you say, are, or do.
- In effect, men receive I love you as saying he won’t lose you now. It works much like conquest. He knows how you’re playing the game and he won the first phase, so he can play it more comfortably. You’re committed to him, and perhaps without his having committed to you.
- A man doesn’t need words to confirm your love; he expects to see your actions that he interprets as your love. Specifically, do you demonstrate loyalty to him and do you consider him likeable above most other men? Does ‘I love you’ fulfill those expectations?
- Women use those three little words because it makes them feel good about themselves. You are doing what you do best, and so you are pressured to say it out loud. Perhaps too, he will be more interested in loving you or so you hope.
- Soon as a guy hears I love you, he shifts gears and speeds up for conquest. If he never hears the three words, he faces uncertainty about how eager to move forward, which slows him down, which takes pressure off you for sex.
Consequently, women mistakenly volunteer their love prematurely. “I love you” convinces a man that he has it made with you. His comfort rises and he does far less to please and convince that he’s the one for you.
Even though men are the dominant sex, women should dominate dating, courtship, and engagement relationships. If they don’t, then effectively women also give up control of their relationships. Experts shouldn’t do that.
When should you say I love you? How about one of these: a) He proves to you that he’s devoted and cherishes you and is first to say it. b) When he proposes and you tie it in with your acceptance speech?