Blog 2223 — Relationship Strategies: Dating


Subject: This the first of four stages of relationship development: dates with a guy, courtship with boyfriend, engagement with fiancé, and married with husband. Four different roles that men pass through at the pleasure of a woman.

Relationships develop best when women establish their standards, figuratively write the rules, and stick by them. The younger she starts the better. It helps for each girl or woman to journalize requirements for both her and candidates for Mr. GoodEnough. She already has her hopes and dreams for marriage.

Here’s how dating work best. The purpose is to build your case that you’re worthy and owed something for your time, effort, and consideration of every man’s interest in you. You intend to be super-valuable to the man who finally earns you with a ring.

Your attitude sets the stage. Work your tail to the bone to capture a guy for dating or courtship and you will produce less of what you want in the end. Try to be liked and you won’t be. Focus on winning his heart, and you won’t hold it for long. Focus your thinking on convincing him of your everlasting love, and you’ll subdue if not kill his interest in you.

OTOH, enable him to date and escort as he designs and figures what he’s willing to do to win your favor. You smooth out the roughness that ensues and shape the relationship into what makes you valuable to him and worthy of him. While he tries to conquer you for sex, you try to discover his character as worthy of you for marriage. If he isn’t good enough, you’re wasting your valuable time and limited youthful appearance.

Try too hard to date well, and you’ll likely miss out on courtship. If he doesn’t have to work hard to win you for a steady girlfriend, you won’t be all that valuable or permanent in his heart. Your purpose for date 1 is to get date 2. For date 2 is to get date 3 and on and on until you discreetly promote and generate routine togetherness, which morphs into courtship declared to be underway as described in the second article of this series.

He has to pay for your attention and company, which means that he pays for dates. In response to his urge to conquer, you respond with your insistence that you’re too worthy of some man willing to pay a higher price in terms of obligation. Draw the line against any talking about sex except this: Affirm that he’s free to pursue sex with others, that it’s none of your business. Let him know that you don’t care what he does except when with you, and that includes no more talk about sex.

Go to quiet mode or change the subject every time and every which way he manages to bring it up. Dating doesn’t open the sex door, or there’s less reward for you when you enter courtship. Let him know indirectly that even the privilege of talking about sex must be earned. (All of the above done indirectly and not using such direct terms as I use. Feminine skill and relationship expertise is required for dating.)

Dating boils down to this. Recognize and let him as the leader initiate the exposure of feelings. To show that you yearn for his attention or are eager for his affection is to show that he can win you with less effort, which makes his challenge smaller, which makes his winning less meaningful, which makes his dating you less important in his life, which except for sex makes you unimportant.

Stage two, courtship, is coming up next.

5 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins

5 responses to “Blog 2223 — Relationship Strategies: Dating

  1. My Husband's Wife

    Wow, another winning article! This is golden: “While he tries to conquer you for sex, you try to discover his character as worthy of you for marriage. If he isn’t good enough, you’re wasting your valuable time and limited youthful appearance.”

    Today, the amount of “rewarding men with sex” before marriage—or any sort of character qualification for that matter—is stunting a man’s growth to become responsible, devoted to her. Creating exactly what woman DON’T want.

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,

    Last paragraph is both clear and poignant.

    It’s all continuation of the dumbing down of American school children that included sex education and which began decades ago. Common sense and recovery ability dissolve further to the degree that she blames him for their relationship problems and ensuing breakup.

    Not that he’s not guilty but that she can’t admit that she contributes. She’s been educated and trained that women are victims of masculine mistreatment. Victims are not responsible for their condition, which invalidates any guilt that might come to the female mind. Ergo, he’s to blame.

    Guy

    • Lyndeeloo

      Sir Guy,

      You mentioned sex education in your comment above. And it’s got me thinking.

      I mentioned in a comment elsewhere on the blog that a young woman confided in me that she’d been raped. As we chatted, it came to light that the sex education she received at home and school taught her about mechanics, but did not teach her how to handle boys or various situations (or really how to avoid getting into some potentially dangerous situations). So, these things lead me to ask–when and how should parents begin to educate their children about sex and interactions with the opposite sex? I have some nieces and students (and hope to have children of my own someday) who I’d like to help if I can. I also don’t want to say things prematurely to my nieces and children. Your advice would be very helpful.

      Your Highness Lydeeloo,

      Our mislabeled educators aka indoctrinators are taking sex ed into kindergarten. What does that suggest to you? It suggests to me that we’ve far too long ignored local politics. Here’s my suggestions for a local plan of action.

      1. Get all the Christian pastors together and find common interest to be delivered from their pulpits. Take back our community.

      2. Start a local movement to upgrade local education by targeting bureaucrats. Keep sex ed out of the picture, as opponents will keep political argument focused on their issue. No central issues except turnout of local authorities in the next election. The people want better but don’t really define ‘better’ except by each person’s expectations. Unify around replacement of officials rather than attacking critical issues.

      3. Paint a huge target on the political back of the school superintendent. Work to find a way to fire him for malfeasance, corruption, distrust, or whatever. Make sure he knows he’s under fire.

      4. Electorally fire the local school board and elect new members that have pastors’ endorsements. Let the board know that it’s not what they do, it’s them.

      5. Once the board is replaced, keep newbies’ feet to local fires so they are less likely to be co-opted by state and federal bureaucrats.

      “When and how should parents begin to educate their children about sex and interactions with the opposite sex?” Only this makes sense to me.
      Interrogate them daily as to what they learned that day and correct their learning to match parental interests. After reinterpreting what they learned into details more appropriate for a child’s life, get involved and help with taking back local control such as the plan of action described above. No sense correcting a child’s life if other children’s lives are not corrected too. Their paths will cross and nullify parental values and expectations.

      Guy

  2. ari

    Love it!
    I see it a lot: woman wants boyfriend/marriage and tries VERY hard to win the man, including jumping into a sexual relationship only to lose him soon…or later but get dumped eventually. It is difficult to be alone, but it would be more difficult to go through the humiliation of being dumped AFTER such an intimate relationship.
    Thank you for a great read. I try to teach the girls I have access to about this…this is just smart dating, and in line with God’s design for relationships/marriage.
    Look forward to the next one!

    Your Highness Ari,

    1st para: Do it several times and the humiliation doesn’t seem all that bad compared to other pleasantries.

    2nd para: You may find more teaching material in the 13 dating articles listed under ‘DATING’ in CONTENTS.

    Guy

  3. Sarina

    Sir Guy, or any guy that wants to leave input, how should women react to pop girls and female celebs? There is a constant push to accept women exposing skin. In order to seem ‘cool’ girlfriends compliment other women in front of their boyfriends, they call other girls sexy and praise their sensual dance or revealing outfits, etc. For me, they seem desperate not to appear jealous. How would a man perceive this girl that talks about how much she enjoys seeing women express their sexuality?

    Your Highness Sarina,

    “How should women react to pop girls and female celebs?” Shun them as unworthy of attention and respect of feminine women and ladies.

    “There is a constant push to accept women exposing skin. In order to seem ‘cool’ girlfriends compliment other women in front of their boyfriends, they call other girls sexy and praise their sensual dance or revealing outfits, etc.” Such ‘cool’ girlfriends are just advertising themselves as available for boyfriends of other gals. It’s a method they developed to compete with men to gain masculine attention, rather than competing with women to win the best man. IOW, they duplicate the male nature rather than the female nature.

    “For me, they seem desperate not to appear jealous. How would a man perceive this girl that talks about how much she enjoys seeing women express their sexuality?” He would perceive her as having round heels, possessing no values to slow a pushover, promoting sex with him, willing to betray her girlfriend, and unqualified for marriage.

    Guy

  4. Krysie869

    I’ve noticed two guys who tend to approach me: 1) guys who sell themselves to me (talk about themselves and/or their career or what do) with polite conversation that may or may not lead to asking of the phone number and 2) guys who throughout the entire conversation or everytime we meet asks deep personal questions about me like do I have a boyfriend or if I have kids. But here’s the kick: they never sell themselves to me! My intuition tells me that the second group of men is more interested in me for sex than the former. Is this true or am I being too cautious?

    Your Highness Krysie869,
    Yes, you’re reading them right, but don’t disqualify the guys in 2) so readily. Look for more red flags first. They may just be following what others guys do and don’t follow their nature.
    Guy

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