2226. Relationship Strategies: Marriage


Subject: Marriage is a watershed event. It works best when generating compatibility is the mission rather than loving kindness and happiness; mutual rather than one-sided matching of interests. Women are in charge and the quality of a marriage is directly related to the quality of a woman’s relationship expertise.

It’s the best of times. Honeymoon over, they settle down to life together. Seeking a successful strategy to generate compatibility, a relationship expert works on, in, over, around, and ends up matching the following natural traits to the best of her ability. [Numbered articles provide more detail.]

  1. Her need for a brighter future with his drive to compete. [1672]
  2. Her drive to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones with his need of a place to recover and prepare for tomorrow’s battles. [1673]
  3. Her want of a helpful mate with his want of independence. [1674]
  4. Her focus on the future with his focus on the present. [1675]
  5. Her fear of abandonment with his fear of insignificance. [1677]
  6. Her primal certainty that she’s pretty with his being handy and ability to improve his appearance. [1678]
  7. Her modesty with his lack of it. [1679]
  8. Her need of self-importance with his need of self-admiration. [1676]
  9. Her soft-heartedness with his hard-heartedness.
  10. Her hard-headedness with his same mindedness.
  11. Her yearning to eventually find happiness with his daily achievement of finding satisfaction.
  12. Her persistent sense of being unpleased with herself with his seemingly constant sense of being pleased with himself.
  13. Her susceptibility to guilt with his apparent sense of no guilt.
  14. Her sense of rightness with his disregard for perfection in matters not associated with his work, job, hobby.
  15. Her expectation of affection and intimacy with his ‘Okay, let’s get it done’ attitude about prime interests in her life.
  16. Her desire to live a good life with his inability to see ‘good’ as she sees it.
  17. Her ability to worry with his conviction he can handle whatever comes.
  18. Her desire for his presence with his loyalty to his job.
  19. Her obligation to like him with his inability to always be likeable.
  20. Her inability to always be likeable with his inability to respect unlikeable associates.
  21. Her cautious nature about major changes with his ambitions and dreams.
  22. Her fear of emotional infidelity with his hunter-conqueror interest in attractive women.
  23. Her pleasure of romance in her life with his apparent lack of interest after conquest.
  24. Her desire to feel better about herself with his apparent disinterest.
  25. Her ability to read his mind with his inability to read hers.

Relationship experts, and not men, have the natural ability to merge, match, and resolve differences in the traits and interests listed above. By adopting the mission of building compatibility as her greatest long range interest, a wife can build a successful marriage. Men can neither do it nor participate enthusiastically when blamed for problems that interfere with wife’s progress.

It’s the worst of times. Honeymoon over, they squabble themselves into a temporary marriage. Not reaching for compatibility but well-intended loving kindness and happiness, wives torpedo their own ship with modern values and popular expectations. Husbands fight back by firing their own torpedoes. Their ship sinks after too much flooding by demeaning criticism, mutual disrespect, and endless irritants about husband’s lack of loving kindness and help in pursuing what makes wife happy. Wife defeats herself when she expects immediate gratification out of husband to represent her happiness.

Modern couples have little in common that they work toward, such as more compatibility. Instead, they fall into the rut of doing little mutually. Wives look for more personal happiness. Husbands look for more personal satisfaction. Too easily, without common goals, they find distractions more interesting than their spouses.

The following deviations from their natural inclination to build compatibility brings about the flooding. Without common and mutual effort to work together, they drift apart in both emotion and actions.

  1. He leaves her to go golfing; she finds some way to retaliate.
  2. When he resists new ideas, she takes it personal and resents him.
  3. Either can find reason to be jealous where only slight suspicion exists.
  4. She says she respects him but he reads her actions otherwise.
  5. He irritates her and she snaps back at him.
  6. She harangues him for not picking up after himself.
  7. She rails about the toilet seat.
  8. He doesn’t deserve either her perfect housekeeping or her perfect self.
  9. She’s grateful for his income but his absence annoys her.
  10. She thinks she could and should have done better than marrying him.
  11. His personal habits offend her, she lets him know it.
  12. The more she gets in his face and doesn’t win her case, the more she screeches the next time.
  13. She says that he could be a better lover and hints she has experience to confirm it.
  14. She tells her girlfriends about her husband’s shortcomings and the self-fulfilling prophecy kicks in to make him worse.
  15. She explains that she lacks loving kindness, he expects less complaining about it.
  16. She knows better than he about certain things, such as money, budgeting, saving, kid’s schools, time together, intimacy, demonstrating love.

Well, you get the picture. For lack of mutually pursued polite and courteous treatment to build a compatible marriage, both spouses become distracted, divert from both their common and the other’s interests, and eventually elevate their competition to fighting.

It’s so common in modern society that successful marriages take on an aura of accidental uniqueness. Relationship breakup is normalized and marriage isn’t far behind.

This series ends here. We looked at strategies for dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. Since the major aim of marriage should be mutual effort to build compatibility, learning how to do that should be a major effort for women in the phases previous to the altar. There are no rules for doing that except this one: Women should learn to exploit their relationship expertise from first date. It’s part of their godly design and their most unique and natural ability.

32 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter

32 responses to “2226. Relationship Strategies: Marriage

  1. Eric

    In the second list: 4, 10, 13, 14, and 16 are mostly what I hear from unhappily married men.

    Sir Eric,
    I’m sure you’ve seen many more. Care to cite what you find as most common? I can integrate yours with the list.
    Guy

    • Eric

      Another main one is women who radically change their appearance after marriage: usually changing something the husband likes. Another one I see often is that wives give their husbands the lowest priority in her daily life (i.e. anything and everything else is more important).

      • Dove

        “Another one I see often is that wives give their husbands the lowest priority in her daily life (i.e. anything and everything else is more important).”

        This happens a lot. This doesn’t only happen to the western culture. But you should also see this from another perspective, instead of taking it personally. Women take their jobs as wives seriously. You could say this is the wife’s version of being workaholic – there really is a lot to do at home esp when there are kids. And this fact has nothing to do with feminism or being unfeminine. And wives don’t do this on purpose believe it or not. Surprisingly this is part of a woman’s nature.

        • A.GuyMaligned

          Your Highness Dove,

          You make a highly believable case for why husbands are the lowest priority in a woman’s daily life. It’s a great example of how women have won the political correctness battles and most everyone has lost the truth. Inaccurate claims do not make truth, however believable they become with time and use.

          I copy and break your comment for clarity of explanation. Lower case is from you, upper case by me.
          ——
          This happens a lot. This doesn’t only happen to the western culture. But you should also see this from another perspective, instead of taking it personally. Women take their jobs as wives seriously. TRUE.

          You could say this is the wife’s version of being workaholic – there really is a lot to do at home esp when there are kids. TRUE.

          And this fact has nothing to do with feminism or being unfeminine. FALSE. WOMEN WERE EMPLOYED OUTSIDE THE HOME LONG BEFORE FEMINISM ELEVATED THE IMPORTANCE OF A WOMAN’S JOB IN ORDER TO MAKE WOMEN INDEPENDENT OF MEN. ACTIVISTS USE IT AS ANOTHER WAY TO CONTINUE THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES TO AMASS AND CENTRALIZE POLITICAL POWER FOR THEMSELVES. LITTLE IS ILLEGAL OR IMMORAL BUT ALL IS PURELY POLITICAL AND ANTI-MAN.

          And wives don’t do this on purpose believe it or not. FALSE. THEY DO IT TO BE EFFICIENT ENOUGH TO DO THEIR BEST. THEY THINK HUSBANDS ARE JUST THE EASIEST TO IGNORE AND COMPENSATE LATER. WHETHER HUSBANDS AGREE IS ANOTHER MATTER.

          TO PRIORITIZE ANYTHING AS LESS WORTHY OF ONE’S TIME IS TO DO SO PURPOSELY. IF NOT CONSCIOUSLY BUT SUBCONSCIOUSLY, THEN IT’S THE RESULT OF PRIOR ACTIONS AND THOUGHTS, WHICH MEANS PURPOSELY DETERMINED.

          Surprisingly this is part of a woman’s nature. FALSE. A WOMAN’S PRIMAL WANT IS FOR A MATE TO HELP DEAL WITH LIFE AND ITS COMPLICATIONS THAT MEN CAN HANDLE MORE EASILY AND COMFORTABLY THAN WOMEN. SHE HAS NO COMPARABLE PRIMAL URGE FOR A JOB OTHER THAN DOING WHAT’S BEST FOR HER AND HER CHILDREN BY EXPLOITING A MATE. MEN ARE VERY DIFFERENT. THEY ARE ACHIEVERS AND COMPETITORS AND THEIR JOBS ARE NECESSARY TO THEIR WELL BEING.

          THANKS FOR THE INCENTIVE TO SPOTLIGHT DIFFERENCES THAT PREVENT MALE-FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS FROM BECOMING MORE COMPATIBLE AND EACH SPOUSE EASIER TO LIVE WITH.

          GUY
          https://wwnh.wordpress.com/wp-admin/edit-comments.php#comments-form

          • Dove

            When I said they don’t do it on purpose, I meant wives don’t have this hidden agenda of intentionally making their husbands feel unimportant. Housework and children do get in the way, and sometimes its as simple as that. Women tend to be perfectionists (very much our nature), and so get engrossed in affairs that need fixing and organizing (which most of the time is chores and kids). Then they’re too tired – which leads to husband seemingly being ignored. Then this eventually becomes a habit. Usually no feminism behind this, just plain circumstances.

            Are you saying that because of feminism, wives now have the option to “ignore” husbands in favor of other things? As opposed to pre feminism period where women have no choice but to totally depend on their husbands (and therefore they can’t ignore them)?

            Your Highness Dove,

            1st para: I agree. But it’s an alibi generated by Feminism. See next.

            2nd para: Option to ignore husband? Of course I’m not saying that. Nor husband to ignore wife.

            However, constant demeaning of the male gender over the past several decades killed unconditional respect for the opposite gender.

            Feminists initiated and women copied behaviors that reflect disrespect against both male gender and individuals. Feminist theory, thought, and propaganda spread and the entertainment media and political decisions presented and promoted it. It’s now female habit to not render to men the respect that men expect. So, men resent, resist, and often retaliate with behavior worse than disrespect, such as abandonment and love gone to someone else.

            At one time, unconditional respect exceeded respect for one’s own gender. IOW, neither men nor women thought the other gender worthy of being torn down, demeaned, degraded. The balance of respect between genders and individuals has deteriorated to where compatibility is too delicately balanced for many couples to find success in relationships, much less marriage.

            A man’s love is founded on respect for a woman’s virtues. From her he expects respect, gratitude, and dependence for who and what he is. When she shows inadequate respect for him, her virtues and his respect of her fade away and, consequently, his love for her diminishes or dies easily. In modern society, are women loved enough by their man?
            No, wives live in constant disappointment of the attention, affection, and devotion they receive from their husband. Many also live in fear of something or other.

            I contend that feminists caused the lack of mutual respect out of which love has become a mind rather than heart function. When women operate out of their minds instead of their hearts, they lose to men. The sex war is over. Men have won but peace has not been imposed because only women can do that.

            Guy

            • Eric

              Miss Dove:
              I disagree. Women in Feminist Culture are taught, practically since birth, to hold men in contempt. The attitudes of most modern women range on a scale of men being little more than a necessary evil to something women are better off without.

              Consider that today most girls grow up without fathers; are exposed to all sorts of anti-male biases in the schools and media; go on to college or work where they’re lectured on things like sexual harassment and see women promoted because of their gender; they have lesbianism and abortion held up as virtues—this they’ve all internalized by the time they’re 25 or so!

              Your last sentence perfectly illustrates this kind of anti-male bigotry. As if nobody ever married for love before Feminism! If anything, the feminists have taken love out of the equation more than anybody.

            • Dove

              Physical exhaustion is a reality for some wives in specific situations,
              not an alibi.

              For #1-16 and the examples that sir Eric mentioned – I’ve observed them here, in much older couples (those going on in their 50s or 60s) and despite our culture NOT adopting feminism.

              Anyway, I only wanted to point out that the “unwifely” traits or the “deviations from natural inclinations” are also part of what women are, or what they’re capable of becoming once they become wives. Wives want a lot of things at the same time – definitely in our nature – and sometimes at the expense of their husbands. Our nature as women makes champions of us, but can also fail us at times, especially in the context of marriage (surprisingly). I’m all about compatibility with mate, but women aren’t entirely born with relationship expertise. Some aspects (perhaps majority) of this expertise is also learned in life or must be taught – so it’s no wonder a lot of women read this blog.

              Sometimes it’s not feminism, sometimes it’s just us women being women. I’m not justifying anything, I’m just saying things as I’ve observed them here, and what I’ve experienced as a woman myself.

              For other cases where women hate men, those who support abortion, and other extreme movements – that’s people doing whatever they want to do. They come from a place that we don’t understand. So it’s best to leave them alone until they come to their senses and unlearn the hate and biases.

              Your Highness Dove,
              Yours is a polite, feminine, and explanatory reminder. Thanks.
              Guy

          • Magnolia

            “A woman’s primal want is for a mate to help deal with life and its complications that men can handle more easily and comfortably than women.”

            Interesting thoughts, Sir Guy. Can you give us examples of these complications and how men handle them more easily and comfortably than women?

            Your Highness Magnolia,
            How about these for starters?
            • Discipline children when her way doesn’t work.
            • Protection against men who would berate or manhandle her.
            • Escort into places in which girlfriends aren’t enough for her sense of comfort.
            • Earn more money on a job. (Not trying to justify any inequality, just that men find it easier.)
            • Ability to live more cheaply when it’s essential.
            • Repairing mechanical devices.
            • Hard labor.
            • Passing masculine values on to sons.
            • Negotiating settlements when she’s emotionally upset.
            • Counteracting burglars and neighborhood violence.
            • Live alone for extended periods.
            Guy

            • That Horse Is Dead

              I could name plenty! One of my top votes is “yard work”. Should I ever get married again…the cold beer will be waiting:)

              • That Horse Is Dead

                I have experienced all of those as a single mom. A woman doesn’t even have to be emotionally disturbed to appreciate a man’s ability to negotiate. Hiring anyone to do anything around the house (painting, wood replacement, etc) and having a man present makes ALL the difference. And let’s not forget…killing any kind of large crawling or flying bug in the house. It’s these little things that you just don’t realize until they come along!

            • Magnolia

              I guess modern women are so independent that they don’t necessarily see it as that. They have learned to do most of those things. It might not be right or fair, but they tend to see themselves as better than men. When they are very smart, have a great career, make good money, own a home, know self-defense, have been single and are very self-sufficient, etc., they tend to look down on who they would call your “average chump”, “average Joe”, or whatever. Women always want the top man– it’s in our nature. Now that they have the privilege of all this independence, freedom, education, etc. they look down on your average man even more for not being what they consider good enough. They think: “This schmuck is not on my level.” Again, it may not be right or fair, but it’s hard for modern women to see it any other way.

              Anyway, thanks for your answer.

              Your Highness Magnolia,
              Yes, and that’s why so many can’t capture and domesticate a good man and why they can’t keep those they marry. They act more like men in order to succeed and carry it into the home where men don’t want to live with someone who acts like a man.
              Guy

              • Magnolia

                Just wanted to add one more thing: I can see how this would be very disheartening and downright appalling for men since, as you tell us, they really crave women’s admiration and respect and most of them think that they are God’s gift to women. Yet, most don’t have a lot of status, a great career, etc. They are not high-ranking executives or business owners, so forth and so on. That is what women want. I was reading a women’s forum the other day and someone said that she wanted someone who can engage her in good conversation. She has her own business, is well-educated, well-traveled, and well-read. She currently lives abroad. I would bet my last buck that she can do most of the things in that list without a problem. As you could imagine, most men don’t cut it for her. She has a hard time finding even one man who will keep her interested during their first date. She just puts her nose up at most men.

                Oh, well. It’s just the way things go. Just being a detached observer in all this. And writing what’s going through my mind.

                Your Highness Magnolia,

                This is not to echo but confirm Eric below. You describe masculinized women who think contrary to the female nature. Most women aren’t like that. They aren’t so selfish, single-minded, and disrespectful of men as the woman/women you admire.

                Feminine women look for balance and togetherness they can generate in a relationship. They don’t depend on a man to bring everything to the relationship table; they expect to merge their differences and exploit their sameness. She doesn’t expect the perfect mate; she wants to generate a good marriage rather than finding it wrapped up in an already self-made man with whom she can find no influence.

                Example: He’s a good provider outside the home to match her converting it to relationship benefits inside. More important that he listen well than converse well. He’s likely to be a good father for her children to enable her to be a better mother. He’s affectionate when she needs it. She has just the right talent and skill to keep him encouraged to do better, to help elevate his stature and status.

                I could go on but why? The pop culture induces women to act single-mindedly such as you describe. It turns men off for much of anything other than sex and temporary relationships. The well-educated woman you cite is the perfect example of why so many women are unhappy today; they can’t find gratitude with a man. They seek an already self-made man unaccustomed to living in a relationship, unwilling to put up with a woman’s disrespectful s*** when he doesn’t rise to her expectations. It’s all connected. A woman’s narrow-minded and selfish choice leads to separation sooner rather than later.

                Guy

              • Eric

                Miss Magnolia:
                I’m not sure about this: I see very little evidence of the kind of ‘hypergamy’ you’re describing. “Women always want the top man” I don’t think this is female nature at all. What their nature to do is to follow the social norms (which actually has a biological function). In the past, churches defined those norms, today, femihags leave them to their own devices and they seek out whatever pop culture tells them they should seek.

              • My Husband's Wife

                Dear Magnolia,

                You hit on a really interesting point in your comment about “independent, career-minded women.” I just ran across an article which actually highlights this “dark side of feminism” you write about…which is costing women their marriages and ultimately their happiness…because women are finding out the hard way, “you can’t have it all!” and men rebel against this type of woman.

                If you can ignore the rubbish on the side of this site (it’s Daily Mail), the article is worth a read as it describes the sad state of affairs for women. It’s one of the RARE cases where I’ve seen main stream media publish such a view.
                http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3130768/If-feminism-set-women-free-feel-pressure-Ex-Cosmopolitan-editor-LINDA-KELSEY-fought-equality-believes-s-got-dark-side.html

                Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,

                Thank you. It’s highly relevant to women today. It was detectable eight years ago.

                Long time blog followers should not be surprised. I posted the first of 25 articles titled “Dark Side of Feminism” in December 2007, just a month after opening the blog.

                The series begins with article #23. Succeeding articles are listed in the CONTENT page.

                Guy

              • That Horse Is Dead

                Sir Guy,

                To piggyback off of Lady Magnolia’s statement, how do men feel around a CSW if she owns a business or is “well-educated, well-traveled, and well-read”? Does it all depend on her attitude (soft hearted and feminine vs. hard hearted and masculine)? Along the same lines, what if she isn’t all of these things, or lacks in certain areas, will a man see the potential to introduce her to his world, whether travel, books, etc?

                Your Highness That Horse Is Dead,

                I confirm what Eric and Cinnamon say below. Yes, it primarily depends on her attitude that publicly discloses what lies within her heart. From that he instinctively and intuitively judges what kind of woman she is (and shows interest about chastity), how loyal and likeable she could be with him, what kind of potential she has for making him feel like a successful man in the process of relating with her? Being his primary concerns, they come up first in his thinking.

                It’s all about him and how he can admire himself with her, achieve what he expects, and see promise that he will be satisfied in the end that he did what he set out to do. Her being “well-educated, well-traveled, and well-read” and business owner or successful careerist play but minor roles in his judgments until after he’s satisfied that he did well and finds those things to be part of her fascination for any future they may have together.

                A woman both instinctively and intuitively judges differently. She looks to bypass “thugs, imbeciles, and layabouts” as Eric phrases it. She looks for a man with the promise of significant accomplishments based on what he’s already achieved. She seeks to play a major role in upgrading his efforts and achievements, her to do good by making him a better man. Does he have the potential for her to delicately nudge herself into his life?

                OTOH, careerists and successful business women (and ardent feminists) have absorbed wrongful lessons about men. They dynamically prove to themselves that they can be competitive with men and win (by their definition of ‘win’). Such a woman’s success misleads her thinking. It induces her to think of the sexes as equal rather than unique, which reduces male worthiness in her expectations, which misleads her about her own ability as attraction for men, which makes her think a man can be satisfied by hers rather than his accomplishments, which supposedly to her discourages manly dominance, which in fact produces a female-dominated man because she chose him for that weakness, which except in rare “power couples”* discourages such men from trying to join the ranks of successful men.

                Will a man “introduce her to his world, whether travel, books, etc?” Sure, if she qualifies for his spending his life with her. But not if she needs such ‘preparation’ for her to fit into his present life.

                *(Another of Eric’s terms to describe couples “where they have the same careers and are dedicated to them.”

              • Cinnamon

                Magnolia,

                You describe highly-masculinized female television characters like Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City” or Clare Underwood from “House of Cards.” TV’s effectiveness as a tool for Social Engineering/mind control can be seen by the fact that there are, quite sadly, women in real-life who in their ignorance self-sabotage by departing from their female nature and adopting these characters as role models.

                I commented last year about Melanie Notkin (“Otherhood”) as an example of a woman who seems to have “everything” but can’t seem to figure out how in the hell someone as great as her could have possibly ended up single. Why isn’t there any man out there who is good enough for Melanie and her kick-ass/career-oriented/highly-accomplished/well-educated/witty/well-read/”sassy”/self-confident/independent friends? Ugh. For all their worldly accomplishments, women like Melanie (Maureen O’Dowd is another one in this vein – see her book “Are Men Necessary?”) are, when it comes to the subject of gender relations, both clueless and full of themselves in equal measure.

                A truly independent woman knows that whether she is a waitress at Denny’s or Head of Neurosurgery at Harvard (and a well-read affluent homeowner to boot) is quite irrelevant to most good men.

                Finally, I find it odd that you, a long-time reader of WWNH, peddle – and seemingly accept hook link and sinker – the Manosphere myth of hypergamy, when nearly every comment on this blog from females from all walks of life says otherwise.

              • Eric

                Miss Cinnamon:
                I think there’s truth to that; most good men don’t really consider a woman’s career as much of a selling-point. There are a few exceptions, but they’re rare, like the so-called ‘power couples’ where they have the same careers and are dedicated to them.

                But in my experience, the women were most career-oriented were also the least hypergamous. Invariably, they’d end up with thugs, imbeciles, and layabouts—IOW, the types of males who were incapable of supporting themselves.

  2. surfercajun

    funny enough… on the second list… i have had two woman complain to me about their husband’s shortcoming…and i corrected them…needless to say, they were less than friendly to me the next time i met up with them…. wow, i wonder why?? (snarky laugh) A third one I tried to send here… (lets out a frustrated sigh) AND to her…he is still less than perfect…and he made lunch for her today!! He was kind enough as he made homemade french fries and fixed me a plate! ….so naturally I gushed and thank him… oh… speaking of which, would it have appropriate to have given that phrase… men are never so handsome in front of his wife? i felt a little awkward and was not sure. I did smile quite brightly and told him, “Thank you ever so extremely much!” which I got a chuckle out of him and he smiled at me. I did however put the plate in the sink when done and after i washed it off but asked if i should place it in the dishwasher…i was told by the wife to …leave it on the table and he would get it along with my glass of water I asked for WHILE he cooked lunch (which i was grateful for) but when she haphazardly made that statement, I was already getting angry….is that weird??

    I keep getting reminded by one family member which states, “Well, he married her.” …but that seems so cringe worthy!!

    Oh and what about someone that tells you about a new job, and not only what they make for paycheck but their spouse as well. I feel so awkward as I NEVER ask such a question. The only thing in which I can to think of why was they were trying to impress me? Perhaps i am reading to much into this. It felt very wrong for them to tell me and it felt a touch disrespectful towards their better half…if she wanted to share, then I would be happy for her, but come on……

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    Re using ‘handsome’ in front of wife? Your friendly connection will fade or perhaps cease but it could make her interested in why you said it, such as this blog or—worse—you and hubby in a relationship. It depends too if husband compliments you to wife, which would tick her off immensely. The best outcome for all would be for husband to say nothing even if wife opens the subject. She would likely start to feel guilty for not being aware of how people around her have changed without her being aware. She might teach herself a different lesson about what guides her behavior.

    End of 1st para: Was you getting angry weird? No. By reminding that husband does what she says, she showed disrespect for the very guy you had just complimented as extraordinarily polite to you. What’s weird about different convictions? She doesn’t qualify for weird either because dumb trumps weird.

    Guy

    • surfercajun

      …giggle @ dumb trumps weird.

      Thank you so very much for the clarity. Men are never more handsome when they validate the female heart. I had hoped I was not getting upset for no reason. The handsome comment might have made her curious, but then again, that’s the crux. It just killed me when he came over with her plate then asked her later if she enjoyed it putting his arm around her. She just SAT there and said, “Yeah, it was fine.” To me he seems to adore her and I admire that in him. But her non nonchalant repose really had me up in arms and I found myself thinking on it. I always smile and sigh when he is affectionate to her and she seems so oblivious to it.

      Perhaps another one to add to the second list. Nagging. It makes EVERYONE feel bad. :o(

      Oh, I remember that article about the woman that became upset over hamburger meat? I had help from a male member of my family and they had picked it up for me. (difference was, we were there at the store) I remembered the article as I was walking up to the cart. Wondering how I would respond, would I be a nasty witch about it? But I was pleasantly surprised they had picked up the leaner cut. So I gushed, “Oh wow, that’s exactly what I would have picked out!” But I wondered if it was the higher fat that was picked up instead what would I have done?… But since we were there, I believe I would have explained (kindly) the leaner cut makes less of a mess for me to clean up….I would want to be KIND about it…you know?

      However, relating to the article. Even if they picked up the the higher fat content and brought it home… my mouth would have been cemented shut other than a sweet smile, kiss, and thank you. This person saved me time because of either poor planning on my part or they offered to go and get it. The blame would strictly lay with me not saying what kind of meat. …but then again, that’s just me! tee hee.

      This song has been bouncing around in my head this morning: Here’s your song for Sunday! Enjoy!

      Your Highness Surfercajun,

      1st para: Don’t overlook this possibility. Husband was very nice to wife to let you see how friendly he is to female interests. IOW, he wants you to know that he’s not the typical man for which you might find him attractive. (Conquering urge at work indirectly.)

      3rd para: Re too fat hamburger. A more ladylike way would be to eat whatever was bought and remind yourself to be more specific next time. It avoids telling a man he was mistaken in his choice, wrong in his expectation of how to please a woman. No big deal but a refinement that ladies accept as sustaining their dignity by respecting a giver.

      Guy

      • surfercajun

        Moooo-cho extreme appreciation, Guy!

        (snip) No big deal but a refinement that ladies accept as sustaining their dignity by respecting a giver……Never look a gift horse in the mouth comes to mind. :o)

        Love your comment: When women operate out of their minds instead of their hearts, they lose to men. Gonna keep that one in my hip pocket.

        • surfercajun

          @ Gentleman Eric

          HEY! Nice to see you here! Wondered where you were *hiding* yourself….giggle

          Excellent reply to magnolia! (smiles: mercury shows in predawn, sun comes out, birds sing)

  3. prettybeans

    Sir Guy, and anyone else who would be happy to comment,
    Could you kindly share your mind on the importance (or not) of physical attraction? I find myself drawn to ‘Mr. Good Enough for further Interrogation’ mostly on his stellar character and while I do appreciate some of his physical attributes, I also find that there is no ‘big zing’ on my part and also that I am irritated by other small things..figures of speech, posture etc etc. none of which are rude, vulgar or otherwise offensive.
    Am I majoring on the minors? What is the problem here?
    I welcome your guidance

    Your Highness Prettybeans,

    If I understand your history, your culture has kept you and Mr. Good Enough away from physical contact. If true, don’t worry about no ‘big zing’. It will come later.

    By not thinking on that emotion-generating zing, you keep your mind focused on small things and irritation. Your majoring on the minors will change when passion arises out of physical contact. Just prepare your thinking and willingness to fall in physical love so it won’t become habitual to focus too much on the unchangeable habits of his. Think more of the future and what awaits you and less on the present and how he falls a little short.

    Guy

    • Dove

      You’re not physically attracted at him at all? Even just a little bit?

      • That Horse Is Dead

        Lady Prettybeans,
        Posture is a big factor for me also. It’s something I always stress to my two boys when I see them slouching. I once dated a man and could not get past the shoulders being so hunched over because I have very good posture. Sir Guy, doesn’t the man with good posture look like a better soldier? How or why do soldiers have such good posture if it’s not important?

        Your Highness That Horse Is Dead,

        The blessings are simpler than one might think. The appearance of an upright, straight, non-slouching posture attracts and adds to one’s ability to command respect. It’s a subliminal message of internal strength and the same goes for women.

        As for soldiers, practicing to stand straighter reinforces self-discipline, pride, and strength of character. Doing it with others, such as in recruit training, also helps program their minds for small group cohesiveness. Actions program the subconscious and several months of practice make it habitual.

        This is personal for me. A lady sitting upright with very straight back and aligned head and with shoulders held back has a subliminal beauty that crowns her attractiveness better than anything else. She looks regal, strong willed, and totally in control of her life. Just a subliminal message that I disclose to myself every time a see such a woman regardless of age. I automatically admire her for posture and wonder what other virtues she must have.

        Guy

        • surfercajun

          On a totally unrelated note: I tend to hold myself more erect along with a swish of a skirt and strut when in boots. For some reason, they tend to hold power for me. ;o)

          …sorry, couldn’t help myself ((giggle))

      • prettybeans

        Lady Dove, I am – a little bit

  4. prettybeans

    You have confirmed something I was thinking – thank you Sir Guy. And no, it’s choice rather than culture that has kept me from physical contact with this gentleman. I’ve been down that road before and have come to the conclusion that it’s not worth it. That is not to say that I haven’t thought about it but this time I’m approaching things differently in the hope of a more favourable outcome.

  5. Magnolia

    Sir Guy,

    Thank you again for sharing your wisdom with us.

  6. Magnolia

    My Husband’s Wife,

    I think that most of what I said was just misunderstood and it’s too much to explain all of it. Don’t really have the time to go into all the details, break it down, write, edit, etc. In fact, I agree with you. Thanks for the article. 🙂

  7. Magnolia

    Eric,

    Thank you for sharing your point of view.

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