Many females are led by boys and men into this up and down depressive sequence that carries into and out the other side of marriage.
Prepubescent girls are propagandized by fashion and entertainment industries that teen life is fun and should be fun, fun, and more fun. As they pass through puberty, the pop culture, entertainment media, and boys emphasize sex as the ultimate road to fun.
Nature protects girls at first. Their biological makeup and childish nature reject sex for ‘later’. But they welcome whatever else is fun. Girls intuitively value virginity over fun unless taught differently by mothers or siblings as necessary to be popular. Their fearfulness is natural until persuaded that fear is childish.
Boys and promises of fun move to the top of girlish priorities, while sex rises to the top for boys. Then, as boys become more meaningful in their lives, the fun imperative with boys reinforces itself among girls. Unfortunately, it too often carries into adulthood as the result of what follows below.
Teen minds and bodies develop. Both sexes merge socially for fun. Separation of fun and sex begins to melt, as girls grow into adolescence. Striving to be popular, those most lacking in self-esteem find that yielding sex makes them popular. Other girls follow. Erotic fashions attract greater female attention and pleasing boys becomes habitual.
Infatuation sings with fun, but romantic love broadcasts greater fun. Girls probably can’t tell the difference. Boys, however, are infatuated with adventure of which girls are just a part until sex becomes available, which then becomes the greatest kind of adolescent adventuring and habit forming: quantity of conquests rather than quality of relationships.
Having a boyfriend becomes the ultimate path to girlhood fun. It reinforces a girl’s confidence, social importance, and envy of others. She can also lord it over girlfriends. The ‘security’ of having a boyfriend frees her for riskier behavior.
But then, sooner or later, her fun is not his. He expects more. He convinces her sex is fun too. Merging her infatuation with a boy’s hormone hurricane, she yields expecting true romance to emerge.
Romantic love has to be fun. So, if sex is required to hold their fun-filled romance together, it symbolizes fun. Even if it disappoints her, she still has him as status symbol. Until, that is, she realizes that conquest didn’t bond him as it did her.
Accepting sex as fun matches his nature perfectly, but it violates her own. As girls learn to adopt masculine as more important than female values, they learn to think and act more like the guys with whom they associate. Their identity becomes embedded in masculine fun, fun, fun. They are slow to learn that sex is the only glue.
Fun and sexual adventuring trumps strictly female interests. Mothering, nurturing, nesting, and family responsibility lose appeal. The female strengths of feminine mystery, female modesty, and unique dignity dissolve or disappear.
However, one female blessing remains. Wedding, the ultimate attention and affection producer for the bride, produces immense fun. She marries and takes seriously her obligations and vows, but the heritage and expectation of sex for fun lingers inside her.
When romantic love fades in a year or two, as it inevitably does, the fun ends for her. Responsibilities of partner, wife, and perhaps mother begin to burden her. As domestic burdens grow, depression arrives. It tickles her drive to restore fun to her life.
Values learned before puberty and reinforced as a teen turn wives into physical adults but mental adolescents. Manic until romantic love fades in a year or two. Depressive until the next romance starts.
Her childish need for fun overwhelms satisfaction with her current mate, but she rationalizes the fault to be his. For example, he pays no attention to her sexual wants, needs, and desires.
Such women never escape the adolescent idea that romance is both the ultimate and only fun. She needs new fun, and she learned earlier that it starts with a new man. So, she dumps husband and perhaps father of her kids who probably never sees it coming.
When romantic love with new guy fades in a year or two, she moves on. Ultimately, after a few or many partners, she finds that sex for fun causes a regrettably unfulfilled life.