EDITOR’S NOTE: I repost article 1349 and add this postscript four years after the original. I left something out. Throughout the following I say to “admire” him. But I don’t say this: Don’t admire him with words, woman talk doesn’t convey feelings to men regardless of how excited or angry she may be. He sees her condition but it doesn’t duplicate in his heart. Her actions do penetrate his heart, both admirable and condemning actions.
Admire him with actions or surprising words that vary and make you unique. Example: He upgrades your vacation plan and balances the budget to cover it. Smile big and go fix him a treat. Or smile as well pleased and ask him that night, “Could you accept me as adequate reward for your magnificent budgeting?” Remind him again at your vacation spot; toast his budgeting with your first drink (not him, his budgeting). Be grateful for who enables what in your life, and let husband know that your admiration comes in various ways that make you more mysterious, which makes more sincere the admiration you convey.
P.S. I did it again. I forgot something critical. It works much better to admire his handiwork than him personally. Not who or what he is but what, why, and how he does things.
I screwed up again. Almost two years ago I told Sunny at post 719 that her question exceeds my ‘quick response’ ability. I never got back to responding as promised. So, I recover today.
Her Highness Sunny inquired, “Ah, but after years of marriage, how does one be mysterious?” Simple, do what’s nice, unexplainable, and what he appreciates more than most anything from his wife.
Admire him. Admire what he does. Admire who he is. Admire his various roles and how they add so much meaning to your life. Admire his sensitivity to your sexual needs. Admire his recognition of your sensibilities. Admire his wisdom. Admire his fathering. Admire his husbanding. Admire his stoicism. Admire him when you don’t want something. Admire him when you do want something. Admire his humor. Admire his foreplay. Admire his fun-filled personality. Admire his hard-headedness. Admire his lovemaking. Admire his enjoyment of your teasing. Admire the milk of human kindness that flows in spite of his natural hardheartedness. Admire his post-coital intimacy. Admire his muscles, facial features, and dexterity. Admire his keenness of mind when he teases you. Admire his frugality. Admire his control of finances. Admire his rule of his castle. Admire his ability to find comfort in your nest. Admire his gross pay as the measure of his worth to the employment world. Admire his net pay as worthy of you. Admire his acuity, logic, and reasoning powers. Admire his ability to figure out what pleases you. Admire his strength of character and integrity to lead the life of a good person, good man, good husband, good father, and likeable mate. Admire the way he admires your qualities left over from courtship days.
Don’t fake it or be insincere. Instead, stretch yourself. Make it your game to dig deeper into yourself and your man to discover and uncover new ways to admire him. He can’t get too much, and you can’t do more to recover from whatever mistakes you’ve made in the past.
He will be suspicious if you hit him with too much admiration all at once. So, go slow and keep his prime motivator in mind. He has a strong need for self-admiration which he fulfills with his accomplishments. When someone else admires his accomplishments, it helps fulfill his need and he can back off from doing so much ‘accomplishing’ to pay attention to admirers.
Delicate femininity is also a good source of mystery. Do what women do best. Act feminine. More modest. More tightly bound to morals and monogamy. More responsive to his manliness. If he wonders what you’re up to, he’s more interested in you. Whether he sees mystery or not, it works the same inside him.
You only have to be different. You can gradually, imaginatively, and ‘upbeatedly’ change yourself back into the girl he married. He admired her as extraordinary and consequently married her. He wishes she were back if you have morphed into something else.