2242. Feminine Mystery in Marriage

EDITOR’S NOTE: I repost article 1349 and add this postscript four years after the original. I left something out. Throughout the following I say to “admire” him. But I don’t say this: Don’t admire him with words, woman talk doesn’t convey feelings to men regardless of how excited or angry she may be. He sees her condition but it doesn’t duplicate in his heart. Her actions do penetrate his heart, both admirable and condemning actions.

Admire him with actions or surprising words that vary and make you unique. Example: He upgrades your vacation plan and balances the budget to cover it. Smile big and go fix him a treat. Or smile as well pleased and ask him that night, “Could you accept me as adequate reward for your magnificent budgeting?” Remind him again at your vacation spot; toast his budgeting with your first drink (not him, his budgeting). Be grateful for who enables what in your life, and let husband know that your admiration comes in various ways that make you more mysterious, which makes more sincere the admiration you convey.


P.S. I did it again. I forgot something critical. It works much better to admire his handiwork than him personally. Not who or what he is but what, why, and how he does things.



I screwed up again. Almost two years ago I told Sunny at post 719 that her question exceeds my ‘quick response’ ability. I never got back to responding as promised. So, I recover today.

Her Highness Sunny inquired, “Ah, but after years of marriage, how does one be mysterious?” Simple, do what’s nice, unexplainable, and what he appreciates more than most anything from his wife.

Admire him. Admire what he does. Admire who he is. Admire his various roles and how they add so much meaning to your life. Admire his sensitivity to your sexual needs. Admire his recognition of your sensibilities. Admire his wisdom. Admire his fathering. Admire his husbanding. Admire his stoicism. Admire him when you don’t want something. Admire him when you do want something. Admire his humor. Admire his foreplay. Admire his fun-filled personality. Admire his hard-headedness. Admire his lovemaking. Admire his enjoyment of your teasing. Admire the milk of human kindness that flows in spite of his natural hardheartedness. Admire his post-coital intimacy. Admire his muscles, facial features, and dexterity. Admire his keenness of mind when he teases you. Admire his frugality. Admire his control of finances. Admire his rule of his castle. Admire his ability to find comfort in your nest. Admire his gross pay as the measure of his worth to the employment world. Admire his net pay as worthy of you. Admire his acuity, logic, and reasoning powers. Admire his ability to figure out what pleases you. Admire his strength of character and integrity to lead the life of a good person, good man, good husband, good father, and likeable mate. Admire the way he admires your qualities left over from courtship days.

Don’t fake it or be insincere. Instead, stretch yourself. Make it your game to dig deeper into yourself and your man to discover and uncover new ways to admire him. He can’t get too much, and you can’t do more to recover from whatever mistakes you’ve made in the past.

He will be suspicious if you hit him with too much admiration all at once. So, go slow and keep his prime motivator in mind. He has a strong need for self-admiration which he fulfills with his accomplishments. When someone else admires his accomplishments, it helps fulfill his need and he can back off from doing so much ‘accomplishing’ to pay attention to admirers.

Delicate femininity is also a good source of mystery. Do what women do best. Act feminine. More modest. More tightly bound to morals and monogamy. More responsive to his manliness. If he wonders what you’re up to, he’s more interested in you. Whether he sees mystery or not, it works the same inside him.

You only have to be different. You can gradually, imaginatively, and ‘upbeatedly’ change yourself back into the girl he married. He admired her as extraordinary and consequently married her. He wishes she were back if you have morphed into something else.


Filed under Dear daughter, How she wins, sex differences

9 responses to “2242. Feminine Mystery in Marriage

  1. Meow Meow

    This is beautiful and timely. Mystery is part of God, life and the connection between a man and a woman, and we can never fully know why things happen the way they do. Honoring the Great Mystery brings depth to a marriage beyond just the two people involved. Thank you for addressing this topic and revealing the ways in which a man feels admired.

    Your Highness MeowMeow,
    In case I wasn’t clear enough, it’s what he does that deserves to be admired more than him personally. See the diff?

    • Meow Meow

      Yes. Having DONE something (which he already knows is worthy of admiration,) the accomplishment (or the traits that led to the accomplishment such as stoicism in face of adversity, etc) is what is to be admired. Being admired for “Just being you” is more a feminine/girl attitude, am I right?:)

      Happy Fourth of July, Sir Guy!

      Your Highness MeowMeow,
      Last sentence: I would phrase it more like one of these, adolescent-woman or immature-girl. To my mind, feminine equates more closely with mature and vice versa.

  2. surfercajun

    Hey, me thinks perhaps you forgot a few… (wink)

    Admire him in front of strangers… even his coworkers, or your coworkers (if she works too), or neighbors and even the children.

    One of the kids was getting kind of smarty-pants in front of their father today. I quickly quipped with. “You are here to review, not respond. If you have issues, let me handle them. Etc, etc, etc…..”

    (wow, I sound like the King and I) …giggle

    I feel in some ways, I still continue to guard his heart. As I read a year ago, Because in the game of chess, the Queen protects the King.

    I am the *heart* of the family.

  3. eighteen

    Reblogged this on myfemininecore and commented:
    this is beautiful. ❤

  4. I see where I need to grow in this.

  5. My Husband's Wife

    For some reason, this topic on “how” to admire is a struggle for me. I do “admire” in my mind, but translating those thoughts in a way he can understand is tough as I just want to verbalize everything. So this addition to the article really helps. I still need to work on this one!

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
    I understand your need to verbalize everything. Practice focusing on what he does rather than who he is. Then find ways to verbalize indirectly rather than same old stuff. Such as, you ask him to surprise you. He takes you to dinner. Then admire what he did. Perhaps, “My mind and heart are now more full of pleasure than my tummy full of a great meal.” Or, “How did you know I’ve been wanting to go there forever?” Or, “And you don’t even like my favorite place. Whatta hunk to suppress his taste buds!” Or, “You always bring out my adventurous spirit when you choose foreign food.” Or, “Your taste buds were so in tune with mine that it reminded me of how in tune we get in bed.” Or, pledge to match his good choice with your own surprise. Example: After putting plastic sheeting down first of course, let him discover some hay scattered over the turned down bed.

    • My Husband's Wife

      Dear Sir Guy,

      This helps me understand much better thanks to the examples. I’m definitely going to review this—I think journaling and being prepared ahead of time will help in my responses of gratitude. Men are never more handsome when they help a lady learn, grow and blossom!

  6. Miss Terri

    I’ve been an avid reader of this wonderful blog since near the beginning. The posts have never failed to stir me to thinking and action. Several years ago, I responded to one of your posts with frustration in my own marriage relationship. I wish I could find that post as I would respond under that heading but since I can’t remember which post it was I’m writing under “Feminine Mystery in Marriage.” It seemed like my husband no longer cared about anything. I must have complained about his ruling from the Lazy Boy Chair; I was very puzzled by his lack of initiative and his controlling attitude while he did nothing. I remember your response started out by saying WADWMUFGAO and he must feel good about taking and never giving, perhaps indicating he feels incompetent, or worthless; perhaps he was depressed; you finished your response by saying he may feel he doesn’t deserve to be loved and the only way he could ever reverse that condition is that he accepts the unconditional love of the Lord. I remained puzzled but I did my very best in putting the principles of WWNH into practice. Well, my husband passed away only this past June 20th. A week before he received a diagnosis of cancer of the blood vessels, an extremely rare form of cancer. Who knew? None of his doctors picked up on that until the very end. As I look back on the past ten years this is the only logical explanation for such puzzling behavior. What looked like an unmotivated individual was one very sick man. Mixed with overwhelming sadness for our six children and myself is gratefulness for this blog and the constant encouragement I received from you, Guy, the writer, and the many comments from your wonderful readers to keep on improving myself (Pretty Time for one!) so I could make our home life a happy one, even under these circumstances. I like being around people, even if it’s in blog land, that care enough to improve themselves, their relationships and to pass on their wisdom. Everyone – thank you!

    Your Highness Miss Terri,
    I extend my condolences for your loss, my gratitude for your compliments, and my best wishes for a smooth recovery. You sound pretty recovered already.

    • Meow Meow

      Dear Miss Terri,
      I hope you and the children are doing well. I am so glad you find strength and courage from reading these posts, I know I do! It is wonderful to feel the support from the many women (and some men) here to encourage and offer understanding from our different journeys in life. I hope you will post more whenever you feel the need, about whatever you need.

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