2244. FEMININE: New Definition


This posting has multiple purposes behind it.

First, I’ve taken the liberty of giving the term ‘feminine’ an operational definition, which means to always presume this context: Men decide what is feminine and what is not. Specifically, feminine includes any and all those female behaviors that appeal particularly to men as qualities that make a woman a good candidate for marriage, i.e., at least satisfactory to live with. When I use feminine, conquest is left out. Feminine makes a woman attractive as potential wife. Sexual attractiveness makes her a potential bed mate. This definition matches how the male nature works, how it guides men to perceive females two very different ways—attractive for conquest aka targeted and attractive to live with aka feminine.

——

Second,  two concepts matched with two distinctly natural behaviors seems to fit together this way.

Men have two major motivational forces regarding women. 1) Foremost is conquest. Feminine as defined and used here doesn’t apply to the conquering process. The man seeking to conquer will effectively disregard or forgive any faults a sexually attractive woman might have. 2) Recognizing they are not equipped by nature to sustain a relationship, men nevertheless seek to provide/protect those for whom they are responsible. It energizes them to produce, which leads to self-admiration, possible satisfaction, and probable significance. The male nature aims men directly toward fulfilling responsibility as they sense it belongs to them.

Other than in conquest mode, the male nature consists of these motivational forces: Men do things to earn self-admiration until satisfied. That’s when they pause or stop such as daily after work or after completing a project. When responsible only for themselves, they can’t achieve much significance and realize they discredit their potential and their significance doesn’t grow. As the result, men learn early in life that fulfillment comes with greater responsibility, because that’s where they can earn the most satisfaction. (To be sure, some boys are inhibited from accepting responsibility in childhood and some men get fearful and back away from it. Both are lessons learned and not intrinsic to the male nature.)

Those two motivational forces put these pressures on women. Regarding 1): Conquest is a one-on-one competition; every woman is directly responsible for her future. Neither conquest nor subsequent sex bonds a man. Consequently, a man absorbs and accepts no sense of responsibility out of his conquest. Without feeling responsible, men don’t do what others expect or can count on.

Regarding 2): Women intuitively accept responsibility for relationship, marital, and family development and sustainability. They instinctively sense that men won’t or can’t. Each woman’s primary task is to persuade a man to be responsible for her and whatever follows in her life. Make him like, enjoy, and find satisfaction being responsible for her and children and he rises to meet his potential, greatest satisfaction, and most significance. (That’s all a woman has to do; piece of cake, right ladies? That’s why you’re a member of the superior gender, so you can more easily mix, bake, add icing, cut, and serve the cake of making one man feel responsible for more than himself.)

Consequently, either women fish with bait that keeps a man feeling responsible to help fulfill her hopes and dreams or women proceed with unrequited love. Feminine, as I use it here, is the proper bait to seal a deal with a man who is willing to accept responsibility for her future of blessing his ambitions.

——

Third, Some Other Guy made a major addition to yesterday’s article. He describes another enemy of feminine mystique that takes a man’s interest away from living with a woman:

“Complaining about anything even if it is not regarding your man is poisonous to the energy of the relationship. Sure we all have those off days every so often. But every single day? … I cannot overstate how unattractive some wives make themselves when every interaction is filled with ‘I don’t like this and I don’t like that and this thing is broken and why don’t you do this and how come you always do that and why is my mother being such a terror’ and on and on.”

Fourth, having many leftover thoughts from the 2243 FEMININE article, I post them here. Pardon the simplicity of merely spotlighting what are sometimes complex behaviors.

Good habits enhance FEMININE. The more of these the merrier.

These habits tend to support feminine thoughts in the minds of men. She keeps faultfinding to herself, speaks softly so that everyone listens more closely, avoids turning people off from being attentive to her, wears sincerity on her sleeve, hides anger while others burst out, dislikes boozing, dislikes gambling, sees humor in children playing, uplifts moral standards, considers permanent marriage the ultimate female goal, subordinates sex to marriage, makes mealtime family time, loves everyone until they prove unworthy, finds solace in intimacy, believes her man is the greatest, agrees first and persuades later, believes the opposite of ‘full disclosure’, believes firmly in prayer, has no oddball interests, criticizes behavior rather than the wrongdoer, considers sex a very personal and private matter, thinks highly of the male gender, thinks low of men who offend the female gender, favors fair over equal in making judgments, never forgets important things, shuns direct competition except with those who threaten family stability, loves to cooperate/collaborate and unify people, lives up to someone more important than herself.

She teaches children to respect adults, convinces sons to respect females, and teaches and protects daughters against unmarried sex.

She is always composed, anxious to birth and raise children, distinctively modest, excellent judge of when to be serious or humorous, easy to laugh but not at other people, not a spendthrift, and grateful for herself and others for their meaning in her life.

Only death or grief stamp out her lightheartedness. Her mystery attracts people. Her mature adult values make her decisions highly consequential and she indirectly gains influence.

Bad habits limit FEMININE. The more of these the poorer.

These habits tend to weaken and wipe out attractive thoughts in the minds of men. Loud, noisy, raucous, easily upset, lacks composure, doesn’t respect authority figures, heavy drinker, duplicates masculine behaviors, expects her feelings to govern each situation, lacks self-respect, explains herself continually, complains about others, tries to outdo men, blames men, blames anyone, looks for and finds faults in others, works hard to be liked, uses sex to get her way, likes marriage but doesn’t expect to pay a heavy price to get or keep it, micromanages the household and everyone in it, perfectionist by habit, thinks either she or he is a plaything, adolescent-mindedness shows in her decisions, won’t lead but rejects his leadership, gets in his face over incidentals, can’t stand to lose, unwilling to forgive, easily reminds others of past mistakes, not particularly grateful in spirit, elevates sex above marriage, not interested in what her man does, bad mouths husband to girlfriends, embarrasses her man in public, contradicts hubby in front of others.

Fifth, since this series is an exploratory effort, I could use feedback from you ladies to help make more sense of it for daily living. All ideas and help appreciated, especially those that help clarify.

26 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, sex differences

26 responses to “2244. FEMININE: New Definition

  1. surfercajun

    That’s why you’re a member of the superior gender, so you can more easily mix, bake, add icing, cut, and serve the cake of making one man feel responsible for more than himself……I tend to like and bake from scratch myself (being smarmy pants)

    What about in relation to gold diggers? It would seem they employ a dangling of a carrot in front of a man’s face so when he ready, jumps at it and what she perceives as his *gold* or income allows it. Once he is hooked and she finds out differently, she breaks with him and precedes to find another leaving the guy heart broken and pining for her… so when she comes back..(whether he is with someone else or not) he is hers once again (all be it perhaps emotionally what he precedes they *had* ) but she will only to stick it to him once more causing further double heartache as she scales the ladder of life for herself.

    I know women like this… went to school with them….. see their offspring follow in the same foot patterns but these guys think they are in love. It still amazes me that they don’t see the warming signs. I might be provoking a fight here but this seems to fit into what you don’t call feminine. Or would this be what one would call pw or falling in deep? I have heard these terms being thrown around more often and I find them shocking to hear. What makes a man do this or even want to? Sorry for going around the horn this way but I wanted to be clear.

    Here’s my question: Please don’t tell me you believe these *girls* to be a supreme sex? I can not figure out what it is that they *have* if anything I would remotely want. Seems to me they are working countered to the male model or even a female version of a PUA. Please help…..

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    Of course I don’t believe that. The superior gender is the female sex; when women operate outside their nature—as “these *girls* do”—their superiority flies out the window and male dominance emboldened by fickle females storms through the front door of their lives.

    Yes, they copy males in the misbegotten hope it makes them more appealing, which it does but only for sex. After each time they yield to a conqueror, their lives go empty so they double down, copy more male behaviors, and do it with the next guy. They neither look up for guidance nor inside at the regret and remorse that could lead them elsewhere. They keep listening to others like them.

    Guy

    • Meow Meow

      Surfercajun, when you describe these women, i think about the model of the “Femme Fatale.” They seem to be able to wrap guys around their little finger, use them and come back later and the man is soon involved again…they have a more typically masculine approach to sex and seem able to dissociate sex from emotion and use it like a tool to get what they want. I don’t know if I would characterize these women as truly “yielding” to men sexually in that they don’t see giving themselves physically as a big deal as much as what they get out of it…(sex as a reward for a diamond ring etc.) But because of having trained themselves to act so ruthlessly, I’m guessing a relationship based on trust/love is probably very difficult for them. Sometimes its very discouraging to see girls that act in such a masculine way glorified as the ultimate catnip for men, though! If they take good care of themselves they can carry on like this for most of their life. Choosing to accept femininity and not go along with the “Gold Digger”/Fatale mentality at least gives me peace of mind however that I am acting naturally and as my ‘best self” that is here trying to help brighten the lives of others….that one can try to leave the world a better place then when you found it.:)

      • surfercajun

        Meow Meow,

        Thanks! I like how you tackled the Femme Fatale…. It seems to me, she IS fatal to men! I tend to take it personally when I see it happening to someone I care for and yet feel so helpless as to say anything…..but then again, what could I say that they would want listen to? She tends to use her sexuality to get what she wants… To me in some ways, she is her own pimp (can I say that here?? Looks around) Yes, uses sex to get what she wants… expensive dinner… going out spending tons of money (his)…. He is rewarded for his effort is how I tend to see it. Hanging around at her place… (noisy buzzer)… wrong answer! Saving for something or first of the month bills coming in? (noisy buzzer) wrong answer! Good dear Lord… just think what she would be like if she was a wife!! (cringe) add kids (faints) It would probably be a very short and tragic marriage because it would nothing short of being ALL ABOUT HER!

        Even I could do a movie night in with tons of popcorn that I popped in my microwave. (with my sweetheart coming over) make a meal and pick up our favorite candy or bake cookies?? (as long as I had a few days to prep for the fun) yeah, I could do that! I heard of one family taking the mattresses off their beds and camping out in the front room! I have never tried it but it always sounded like a blast to me! Watched movie and camped in, then fell asleep… awww… I am getting all gooey again! (sigh)

    • My Husband's Wife

      Really interesting about the Gold Digger Surfercajun’s comment about Gold Diggers really struck a chord with me. Regarding this quote: “It still amazes me that they (men) don’t see the warming signs,” I have a few questions.

      Why is it that a man doesn’t see the signs when a particular woman is taking advantage of him? Is there a way a concerned woman (who sees all these red flags) can “warm” a man who happens to not see the red flags of the Gold Digger—or any “dangerous” woman for that matter. I know from this blog that men need to come to conclusions on their own, so there may be not much one can do except pray for the best.

      Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,

      Gold diggers have a unique talent that a man can appreciate enough to ignore what others think. (Anyway, men are strong at ignoring what others think.)

      WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. Gold diggers know how to keep a man feeling good about himself all the time, whether in public, private, or bed. The more alpha (or wannabe), more ambitious (or wannabe), and more narcissistic, then the more easily victimized by a gold digger.

      You might say their victims are as specialized as gold diggers.

      I also endorse Eric’s explanation below.

      Guy

      • Eric

        My Husband’s Wife;
        A lot of those do men see it; but don’t think it makes any difference. For various reasons, most don’t believe that they’ll do any better, or that a bad relationship is better than none. A lot of it has to do with the cultural depreciation of men and the natural male fear of insignificance. He meets someone who only cares about his money or what he can do for her—at least he’s appreciated for something.

        • My Husband's Wife

          Hello Sir Eric,
          Yes, I can see that now and would agree from what I’ve seen this makes sense. I would hope that a man would be more strongly attracted though to the real femininity that brightens others’ lives and truly respects her man rather than the conditional relationship with the Gold Digger.
          As usual, I appreciate your insights giving another male perspective on these relationship matters.

          • Eric

            My Husband’s Wife:
            Men are more attracted to the real feminine types, but most have lost hope of encountering it; or among younger men have never been exposed to it.

      • My Husband's Wife

        Now it makes perfect sense. I do see these women are brilliant at “admiring” the man, even though they care very little for the person over the possessions. It lasts as long as she can keep up her charade and doesn’t get bored. I believe both do get something out of it. But I would argue, it’s not the selfless, sincere femininity as Meow Meow describes of herself above displayed as brightening others lives.

        There is an attractive gal who my husband works with like this who I know plays on him—and it works. (For the record, I don’t think he’d ever cheat, it’s just a really strange connection that’s been on my radar). She could kill someone and he’d make an excuse for her which is way out of character for him. The initial hook was her terrible husbands/boyfriends stories, which my husband and I both befriended her as she was in need. But after a decade of “despair” going from one to another, I saw through it. The stories haven’t grown old for my husband—he gets a lot of lost puppy dog-eyed smiles from her. She laments to my husband that she just can’t “connect” to her partner. Funny she’s able to hold the connection with my husband, but a believe it’s because it’s a rather superficial one. My husband hasn’t disappointed her yet for her to turn on him.

        So this topic has been a thorn in my side, but I’m using it to make our lives better and it has worked thanks to this site and Sir Guy’s hard work in going over concepts that have been difficult for me to understand. As a result, I’ve come to the conclusion—there will ALWAYS be women around like this. For this reason, I believe it important to build a good solid foundation at home where each person is truly respected and forgiven, and not used for personal gain.

        This is just one of many women issues I’ve faced over the years. So I’m learning to deal with this type of thing as a wife in general…it’s good training! A person can definitely use struggles to grow in wisdom and strength. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Sir Guy!

        I share this in hopes that other women can also learn about this too as I’m sure I’m not the only one who has struggled with this sort of thing.

        • Meow Meow

          Ha ha, not that i’m always selfless/sincere…..i try to be but when I see the gold digger/femme fatale behavior in family members/social scene it gives me pause and sometimes i wonder could i ever/would I ever WANT to be a woman like that…but in the end it just seems like a lot of extra work to always be “playing” other people and trying to control them when its hard enough to deal with my own issues!

          The true feminine nature the way Sir Guy describes it seems like sunlight playing through branches—or a babbling, always changing brook—deeply natural to women and ultimately life affirming…..to be a Gold Digger is to embrace artifice for as long as you are in that particular relationship. (FWIW maybe some do come to appreciate their man.)

          #justtoolazytobeafemmefatale

          I think Sir Guy and Sir Eric are so right on, just as a PUA targets a lonely/insecure woman for sex so can the Gold Digger (female PUA) make a patsy out of a guy who rises to the occasion. and sometimes, I think the guy is OK with that—even if he deep down knows it won’t last forever he sees his own nobility in trying to please her extravagant needs, like a knight paying obeisance to an unreasonable queen. It’s unsettling to see.

          • My Husband's Wife

            Dear Meow Meow,
            You make an interesting point that some Gold Diggers might come to love over time. I think that is possible. One of the ones I know of just got married as he was very convenient for her. He’s loaded and much much older…so he got a trophy wife. I think this one just might work as she’s following her words with good actions towards him and I believe feelings follow actions. Only time will tell.

            And I love your description, Meow Meow: “The true feminine nature the way Sir Guy describes it seems like sunlight playing through branches—or a babbling, always changing brook—deeply natural to women and ultimately life affirming.” Just beautiful. I think returning to our natural feminine nature is very calming in general.
            I enjoy reading your comments here. It’s been a good learning experience to hear from other respectable, feminine ladies. This is my happy place here!

      • My Husband's Wife

        Dear Sir Guy,
        You wrote: “I could use feedback from you ladies to help make more sense of it for daily living.”
        I don’t know about the other ladies, but I’m able to make the connection between this information and daily living as-is. For me, it’s a pretty clear and direct description, so I’m currently reading over a few times to take it all in let it all process.

        Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
        Thanks. Good feedback.
        Guy

      • surfercajun

        Thanks, My Husband’s Wife. :o)
        I enjoyed reading your questions as well!

        @Gentleman Eric,
        Thank you for your input as well. Maybe I am wrong, though It sounds as if you know about this from first hand experience.
        if so, I am very sorry. :o(

        • Eric

          Miss Surfercajun:
          I’ve learned the hard way that a bad relationship is worse than being single. For most modern men, our society offers either the earthly Hell of a dysfunctional relationship or the living death of involuntary celibacy, as one Manosphere blogger concisely put it.

          • Southernbelle

            I often feel that way on the inside and wonder if my dreams are just that girlhood dreams …funny, most friends describe me as optimistic, warm girly girl with southern charm …I love to hear that even though I often wonder if my dreams are unrealistic now as a young widow

            Your Highness Southernbelle,

            You didn’t ask for this, so it’s really none of my business. But I offer it anyway as it seems particularly relevant to your situation.

            I regret your loss but pleased that your mind is shaped for a new and perhaps better life ahead. It starts with not just keeping but reinforcing the girlhood hopes and dreams that you mention as they guide you to make right choices from here on out.

            Your hopes and dreams are not unrealistic; you were made capable of fulfilling them. It all depends on how you conduct yourself when you meet Mr. Next and, perhaps, his replacement or others that follow. You have the talent, skill, ambition, ability, and other qualities that make up your relationship expertise. IOW, your future depends on you much more than a Mr. Next or Mr. Good Enough to turn a new relationship into a permanent one.

            It was only a mental nudge ten years ago. I suspected a man’s conquest as the omen if not the cause of breakup, whether immediately, shortly, or years later. I’m now convinced that it has that key effect; it stops the growth of his respect and weakens his potential to strengthen his attachment into permanence with a woman.

            The worst part is that women have no way of knowing when or what will be the inevitable outcome, but he will change into another persona. Conquest too soon and she loses him; but conquest very much later and she may be able to keep him. Never any guarantees until their marriage matures solidly after romantic love fades away in a year or two. By then she can figure it out by how likeable and loyal they are to each other, as expressed in actions more than words.

            You’ve read some of the blog. A woman can never know too much about the man’s drive to conquer her. Therefore, I suggest a big series to work out ahead of time how to handle the masculine urge that will arise soon after Mr. Next steps into your life.

            The series is full of excuses/arguments/reasons for delaying the inevitable to your advantage and without driving him off. The general theme is that if he won’t honor you for wanting to delay first sex, he likely won’t honor your subsequent wishes if you marry. IOW, it’s possible and practicable to you to train him to honor your wishes now so you know you can count of him later. First read article 2432 followed by the series listed in the CONTENT page as Virtual Virginity.

            Best of luck in expanding your mind to help guide your heart.

            Guy

            • SouthernBelle

              Sir Guy,
              I very much appreciate your counsel and wisdom. Having lost my husband and father just a few years apart has left me feeling quiet vulnerable in unchartered waters I never imagined I’d find myself in. Your counsel from afar does indeed fill part of that void so I am grateful. My heart has been focused on my children and my sovereign Heavenly Father as it’s difficult for me to even ponder opening my heart to the potential suffering of such loss again. However I am human and woman and do still dream and long for the same dreams we were building and living before these tragedies rocked my life. I find myself mostly observing from afar and inquiring more those who are dating as it seems things are far different and quite scary from my “youth” dating experience not too long ago.

  2. eatacactus

    Oh I’m so excited about the habits homework 🙂 and what is the meaning of “has no oddball interests”?

    Your Highness Eatacactus,
    Oddball would be any of your behaviors that makes you look far different from the rest of the women of your age. Such as, your version of modesty makes you look like grandma still lives.
    Guy

  3. prettybeans

    It is a stark reality that being feminine in this world is no easy fete

    Question to you Sir Guy and to all the married ladies – how does one/do you maintain her identity as a whole person within such a relationship? I ask because I have observed in myself and in other ladies the tendency to completely lose oneself and become (at least in my own head) an extension of the man.

    I would imagine that though there is to be a degree of bonding, it is important to remain independent and capable as an individual to some extent; am I right?

    Your Highness Prettybeans,

    Whoa, honey. You’re just starting a courtship. Follow your heart about your female dignity and you’ll have no problem.

    Before I realized the above statement, I wrote a dissertation on how you as a married woman should handle your issue. I’m not going to waste it, so I leave it here for future reference if you should need it.

    Guy

    ——

    THEORETICAL SITUATION

    This seems to bother you and I think unnecessarily. Your heart knows the answer but you just haven’t verbalized it to yourself. I’m addressing this phrase: “… the tendency to completely lose oneself and become (at least in my own head) an extension of the man.”

    You wish to draw a line between bonding and remaining individually independent, right? It’s a piece of cake because only you can ID where is the line that you either just crossed or wish not to cross.

    Two likely options exist. 1) Your feelings and imagination tell you that you should be something else than what you seem to be. Your sense of dignity and togetherness is disturbed. Why? How? By whom, you or him? You haven’t thought that far and so you choose to call it being subsumed into his persona. 2) He is doing things that you dislike and can’t appreciate but are marginally impinging on your feelings or dignity. So you don’t blame him; you suspect you’re at fault.

    Whether 1) or 2), I suggest you take it up at mirror time. Inquire of your heart: Where do I lose my dignity as woman, wife, mother, friend, lover, …? What does it feel like? What does it look like? What will I tolerate and what will I not? I’m me, so when am I offended as if I’m not me? What should I do in that case?

    If 1) then an answer will come to you. On the presumption the problem is most likely 2), I suggest something much like the following to strengthen bonding by showing your independence as ready, willing, and able to stand up for yourself.

    You’ll probably figure out (the mirror helps too) that it’s not your behavior as much as it is some way that he disturbs your dignity, he mistreats you, or his behavior offends your sensibilities. In which case it’s not something to wonder about but to do something for the next offense with every expectation of ending the problem.

    You can maintain your identity by maintaining your dignity. For example: He treats you disrespectfully before others. When you get home, get in his face and say something like this loud and strong, show him a streak of you that he’s never seen. “You embarrassed me. Stop it! If you have a need to discipline me, do it both at home and in a more dignified manner. I’m a wife, not an enemy.”

    Then neither complain nor explain further and depart his presence. Leave him with his thoughts and no opportunity to respond. Make sure it’s one-sided, he doesn’t have a chance to respond.

    Then forget what just happened. Return 10 or so minutes later and ask if he would like something. Or, better yet, “I’m going for groceries, want to come?” With action show that all is forgotten.

    Men understand ‘shock and awe’ and respect those who use it. It’s very feminine for a man to see his woman stand up for herself; he only has to admit to himself that she’s right, he did what she charged. That’s why her charge should be general and without details that can be argued.

    Now, no way I know what you’re going through. I offer the above as example. You can figure out how to convert the principles into overcoming your identity problem.

    END

    • prettybeans

      Thank you Sir. This is helpful to me to ponder as I think ahead 🙂

    • surfercajun

      Could have used this two years ago but now have a much better handle on it. He tends to like it when I have a shock and awe answer. I believe now it was something in which I was once good at, but had forgotten to use. In a sense, I thought it rough and not very feminine because I was being provoked. Now, I have learned to tweak it while still looking feminine as well as walk away as he is laughing. Surprisingly, I have become very good at it and it embarrasses me in a way, but I would NEVER let that show!! ((bows head and giggles))

      • My Husband's Wife

        Same here, Surfercajun—glad to hear you’ve had positive results.
        And I will report as well that the shock and awe does work and it definitely helps build mutual respect. It was funny after I had used this approach the first time with my husband I felt bad as if I went to far. However, the next day–he made a point to tell me that he appreciated what I had done and that he needed the “scolding” and he was surprised that I had it in me to do so. Who would have thought?! And this was the man who I had tried for years to communicate a point with poor results. What not to do? Cry, preach, guilt…I’ve done them all. DOES NOT WORK.

        • surfercajun

          Hey My Husband’s Wife,
          I have one for ya today!

          I was packing some macaroni salad for spouse’s lunch this morning and remarked that the container was sitting in my hand was cold while placing it inside a lunch bag…He remarked, ” Yeah, cold like your heart.” I squared my shoulders, put hands on my hips and I shot off a tone, “Watch it. I made Dean’s list.” He tried to swat my posterior but I stealth-fully moved….he missed, so instead he laughed and headed out to the door to work. I chided him down the driveway with “…and who do you think I learned it from?” With him continuing to laugh as he drove off. How’s that for a shock and awe answer?

          My mother was always better at sassing off to dad when he was horsing round with her. (of course I was always laughing at what he was saying or doing) But boy, she could pull some zingers! My dad did not laugh a lot but she could always catch him off guard making him laugh!

          …And that’s everyone’s laugh for today!! Thank you! I’ll be here for the rest of the week! ( closes eyes and sticks tongue out)

  4. krysie869

    I love this article! Thanks for posting! 🙂 I bookmarked it for future reference!

    I just have a question regarding this quote: “The man seeking to conquer will effectively disregard or forgive any faults a sexually attractive woman might have.” I am of course assuming a man will disregard her faults if he is more interested in her as a person than as a sex object, although he still finds her sexually attractive.

    Your Highness Krysie869,
    You’re close but men aren’t motivated quite that way. Before conquest he ignores her faults except possibly if they make her vulnerable and he can use them. If he’s interested in her first and sex second, he looks for, stumbles into, and otherwise finds her qualities, admires them, considers them virtues, and lets them outweigh whatever faults he may have uncovered along the way.
    Guy

  5. Miss Gina

    I’m late on this but would like to offer that I like the post.

    An additional angle on the feminine was put forth by Elizabeth Elliot in her excellent book “Passion and Purity.” She characterized the masculine as initiating and the feminine as responding. Of course, I believe there is room for a little subtle maneuvering, as in olden times when a lady “accidentally” dropped her handkerchief just when a gentleman of interest happened past.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,
    Yes, Elizabeth Elliot summarizes relationship interaction well. A woman is far more influential when she cooperates rather than competes, uses indirectness rather than directness, relies on patience rather than insistence, finds importance in herself from husband earning satisfaction, and accepts deferred gratification for her as most beneficial for them.
    Guy

  6. Cocoa

    Sir Guy, as you teach us and as I believe it too, mystery is a core feminine trait or vertue. It comes naturally to feminine women. They, without much effort on their side, speak very little, disclose almost nothing, mind their own business unless she sees the need to help and all the valuable traits you detailed here (love reading these points and test myself against them)

    Now, the more feminine and genuine she is, the more attracted he is and so on till they settle together (not settle physically, but emotionally and spiritually, I guess they are likeable to each other). But I noticed that masculine men, the very men who appreciate and value the feminine lady, can sometimes (or maybe most time) are turned off by her mystery. They can be angry in some cases specially when their curiosity is not satisfied. I know of men who sometimes withdraw way back…

    1- does a masculine man feels a hit to his sense of significance when he tries to enquire and is curious and then met with silence or very limited information?
    2- if the answer to 1 is yes, does that mean that he’s an alpha?
    3- can the mystery in a woman be a cause for separation between the couple if the man can’t or won’t take or accept her mysterious nature?

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    I have a problem I hope to resolve with today’s post, 2431, but I respond to your questions here.
    1 – Yes
    2 – Yes or beta or gamma
    3 – Yes
    Thanks for incentivizing me to address the problem caused by lack of clarity.
    Guy

  7. Cocoa

    Thanks sir Guy. If the answer to 3 is yes, then, it seems that in some cases instead of getting closer they might, the two forces, the immovable and the irresistible , they might choose to break up. Two hardheaded face each other I guess. I was hoping that the feminine, irresistible nature wins.

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