2248. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 98


  1. With women, it’s who they are, their importance to self and others. With men, it’s what they do, their satisfaction at getting things done.
  2. A man listens better to a woman who talks softly or even with a near-whisper. A woman listens better to a man with a commanding voice.
  3. A man’s non-sexual words that appeal to females can add to his handsomeness much like a woman’s cooking ability adds to her appeal as a mate.
  4. Why do girls go ga-ga and women practically worship celebrities? They have much love in their heart but being faultfinders and judgmental, they can’t pass that love to people with whom they associate. They give it to those whose faults they can ignore.
  5. American individualism (and absence of collectivism) brought forth our Judeo-Christian culture. The main benefit? Most people are nice and nicer to you. You can already see it going away as our culture deteriorates under modern politicizing, victimizing, individual-discrediting, and collectivist pressures.
  6. Goodness flows out of love, right? Then, how does government provide any goodness?
  7. “[T]he difference between a lady and a wench has less to do with their position in society than their willingness to be put in a compromising position.” [Attributed to Ben Franklin by James D. Best in Tempest at Dawn. p. 358.]
  8. Easier conquests morph into a weaker sense of personal responsibility for both sexes. Personal responsibility grows from resisting pressure.
  9. Something just reminded me. Her Majesty Grace greeted boys and men friends this old school way. “Hi, good lookin’. Whatcha got cookin’?” Simple compliment individualized that way opened males up to talk to her more easily. (Wives didn’t seem to mind because she was always outward and friendly and not otherwise too personal.)

33 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, sex differences

33 responses to “2248. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 98

  1. kapri20

    How interesting …as ever …Sir Guy…

    What about women’s voices in the world of work? There must be a balance between the soft voice of the woman in the out of work relationship and the audible voice required for meetings etc etc I do wonder about getting the balance right so as not to appear shrill or strident when trying to be heard in work meetings.

    Kate-Anne

    Your Highness Kate-Anne,
    Be just audible enough to hold everyone’s attention. Softer for men, more of a commanding tone with women, and the mixture that works best for you in mixed company.
    Guy

  2. krysie869

    It’s funny you mention this: “A man listens better to a woman who talks softly or even with a near-whisper.” I normally talk in a very soft-spoken voice, but many times throughout my life I’ve had men (and some women) seem so annoyed because of this, including family members, even telling me to speak up. I didn’t realize that a woman’s quiet voice is so appealing, but I wonder why these people didn’t think so. Maybe it depends on context?

    Your Highness Krysie869,

    Yes, on context and on relationship. The more interested in her, the more he wants to hear, and the more closely he listens.

    If people ask you to speak up, they want to hear so they can judge what you say and how it applies to them. It’s a different motivation than when a guy is interested in you; he listens because he finds you appealing.

    Guy

  3. Mia

    Dear Sir,
    all of these a good points. And you remind us of them is such a positive way. I have some friends in Alabama and one of them got married recently. (She’s 25, the others are already married). When I saw her wedding photos I couldn’t help but admire her – and envy her in a good way. Someone else on this blog said it before, but there seem to be quite a few benefits in marrying young. In many ways she is still very innocent and unspoiled by all of the hardships life sometimes throws at us. Her husband is one of the first men she dated and it was clear from the outset where the relationship was headed. It’s clear to both of them that marriage isn’t always easy, but they both seem willing to take that path together whatever it may entail. In contrast, some of my older unmarried girlfriends here in Europe, who are quite “progressive” have had such bad experiences, I sometimes can’t bear to listen to their stories. I feel it eats away at my own innocence. (I know that sounds selfish…) I’d like to ask, how would you suggest a girl can maintain a lighthearted and innocent character as she and her environment matures?

    Your Highness Mia,
    Except for perhaps feeling sorry for them, pay no attention to anyone but yourself with plenty of mirror time to shape your appearance, good fortune, and attitude. Your heart will lead you in the best way if you pay enough attention to it.
    Guy

    • Cocoa

      Hi Mia, I definitely agree with the marrying young concept. I did and I don’t regret the age (22) , but I have other regrets that have nothing to do with age and/or experience. I had no experience either. Some of the advantages is that the female has more patience and her endurance level is quite high and that in itself helps immensely in raising kids (which should be her and his aim when they get married – to have kids and build a soIid family). She is young and naturally she will be dependent on him, which adds to her femininity and to his sense of significance. They have a lot of time to plan and fail and plan and fail , by the time they are in the 50s, they are pretty much done and their children are adults. I kind of like it when I now walk with my sons and people are confused as to what is the relationship, am the mum, the sister or what exactly. I had plenty of time to take care of myself after I gave birth to the boys and always try to maintain my girlhood body and days (almost there 😊).

      With your older girlfriends who try to share their stories with, and given you feel a burden listening, as well as these stories keep lingering in your innocent mind. I suggest two things: either tell them nicely, calmly but firmly that you don’t really want to listen as it upsets you or whatever reason you truly feel in your heart. Or: once they start, change the subject straight away, after about 3 or 4 times they should understand that you are not interested.

      With what you have heard already and is probably hurting you, if you are a beliver, take it to the Lord of lords. Tell Him you are upset and hurt, and that you didn’t want to know that the world is so harsh and cruel. Tell Him everything, cry if you feel you want to, it’s all cleansing. At the end, tell Him that now it’s all done and you would like Him to clear your memory. He can. He wants to. So, He will. Pray for them too.

      Keep your innocence and your naivety. It’s a blessing. I am in my forties and there are a lot of things that I avoid and refuse to even know. Don’t need to, don’t want to. Female associates and friends mock me sometimes, but I can live with that…

      • Mia

        Your Highness Cocoa,
        what a pleasant surprise your comment was. If you’re trying to “maintian your girlhood body and days” let me tell you, you must be doing a great , job. Your comments spark with such youthful energy, I would have never thought that you have half-grown sons!
        As for the older girlfriends I wrote about: I listen to them, but do not take their example. As I progress in reading this blog, I’ve limited the extent to which I let my friends influence me. Female associates mock me as well, but I don’t mind.

  4. My husband's Wife

    Sir Guy, this has to be the quote of the year: “Goodness flows out of love, right? Then, how does government provide any goodness?” You just can’t make enough rules and regulations to make people “good.”

    I also believe that the government taking care of people instead of people taking care of people it makes for a lazier, more selfish society as they take away opportunities for people to love by giving to those in need directly.

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
    You’re right. Unearned gifts discourage giving, which is why men don’t feel they deserve unearned gifts. It discourages their instinct to give to those they greatly appreciate. The gifts they receive outweigh those they present to others, and the imbalance makes them uncomfortable.
    Guy

  5. “Goodness flows out of love, right? Then, how does government provide any goodness?”

    Good point. One of my favorite twisted quotes is, “Never submit to husbands, ever, they’ll exploit you and take advantage! We should only submit to government, they are benevolent.”

    Why do we presume that individual men are exploitative, while a group of men in government are benevolent? I don’t know, but the world is a bit upside down sometimes 😉

  6. Eric

    #4: I never made that connection before, but I think it’s likely true.

    Sir Eric,

    Re celebrity worship, WADWMUFGAO.* I assume that each individual female has just so much love in her heart until she grows it by interacting with others. Growth is limited by two factors: 1) self-gratefulness earned by making herself important to others. 2) Gratefulness found in others, which justifies making herself important to them. IOW, the motivational forces behind female love.

    Girls in the thirties learned to feel good about themselves by identifying with film and music characters. It took much of their attention away from loved ones nearby. The last half of the forties accelerated the process because of the postwar rebirth of prosperity. The fifties found girls flush with money to spend on celebrity products. The sixties and seventies found baby boomer babes up in arms rejecting mom’s teachings, which unseated Christian influence as the source of loving togetherness for family and friends.

    Less direct connections of love with family reinforced the adequacy of adolescent peer-leadership among youth, which weakened parental and sibling influence, which reduced both the value and worth of Christian love among boomers, which led to deterioration of living up to Christian standards as more important than self, which generated modern-day narcissism, which spreads from female gender to male gender, which darkens rather than brightens the future for females, which enables the dominant gender to increase its influence at the expense of the balancing ability of the superior gender.

    In the end, by females spending their love quotient on celebrities indirectly and peers directly, families disintegrate from lack of internal love one for all members in favor of love of outsiders. Phrased in reverse, by children and adults outsourcing influence, they find and express internal family love at lesser intensity than makes them feel good about themselves. They fail to both receive and deliver the love that satisfies males and makes females more important.

    Not sure I made my case, but to me celebrity worship is family busting.
    I wonder how much wife’s celebrity worship—or just attention—spurs husband toward porn or cheating. It’s for some other day.

    *We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves.

    Guy

    • Cinnamon

      Sir Guy,

      Thanks for filling us in on how this cultural revolution began well before the 1960s. A commenter at another website recently described the 1960s as follows (I am quoting this from memory since I don’t remember where I saw it):

      “The 1960s was easily the most socially and culturally destructive era in modern western history. We threw the baby out with the bathwater, and we will never recover what was lost. We have laid the groundwork for our own destruction by turning our backs on thousands of years of accumulated wisdom.”

      Your Highness Cinnamon,
      Quite an effective memory you have because you’re description is historically and culturally accurate.
      Guy

    • surfercajun

      What you wrote above reminds me of why I homeschool. Spending the day together, working together, and watching some shows together (including watching my oldest boy’s favorite gamer with him) we seem to *like* to be together and don’t mind hanging out with one another for long periods of time. I don’t know what you know about homeschooling Sir Guy, but it seems to me it has tied up closer together than anything I have ever known. Even though my mother and mother in law complained *loudly* about it in the beginning, I kept my mouth shut and kept moving forward. Now looking back I honestly believe (if only bias) that my kids seem to have a maturity about them than most kids of their own age. I honestly believe teaching children at home is a very feminine thing to do. I understand not all people can do it, but to me, it is a way of life that I would not give any amount of money for!!

      In addition to cutting off of cable there seems to a shift in change of attitude from the top on down over the past 6 months. Trickle-down theory? I find it interesting as I never found anything worthwhile on the tube. I would rather re-read a good book. But then again I have always been called strange never liking what everyone else considered normal. But then again, I always tend to root for the underdog, rebel or someone doing something old school. To me, it was a lost art being re-practiced. Building something from scratch can be harder than re inventing something already there. Not to knock new ideas, but beginning from nothing always holds my attention and prompts more questions where I tend to admire the person more from the start.

      • Eric

        Miss Surfercajun:
        R.G. Collingwood, a philosopher of the 1920s and 30s, wrote that the trend (back then) of parents choosing professional educators over homeschooling would rot Western Civilization from the inside out within a few decades. (public education became mandatory in the US in 1918).

        Look where our society has gone from circa 1920 to circa 2020 and I think Collingwood knew what he was talking about.

        Sir Eric,
        Timely, relevant, and superb support for women wise and dedicated enough to homeschool. Well done and thanks.
        Guy

        • surfercajun

          Men are never more handsome when touting facts of support of something I dearly love. :o)

          Realized last night on my walk I had not properly thanked you both for your wisdom and view. I am just giddy over here in Texas land!

    • Eric

      Sir Guy:
      I’ve noticed these trends. When I was first meeting girls in my teens, I used to ask them about their fathers. Now, I don’t even bother. I just let them explain it when they want to; and invariably it’s either 1) they don’t know who he is; or 2) are estranged from him or he never lived at home or; 3) they lived with a series of stepfathers or live-in boyfriends. Needless to say, their mothers are also usually the types who would choose such men.

      I can remember three of my grandparents; most of my great-aunts and uncles, and my great-grandmother. My great-grandmother knew her grandparents. The Political Left likes to preach that living in the present is all that matters and that everything that happened before they came along is prehistory but 7 or 8 generations of experience makes a real difference.

      Sir Eric,

      You describe it all very well. Thanks.

      We know too little about the enemy we face because loyal Americans don’t think like this. I repeat for those who may have missed it, Marxists claim that he who owns the past can plan the future, and he who plans the future controls the present (paraphrased). Living exclusively in the present, e.g., without benefit of extended family, cripples one’s ability to anticipate the future, which enables the Political Left to rewrite history to match their agenda for the future, which cripples one-generation families even more.

      Guy

      • Cinnamon

        When asked by interviewer Brian Lamb (“Booknotes”) to define the term “culturally conservative,” the late Fr. Richard John Neuhaus replied:

        “Culturally conservative — a great respect for the possibility that your grandparents were as intelligent as you are, and a great respect for the achievements of Western civilization, intellectual, literary, artistic.”

        Your Highness Cinnamon,
        That’s a refreshing thought out of the past. Thanks. I know the name but not his work. Gotta look for it.
        Guy

      • Eric

        As Voltaire said famously: ‘A people taught to believe absurdities is a people prepared to commit atrocities.’

      • Eric

        Sir Guy:
        I was thinking about this some more, and the Cultural Marxists’ focus on living in the present and breaking down families also severs the wider cultural connections with the past. For example, I was born more than century after the US Civil War, but I had older relatives whose own older relatives had lived through it.

        Sir Eric,
        Right. Destruction of extended family history makes simpler and easier destruction of the nuclear family. Part of the C-M game plan. Those who own the past own the future and control the present.
        Guy

    • Miss Gina

      All I know is that my husband tells me that raising kids and having grandkids has put love on my face that wasn’t there when we were dating (high school for me). I watched tons of TV as a child and teen, little as a mom and grandma. I think you’re right, Sir Guy.

      Your Highness Miss Gina,
      It’s a sure sign you ‘graduated’ adolescence to work on your master of feminine maturity degree. Husband just presented your diploma.
      Guy

  7. prettybeans

    Hello Sir Guy,
    I hope that your day has started on a pleasant note.
    I have some random questions for your consideration. I think that at an intellectual level I have grasped the concept that generally speaking, men derive their self importance from what they do i.e. work..
    In this regard,
    1. How does one express, if at all, concern about what appears as a workaholic tendency in the dating stage and the subsequent unpleasant and negative impact that this has on the frequency of communication?

    2. Should this be a concern? Keeping in mind that I am grateful that this directly points to a hardworking character trait rather than to laziness

    3. I realize that as the relationship manager, success is in achieving a workable balance but should I be thinking of such things at this stage?

    PS – Mr Good Enough to be Interrogated Further got the promotion! Yay for him. I am glad. But methinks that this doesn’t auger very well for me and my interests..

    Your Highness Prettybeans,

    1) Don’t blame or point at him as a workaholic or even his potential. In your mind and heart divorce the term and practice. Infrequently cite others who are inclined to be workaholics and suggest gently and disconnected from boyfriend/husband how those other men make themselves less valuable to themselves and their family.

    2) Concerned? No. You already see the benefit of avoiding laziness.

    3) Keep thinking about balance with no culprits until they actually start to disturb the balance you seek.

    Guy

    • That Horse Is Dead

      So, if his working is causing him to see and/or communicate with Lady Prettybeans less than she desires, is this the time to be indirect or honest? I see an indirect approach as keeping herself open to dating other men rather than bringing up the consequences of a man not being there for his family. If and when it really bothers him that she seems less committed to the relationship, then she can say at that point, “I’d really like to see where this goes, but I just don’t get to see you as much as I wish we could. What do you suggest?”

    • Cinnamon

      Prettybeans,
      I know a couple of examples where a man was a workaholic in order to prove his devotion (ability to provide). I remember one young couple where he worked 60 hours a week during the courtship because he wanted to buy a house for his new family to live in upon marriage. He was very “old school.” This couple is still together 25+ years later. So be circumspect here because it might be a sign of a desire to show that he can provide for a future family.

      • Meow Meow

        I second this, a man who shows interest in working is much more rare than in the past—video gaming, living with parents, and/or spending vast amounts of time in school or interning seems the norm these days. It’s harder to get ahead and many young men retreat to the comfort/safety of home or adolescent pursuits, not ready to take care of a bride or family. So at least you know he likes working—or if not the job, what it allows him to do. If however you are sensing that he is not that interested in dating right now, maybe keep him on the back burner/date around a bit? Sorry if that advice sounds flip—don’t mean to be—when I was growing up dating did not mean sex necessarily was involved, just spending fun, non-serious time with different guys getting to know them and thus taking the “pressure” off both you and them. Going out with a group could also be fun and a safer way to meet new people—for example going out with some friends to an event or outing? To satisfy social needs whether you keep dating the fellow or not—-just some encouraging thoughts.

      • prettybeans

        Thank you Lady Cinnamon and Lady Meow Meow

  8. prettybeans

    Sir Guy, many thanks for these helpful suggestions..I continue to think through the wonderful gems that I have found on this blog.

    Lady THID, I hadn’t even considered this marvelous indirect approach! Thank you.
    I do however have a query for you, does the indirect approach amount to a dishonest one?

    • That Horse Is Dead

      Lady Prettybeans,

      I guess it depends on whether or not you are being dishonest. If you haven’t studied the series, “Fidelity without His Devotion? Unlikely!” (begins at post 1434 in six parts) I highly recommend it. If he is spending more time working than calling you (takes 3 minutes, right?) or making a plan to see you on a consistent basis, then he’s either not devoted to you (yet) or this is just the way he is. Can you accept him? Respect him? If not, then either adjust your attitude about the situation (I think this is where patience comes into play) or change your own behavior. How much of yourself are you giving to this man without him reciprocating? Do you feel it’s more you keeping the relationship going than him? As Lady Cinnamon always says, YOU are the buyer and HE is the seller. How much is he selling himself? Personally, I don’t feel it’s dishonest to keep looking for a man who will want to spend time with you, get to know you, and include you in his life.

      I am in a similar situation. I’ve finally come to the place in 44 years of life that I know I can only change me. I have to accept a man at face value. It took me a while to figure out that what I thought were V&U tendencies is more of a preference for working than seeing me. We spend quality time together and go on very nice dates, but it’s not nearly at an acceptable level of time for me to consider him as “my” Mr. Good Enough. Therefore, until he steps up his sales pitch, I accept the relationship for what it currently is and keep myself open to dating other men (I continue online dating). Either through this process he will become devoted to me to the point he doesn’t want me seeing other men, or I will eventually find someone else. One thing Sir Guy says is that men protect their investment. If your man of interest is invested in you, he’s not going to lose you easily. That’s one thing that I’ve consistently seen play out in my own “slower than molasses” dating relationship. He consistently keeps coming back for dates and I can see his wheels turning because he can’t figure out why I’m not like all the other women:)

      • Cinnamon

        THID, this is a great summary, I agree on all points including dating others .

        If a woman is being the best she can be according to principles of WWNH, all she can do really is GET OUT OF THE WAY in order for two things – his level of interest in her (how much he wants her) and his character (what is he selling) – to reveal themselves. As another commenter so wisely phrased it, “Men vote with their attention.”

        Your Highness Cinnamon,
        Second paragraph is a well-phrased summary. Attention getter. Thanks.
        Guy

      • prettybeans

        Thank you for the reminder to check my own attitude and conduct. I am always the buyer. And as Lady Meow Meow defines dating so well, I’m reminded that dating isn’t necessarily an exclusive matter.

  9. surfercajun

    I noticed the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders are having a camp training for the ladies who made the finals. The only reason why I noticed this was because my niece made the cut recently for the camp. As I looked through the pictures I noticed quite a few ladies were sporting wedding rings. My niece lives in Virginia and had just celebrated her first wedding anniversary in June. Her husband is finishing military camp for officers. Is it just me or does something seem amiss here? I am having a bit of mixed emotions of what kind of man wants his wife to become a cheerleader again. It would seem like they are reliving high school days when they should be growing into a married life. Is this like self indulgence? It would seem to me, he married her, isn’t she now HIS cheerleader. ??????

    Is it like your #4? Celebrity worship or that they will soon be worshiped?

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    Re my #4, probably a lot of it mixed in.

    Your instincts are sound but you may be misreading your niece’s agenda. I’d bet she’s the one who has to pursue the cheerleading mistake for her marriage; hubby acquiesces to slow or stop domestic turmoil over her career vs. him. He’s been feminized to let her lead; she trashes her relationship interest for masculine-style adventure. Just my reading of how masculine-style sexually-free women think today. Hypergamy in action?

    Guy

    • Miss Gina

      Sir Guy,

      In her defense, she was programmed to “reach for the stars” and expect husband to be “supportive.” There are many people (including possibly family) who would actually condemn and shame her for *not* doing so. (I’ve been down that painful road myself.) Young girls are not taught to expect to support a husband in any way but what they “feel” like doing.

      However, I will take this opportunity to offer a glimmer of hope…

      I attended a women’s college during the ’80’s, where we got the whole feminist indoctrination thing (not vicious, but motherhood was never even mentioned and a rude professor shook her head and said, “So young…” at the sight of my toddler when I was an undergrad).

      What really surprised me is that about 10 years after graduation, I noticed in the college magazine that alums who had quit their jobs to raise kids were suddenly forming moms’ networking groups! This had never happened before. In contrast, the admin pushed to accept lesbianism, etc., etc., which also interestingly came to nothing, as the girls persistently remained heterosexual. Now the school is co-ed and run by somewhat more normal people, haha!

      I’ve since noticed the same thing with high school acquaintances I’ve reconnected with on Facebook. In spite of the expectations that we would all be rocket scientists, most have left lucrative careers to be stay-at-home moms, all the way through their kids’ high school. Also, the vast majority of the women I know from those groups are still on their first marriages, and their kids are just wonderful.

      My kids (29 and 26) are older than most of these kids, the oldest of whom are now in HS and college. Interestingly, my kids are seeing a trend of their formerly hedonistic, liberal, ignorant friends getting more conservative as they marry, have kids, try to build careers, and face reality under Obama and Marxism…some more so than others, but all to a surprising extent.

      Our parents were born during the Depression and WWII (a few were in WW II), and we got a generally more old-fashioned upbringing than the boomers did, as far as I observed. We came of age in the Reagan/Bush 1 years, and that was important. I know my post-boomer generation slides right under the radar, but I think a lot of us are doing things right. It’s one of many things that gives me a lot of hope in the face of evil.

      Well, that thought certainly grew into something more than expected! 🙂

      • surfercajun

        Thank you both!

        I deeply appreciate the views :o)

        • Miss Gina

          You’re welcome, surfercajun. 🙂

          I came back to tie the two parts of my comment together.

          My view is that femininity is put into us by God, and by indoctrination, man can confuse but not destroy our nature. Especially when children become involved, many women come to embrace our nature eventually, and your dear niece may do so sooner or later. As I’m sure you are aware, so often, circumstances end up revealing how empty the world’s way is.

          The longer second part of my comment was partly about that principle in general and partly a description of socio-political undercurrents not seen from the surface that are tangentially related.

          Prayers for the best for your niece and her husband…

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