2251. The 2-year glitch, 7-year itch, and 20-year switch


This was posted 1/19/08 as the 65th on this blog. It’s not been changed here.

It’s a cinch. Three monumental events face each marriage. Prevention starts years earlier. Avoidance is difficult. Recovery makes the steep slope slickier, but it toughens mates.

The two-year glitch arrives quietly as romantic love fades away in a couple’s second year together. Both undergo transformation. If an enduring kind of love has not developed mutually, separation is not far off.

The foundation for the man’s enduring love is laid in the respect she has earned, especially before conquest, and her likeability as a mate. The base of her enduring love is the current and anticipated gratefulness for him and what he does.

The seven-year itch arrives when his wandering eye opens. Devotion to her and commitment to vows are essential for survival.

She’s in charge. Seven years earlier she chose a man susceptible to wander. Or, she chose a man devoted instead of just committed to her; a man with sufficient character to honor his vows.

The twenty-year switch arrives when he wants to start over and hopes to do so with a trophy.

It’s a dream he’s harbored for years, because his sense of significance has been fading, needs rejuvenation, and he’s just dying to prove it to himself with an attractive woman.

12 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

12 responses to “2251. The 2-year glitch, 7-year itch, and 20-year switch

  1. I also think women need to pay attention to what’s happening with us around those times.

    At two years many couples have let themselves go. If a woman’s body or her habits have changed a lot then she’s telling him she isn’t worth further investment. If a man has let himself go suddenly, she may find her passion for him waning.

    At seven years many couples complain of boredom. This is the age when your first child would be safe alone with the mother and both the man and the woman experience a hormonal shift designed to get them looking for something new and interesting. The couples who break through this do so by a slight change of pace: doing something new together, having another child together or even moving home. Curiously, if you have a kid at say 3 years in, then the “7 year itch” can surface ten years in, according to the age of the child and not the age of the relationship.

    At twenty years a woman’s appearance has degraded massively. Men are biologically designed to seek fertility and youth and she may no longer be fertile and will at least be less fertile. By keeping healthy and pretty a woman can dissuade a wandering eye, but by making herself loving and important to him she can dissuade a wandering heart. The couples who break through this are typically still attractive to each other (physically and in terms of emotions and ideals) and often spend a large amount of time together, especially if they changed their lives after the seven year itch, even moreso if their children are all teenagers or older.

    Just my personal observations, of course, but it’s been a fairly consistent pattern in long term relationships I’ve watched closely or heard about.

    Your Highness Superslaviswife,
    I love it when pretty women step up and enhance my message.
    Guy

    • Meow Meow

      Yes and I do agree that these days the woman just as much as the man often feels “She can do better’ whether that is true or not!

      I feel quietly happy when I see couples who have made it through all these stages/crises together and still walk holding hands down the street.

      • Absolutely. People see what others have and what they could have for a night and throw away the bird in their hand for the two in the bush. And more often than not come back empty handed.

  2. sandy

    Sir Guy,

    I remember my ex bf (not Mr Good enough) tends and probably still has wandering eyes. I recall a time when we went out for brunch it was nice summer sunny day. We decided to eat outside of the restaurant and the waitress had on a very very short jean shorts. She accidentally dropped the menu as she was approaching us…she bended to pick it up… his eyes when straight to her buttock and I just looking at him. I didn’t say anything to him , but it made me think if he does this in front of me I can’t imagine what he does or looks at when I not with him. Sir Guy what are your thoughts?? Is this a normal behavior and if I come across this same situation with another guy how should I approach it?? Thank u 🙂

    Your Highness Sandy,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    You reacted quite properly. Let the following guide you in similar events.

    Re your ex and future boyfriends keep this in mind. Being hunter-conquerors, the slightest movement in a man’s peripheral vision triggers his immediate interest and his eyes and perhaps head swivel.

    Judge him by how long his eyes linger, if glance turns to stare, and not the fact that eyes or head swivel. Measure his interest and not his shift of attention.

    Guy

  3. Beloved

    Hello Sir Guy, how does the 7 year itch apply to shacked up couples? And as for the 20 year one, what if he married a trophy and felt he married up to begin with? Assume both women have remained likeable as mates.

    Your Highness Beloved,

    Tough questions. No natural principles seem to apply for either likelihood or prediction.

    I can’t find a reason to think that the itch doesn’t also apply to shack up. Just above, Her Highness Superslaviswife provides more details.

    Re previous trophy, on one hand past success invites a repeat. OTOH, having generated success in marriage by capturing a trophy, he can ride on the merits of past performance. I tend to favor the latter as most likely. Age is likely to catch up with him before first trophy loses her appeal.

    Guy

    • Beloved

      Oh, also, assume the “trophy” was able to actually stay that way despite aging. I forgot to add that.

      Your Highness Beloved,
      You didn’t ask the question, darling, but the subject enables me to clear up something I’ve contemplated for several years and found no answer. I’ll publish an article about aging in a day or three.
      Guy

  4. surfercajun

    question:

    Could the 7 year inch in include him talking about an ex or begin to watching porn at work after hours or at home late? Just curious.

    Your Highness Surfercajun,
    Yes, his attention shifts from the usual to the unusual/new/different.
    Guy

  5. Anita

    Mr. Guy!
    I have a situation my mom, a very feminine woman, made me aware of. I tend to “equalize” conversations, which is not ladylike at all. For example, if a gentleman says to me “Hi woman, how are you?” I will say “Hi man, I’m great thanks”. Do you have any tips on how to stop doing that, or maybe better options? I think of myself as a feminine lady, but my speech could use some help getting there, too!
    Thank you so much

    Your Highness Anita,

    Your femininity shines when you outwit rather than outcompete men who greet you in the disrespectful fashion that you cite, “Hi woman, how are you?”

    Something like this outsmarts them: Simply assume for yourself the superior position with quiet indirectness that neither challenges nor competes with him. For example, you might try this. Whatever his greeting, if polite of course, respond with a nice smile and a short pause while looking him in the eye, and then just say, “fine, thank you.” Turn and go.

    That you consider his greeting worthy of your pause, attentive smile, eye contact, and verbal response flashes “she’s very different” across his mind, which opens his thoughts that you are probably courageous, calm, unique, virtuous, and more worthy of his respect than he ever figured on first sight. (Remember, men marry women who are unique and not like all the others.)

    No guarantees with every guy, but those who might have an interest for other than sex with you will suddenly have their interest magnified emotionally and almost without conscious thought. It’s the effect of female indirectness delivered with calm self- confidence. Women have few more powerful weapons in their arsenal than to surprise men with guile that doesn’t offend the masculine nature.

    Guy

    • That Horse Is Dead

      Sir Guy,
      What behavior do men generally find as “courageous” in a woman? My man of interest told me one of the things he liked about me was my courage. When I asked him what he meant he said I “called him out” once which wasn’t at all what I would have thought as courage.

      Your Highness That Horse Is Dead,

      Courage shows in a woman when she stands up for herself. Without argument, explanation, or complaint, she does what men don’t expect. She lifts herself above being judged by a man. Without claiming it, she indirectly demonstrates the superiority of her gender. How?

      She uses her soft nature and gently describes her convictions as if defending herself is unnecessary. Her convictions about vanity, modesty, dignity, beliefs, and her dedication to do the right thing. IOW, she’s willing to withstand criticism without raising her voice or getting bitchy to announce her conviction that she’s in the right. She doesn’t defend or protect herself; either accept her convictions as acceptable and unchangeable or get lost.

      The more courageous she is, the stronger her character. The more convinced that she’s in the right, and the more gently and feminine she stands her ground,* the more easily she discourages any man’s normal reliance on dominance. Her strength of character ignites a man’s curiosity for how she ever got so strong without his knowledge, which earns significant respect. It stimulates his imagination to admire her stand, which makes her courage a virtue. It also energizes his fear motivation to consider how far he can go without losing her.

      That is the nature of woman. Courage is just another female quality embedded in the superior gender that can balance male dominance and prevent female unfriendliness and maltreatment in the social marketplace and domestic arena.

      Women who stand most courageously by their convictions are relationship leaders. Provided, of course, they don’t try to prove that they are always right. They choose when to use their strengths to manage relationships to their advantage.

      *The more loudly and emphatically she argues her position or opinion, the weaker her ability to convince that she’s right, which convinces no man of her superior position, and which terminates with her losing from lack of persuasion whatever battle was waged. A quiet female voice calms turbulent waters.

      Guy

      • That Horse Is Dead

        What a great explanation and very clear. It’s amazing how complex things are yet happen in the blink of an eye. When I did “call this man out” about a situation that made me quite uncomfortable, I was very soft spoken, stated what I didn’t like about it and told him what would be better for me if the situation ever arises again — then ended on a positive note.

      • Lyndeeloo

        That Horse Is a Dead, I’m grateful to you for asking this question!

        Sir Guy,

        I’m curious; does this apply to a woman’s defending her religious views as well?

        My fiancé and I are having trouble working out the plans for our wedding ceremony. We are both Christians, but belong to different denominations. In hindsight, we should have worked out some of these things before the engagement, but we didn’t, so we’re dealing with it now. Do you have any advice for navigating these kinds (religious/convictions) conversations?

        Your Highness Lyndeeloo,
        Congratulations on upcoming wedding.

        Yes, I think the courageousness I described applies.

        First, you’re the star of the wedding; it’s all about you and the glory of committing yourself to a man. If you don’t ‘own’ the ceremony, you won’t have much influence after you leave the altar.

        Second, I can’t imagine how he or his denomination could be demeaned if you use your common sense to accommodate whatever he HAS TO HAVE.

        Third, he’ll be the boss after but you should still be the boss before the wedding.

        Fourth, review my articles 502 and 2218 for special info on brides.

        Fifth, if you decide to stand your ground and get your way, I suggest you study again my comment to THID, especially the parts about gentleness, indirectness, patience, and implied pleasantness. You can’t let him carry a grudge beyond the wedding.

        Guy

  6. Krysie869

    In other words, seven years after first sex his wondering eyes open?

    Is it because a man gets “used” to his relationship with his wife why this stage happens?

    Your Highness Krysie869,
    Yes, there is rhythm to the ups and downs of marriage. Downs seem to predominate at or near 2, 7, and 20-25 years beyond conquest.
    Guy

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