Blog 2252 — Her Wrinkles are Good


Her Highness Beloved at 2251 probably doesn’t realize she paid me the kindest compliment. She enabled me to think through a troublesome problem, that of wives blaming loss of husbands on female aging. I use facial wrinkles as the most prominent symbol that women use of their aging.

The sexes age very differently. For this article, I reduce it to two major causes and effects. She loses her youthful appearance and tries to restore it. He loses his sexual ability and tries to rejuvenate it. Out of shame, ignorance, and lack of concern of the other’s nature, they don’t try to compensate together but instead do unhelpful things for their marriage.

Sir Eric recently pointed out that men are primarily attracted to youthful looking females with narrow waists that produce an ‘hour-glass’ appearance. True, but those two factors take on a simpler role in marriage. (She’s already conquered and his urge to conquer others is quieted by marital obligation.)

Her youthfulness is a major part of the glue of their togetherness; it reminds him of his youthful capability or what he wishes he still had. She’s great to have around as reminder of what he once was and had for looks and ability. He sees her change, more from mature actions than appearance. Her wrinkles are not central, just a very small part of her morphing image. Nowhere near the importance that she gives them.

Nevertheless, she blames her wrinkles as losing her beauty and believes that he—were he not so considerate—also thinks the same. Consequently, women overreact about wrinkle development. They easily get lost hoping to find a way to ease their personal pain in hope of assuaging husband’s regret which doesn’t exist.

Her hour-glass waist attracts primarily for sex. Her body attracts his. She’s great to have around as reminder of what he once was and had in bed. Body wrinkles don’t interfere much with sex. The really important things to men don’t change that much with age: lips, vagina, clitoris, eyes, ears, hair, breasts, plus cute or appealing mannerisms she displays during sex. Body wrinkles interfere with touch, perhaps, but a man’s body is also changing before his eyes and aging becomes acceptable with adjustments to expectations.

The Wifely Dilemma. That’s the surface but not the whole story. It deserves expansion of thought because women use wrinkles as an alibi for being cheated on or abandoned. IOW, they let wrinkles motivate them to do wrong things for marriage.

  • Female vanity has a natural purpose. By paying close attention to making herself look her best, she learns to live with, deal with, and adjust to accepting the wrinkling that comes with age. The absence of daily attention, facial care, and mirror time turns wrinkles into a much bigger deal than warranted. (The more they are looked at, the less important they become.)
  • Youthful appearance attracts and holds a man’s interest because it helps justify loving her. Tiny waist attracts him sexually and sex with her confirms his continued interest and love. (Unsuccessful sex casts doubt on his decisions about loving her. I know, women don’t let unsuccessful sex stop their loving their man. But men love very differently from women.)
  • Gracious aging reminds a husband how smart he was to team up with her. She continues to be the gal for whom he gave up his independence. (When husband thinks about his or her aging, wrinkles play no part; too many other things are more important to the masculine side of married life.)
  • As couples age, other emotional connections develop and reinforce a marriage around other than youthful appearance. The sexual hopes and dreams of men do not age but their sex drive declines. So, late in marriage, a thin waist is more appealing to a husband than a youthful face, which means that wrinkles don’t damage the marital landscape nearly as much as overeating for many years.
  • The husbandly view of wives fits this model for life. When they met, he found her emotionally attractive, loyal and likeable as a promising fit for his personality and ambitions, and married her on that basis. Her sexual attractiveness held him spellbound until conquest and subsequent sexual relations reinforced her likeability. Simple, two factors. 1) Her loyalty and likeability confirmed his love and brought him into marriage. 2) Their sexual relations confirm his wisdom about 1).
  • As they age, youthfulness and waist size merge to become part of their relationship. 1) Her loyalty and likeability continue to hold him and wrinkles play no part. 2) Sexual relations deteriorate with his aging and he forever looks for ways to restore his vigor with imaginative prods to his libido. Her sexual ability doesn’t age although her interest may, which may discourage her from helping husband restore his sexual thought and vitality in bed.
  • Husbands neither dump wives nor chase trophies because of wrinkles, so wives do better when they rethink their relationship management style and practice and perhaps calm their ego in the process.
  • Men take aging as inevitable and wrinkles for granted. Of course, women can’t stand being taken for granted, and so they imagine all kinds of spousal discrimination as they pass through middle age and into senior-ville. It’s wasted effort; far better for wives to focus on more meaningful shortcomings that may have crept into their marital persona.
  • Women resent their wrinkles as taking away their beauty. Nature works quite contrary to that. It compensates and better than a face lift too. Men see it this way. Face lifts may remove wrinkles but they also remove lines that add character that nature uses to replace youthfulness with dignity and virtuous maturity. Men prefer signs of strong character to faux youthfulness. They can’t respect what appears to be phony and face lifts produce that impression however subliminal it may be.
  • Wives like to believe that men abhor wrinkles. It provides an alibi. Changes in appearance due solely to aging are beyond her responsibility, so she has an excuse for letting both appearance and relationship deteriorate as if caused by aging. She can blame him as finding fault with her aging and ignore the other things that displease husbands.
  • Woman-think does not make men think like women. That her appearance changes solely from aging means little to men. However, husbands begrudge bad habits that produce less desire for sex or that make them appear as suckers or worse to their masculine peer competitors.
  • If men ever claim a lady’s wrinkles to be offensive, something much deeper and drawn out over time is behind it; wrinkles are the facade. The male nature urges men to motivate themselves to move forward with what they have and not get hung up on what they can’t change. Aging is easily acceptable to men, although the male ego sometimes gets in the way of his aging graciously (e.g., outlandish mid-life crisis.)
  • If husband loves wife, her aging fits right in with his. He’s not going to cheat or dump her because of her wrinkles. Husbands dump wives because they lose their likeability and loyalty to their man. Just one example, he stays in excellent shape and health and she lets herself go to hell in a handbasket. It’s not her aging per se. It’s her unwillingness to stay abreast of his lifestyle—in this example—that means much to him and for which the relationship expert must accept responsibility.
  • Men expect and live easily with slow aging and deliberate acceptance. Except, perhaps, when their woman goes overboard spending hard-earned money—unnecessarily to men—for face lift and other appearance changes the pursuit of which changes her role in his life to that of someone he didn’t marry.

The Single Woman’s Dilemma.

  • I disclose a bias. I personally favor tummy tucks as more appealing to husbands and am against face lifts because they are more appealing to wives. To me, the former aids compatibility and the latter weakens it. Money spent on compatibility is more beneficial than that spent on the female ego. But that’s just this man’s opinion.
  • As for single women, I don’t fault face lifts. But women should be advised of this. To remove wrinkles for the sake of being differently attractive for the next guy can be beneficial. If her reason is to like herself better, it won’t be beneficial and she’s wasting money.

Pardon, ladies. I’ve made a bigger thing out of facial wrinkles than I initially intended. But I don’t have the time to shorten it.

20 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, How she loses, sex differences

20 responses to “Blog 2252 — Her Wrinkles are Good

  1. Ahh, what a sweet and honest post. You are efforts are most appreciated.

    Long ago I worked with a man in his 50’s who was dating a woman in her 70’s and he spoke to me about how much fun she was, about how she made him feel alive, about how for the first time in his life he felt truly appreciated and seen for who he really was. He said the most amazing thing, he said it really wasn’t about what he saw when he looked at her, it was about what she saw when she looked at him.

    We really do men a disservice when we place too much emphasis on what they desire physically as if they are all rather shallow creatures motivated solely by sexual attraction. Sexual attraction, even for men, can be a rather complex thing. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to youth and beauty, to that hour glass figure, but often as men mature their needs and desires mature too, and they begin to place far more value on companionship, devotion, conversation, intimacy.

    I notice this in my own self, too. Although I like to rather playfully pretend all the young celebrities are attractive and desirable, they really are not to me personally, they appear more like green wine one might find in a barrel that hasn’t yet aged properly and developed that full bodied flavor and depth that one really desires.

  2. prettybeans

    With the kind permission of Sir Guy, I thought to share this with the lovely ladies on this forum..who knew that a smile could have such a big impact?

    http://peacefulwife.com/2015/07/18/the-smiling-challenge-5-minute-video/

    Your Highness Prettybeans,
    Thank you. It’s a magnificent site for reasons beyond what you cite. I bookmarked and blogrolled it. Hard to imagine such wisdom in such a young lady.
    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      Thank you, Prettybeans! A really helpful link with many good reminders.

    • Cinnamon

      Thanks Prettybeans, I am a HUGE fan of Peaceful Wife. She is the only male-female relationship blogger I read apart from Sir Guy. She has a very similar outlook to Sir Guy when it comes to these issues, and I recommend her blog to everyone who reads WWNH. Her teachings go hand-in-glove with WWNH,

      Sir Guy, not only is Peaceful Wife wise, she is also very accomplished. She is trained as a professional pharmacist (brains and beauty!).

      • surfercajun

        Cinnamon,

        Since you mention *accomplished* bloggers (wink) I could not help but plug my mentor… Marmee…. aka Martha Greene mother of 11 and my dearest friend. Or mention T a friend up in Colorado…. 🙂 These ladies can cook circles around most young expiration dates
        (giving nod to Gentleman Eric) ….I mean girls. (deeply bows with grand arm gesture to Sir Guy for allowing my links to pass mustard with him along with)… Blow kiss and winks… you are so EASY to flirt with…giggle

        http://marmeedearandcompany.com/
        http://joyoushome.com/

        • Cinnamon

          Thank you Surfercajun, you have some talented friends and you are a lovely friend to plug them. 🙂

          There are some good Youtube channels for homemaking, etc. – I like “The Daily Connoisseur,” “Entertaining with Beth,” and Lisa Eldridge (makeup artist). For home organizing, I recommend Marie Kondo.

          • surfercajun

            Recently, I crochet what was to be a flower to go on a hat. (to me) It looked more like a sun. I didn’t want to throw it out but had no use for it…then it dawned on me. Since it was of a thick yarn, I placed 5-7 bobby pins onto it like a pin cushion and placed it where keep Q tips in a pretty scroll jar with a lid. Now, when I need a bobby pin, I open up the jar and take out my pink sunshine of bobby pins and handily place it back closing the lid. ((grin)) I think perhaps I might be better at hiding stuff then making it necessarily pretty…… Pin interest would NOT find me interesting as I am a practical kind of girl… ((smiles))

            Marie Kondo is an interesting gal but my clothes would not qualify for her folding apparatus….( read wrinkles to easily) ah ha… wrinkles… oh never mind….

  3. My Husband's Wife

    Dear Sir Guy,
    You couldn’t have come up with a more beneficial article for us ladies to help us see our value and prettiness…at any age. Our culture is OBSESSED with youthfulness and staying young in both body and mind to only overlook beauty at any age.

  4. Eric

    The Manosphere is almost worse than the Femihags on this topic. The general consensus among them seems to be that women hit an expiration date—like cheese—then are no longer of any value.

    One (a married man, too) said lately that women of a certain age “are just about worthless to anyone but her children and to her husband who remembers her as she was.”

    And another offered this suggestion for dealing with the problem: “I’m still going clubbing on the weekends. Been doing it for a year now. My wife is still in love with me. I make sure that I have options; a secondary benefit is that my wife stays interested.” Then he goes on describe a couple of the drunken sluts he encountered last weekend; bragging about it as though he had really accomplished anything.

    And BTW, they are giving this advice to CHRISTIAN men; or at least affecting that Jesus would be proud of these kinds of attitudes and behaviors.

  5. Beloved

    I’m glad to have paid you the kindest compliment Sir Guy, but you are correct, I have no idea what it was. Could you please explain?

    Your Highness Beloved,
    Your compliment was to ask the right question at the right time and place that released my energy and courage to face off against women about their unnecessary obsession with wrinkles and the wasted relationship energy therefrom.
    Guy

  6. anon

    Certainly what women *never* hear. 🙂

    Looked at some before/after tummy tuck photos. I get it, now. 🙂

  7. Hi, I’m a long time reader but first time poster. I just wanted to say thank you to Sir Guy for investing the time and energy into helping those of us who are desperately trying to bounce back from the warped social programming that is feminism.

    I also wanted to note how wonderful it’s been for me these last few years to read the supportive comments of other people; there’s something so comforting and reassuring to know that I’m not the only person who feels lost in a sea of female aggression and male emasculation.

    As for the subject of insecure aging women, it seems to me that this might be a symptom of immaturity. I’ve noticed that with materialism being out of control mixed with women being pushed toward extreme selfishness masked as “dream chasing”, some modern women who are hard hearted put way too much stock into a youthful appearance, perhaps as a way to match their youthful mind. Maybe it’s a way to deflect accountability, or maybe it’s because they have a warped sense of romance, as is evident by how many women consider divorce a first option instead of a last one. I’m not entirely sure what their reasons are, but I see this as the tip of the iceberg, one of the symptoms of a rotting society that devalues morals and the family unit.

    Your Highness Rebbie33,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
    Guy

  8. Miss Gina

    Another home run, Sir Guy. Thank you.

    In the whole scheme of what a man sees when observing a woman, wrinkles are barely visible from a distance and make up a small portion of the whole.

    Get the hair, posture, figure, clothes, makeup, and personality right, and a few lines are barely noticeable. A man is noticing our personal energy, presence, confidence level, and emotional intelligence far more than minute details on our faces. (It’s we ladies who obsess over detail…men are big-picture creatures.) The details above are all things we can control.

    Though I do admit to using more than one aging potion on my face, anyway! 😉

    Your Highness Miss Gina,

    MHW adds this next below: “Yes, Miss Gina–ha ha on the using anti-aging potions, me too…but that’s just standard upkeep protocol :-)”

    To which I add, daily maintenance confirms self-confidence, self-worth, and that your life is dedicated to doing right things. Vanity is the essence of a woman’s conviction that she is grateful for who she is as a person. Husband is the essence of her self-gratitude as wife, children the essence of self-gratitude as a mother.

    Please let me know if you disagree. I just convinced myself that vanity is the first step on the road to a woman’s happiness. Followed by self-gratitude and gratitude for others as second and third requirements.

    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      Yes, Miss Gina–ha ha on the using anti-aging potions, me too…but that’s just standard upkeep protocol 🙂

      • Miss Gina

        Lol, My Husband’s Wife! Yes, we do what we have to. I find Frownies and Scotch tape work well, also. OK, really revealing all my secrets in public now… 🙂

    • Miss Gina

      Sir Guy,

      I can’t say for sure…that’s maybe more self-knowledge than I’m aware of yet.

      I came from a family of women who kept themselves up, and it was also an ethic among all the girls at our high school for some reason…the girls at our school were known county-wide. However, on one income it was hard for me to spend anything on myself when the kids were growing up.

      I started practicing pretty time in earnest when I was a semi-invalid with no medical hope of recovery after we had lost our home and possessions in a natural disaster that also had made me sick. The insurance company was refusing to pay, and the phone reps would actually mock me. We had to move three times in a year. My marriage was in the toilet. Our youngest son, 16 at the time and homeschooled, began acting out in a dangerous way. I was devastated. I spent a couple of hours every day on the floor crying and trying to pray.

      The answer I heard was to get up off the floor, believe God for miracles and walk in joy in the expectation of them, and take care of myself the very best I could. (Including perfume every day, and heels even to the dollar store.) My conclusion after some consideration was that it was really for God, out of gratefulness and love. Yes, self-respect and respect for others, too, secondarily.

      On my best days, I make pretty time a time of praise and worship, complete with music, singing, and dancing. (An unusual picture, indeed, I suppose!) People comment on the glow on my face on those days. I will just say I am overjoyed at the release from problems that it gives. It truly isn’t me. ***Note to single women: men really do notice of this joy of the Lord on your face…

      Long story short, I have received all of the miracles I needed, and more. My health and mind are miraculously restored (I had lung damage and mild dementia and partial amnesia). A lawyer agreed to help us for a very low fee, and we got every dime on that insurance policy. We sold our house lot for a premium price without a realtor. Our new house, furniture, and clothes are much better than the old. My marriage is much improved, and our son is a happily married father of two.

      I have found so many benefits to pretty time that I won’t even go out in the yard to work without it. Several years ago, it was about 90 degrees, and I had been inside and outside working around the house. I was in my work clothes when a man came to our door. He was campaigning in a primary for a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives. There was a large field of candidates, and due to my pretty time, I had the gumption to ask him some pertinent questions. We voted for him based on his answers. Turns out he won. He is now campaigning for the Senate. Boy, am I glad I had done my hair and makeup that day!

      So that’s my (long) story and I’m sticking to it…not sure I answered your question quite as expected, Sir Guy. 😉

      Your Highness Miss Gina,
      It’s a beautiful story, friendly style, and delightful response to my question. You make vanity and femininity work as God intended. Thanks.
      Guy

  9. Cocoa

    So sir Guy, are you saying as we age (and the thought of ageing scares me sir Guy! Why is that?) are you saying that taking care of our bodies is better, more important, or rather should be our priority over ageing signs in our faces? I am taking care of both but, and that’s for me and not anyone else, when I see these lines I get upset… Yes! I think the true feeling is upset.

    What do you think of Gray hair? I think I woman should always endeavour to cover her Grays.

    @Miss Gina, you made my day today reading your delightful story and your testimony to the Lord. I always like reading your comments and advice. Thank you 😊

    Your Highness Cocoa,

    Why does aging scare you? Because you’re not living by your heart.
    You’re judging yourself daily by how you fit in your world. You’re trying to compensate for signs of aging but you’re not quite getting to what you claim, “…that’s for me and not anyone else…”

    Don’t compensate. The secret is accepting aging as very normal, exploit your natural sense of vanity to prettify yourself daily until you make wrinkles and gray hair PLEASE YOU. Get happy with your appearance at whatever the cost. Mirror time daily and new techniques until you’re happy with the way you look TOTALLY without regard for age, aging, how you appear to others or what they think.

    God can guide you at the mirror. He knows what you should look like, which is whatever makes you happy. Consult Him. He gave you the ability to be a beautiful person in His eyes. Take him up on it. No one else knows what makes you beautiful. Only you, God, and the mirror.

    Guy

  10. “God can guide you at the mirror. He knows what you should look like, which is whatever makes you happy. Consult Him. He gave you the ability to be a beautiful person in His eyes. Take him up on it. No one else knows what makes you beautiful. Only you, God, and the mirror.”

    Such delightful words of wisdom there. It is very true, too. God can make you just glow. He will lead others to see you as He sees you. All those tales that mothers used to tell us about inner beauty, they were right. What is on the inside can be brought out and it becomes very attractive to others.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s