2253. Compatibility Axioms #811-820


811. Your failed marriage boils down to this: You chose the wrong man, tried to change him into Mr. Right, or changed yourself into a woman different than the one he married. [279]

812. Men must be taught to treat a woman according to her expectations. Men learn it fast, best, and long-term by being deprived of conquest. [274]

813. Repeated failure to conquer intensifies his drive to overcome her resistance. Determination spreads out of frustration. Prolonged frustration shifts his primary interest to her as woman worthy of him as her prerequisite of conquest. A conqueror doesn’t quit if the target is worthy of his best effort, which she both defines and expects. [274]

814. If you accept being embarrassed when with men or a man, you misuse and will lose one of your greatest strengths—female modesty. [279]

815. If you tolerate immoral behavior in a man, don’t expect his strength of character to help fulfill your feminine hopes and dreams.   [279]

816. You can expect disputes and should neutralize these sex differences when creating a home together: To you, décor and fashion take priority. To him, functionality makes much more sense. You must find harmony. [279]

817. You seek to be in charge of your future. Best bet calls for bonding with a man spiritually and devotedly before sexually. Why? Sex doesn’t bond men. Spirituality tames masculine aggressiveness and imposes family responsibility. Devotion to one woman seals his side of friendship and permanence.  [279]

818. You can focus on the big things that hold a couple together—love, friendship, commitment. However, you’ll do better to focus on avoiding, quieting, and suppressing the little unacceptable irritants, fixations, and offensive habits that slowly shred love into bits and pieces. [279]

819. Tell any man what he’s doing wrong in the sex department and expect unintended consequences. [281]

820. A man readily assumes that each woman appreciates his sexual performance, or something is wrong with her. [281]

10 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine

10 responses to “2253. Compatibility Axioms #811-820

  1. Miss Gina

    #811–Ouch!

    Your Highness Miss Gina,

    I think it’s a new record. Longest response to shortest comment. (See how indirectness works with this man, this time, this subject?)

    Your ouch is justified, sweetheart, but I can figure it out no other way. In effect I blame women for failed marriages. I’ll add my justification to see if it’s enough for you.

    1. She’s the relationship expert. Relationship management is not within his ability to detect, analyze, and decide how to balance his and her feelings that are in disarray and out of sync. He gets blamed for not being capable, when God, genetics, and hormones make him that way.

    2. Men do not directly change to please a woman they have conquered. If he is good enough for her to capitulate and yield, then he’s as good as she’s going to get from him. Conqueror’s right, you know. If she doesn’t like it, he can always move on. (Complain all you want, ladies, but I swear that is the male nature in response to a conquered woman trying DIRECTLY to change him. OTOH, men will change to please an unconquered women, but it’s up to her to give him time for change to become habit, which takes months.)

    3. Whether she was or not before marriage, she should have been the buyer and in charge of screening and deciding who to pick as mate.

    4. Whether she was or not, she should have been the seller after they married and in charge of detecting squeaky wheels and applying the appropriate feminine lubricants to convince him of the worthiness of both her and marriage.

    5. Womanly pressure to change a man activates his ‘escape mechanism’. 1) He recognizes that she deserves that he change but he can’t live with constant reminders of his guilt. (Escape relieves his guilt because it’s an accomplishment.) Or 2), he doesn’t respect aka love her enough to care. Or 3), she turned into another woman than the one he married. Or 4), he knows that he’s her Mr. Right and her pressure confirms that she thinks otherwise. If she can’t accept him his way, so long, baby.

    6. In trying directly to change her man, she opposes herself. She tries to hold her marriage together as the relationship expert while simultaneously trying to make a better man out of him. Self-conflict leads to failure.

    7. Husbands change over time to make marriage more comfortable for themselves. Their ideas for adding value to marriage arise from wife breathing harmony over family activities in such a smooth way that he wants to please himself by pleasing her. If she wants something, she makes it appear as his idea; that’s just the principle and not the whole arena of techniques that flow out of her patience, indirectness, hints, and seed planting. The effect, however, is that her techniques stimulate him to slightly and slowly alter his thinking on her behalf. That’s why it takes as much as two decades for her to turn Mr. Good Enough into Mr. Right.

    8. Relationship management parallels responsibility in both leadership and business management. Without completely accepting responsibility for something, one isn’t energized enough to handle it well. OTOH, responsibility sensed and accepted as personal stimulates one to be more conscientious. Consequently, relationship managers don’t do well until they accept complete responsibility for success.

    I offer all that to justify #811: “You chose the wrong man, tried to change him into Mr. Right, or changed yourself into a woman different than the one he married.”

    Do I make my case?

    Guy

    • Miss Gina

      Sir Guy,

      Oh, yes, you make your case on this very well, both here and throughout the blog.

      That’s why it hurts so much!

      I would suggest, however, a couple of thoughts.

      Young women–brought up wrongly and socialized wrongly–who choose wrongly or manage wrongly and lose a husband may technically be responsible. They can hardly be personally blamed, however, in my opinion. It takes time and experience to overcome such a background. Later in life, yes, they are more to blame.

      Also, I have seen a few men who do the right thing in their marriages, even when their wives are horrendous. Probably, they are sincere Christians or at least were well-raised, but I think also that all of us know what is right deep inside and at some point have some responsibility to that. Men may not have the know-how or finesse that a feminine woman would have in managing the relationship, however.

      I agree that feminine nature is superior to masculine in smoothing over rough spots, when used and cultivated. That is key to happiness in a marriage.

      I also understand that a man (almost always) wouldn’t have married a woman unless he felt sure life with her would be pleasant–and he darn sure wasn’t thinking about changing, so #811 is valid, if a teensy bit blunt. (But maybe it needs to be…)

  2. surfercajun

    812…. Could that also mean that when conquest was not available to him, he wondered about her compatibility? For example: She changes after having sex with him. Why would she change? He is the one according to your sage advice that changes after conquest not her.

    813 is very true… I was told a few months back he does not go for second best. I honestly think ALL men believe they deserve the BEST at everything they do/fight for. As one movie puts it. (paraphrasing) Any easy victory is disappointing than hard war loss.

    Was watching some old movies and in them women winking at guys to intend interest or encouragement. Could you please elaborate on this flirty strategy? 🙂

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    Re 812: Article 1799 answers your questions I think.

    Re 813: It’s old school but a wink has several non-flirtatious meanings almost always initiated by a woman with a smile or implying that a smile is appropriate. Such as:

    • I agree with you but it’s inappropriate to say so right now.

    • We just did something good together and we’re now friends on the subject under discussion/dispute.

    • We put one over on those people/that person, huh?

    • I like the way you think or what you just did.

    • We’re in this together, so let’s cooperate.

    A woman’s smile and wink are an opening to more friendliness. The context keeps it non-flirtatious.

    Guy

    • surfercajun

      A nightmare was had recently and I figured out wanting to share. If you think it not appropriate, I will understand if it is taken off.

      The crux of it, I was having an abortion and a woman in the room was getting me ready…

      It was about parts of me rebelling and wanting to *abort* something new and good that was changing inside myself that I was fighting with holding on to. Old ways good, new change bad kind of thing? Every time I have dreamed of being pregnant in past, it was always a GOOD thing and I was neither hot nor cold about, but believe it was more of an acceptance of the change. This was the first time something more violent was attached. One of Sir Guy’s post reminded me of the nightmare and therefore I became disappointed in myself. I cried out of frustration knowing no matter how many excuses I use, it won’t change because I was fighting with myself for a positive adaptation from his wise teachings.

      Feminist nightmares have seeped into our ways of life and our well being poisoning everything in sight and reminding us how normal it all is in sick twisted ways. Each and every one of us (women) has been exposed to it indirectly or directly in our parent’s marriage or outside stimuli. I might have been shelter as I child but I knew poison when I saw it but not understanding ( as a child ) it went past the conscience into the subconscious data center for future usage. Even though (femininity) was not taught as it was forgotten somewhere in the past, (mom or grandmother did not practice or ignored it) only I can take responsibility for myself. Sir Guy’s site is such a ministry to me personally because there is nothing wrong with being a better woman.

  3. That Horse Is Dead

    I’m constantly looking for examples of what it means to appreciate a man for who he is and what he does rather than compliment him with empty words. So, I thought to share what happened with my son this week. He just started high school football practice and for moms who don’t have sons, in the first few weeks the coaches spend a lot of time finding the right players for certain positions. My son is 40-60 pounds lighter than the biggest guys on the team, but still playing on the line with these bigger guys. I knew he had concerns about whether the coaches would give him play time this year. Yesterday, one of the coaches told him (paraphrasing), “I can tell you listen {last name) and you’re in good athletic shape. Keep it up.” Today when I picked him up from practice, he was smiling because he had two quarterback sacks and a block against older teammates. That simple statement from the coach was all it took to boost his self-importance. Really amazing! I guess my learning lesson is that admiration doesn’t have to be elaborate, just timely and specific:)

    • Miss Gina

      Your Highness THID,

      This is a great example. Also demonstrates the significance of authority with males. 🙂

  4. prettybeans

    Sir Guy, could you kindly elaborate further on 819? Unfortunately I do not understand; aren’t the big things the aim?

    And alternatively, what to do with any irritants at the dating/courting stage – nothing in the way of a deal breaker but certainly some annoying bits..

    Thank you

    Your Highness Prettybeans,

    Pardon me if the next paragraph offends you. I made the truth as clear as I can

    Re 819: The only thing more powerful, pleasant, and challenging to a man than a good, hard erection is putting it to good use. Nothing is more satisfying either. The prime mover in the male nature is to seek self-admiration by satisfying himself with accomplishments. Nothing tops sex; it’s the height of his significance. Not the orgasm nearly as much as the penetration, which convinces his ego that she is totally under his control. It’s the ultimate expression of male dominance, the penetration. If a woman questions his prowess, she makes her influence and opinions worthless and her presence too after their current sex is over.

    You mention big things being the aim? I see no connection with 819 so could you elaborate?

    As to irritants etcetera in dating/courting, that is up to you. It’s the learning stage for relationship experts to refine their techniques for the current guy. You are burdened to both identify and resolve anything that interferes with harmonizing your character strengths and personality with his. You test in dating, verify in courting, and refine after you get engaged. You should have it mostly mastered after departing the altar.

    Guy

    • Miss Gina

      Perhaps Miss Prettybeans meant #818?

      • prettybeans

        Indeed I did Miss Gina! Thank you.
        Please Sir Guy could you clarify on 818 – apologies on the mix up.

        Re 819 – I don’t understand why sex is such a big deal to men but I accept it. My understanding on this particular one is I think irrelevant to what actually is

        Your Highness Prettybeans,
        Re 818, you’ve inspired a new article to be posted today or tomorrow.
        Thanks. I think it a good one too.
        Guy

  5. prettybeans

    And just so you know Sir Guy, you did not offend me at all with your feedback on 819.
    I appreciate your honesty and the opportunity afforded to speak freely on this forum. I think that most ladies will agree with me that if it wasn’t for the platform that you have provided then many of us would be fairly clueless.
    This whole site is a gem

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