It’s another paradox of human nature. Primarily men are producers and women are processors. Yet, women can produce a loving relationship almost instantaneously while masculine love develops through a six-stage process.
Women tend to measure a man’s love by the way she loves; that is, displays of care, affection, and frequent confirmation of their importance one to the other with the firm conviction that words are adequate to convey feeling. Men don’t do it that way. Masculine feelings develop from and tend to follow their actions instead of either his or her words.
A man’s love of a woman is a methodical process that develops in six stages. First, he finds her likeable enough to be loyal to her. Second, he sees that she finds him likeable enough to be loyal to him. Third, he uses words to commit himself to court her exclusively (although she probably initiates it). Fourth, he frequently and repeatedly pleases himself by pleasing her with actions that reflect her importance to him. (She shouldn’t expect it to match her expectations for affectionate words and intimacy.) Fifth, after months of such actions that program his subconscious, devotion develops in his heart. Her worth to him rises and the possibility of having to do without her stirs his imagination. Sixth, imagined anxiety of losing her stirs him to doubling his effort to please her for that purpose rather than to please himself. Thus, he cherishes her.
All women want to be cherished, but some make mistakes that harm their relationship. Here are a few female reactions that sours cherishment:
- Being cherished is woman’s idea both in concept and whether she is cherished or not. Men treat their woman as it makes them feel good about themselves. If they enjoy pleasing her, then it could be devotion or cherishment but what to call it or what it means is of little concern to them. Bringing up such subjects turns men off. It’s too close to relationship management.
- He’s a pushover for what she wants or expects out of him. His cherishing her reminds her of puppy love. Too much fawning over and submissive to her, and so she loses respect.
- She feels deprived that signs of his love are not expressed as affection and intimacy. So, she seeks to have him change his habits. A man may change to suit the woman he cherishes, but it reminds that the most important person in his life doesn’t like him, which is one of the four legs that holds a man’s love together.
- She expects to hear more than she sees if she is so cherished. So, frustrations set in and she tries to fix it by pressuring him to be more intimate with words. It points in another way that he’s inadequate; few women can do that and keep their relationship.
- Being cherished is the best she can get out of a man. Does she deserve it? From him? Or, should she have chosen less of a man because that’s all she deserves? Guilt anyone?
- She doesn’t think she’s good enough to be cherished by him. Consequently, what should be a swollen self-image shrinks, her self-worth slides down, and she easily becomes depressed. It sends subliminal but undeserved messages to him that he’s less than adequate as her mate, which reminds that if not her, he knows he’s a good mate for someone else.
- She deserves magnificent gifts as proof that he cherishes her. She grows to resent gifts or signs of less value than she deserves, which makes those less than magnificent reduce his value to her, which rebukes his cherishing her, which demeans his efforts to please her, which makes her less likeable, which means her loyalty isn’t trustworthy, which kills his love.
If she expects to be cherished with words, she’s in for disappointment; men primarily cherish through actions. Loyalty earns commitment, which is foundation for devotion to develop, which morphs into cherishment if she provides the time and allows him to please himself by pleasing her. The greatest price she has to pay is to remain as likeable and loyal to him as he expects.