2260. Compatibility Axioms #841-850


841. When husband on his own senses that wife has an unresolved problem, his problem solving persona emerges. He wants to uncover it and help. But it may be a long time if ever before he detects she even has a problem. The female nature enables wife to help him sense it on his own. [286]

842. Her patience and soft-heartedness and respect and gratefulness for who he is and what he does show her understanding of him, just as he expects to see it. He’s much less likely to take offense about subjects sensitive to him. [286]

843. Devotion to her makes him want to pay attention and sometimes lavish affection on her. Thus, more devotion makes him more open to her wants, needs, and desires.  [286]

844. He expects frequent and convenient access to sex after yielding his independence for marriage. This may or may not make him devoted to pleasing her as she would like. Devotion arises outside the sexual arena. [286]

845. We can easily recognize that men should be more considerate of a woman’s sexual wants, needs, and desires. However, being married can interfere unless she accepts responsibility for sexual compatibility. [286]

846. The more she likes herself as a female, the more outwardly dominant she can permit a man to be, because of high confidence about ultimately getting him to accept her way about her needs, wants, and desires in their life together. [288]

847. Right doesn’t just arrive in her life. She turns the husband in her life into the right man, and the process lasts as long as he remains devoted to her. She adjusts their life together until they both age gracefully with him as her Mr. Right. [288]

848. Successful courtships belong to predominately hard-headed women who patiently and indirectly integrate two diverse interests into a bright future together. Virtual virginity best holds his attention, while she works the romance/affection scene into his habit and her advantage. [288]

849. In courtship it pays for her to have high regard for and associate with many other people—not necessarily dating though. He should not win her heart and mind completely until after they marry. The stick while courting, the carrot after marriage. [288]

850. Men grow their love for a woman from light-hearted feelings that he stumbles into—she’s attractive, fun, likeable, very respectable—and he slowly becomes magnetized by her other qualities. Such as Her Jewels as defined in article 59:

♥ Physical attractiveness marvelously enhanced by affordable attire and classy grooming.

♥ Sexual attractiveness enhanced by modest coverings to reinforce that other men are forbidden.

♥ Gentleness provided out of patience.

♥ Forgetfulness that follows forgiveness.

♥ Thoughtfulness that her mate deserves.

♥ Gratefulness for her man that shines as her being happy when he’s around.

♥ Submissiveness as her spirit of cooperation.

♥ Happiness that spreads infectiously.

♥ Joyfulness that inspires greater hope.

♥ Chasteness promised to him by modest display of breasts, rump, and legs.

♥ Generousness that smashes selfishness out of their lives.

♥ Delightfulness that makes him smile.

♥ Perpetual smiling countenance that shapes his comfort zone.

♥ Unselfishness that spreads as example for all.

♥ Neatness that inspires others.

♥ Goodness that sets a shining example.

♥ Faithfulness that inspires him to follow suit.

NOTE: Those qualities are born into the female nature, but most women are too busy, ego-stricken, or politically propagandized to use them. Of course her man may not be worth such effort, but it’s her jewels that make him the right man. It’s her behavior that makes him good, bad, indifferent, inadequate, or whatever, provided she didn’t mate up with a hopeless case to begin with.

30 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, sex differences

30 responses to “2260. Compatibility Axioms #841-850

  1. surfercajun

    Had two people tell me at different times I was a Proverbs 31 woman…
    ( I did not feel like that when the compliment was given, as I felt this was something you grew into ) AKA: YOU have arrived! 🙂

    Would this fit neatly into female nature or be claimed as her jewel?
    #850 had me reminisce of this wonderful compliment.

    Your Highness Surfercajun,
    Of course. A Proverbs 31 woman is the closest she be to God. No bigger jewel than that.
    Guy

    • surfercajun

      Sir Guy,

      ANGEL!!!

      Men are never more handsome when successfully capturing beautiful eclipsing views of womanhood… (wink)

  2. Lilac

    Dear Sir Guy,

    I started reading your blog in June and am still reading your old posts. Thank you so much for you wise counsel!

    I have a question in my mind for a long time but I could not figure out the answer. Could you help? The question is: why some men like taking pictures of young girls?
    This is a hobby of a guy friend (in his thirties, single, in a dating relationship). He does not know that i know about his hobby. But i saw that he used another name and opened several social media accounts (facebook, whatsapp, instagram…). He follows 1000+ girls n sees their pictures. He sometimes leaves a comment and ask them to go out and take pictures. He also posts his picture in his profile. His recent pictures r young girls sitting/lying on bed in hotel rooms. He also tried to recruit “young models” to go traveling with him for picture shooting.
    One girl talked about him on a forum and said she once went out with him n agreed to take pics in a park. But he later took her to a small hut n took out a bikini and asked her to change her clothes for photo shooting.

    What is he thinking? What is the line between art n porn? What kind of relationship is it between a photographer and a “model”? Anything i can do? We r just friends n i never mention this issue with him. But i desperately need a mature male like you to give me some counsel. Thank you very much!

    Your Highness Lilac,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    He’s fixated on doing something that he’s not proud of. I’d say an obsession. Whether just different, kooky, porn wannabe, or sick, I can’t say.

    Not a good enough guy to date as he appears dishonest at least and manipulative at worst.

    Guy

    • Eric

      I tend to agree with Sir Guy here; although with the qualification that our modern culture hypocritically also shames older men who are interested in younger women. Whether that’s his motive or not, though, is a moot point because, at best, it means that he values the opinion of pop culture over a meaningful relationship; and men like that will invariably sacrifice the woman if they have to choose between her and material concerns.

    • Lilac

      Intellectually I think he is not a good enough guy. But he is in a seem-to-be-stable relationship with a girl (10+ younger than he is).
      They were together 6 years ago but broke up within 1 year. 1+ year later, they came back together. Right before they came back again in Feb few years ago, the girl asked him whether they could be lovers again and he said it’s not the timing yet. On the Valentine’s Day that year, he did not give her any gifts at all. But after a week or so, they were traveling together (he worked for a weekend in the country S. His mom n this “new” girlfriend also went with him).
      They are still lovers in these 3+ years. They work together and share the same religion. They also go traveling together several times (but not publicly announced in fb). The girl posted some pictures (she’s the model and he’s the photographer) to facebook and the guy seldom mentions his trips.
      Seems that I am also fixated on some lies about relationships. What are they? Can you help me see more clearly? Thanks!

      Your Highness Lilac,

      This is my view of what you’ve written. He’s a manipulating momma’s boy. To pull it off, lies are necessary. Timing’s not right to be lovers again? Takes momma along traveling with gf or lover, either or neither? Photo trips are major part of his life but he doesn’t talk much about them?

      Some lies about relationships? Almost anything but here’s my favorite. Of course I love you, darling. Do you think I’d be doing this if I didn’t?

      Guy

      • Lilac

        Dear Sir Guy & Eric,

        Thanks sooo much for your comments. Your insights have “validated” some of my thoughts.

        Hope that u do not mind my extra questions:
        1. Do u think this guy know his lies consciously or unconsciously?
        2. Why on earth a girl would tolerate her bf to be a photographer of so many girl models?
        3. This guy’s close circle of family n friends have failures in relationships in recent years. His brother divorced a year ago after a two year marriage (n recently in a dating relationship). His good friend #1 divorced 2 yrs ago after 1 yr marriage. His good friend #2 broke up one year after engagement. What lessons would a guy learn from others’ failures? Cherish more of his own gf? Lose faith in marriage?

        Your Highness Lilac,

        1. Probably both. Inveterate liars often respond subconsciously because they work out what they will say in advance.

        2. Attention, affection, or just to have a man.

        3. Yes, we become like those with whom we associate. It’s why parents have far less influence in shaping the personalities of children than previously thought.

        Guy

  3. Magnolia

    Point #849 is soooo true. We women need to keep this in mind. Our independence during courtship is very important.

    As for her jewels… I love the reminder. I’ve read that article many times and even wrote it on a personal notebook. I am trying to memorize it. Great attributes to have as a lady. Thanks again. ❤

    • jubilee

      HEY.. I WAS JUST ABOUT to write that one–#849–LOL
      heck many people years ago, lived in marriages that lasted YEARS.. and the women didn’t have to look that ‘young’ only well groomed-but had her own hobbies, friends who were also married etc.
      but now, very pretty women aren’t able to keep their husbands, get married, or get a ‘normal guy’—but stoners. etc

      BTW, today is my 26th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.. and don’t know if I’m doing anything special… but it never really mattered that much to me….LOL
      Y

      Your Highness Surfercajun,
      Here’s my anniversary gift. Your husband married over his head. Congratulations for making that happen 26 years ago. The best men do that and it makes them the best husbands years later.
      Guy

  4. Mrs. Anonymous

    Sir Guy,
    the stick while courting and the carrot after marriage got me thinking about a good point my husband has made a few times…sometimes when I’m in another room doing something privately or reading on my computer quietly he will inquire what I am doing. Not in an accusatory way, just genuinely curious what I’m up to. Sometimes I will tell him, but other times I don’t want to share. For example, I don’t tell him about reading WWNH or experimenting with new beauty products. If I give him a vague answer he says, “How come you don’t tell me? We are married now, why do you still keep secrets? I don’t like secrets ” .

    On the same page, I always lock the door when I go in the bathroom for any reason. The other day while I was showering he tried to come in to use the sink, but of course the door was locked. He asked why I lock the door when he is the only other person living here. Again he pointed out, “we’re married now, why do you still need to lock me out?”. He never says it in an angry way, more like he’s offended. Like he did his part marrying me and he doesn’t keep secrets so how come he doesn’t get the full disclosure ‘carrot’? I suppose he has a good point. But if I tell him everything he wants to know I think that will kill my feminine mystique. Whether or not he admits it, I think he is tickled by the fact that he doesn’t know every detail about me.
    Do you think I am being too harsh not telling him what I am up to all the time if he asks? If not, any advice on how to handle it when he does ask so that he doesn’t feel offended?

    Your Highness Mrs. Anonymous,

    You’re newlywed, at least relatively. Too harsh? Not at all. It takes years to work out the kinks over simple things. You’re thinking is sound about feminine mystique and full disclosure ‘carrot’.

    Turn to more smiles, teasing, friendly banter to get your way. Also, shift to logic and reason, for example: (Just ideas and not suggestions, be honest.)

    “I do my best thinking in the shower, and just like you don’t like to be interrupted when you’re ________, I don’t either. Of course, I’ve locked the bathroom door all my life. Hard habit to break.”

    “I get so deeply involved in looking great for you that I get lost when shopping for cosmetics. Want to help me pick out some the next time?” (He’ll tire after the first or second time, I imagine.)

    Turn to your feminine charm and smiles that calm a husband’s nerves. You can figure out what works; you’ve known him for what? 5-6 years?

    Guy

    • Mrs. Anonymous

      “want to help me pick out some next time” haha that gave me quite the chuckle! What a great comeback! I can’t wait to try it the next time he inquires what I’m doing at my mirror. I’m certain he will decline my invitation; he’s been to the cometic store with me once before and had quite enough :p
      I think I understand though: deflect rather than deny him an answer.

      Dating for 5 years this month (counting engagement+marriage months) and good friends for 12 years. That reminds me, when we met with the priest who married us, Mr. Anonymous jokingly told him that although we weren’t dating in middle school/high school, “it wasn’t for a lack of trying on his part”. During the ceremony the priest quoted him, basically announcing that I rejected Mr. Anonymous multiple times in high school! I figured Mr. Anonymous would be embarrassed but when I asked if he was bothered he said no of course not that was his favorite part of the ceremony! It made him look good for not giving up after all those years. …Apparently I still have much learning to do about the male nature, I can’t imagine being glad that was announced!

      Your Highness Mrs. Anonymous,
      He enjoyed it because he’s not ashamed of being devoted to you, which the priest confirmed in public. I recall your dilemma five years ago trying to decide how to handle a close friend who was devoted to you then. It seem you’re blessed to have chosen rightly.
      Guy

    • surfercajun

      I totally agree with locking the bathroom. I don’t mind it unlock when water is involved but NOT the water closet! That, to me, is ruiniest to see and so a habit had to be re-trained. One time I was so irritatedly fed up with the fan going/door locked/ light on when the door knob violently tried….I lock the WHOLE dog-gone bathroom now. That, seemed to work. Perhaps guys don’t mind but I DO MIND! It subtracts from my feminine mystic and feel I am treated different when violated. Maybe it is not a big deal to some women but reading an article on it, I found it to be huge. (sorry I don’t mean to be talking about private affairs in the bathroom but not mentioning it felt improvident not to note!!)

      • Eric

        Miss Surfercajun:
        Ugh…you should go on the Internet and see the numbers of women who take ‘selfies’ in the bathroom; even sitting on the pot and everything…

        I’d wager that 100% of women who do that complain that men don’t treat them like ladies, too.

        • surfercajun

          Gentleman Eric,

          Thank you ever so much for your wise input! The bathroom yes, but never seen it go THAT far (squatting on the pot) Honestly, I am a bit shocked. Funny, as I was wondering this morning was if a mistake to post my feelings on it. But now with a handsome man validating my thoughts, it makes me feel better!

          (clasps hands together)

          MY HERO!!!

          (sweetly smiles)

        • My Husband's Wife

          Eric, you make a good point about the terrible, immodest selfies out there. It can make a woman appear really cheap. A friend of mine was showing me her online dating profile so I got to see the other women’s photos too. I just felt sad/depressed after seeing them as it did not put the women in the “best light”…literally. But then again, I’m not a fan of selfies in general.

          • Eric

            Thanks for both of your compliments lol. I won’t link to such images here, but if anybody’s interested, you can find candid selfies of these Queens on their Royal Thrones with an internet search. There’s plenty out there.

      • My Husband's Wife

        Dear Surfercajun,
        I will second you on the need for privacy for all matters pertaining to the bathroom/changing clothing etc. I don’t like ANYONE in the bathroom while I’m getting ready in the morning. I also have that “violated” feeling. I do think it’s a part of our natural, inherent modesty as females.

        Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
        Last sentence is absolutely true, but so many women go along to get along with men and their values, standards, and expectations. And they wonder why men don’t respect them enough to love them enough.
        Guy

        • surfercajun

          Thank you extremely, My Husband’s Wife!! It is so refreshing to feel validated especially from you!! :o) YOU, are a peach!

  5. prettybeans

    “…provided she didn’t mate with a hopeless case to begin with..”

    A good reminder that the selection process is key – I have come to learn that it’s much harder to *fix what is broken than to start with something relatively whole.

    As always, thank you for your wise counsel Sir Guy.
    *if at all this is possible

  6. Dove

    What do you do when your boyfriend cancels on you the last minute? There was something about what he did. I feel especially bad when this happened because it was the first time he did that. Do I confront him? Because right now I totally don’t feel like seeing him. I just want to let my disappointment pass in the meantime. I don’t enjoy the thought of having to confront a grown man.

    Your Highness Dove,

    Just below That Horse Is Dead has a great suggestion, especially since it’s his first time.

    I spotted this, “There was something about what he did.” I presume you mean HOW he canceled. Suspicious, demeaning of you, or curious as to his honesty?

    I propose THID’s suggestion unless I’m right. In which case I propose a great silence, stern-and-hard-to-please visage the next time you see him, and a lack of eagerness to listen to him. Let him see you think he was in the wrong. If he cares for you he will try to make amends. If he has lost interest in you, he won’t except maybe on the surface.

    Confrontation won’t work. You have to leave it to his conscience, but you can trigger that with silence that he recognizes is your reaction to his action.

    Guy

    • That Horse Is Dead

      Lady Dove,
      I like to think of these situations as if you are talking with a good friend instead of a confrontation. What would you do if a friend canceled last minute? You could say next time there is a change of plans, you’d appreciate more advanced notice instead of waiting last minute. Give him a chance to respond, and then move on and have a nice time. If this is something that could happen frequently due to job, children, etc — then take those into consideration and determine whether it’s acceptable to you or not for what you need in a relationship. But definitely, let your boundary be known instead of ignoring it. Once your boundary is known and it happens again…then you have cause for concern. Hard-headedness in dating and courting…soft-heartedness after the altar.

    • That Horse Is Dead

      I agree with Sir Guy’s statement, “If he cares for you he will try to make amends. If he has lost interest in you, he won’t except maybe on the surface” — in which case, I would expect his cancellations to become a pattern (as well as other disrespectful behavior). I think Guy’s approach is more firm, whereas mine a bit softer. I think whatever fits best with your personality. His true character and/or motivations will surface within time.

    • Dove

      Thanks Ms THID and Sir Guy

      As to how he cancelled – I had to text him to know he was cancelling. Didn’t have enough courtesy to tell me on his own which was unbecoming of him. He probably thought I was going to be just fine with it. Nothing suspicious in his actions. Just perhaps a complete disregard of my time.

      Your Highness Dove,
      That’s a sign that he lacks respect for you. I suggest dump him without complaint or explanation and then see how he responds. If he’s after you instead of sex, he’ll lay down in life in remorseful and honorable dedication to you. If he’s after sex, he’ll try to talk you out of your decision. Let his action speak in reply to your actions. Words work for commitment only; actions demonstrate devotion.
      Guy

      • That Horse Is Dead

        Ohhh…in that case, Sir Guy’s instincts are right. I had an experience years ago (before finding this blog) with a man I dated for 8 months who cancelled plans without giving me enough courtesy, not so much as a phone call or text. He would leave me dangling, wondering, and fretting about plans. Of course, that relationship (if you could call it that) was the impetus for finding WWNH. He was a “hunk” and this was normal behavior for him. If I had to do it over again, I would “kick him to the curb” that first no-show and never look back. Adios baby.

        • Dove

          I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. So I was really taken aback by what he did. I honestly don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but I feel I somehow need to show I won’t tolerate that type of rudeness.

          Your Highness Dove,

          Don’t show it with words, which only invite him to retaliate with words and the competitive disadvantage it gives you.

          Show your displeasure with action, which men understand and can respond in only two ways. Try to change you with words or change their behavior to suit your expectations. You’ll be able to read his heart by his response.

          Guy

      • Cinnamon

        Sir Guy,

        Could you provide some tactical guidelines for how Dove should “dump him without complaint of explanation?” I don’t think you mean “radio silence” (ignoring all his attempts to contact her) here, but I would appreciate clarification.

        My guess would be that next time he contacts her for a date that she should decline and say “No, thanks.” Because they have been dating for a while, however, he will likely ask “Why? What’s going on?” How should she respond to this with feminine indirectness? The only response I can think of is “It just doesn’t feel right to me at the moment, but thank you” A response such as “I really don’t want to discuss it, but thanks for the invitation” sounds a little soft-headed to me because it hints too strongly at how upset she is.

        Your Highness Cinnamon,
        You’re 100% correct. I cannot improve on what you say.
        Guy

        • Dove

          I know that pop psychology doesn’t recommend giving the silent treatment, but this is usually the way I go. Most of the time I resort to inaction because I really lose interest, which is also the reason why I don’t like to “talk about it”. I also stopped initiating texts. I did respond to his texts, but in a neutral tone. It’s annoying to have to explain yourself to an adult man. But I definitely don’t go to extremes, like deliberately try to be mean.

          Anyway, he was definitely remorseful. He was asking every possible reason why I wasn’t feeling up to it. But we’re back to normal now. I was fairly satisfied with his response – I mean i knew in my gut he was sincere. We even went out the following weekend. I’m just hoping I showed him the consequences well enough that he won’t do it again.

          • Cinnamon

            Dove,

            I think you handled this REALLY well. In the future, just a reminder to watch what he does more than what he says.

            I hope it never happens again but if it does, my rule would be “Two strikes and you’re out” (but in a gentle, non-complaining, non-explaining sort of way, of course).

  7. Southernbelle

    Sir Guy,

    In regards to a Mr.Good Enough, where does age difference factor in?

    Your Highness SouthernBelle,
    When too young embarrasses you. When too old has prospects of too short a life with your husband. Inside that range, factor his health, mobility, interest in expanding his interest in life with you in it.
    Guy

    • Southernbelle

      Thank you Sir Guy. I love that you teach us how to think through things and not just a cookie-cutter answer. Very wise! I’m still mulling this all over. Any additional guidance or expounding on this theme would be much appreciated.

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