2261. Compatibility Axioms #851-860


851. Most women have two options: give of herself as a helpmate, or live life alone, lonesome, and often desperate. Young women claim it’s b…s…, but they’ve not aged yet either. [288]

852. Feminism promotes raising the self-worth of women at the expense of men. This signals women to be inferior. It requires a superior gender in constant combat to keep male dominance from reducing them to slaves. [289]

853. Were women not the superior gender, they would not have been able to overcome male dominance over the millennia and civilize men away from their combative nature, tame men into monogamous marriage, and harness men to brighten the future for women and children. Along the way wives raise and civilize the next generation to be more productive and peaceful than the last, promote spreading wealth among others to ease female burdens,* and generate self-happiness out of virtually nothing. (*Pressure husbands to consider the needs of others.)

854. Feminism promotes an ideology that women believe. What people believe, they live, whether to their advantage or not. [289]

855. Every woman’s belief system determines whether she succeeds living with a man. If men are no good, she will see her man turn that way sooner or later. (Pygmalion Effect) [289]

856. Every man’s belief system determines how he will deal with women and live with one woman. If he expects to have troubles, he will. (Pygmalion Effect) [289]

857. Feminism blames men for female problems, which energizes the blame finger in men. Fair and square dealing with the opposite sex fades as common practice. [289]

858. Under- or un-appreciated as men, males act irresponsibly to female interests. Finger-pointing and blame make shortcomings spread infectiously across both genders.  [289]

859. Male dominance has little or no natural incentive to build up or promote the opposite sex. But female intuition and relationship expertise invent incentives. Feminism kills that natural female advantage.  [289]

860. Women look for love in all the wrong places. His love never blossoms or seldom lasts, when she rates his showing affection ahead of her showing respect, his fashion-plate image ahead of his rugged individualism, his hunkiness ahead of his character. [291]

24 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, sex differences

24 responses to “2261. Compatibility Axioms #851-860

  1. kapri20

    Very insightful and makes me feel sad that I was brought up a feminist and valuing freedom and space and am only now learning and unlearning what I need to know for relationship in middle age.

    Thank you Sir Guy, much to ponder on here as usual.

    Kate-Anne

    Your Highness Kate-Anne,
    I may have mentioned it before, but my series Dark Side of Feminism provides much more and greater detail. (See CONTENTS page at blog top.)
    Guy

  2. Shermy

    You know guy, I really get what you’re saying and what you’re promoting here, and maybe you’ve talked about this before, but Feminism has also affected men. So much so, that the masculinity you discuss here is like some kind of pipe dream. Men are ruined too. The difference is women are generally encouraged to self-reflect and fix themselves for themselves and the benefit of others. I rarely see that in men, and you’ve said yourself that you can’t talk to men the way you talk with us. So my dilemma here is that, I’m encountering a slew of men who are confused about their masculine role, and don’t really care because it doesn’t matter to them whether they get it or not, they still get the benefits of the casual relationships they’ve been conditioned to value over more substantial ones. While I know a slew of women who’ve adjusted themselves to better understand how their femininity can proactively generate better relationships. They seems to be a HUGE gap here that I’m not sure our femininity can fix.

    Your Highness Shermy,

    You say, “Men are ruined too.” Not ruined but misguided by women. Men do whatever women require in order for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex. It’s a truism that Feminism changed from marrying a woman to acting more femmy to be popular with them all.

    You say that I “can’t talk to men the way you talk with us.” Not quite. I said that men won’t listen to other men about how to deal with women. To do so is to make them appear as pansies and discredit any sexual significance they attach to their lives.

    You say, “…a slew of men … still get the benefits of the casual relationships they’ve been conditioned to value over more substantial ones.” The difference between casual and substantial revolves around sex, period, end of story. If men have to struggle to prove their worth for many months via chaste dates, courtship, and engagement to convince a woman of his devotion, then their relationship can grow to be substantial. Without such conditions, relationships remain casual.

    The cycle has worked like the feminists theorized. Women blame men, men react unfavorably to women. Women compensate with masculine-style sexual freedom. Men jump on the sex bandwagon, fear it will end if they don’t act femmy, and don’t care to exchange their independence for marital responsibility.

    You say, “I’m not sure our femininity can fix [it].” Nothing else can. Chastity is the major weapon of Femininity. It makes women unique, which intrigues and fascinates men, which makes men more willing to marry if that is required for frequent and convenient access to sex.

    It’s a direct cause and effect. The availability of unmarried sex both prevents and wrecks marriages. Women are still in charge, men are still blamed, and women continue to follow the path more traveled by, that of least resistance to men and greatest disadvantage to women, uncrossed legs.

    Guy

    • Cinnamon

      Shermy,

      One of the primary strategies of feminist disinformation particularly since the 1960s has been to convince women that it is men, not women, who are the problem. This lie is now so pervasive in our culture that it is in the air we breathe. It must be guarded against with vigilance because it manifests itself even in the most subtle ways. Femininity can be used to combat this self-defeating tendency and to “proactively generate better relationships” by focusing not on the misguided men you describe as representing the male gender, but instead setting your sights on, and seeking out, truly masculine men (by masculine I don’t mean glamorous, but men of character).

      • Shermy

        HI Cinnamon, thank you for your reply! My frustration is that I am not encountering any men of character who are available. The available men I come across lack enough follow through to even properly date. I feel like I can’t get anywhere. The search continues……

        Your Highness Shermy,
        Have you considered changing your habitat? Your habits when outside the home? Church? Two churches? Restaurants? Watering holes? Clubs?
        Guy

        • Cinnamon

          Shermy,

          I agree with Sir Guy on this – you are not looking in the right places. Also, you may have set your filters too narrow (height, income level, educational level, profession) which restricts the pool of candidates. It’s extremely important to be picky, but you have to be picky about the right things, namely, character traits.

          If these men lack the follow through to properly date they aren’t interested enough in you for whatever reason. Are these men surrounded with women who throw themselves at them? Men like this are to be avoided. You need to seek out men who are interested in marriage and long-term relationships in order to give yourself better odds.

          Years ago I was at a social function with some friends one of whom was a 35 year old lawyer who was desperate to get married and have kids. She spotted a good-looking bloke across the room and one of her friends approached him and got his contact details. He told the friend he was a cab driver. The lawyer immediately lost interest because she thought he wasn’t good enough for her.

        • Shermy

          Oh yes! I’m currently seeking a new church home, changed gyms, attend professional and fun local events of all varieties, I’m a regular at a lovely neighborhood restaurant and coffee shop, have lunch in a spot with lots of male traffic, I’ve tapped all of my personal networks, I’ve hired a matchmaker and am STILL on dating sites. I’m not sure I can do much else except give up or move. (I’m in NYC) But moving presents me with a slew of other considerations that don’t guarantee that things will be better elsewhere. I’m remaining as open as I possibly can given the circumstances, especially open to divine miracles, which it seems I am in most need of! Thanks for all of your suggestions!

          • Eric

            It may be a demographic problem. NYC is one of the FEW places in the US where single women heavily outnumber single men.

            • Shermy

              Yeah, I guess bloom where you’re planted doesn’t apply here. Every city has it’s quirks. I may have to seriously consider moving elsewhere, though where I have no idea.

              Your Highness Shermy,

              I suggest Texas. Our 23 years in Plano, TX beat all the other places we lived such as Long Beach, San Diego, and Monterrey, CA; Pensacola and Gainesville, FL; Newport, RI; Alexandria, Springfield, and Virginia Beach, VA; Memphis, TN; and Charleston, WV. Except for Memphis and Charleston part of the time, I was married.

              The Texas gals were better looking, which means the guys have to be the same way. Good luck, darling. It may be time for you to go adventuring.

              Guy

              • Cinnamon

                Sir Guy,

                Please tell us about why you and Her Majesty Grace liked Texas so much in comparison to the other places.

                Your Highness Cinnamon,
                These are some of what Texas provided us.
                • Most upbeat culture we ever came close to living in.
                • Wide and well-maintained roads put in before people get there
                • All traffic signals computer-controlled for most efficient flow
                • Plenty of large parking places everywhere
                • Cities laid out in squares, easy to not get lost on N-S and E-W streets; you only need a fairly good sense of direction
                • Lack of radicalism in evidence in the public arena
                • No income tax, property tax tolerable
                • State is rich and economic expansion is steady
                • Uninterruptible prosperity lifts all boats
                • Fantastic malls
                • Innumerable and superb health care facilities
                • Friendly people, want to know you instead of just wanting you to know them
                • Upscale or downscale restaurants well maintained, high standards very common
                • Everything in public arena well maintained
                • Plenty of money, even poorer people have enough money to be proud
                • Self-pride by the bushels
                • Little doubt where you stand with most people, just beyond friendly.
                • Outgoing, tough, and reliable character of the people when the chips are down
                • Neighborhoods not as open as desired but better than elsewhere we lived even though all neighborhoods have been getting less sociable for decades. (Twenty years earlier in Virginia we knew only two adjacent neighbors after six years. In Texas we knew 80% of our block of 14 homes. Three wives and three sons of one of the mothers cooked dishes for me before and after Grace passed away. From meat loaf to pies and cookies.)
                • Clubs, night life, and watering holes: I am unqualified to comment but I never heard others complain about options
                • Weakness: Texans are so focused on beef BBQ they’ve never learned that slaw on pork BBQ just can’t be beat.
                Guy

              • Shermy

                Thank you Sir Guy!

              • Eric

                Miss Shermy:
                I live in area where the demographics are the reverse of NYC. The problem in places like this is that the women don’t have to put any effort into attracting men. IOW, don’t fall into the trap of going somewhere where there’s an abundance of single men because you wouldn’t be able to stand the women there. lol

          • Cinnamon

            Shermy,

            I realised this morning that I actually discussed this with you last year on #2074! My advice to you last year remains essentially the same, except for the following:

            From what you describe above, you are doing everything right, but I believe you should augment your current strategy (I agree with Eric – NYC is not a good place for single women). A quality men is not likely to just fall into your lap without expanded effort, and you should actively increase your odds since once you have the basics of WWNH down (and you seem to have got to this point) this is essentially a numbers game. Are you focusing your online attempts only in the NYC area? If yes, I suggest you increase your geographical scope (see my comments to you on 2074 about that). In fact I would increase it to the ENTIRE U.S. (and further, if you feel inclined). I would make it clear (in an indirect way, of course) that you are looking for a long-term relationship-minded/marriage-minded/family-oriented man. You could say in your profile that “geographical barriers are not insurmountable” to indicate your willingness to relocate for the right individual. My own view is that most men of quality will not be put off by geographic distance.

            I would try the above augmented trategy for a year or two before uprooting yourself. unless your life circumstances (job, finances, etc.) easily permit you to move and you genuinely wish to leave NYC. I have a bias toward online dating, and I think when used properly it can open up a lot of doors.

            • Shermy

              Thanks Cinnamon!

              • Shermy

                All of that sounds great Sir Guy, definitely worth a serious consideration. And thank you Sir Eric for the warning. I have a friend currently in the midwest who complains of the very women you speak of. It’s really difficult for here there to find the female companionship that we girls so enjoy.

              • Eric

                Miss Shermy:
                If you want (sane) female companionship, avoid every place on the West Coast from San Francisco northward to Vancouver, B.C. It’s worse than the Midwest.

  3. Eric

    Sir Guy:
    I have a question about 860. Earlier you mentioned about women and their fascination with pop-culture icons. Here’s something I’ve noticed: when you look at earlier generations of these men, they may have been blots on society off-screen, but at least onscreen they projected masculinity in a positive way.

    I can understand female fascination with the Image; but when I look at today’s male celebrities (and the creeps who imitate them) there’s nothing masculine about them. The first descriptive word that comes into my mind when I see them is ‘useless’. They’re incapable of providing for or protecting a woman or raising a family. What is appealing about these types?

    Sir Eric,

    The celebs provide excitement to females who don’t like themselves.
    That is, those who have low self-esteem, who think their self-worth undeserved because they have accomplished so little in life, who haven’t found the way to enhance their self-importance among family and friends, and who remain anchored to adolescent hearts and minds.

    WADWMUFGAO, and so they crave excitement to ignore their guilt, obscure their need for self-forgiveness, and to forget how they feel about themselves.

    Their personal pride is built up around phoniness: appearance, conduct, attitude, excitement, plus celebs and cohorts. Voluntary victims where they learn nothing about stable relationships, celebrity worship keeps them programmed strictly for benefits to men: sex, profit, and adulation.

    Guy

    • Eric

      Sir Guy:
      This is a good observation about some things that genuinely confusing to me. The types of women I encounter like this are typically attractive enough—both physically and in their characters—to get better men than this. I don’t even think they’re having sex with some of the celebrity-imitators they wind up with because those guys either leave soon (players will also leave if they DON’T conquer) and it’s debatable just from the looks of some of those guys whether they have much sexual potency to begin with!

      What seems to support what you say, is that whenever I’ve become involved with women like these, they seem completely lost when they reach the point where their relationship-management skills begin to be needed. One thing I’ve noticed about them in common is that they grew up in families where they were somewhat spoiled; they never really learned what they had to contribute to a relationship. What’s frustrating and sad about it is that they have the natural abilities to make a really good relationship but none of the actual skills.

      Sir Eric,
      Their self-development toward maturity stops short when they tie into the excitement of celebrity worship. Development of relationship skills freezes in adolescence.
      Guy

      • Shermy

        Yes, great observations Eric and Guy. Regarding the development of relationship skills, if not taught during adolescence it seems to take EXPONENTIALLY longer to grasp after fumbling and bumbling along the way making all kinds of mistakes you wish you hadn’t made and wasting time you can never get back. Proper guidance is relatively rare, so I am happy to at least have access to it now and am grateful to Guy for all that he’s provided for us here!

        • Miss Gina

          Shermy,

          Can you think of old friends you’d enjoy visiting? (A facebook friend who was a high school classmate of mine just got together with a guy from our class whom she would never have considered back then through a re-introduction by yet another classmate. The three are spread across the country.)

          Towns with the types of men you’re looking for that you could visit for work or vacation?

          Are there professional conferences you could attend in other places, even if you might not normally?

          Volunteer or missions trips through a group you support? (Two of my nieces found their husbands this way.)

          Do you have time for hobbies or interest groups or classes or volunteering that may attract the right kind of man?

          Do you have or have you in the past had any male friends whom you really click(ed) with?

          Would you have an interest in taking a vacation in a group setting conducive to getting to know the other people (e.g., a tour package; a cruise–especially on a smaller, more intimate boat; a cross-country train ride)?

          Just some ideas…maybe you’ve thought of them, but hope something helps…😄

  4. surfercajun

    Weakness: Texans are so focused on beef BBQ they’ve never learned that slaw on pork BBQ just can’t be beat.

    ewww… Sir Guy, you sounds like Memphis, TN ….they did that…….. LOTS…. (wink)

    Your Highness Surfercajun,
    I spent four years and got married in Memphis but I and we were always too broke for BBQ off the navy base. I learned to love it in WV where both pork and slaw are better than Memphis’ and the Red, Hot, and Blue version. Texas beef BBQ is great but the other is just greater, if you possess superior taste buds. Heh!
    Guy

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