2264. Compatibility Axioms #881-890

881. On separation or divorce, the key issue isn’t love but respect. Any successful recovery depends on his learning to respect her more than before, which means she has to earn respect she didn’t have before.

882. Her strategy of virtual virginity shifts and keeps all his attention focused on her. Automatically, it puts the man in his natural role of proving himself worthy of her.  [294]

883. Virtual virginity gives a woman time to impose her values and blend her relationship into a joint effort, because he’s willing to listen as he searches for her weaknesses to facilitate conquest. Ditto for an ex trying to reunite. [294]

884. If they separate or divorce and she wants him back, only virtual virginity works to her advantage. If they have sex anytime for any reason, he will not change and she will not earn more respect. [294]

885. Dealing with a separated or divorced ex, virtual virginity sets them up such that he has to conquer her again. Men will change to earn conquest but conqueror’s right stops further change.

886. If he really, truly, emphatically wants back his ex, he will change into a different man if she refuses sex until remarriage. Otherwise, he will just plead with wordy promises without changing himself to meet her expectations. [294]

887. Conquering a virgin is the ultimate, but not as women think. He’s first among his buds. It pads both ego and bragging rights.

888. This springs from adolescent thinking: If he conquers a true virgin superstar, his significance among peers skyrockets. First for conquest, second for having the independence to dump her. [294]

889. To the smarter woman, Mr. GoodEnough still isn’t good enough. She should not be convinced that he’s worthy of her until the honeymoon. Only then should she stop competing with him.

890. It’s relationship maintenance gone awry; blame or expect him to resolve whatever ails their two-way relationship. This doesn’t mean that he’s not due some blame, just that treating him as such is counterproductive. [298]


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, exes, sex differences

3 responses to “2264. Compatibility Axioms #881-890

  1. surfercajun

    Sir Guy,

    Perhaps you can answer something in which I cannot understand nor grasp. Why is it when either a guy gets dumped (or he dumps an ex) he pins for her months/years afterward? Is he upset they did not work out, thought he loved her… or what? I just don’t get the connection. Is it different for a guy if it was his first sexual experience? Or perhaps a long time since he made a connection with someone? I know of two separate guys that still pinned for the woman years later even though she was Bad News Bears trouble and yet still talk about her BY NAME…… I found it highly irritating to listen to (about what could have been or some past story) and them living in the past, won’t use pronouns (to distant themselves) It is like some huge bolder they lug around and miss her, meanwhile she has never (more than likely) given them a second thought, nor contacted them…. I just don’t get it.

    A statement was made about how a husband was trying to say something which his wife might take the wrong way. IT was then shared how twenty years ago his ex was a better cook than her. But it did not matter now because even if (his wife) was still a bad cook he would still love her regardless. It was meant as a compliment I was told. A compliment? I am still trying to wrap my mind around that statement. Would she not feel like she is in direct competition with this ex? He thinks about her, therefore he speaks about her….. Do all guys willing go through this torturing of themselves and/or involve others in it? To me, they might as well be married to this ghost they never move past. Since guys departmentalize everything, he must build a separate room for her and idolize this mess!!!

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    There are several possibilities.

    • Raised as mamma’s boy to be close and express feelings easily.

    • Never left adolescence; longs for what he can’t have.

    • Depressed because he lacks control over situation with ex or vice versa

    • Resistance to growing up; fear of responsibility of adulthood. Ex carried part of the load for him and made him comfortable as no one else can.


    • SouthernBelle

      Sir Guy,

      Will you please elaborate more here. I too have heard men discuss previous girlfriends they were cheated on or dumped by even with their wife/current girlfriend present. To me that’s very disrespectful; I am very uncomfortable speaking about past relationships even amongst just women friends.
      I know men probably banter about their conquests amongst each other (i.e. Locker room talk) at least I always assumed they did. But do most men still think about the “exes” they “lost to” and some men just know better than to share those thoughts out loud in front of a lady?

      Your Highness SouthernBelle,
      No, I don’t think they do. It’s so common and men lack respect for women including ladies. If you are old enough and recall, feminists killed the social construct of ‘lady’ and men followed suit by reversing whatever gentlemanly habits they learned earlier in life. So, they have trouble recognizing and even accepting a woman as worthy of ladylike treatment. Men need to be resold on what women want from men, but women need to earn masculine respect first.

  2. Emma

    To the smarter woman, Mr. GoodEnough still isn’t good enough. She should not be convinced that he’s worthy of her until the honeymoon. Only then should she stop competing with him. – How does one do this during the dating phase, to disqualify as Mr. Good Enough.

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