2266. A Man’s Love: The Reality of It


I define love as what holds them together as a couple. With her it’s emotional connections, obligations, and behaviors. With him, well…we’ll see.

I purposely bypass the importance of her attractiveness or the rest doesn’t happen. Also, I bypass the consequences of conquest as it may or may not affect the following.

A woman identifies the evident or imagined commitment and devotion of a man as his love of her. Men act differently. Not that her love isn’t appreciated, but manly love isn’t like female expressions of it.

A man identifies a woman’s love of him as the reciprocal of his love of her; it initiates in his heart and develops mutually or it isn’t love to him. His love is her likeability to him and his loyalty to her; plus his likeability to her and her loyalty to him. To his logical and reasoning mind, without reciprocity it isn’t his love. Also, he doesn’t remain in situations where his investment isn’t matched or bettered, so his love isn’t as anchored in deep emotion as that of a woman.

For a marriage to last, their mutual likeability and mutual loyalty should regularly confirm them as satisfied with their mating arrangement. It’s what a married man expects. It carries an ominous meaning for women unless they learn how to exploit their relationship expertise.

However hard and dedicated she tries, her love alone isn’t enough to sustain her marriage. It’s essential for her to show it or her love of husband fades, but it isn’t enough for him. Appreciated and perhaps honored, but not enough.

It begs the question: What else is needed? She aims her words, expressions of love, and other behaviors toward objectives that satisfy or confirm the following or at least don’t weaken or contradict them.

  • Remaining likeable in his eyes.
  • Keeping herself appearing loyal to him.
  • Treating him as if he’s very likeable to her.
  • Appreciating his loyalty to her.

All of which he should see in actions more than words. If she’s successful doing all that, he absorbs confirmation that their love is mutual and that he’s doing the right thing staying with her. Good return on investment of his independence.

Which of course begs this question: What does she get in return for her investment? Something other than separation and perhaps lifetime marital success. A better husband, which suggests she’s a better wife. Perhaps a man more enthused about family responsibility. Confirmation that her effort makes her important to their relationship. Being more easily loved and perhaps with a happier husband eager to display his affection.

The list could go on to greater satisfaction for her. She’s doing what it takes to keep her man directly involved in the mating scheme of life. It’s not likely to go wrong unless she begrudges doing what is required for success, which registers as her lack of likeability of and disloyalty to him and ends his love.

P.S. Men inherit at birth the way they love as described above. It’s up to the women in their lives—moms, chaste girls, bachelorettes, and wives—to teach them to love in ways more pleasing to women.

——

NOTE: There! It sounds again as if I alibi for men. No intent to do so. Just trying to figure out the truth of life. The more I figure out how men and women interact as couples, the more burdensome it seems for women. But, I’m reassured by this fact. It’s why they are the superior gender; they have all the talent, skill, and fortitude to shape their lives successfully in pursuit of their girlhood hopes and dreams. They just need to learn how to use their God-given, natural, and hormonal strengths.

Respectfully,

Guy

12 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, sex differences

12 responses to “2266. A Man’s Love: The Reality of It

  1. Kris

    Sir Guy,
    I am not offended at all. In fact i am glad to hear the unbridled truth. Hearing the great gifts and responsibility that women possess helps me feel empowered. Instead of how the media puts us in a victimized position.
    My gratitude is more profound than i can say.
    The eager scholar of human nature

    • Miss Gina

      Your Ladyship Kris,

      You hit the nail on the head. Certain factions in our society want us to feel the victim. Then we will be easier for them to “save.” While they go on and on about “empowering” women. Hogwash!

      • Kris

        Princess Gina,
        I completely agree with you! At one point i truly bought into this mindset that we women are powerless and should be fearful of the world. Thank God i am able to see that i am in control of my future. Its awful that many women out there believe that we are not able to change the culture in a way that embraces the beauty and sacredness of how God made us. I pray that in time all of the women of the world embrace our feminine uniqueness and genius so we can work together as a sisterhood to rid our culture of the vulgarity that has run rampant. For now i am working hard on myself to one day lead a devout catholic family of my own one day.

        • prettybeans

          Indeed.

          For a while I was quite fearful about potentially bring a girl child into this world but nowadays I’m warming up to the idea that if that is to be the case, then I will be more than capable of giving her all the tools necessary to gracefully navigate her way

  2. Miss Gina

    Sir Guy,

    After this article, I am a little confused. I do get what you are describing, yet I see many men who are deeply emotional about their wives. Maybe they don’t act all gooey about it or know how to express it, but it’s clearly there. I don’t know that all of that is them being wrapped up in their own significance and reciprocity.

    Since it is most often women who decide to end a marriage, I suppose duty and obedience to God sometimes/often reins in their natures when not well-treated, and if there is no cheating, there may be daydreaming or just slogging through in such cases.

    Can you elaborate, perhaps?

    Your Highness Miss Gina,

    Article 2266 describes the way men are born. They inherit that pattern at birth and follow their instinct unless they learn to overwhelm it with other and deeper emotional connections. Or perhaps they just don’t see a woman as all that attractive and worthy of that much investment of his interest (to give and expect loyalty, to see and value mutual likeability).

    As to guys showing deep emotional ties to their wives, it comes from lessons learned in life and can be seen as much like the standard expressions of female love. Examples: 1) Mom taught son to be proud of his emotional connections and to not be bashful about expressing them. Praise the mom more than the guy. 2) Her likeability is so great that it turns him on just to be near her; she excites his spirit and he shows it outwardly. Praise her more than the guy.

    Guy

  3. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    IT SURE IS REAL!!!!!

    Sir Jonathan Caswell,
    Welcome aboard and thanks for the reblog. It’s a great day when another man of interest to someone joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
    Guy

  4. Dove

    “Remaining likeable in his eyes.”

    You mean this as physical attractiveness?

    “Appreciating his loyalty to her.”

    How can women show this? By not entertaining other men?

    Your Highness Dove,

    Q. “Remaining likeable in his eyes.” You mean this as physical attractiveness?

    A. Yes but much more. What do men like to see in a woman? Pleasant personality very unlike men, appealing habits and manner, some stylishness, some glamour, some mystery, apparent modesty, self-confidence, self-respect, and as one lady says, femininity adds color to a man’s black and white world.

    Q. “Appreciating his loyalty to her.” How can women show this? By not entertaining other men?

    A. You should show deeper respect and abiding interest in him than you do to other men. You don’t have to be dating other men—or you can be—but what he figures out for himself impresses him much more than what you say. Re all men, make sure his likeability outshines them in your eyes and that he detects it. By your routinely confirming that he’s so very likeable to you, he convinces himself that you can be loyal to him. As his loyalty to you intensifies in expectation that you’re loyal to him, his love can follow. Then, he waits to see if he’s so likeable to you that your loyalty to him follows.

    All four of these ingredients are required for him to find his love right for you and him. a) You’re very likeable and he wants to be with you. b) He’s very likeable to you and he expects to see it rather than hear it. c) He’s turns loyal to you with habitual actions that generate time with you. d) You’re loyal to him simply because he’s so likeable and you don’t want to lose him.

    Guy

  5. MT

    This should be required reading for all young ladies, beginning in junior high.

    Your Highness MT,
    Thank you. Me too. If we had someone like Carly Fiorina for Secretary of Education in the next administration, we might see some progress made in educating girls about boys and boys about responsibility to the opposite sex. I would also like to see her operating later on the global scene.
    Guy

  6. Beloved

    I just realized something here. And it explains why it bothered me when I first saw this post. A man’s love, according to you is completely based on what she does and how likable she is or remains to him. And that, isn’t love at all. That is merely selfishness. If you do such and such and make me happy always, then I will love you. No, that is most certainly NOT love. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs (or rights). Love is not selfish or self-seeking. Love covers over a multitude of offenses. That is what love is. It has more to do with choosing to love this person, man or woman, for the rest of your life (warts and all) and doing what that person needs and not everything that you want. What human woman could possibly ever hope to live up to the standards that you have in this article? She would be in a constant state of fear, wondering if he’s happy with this or if he’s happy with that. And, especially if he isn’t doing everything to keep himself likable and wonderful to her, what would give her the needed strength emotionally to even keep trying if it’s all one-sided?

    Your Highness Beloved,

    I don’t find it pleasant to tell you this and I regret it. You read into the article what I don’t say and ignore what keeps a man’s love working in the home and a man’s heart. That is, the way he is born.

    In effect, you think in womanly terms what to expect out of love. My article describes the necessaries that keep a man connected warmly toward one woman. IOW, it’s the minimum that men reason about and accept as marital achievement as opposed to the fully inflated emotional connections that women experience, expect, and long to have from him but seldom do as she describes what ought to be.

    You claim a woman could never achieve what I describe. She doesn’t have to. What she needs to do is NOT do those things that make her unlikeable or disloyal. She already has his love if she finds and treats him likeable and doesn’t reflect disloyalty to him.

    Examples: Nagging or blaming him weakens her likeability and vulnerable to losing his love.

    Guy

    • Beloved

      Welcome back, Sir Guy! I see what you are saying in one respect that from a human position (he needs her to be attractive, likable, etc.) it keeps him interested. But, no, I don’t think in “womanly” terms, I think in “godly” terms (1 Corinthians 13). As in, what I have said, is what real love is. Yes, I think both people in a marriage should remain likable to each other, it can’t be one-sided, but what keeps them together when the feelings aren’t there is the choice of loving the other person. And of course men are commanded to love their wives even when she isn’t being “likable.” It may not be in his nature to do so, but then how can he expect to be happy in a relationship unless he rises above this? So, I guess I am saying a man doesn’t have an “out” because he doesn’t like her anymore. That’s what children do, not real men, or the only kind I would be with.

      Your Highness Beloved,
      You are thinking like a woman when you expect a man to love you as described in the Bible. I’m not saying don’t expect it or that men won’t. I’m saying they are not born that way. When they live that way, they’ve been trained and conditioned by females in their lives. Your expectations alone won’t produce the result you desire, except as you screen many and choose one with the ability to produce what you want.
      Guy

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