2275. He Married Over His Head

I described a man married over his head as a man being made better by his wife. Her Highness Cinnamon at 2270 asked for examples of how it’s done. Her Highness Surfercajun responded with a great list and it deserves to be re-posted here with some that I add. Notice that wife is in charge of his becoming a better man; otherwise men have little incentive.

  1. She raises his morality.
  2. Encourages him in whatever he wants to do (aka sink his teeth in… whether it is a new diet, tests for better hiring abilities on his resume, or a goal set).
  3. Brings him up when rest of the world beats him down, she lifts him up.
  4. Makes him laugh.
  5. She is not like all the others… she is special …she is his sunshine
    (I always hear John Denver singing).
  6. Makes him want to be a better person.
  7. She praises him on his child rearing skills on how he handled a situation.

To which I add:

  1. She ignites his conscience as a good husband by influencing his heart to find the Lord and basing his life on love.
  2. She indirectly finds multiple ways to subtly reward him for doing things that are right for their relationship.
  3. She can find connections to highlight even his routine accomplishments as vital to the enjoyment of her life.
  4. She doesn’t begrudge his being honored.
  5. She keeps his spirits uplifted with plenty of her smiles and grateful attitude.
  6. She doesn’t frustrate or disappoint his sex drive without reason that he accepts as good or at least okay—and not even that repeatedly.
  7. She focuses more on his well-being rather than her own, knowing full well that if dad ain’t happy, no one is happy. (Yes, that’s right. The similar saying about momma ain’t happy may seem great for kids but it diminishes respect for husband, which discourages him from wanting to be home and thereby less a better man.)
  8. She establishes standards in the home that uplift family respect for him. Examples: He’s served first at the table. He excuses children from the table. He doesn’t have to wait on anyone when they are departing. His chair is his chair. When dad speaks, everyone stops to listen.
  9. She routinely confirms that he’s chairman of the board and chief executive officer and that kind of respect is automatically due him.
  10. She enables him to recognize and pleasingly accept that as wife she reports to him but as mother she’s primarily responsible to and for her children and secondarily to him.
  11. With great subtlety and indirectness she lets him see that his selfishness and intolerance undermine her harmonizing the home.
  12. With subtlety and indirectness she teaches him to let her have her way in managing the household and children.
  13. She disciplines the children without husband/father/mate’s help. He’s her backup and the less he’s called on, the more effective she becomes. Even children prefer and do better with one boss instead of two. They also understand at a young age that bosses have their boss.
  14. As far as husband can see, she values him above all others including their children. Her heart is balanced such that her natural predisposition to favor her children is not evident to him. (He knows he can’t compete against mother-love, he’s not number one in her heart, but he expects to be treated as if he is. He paid for that with his independence.)
  15. She doesn’t interfere with his job relationships. She trusts that he knows best, since she doesn’t know the players or pressures at his work site.
  16. She isn’t super-serious all the time or out to please herself with the urge to always be perfect.
  17. She unconditionally trusts him to do what’s best for their relationship. When it seems that he doesn’t, she respectfully and gently gives him opportunity to explain rather than accusing or criticizing.
  18. She doesn’t nag or criticize him but uses hints, seed planting, and other indirect techniques to help him discover that he wronged her and much prefers to please her.
  19. She makes keeping his devotion the number one relationship mission in their life together. She knows her life moves toward empty as he withdraws from trying to please her.

In the final analysis and provided she’s a good person, moral woman, and knows she deserves such a man, his willingness to please himself by pleasing her is what makes him a better man.


Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins

2 responses to “2275. He Married Over His Head

  1. surfercajun

    WOW! Thank you, Sir Guy! You honor me just by saying my name in an article (wink)

    I am not sure if this is one as well. But loyalty. When family members complain (outside and internal) she reminds them of WHO is in still in charge regardless of their negative thoughts.

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