2277. CAUSES and EFFECTS — Group 04

  1. Why do wives seek equality with husbands? Men see justice through the fairness lens, taught as boys by the hand that rocks the cradle. It begs the question: If moms shape the world, why do wives pound the table for a different standard or expectation with their husbands, yet as mothers they teach children fairness over equal? Mothers must know instinctively that equal isn’t achievable and so teach children to be fair. If only wives from childhood remembered that principle as more important than feminist political propaganda, relationships would be calmer.
  2. It’s their nature in action. Women accept and can enjoy being teased about who they are but not what they do. They know they can be a better person and are willing to accept views that may help them change. They also know what they do is the right thing and subject only to acceptance and not judgment or teasing.
  3. Men will engage in competitive banter about achievements. They’re proud of what they do but know it’s possible to do better. Who they are is an ‘inherited’ condition about which they can do little or nothing and so teasing about who they are is disrespectful. (Joking between and among soldiers, sailors, marines, and airmen presumes they do different things and is usually acceptable unless it gets more personal and thus disrespectful.)
  4. In the heat of domestic squabbles, it’s very easy to forget that your man still expects to see that your love isn’t faltering. Your criticisms, complaints and proclamations mean little or nothing if you cease to show respect, dependence, and gratefulness for what he does and who he is except for the issue under dispute. Advice: Stay focused on the issue at stake and not him. It blesses you doubly, since it threatens neither his view of your loyalty to him nor his likeability of you. Those are the foremost two ingredients that signify his love does not falter when disputes are in session.
  5. Think of a man’s love as winning her heart in four steps that must remain for his love to continue. To him it’s more contractual in practice than just emotional attachment. 1) She’s very likeable and he desires to associate extensively with her. 2) He decides to be loyal to her to avoid the risk of being dumped before he has a chance to know her better. 3) He sees that she considers him likeable enough to spend forever with him. 4) He sees that his likeability attracts her sufficiently that she can be loyal to him exclusively. It’s not masculine love without all four relationship features having developed. Yes, his feelings are conditional on the four-step insurance that he’s not making a fool of himself.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, guy, How she wins, sex differences

6 responses to “2277. CAUSES and EFFECTS — Group 04

  1. You make a good point about mothers and fairness rather than equality. If we give a two year old the same size dessert that we give a hubby, the poor kid will get sick. It is not equal, it is not even particularly fair, but we know this “injustice” is the right thing to do. Fems do indeed forget all about this bit of wisdom that is somewhat innate to women who do truly embrace the nature of their own selves. The older children have more freedom and more responsibility than the younger ones and everyone tries to show respect to the Dad because that is the love language that he speaks, that is how he knows his worth and value, that he is special.

  2. Etu

    Would the thought of making a fool of himself cause him to hold back? Something like maybe a big age gap?

    Your Highness Etu,
    A big age gap might weaken his confidence but his fear is committing his love only to find himself overextended, tricked, or dumped. He fears greatly making a fool of himself because it weakens his self-respect and sense of significance.

    • surfercajun

      My friend sister of the north tells me her cousins married men 12 years younger than them. Perhaps there are some irregularities? Opposites attract or common ground attraction? They (men) must have been bold enough to ask, and yet feel confident enough to get a yes? 🙂

  3. Cocoa

    Hello sir Guy.
    You say “She’s very likeable and he desires to associate extensively with her.” is it extensively or routinely? I think from what I’ve learnt that females want/like/need to associate and be around her loved ones ALL the time, whereas men are only satisfied with a little bit of time here or there. But his love can be measured by having this little or much time in a routine manner. Is that right?

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    Until he wins her to the point of being loyal to her and cutting out all those other guys, routinely isn’t enough.

  4. Dove

    Regarding the domestic squabbles item – how does the man know your love isn’t faltering despite the issue? Since women take things personally, it’s kind of difficult for us to separate the issue from the person.

    Your Highness Dove,

    He doesn’t. By keeping the focus on the sin instead of the sinner avoids sending obvious signals of blame, which could suggest that your love may be faltering.

    The history of that wise thought goes back to St. Augustine (c. 424). It appeared in Mohandas Ghandi’s 1929 autobiography as, “hate the sin and not the sinner” and modernized as “love the sinner but hate the sin.”

    Men don’t take things personally as easy as women, unless the finger of blame is pointed directly at them. They don’t feel as wrong for something they did as when they personally are accused of wrongdoing.


    • Dove

      So is this simply avoiding the “you” statements – “you did this, you did that”?

      Ok now I’m slowly understanding why men aren’t prone to guilt. When you impose guilt on them it backfires on us women. However it’s a different case when they’re moved by their own conscience and admit guilt without us having to point fingers to them – which is exactly what we want – and can be achieved only by gradual/indirect influence – which we women are supposedly good at.

      Ok now I’m seeing the light haha.

      Your Highness Dove,
      Yes, darling, you see the light clearly. Your pointing the finger squelches harmony and kills his desire to cooperate.

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