As men are born—that is, strictly according to their heart and nature—a younger beauty conquered in middle age provides significance that calms the waters of the mid-life crisis. It’s such a life-fulfilling event that his personal history becomes a ‘former life’ detached from his life with trophy.
The lure of such a conquest is strong in every man’s heart and—given good opportunity—overpowers his loyalty to his previous investment of self in past life. To defeat the urge requires good character, strong will, and a wife that understands what keeps her husband satisfied with her.
Wife faces two threats.
An ever-present threat is opportunity for husband to do very little except rationalize cheating and departure. He need only relax and let his secretary or other female fall in love with him. Most men have a ring in their nose for that sort of thing. Few men qualify in the eyes of younger females, but many women are willing to lower their standards just to have a man. Stealing husbands is just part of the game of female competition when morality and love-based religion are weak or missing.
The most realistic threat to wife is husband’s desire to escape his present relationship manifested by loss of love, which can develop over time in one or two ways or both.
a) He detects that he’s much less or no longer likeable to her. Their interests, goals, and perhaps personalities may clash. She no longer relies on him as before. He’s no longer fun, pleasure, and comfort to her. Loss of her likeability of him brings her loyalty into question, can squelch his love, and sooner or later can silence his interest in her. Being fearful of the insignificance caused if he’s fool enough to stay long enough to be dumped, he grows wary of keeping their relationship intact. His caution and perhaps scouting for other options makes him even less likeable to her and the relationship twists, slumps, and deteriorates further.
b) Her likeability deteriorates in his eyes. As the direct result, his loyalty to her weakens, his love fades, and he finds it ever more difficult to find satisfaction in their life together. Escape is a good option if opportunity arises. Escape may be required if she becomes too unlikeable.
The issue boils down to this. If she understands her man well enough, she has the ability to prevent the misery that trophy beauties or loss of husband’s love can bring into a wife’s life.
Inherent in her superior gender, wife has the adaptability and survivability to read red flag symptoms and take appropriate action to lower those flags. The place to start is always keep in mind their mutual likeability. Loss of any of that is the time to take action to fix it, which means wives need to learn what mutual likeability is and looks like.
Here are two tests for each lady reading this, married or unmarried. You need to have analyzed yourself in these ways so that your boodle bag of knowledge of your man isn’t empty. You have something to work with.
A. What about you makes him like and appreciate you? Don’t think love, affection, and assurances as you know it. Think of how he listens to you, why he accepts your suggestions and decisions, why he laughs easily with you, what he does to please you, and how without even thinking about it he enjoys being in your company (even if both are silent).
What about you causes all that? It summarizes like this. You’re likeable when he likes himself being around and associating with you. His loyalty derives from your likeability, which makes you very valuable to his life. He doesn’t want to lose you so he focuses on being loyal, which to him is the major way he expresses his love. I repeat the last and most important clause, ‘which to him is the major way he expresses his love’. Loyalty through big but scattered actions rather than the female way of expressing emotional connections through words and small attentions.
This is a natural consequence: What he doesn’t like about you, he magnifies into not liking himself for putting up with it; he expects you to be more easily appreciated. But being a man, he accepts you as you are and doesn’t expect you to change. You have to read the tea leaves and change yourself according to what you divine will work for you. You need to exploit that old relationship expertise with which God endows the superior gender.
B. What makes him likeable to you? Looks, style, masculinity, clean humor, work ethic, sense of responsibility, attire, easy to love, easy to like, decent language, morality, religious beliefs, personal neatness, gravitas, sense of purpose, achievements, ambitions, family loyalty, reputation, kindness, character, integrity, pleasant attitude, willing to show affection, good upbringing, … ? To like him for those and other things and then to quit on one or many makes him see that he’s less likeable in your eyes, which makes him conclude that your loyalty may have weakened. If so, his love weakens.
This is my favorite quote for a woman finding her man to be extremely likeable. She cites what more than anything else is important to a man.
In the movie Ziegfeld Follies, after losing his future in the market crash of 1929, Florenz Ziegfeld proposes to Billie Burke: “Nothing I can give you except my love.” She responds, “That isn’t enough. I’d expect part of your ambition, half of your trouble, 2/3 of your worries, and all of your respect.” (I figure more Hollywood than true, but it makes a great example.)
If a woman can honestly live out such an arrangement, any man will read it that he’s likeable to her. He sees all he needs to have faith that he’s likeable and she’s also loyal until he sees her weaken or wane.
The title and introduction captured your attention. As the article developed it became obvious to me that the worth of it lies in the two tests given in the bottom half. Every woman needs to develop both interest and skill to read themselves and their man along the four entangled lines of a man’s love: her likeability and his consequent loyalty, and his likeability and her obvious loyalty.
All your days will shine better when you can read men along those four ingredients of every man’s love.