2280. Compatibility Axioms #921-930


921. It’s self-fulfilling: A wife blames husband for his faults. Accused men defend themselves by disproving the evidence presented. Debate amplifies his faults into failures in her eyes. He gets worse. [306]

922. Women abandon femininity, modesty, high moral standards, and other female strengths just to have a boyfriend they can’t keep simply because of what they abandoned. [306]

923. When a man senses that a woman finds him attractive, his nature tends to take her for granted. Using the virtual virginity strategy prevents her being taken for granted before marriage. Ensuring that his devotion goes beyond mere commitment minimizes her being taken for granted after marriage. [308]

924. A man dumps his wife of many years for a trophy. He seeks to start over and build a new kind of marriage. He seeks a new sense of significance, which he lost with his ex. He now knows how to do it and can raise a new child. Especially with a mother young enough to provide most of the care and submit to his dominance more pleasantly and less challengingly. [308]

925. The longer she puts off having sex with him, the greater her worthiness to be his wife for life—as he sees it. Men will deny that, of course, but her refusals in spite of his maximum effort register as greater respect for her deep inside him. [308]

926. Men escape being parented when they leave their childhood home. They won’t accept it by a wife and especially not in front of others. [308]

927. Men take a relationship for granted. It just is; it needs no maintenance. Four ‘switches’ determine its health and whether he loves her or not. She’s loyal to him or not. He’s likeable to her or not. He’s loyal to her or not. She’s likeable to him or not. [308]

928. People respect those who are different, unique, and powerful within themselves. Her power thrust in his face offends, however, whereas well-controlled internal strength is admired and considered a virtue.  [311]

929. Hook up but no call? Shack up but no joy? Married but no peace? Then she better change herself, because men don’t or won’t. [311]

930. Women are the relationship experts, men go along and expect a smooth and maintenance-free ride. [311]

4 Comments

Filed under courtship, dear daugher, Dear daughter, sex differences

4 responses to “2280. Compatibility Axioms #921-930

  1. Lilac

    Sir Guy,

    A male friend of mine has recently set up a small-scale production company. His girlfriend has become his assistant (I don’t know whether he invited her or she volunteered to do so). Now they work together, ride together, eat together…
    My question: does this kind of togetherness bond a man?
    Elsewhere, you mentioned “why buy the cow if the milk is free?”. It was said in a context of sex. How about in this context of work, partnership thing?
    If a guy finds this girl to be a good partner at work, will he also consider her to be his life partner and propose to marry her?

    Your Highness Lilac,

    No way of telling. A man’s love is very conditional on beliefs that he sees reflected in a woman’s actions. Slight suspicions can sour good reflections.

    She’s an inordinately long way from a proposal, much longer than if she were not his assistant. The obstacle course laid out before her now looks like the following.

    She now has two obstacles to even open the door to his marrying kind of love. I presume that she is very likeable as he views her or they would not likely have become bf/gf. Now that she’s working for him, she has to become likeable as working partner and also retain her likeability as gf. Then, he has to become loyal to her as employee while retaining or deciding the first time to be loyal to her as gf. But that’s just the first half of earning his marrying kind of love.

    He has to see the following reflected in her actions, not just words. He’s very likeable as bf and he sees that she’s also loyal to him exclusively. Plus, he has to see reflected in her actions that he’s very likeable as co-worker and she’s very loyal to him as boss.

    If he sees all that as a great thing to have, the kind of love that leads to marriage can grow. But, you notice, there are now eight legs to convert his interest his-marrying love, four as gf and four as employee. There are two critical issues. 1) She’s very likeable to him as BOTH employee and gf with wifely potential. 2) He’s very likeable to her in all that he does as both bf and boss; she can live and work with him without losing their mutual respect.

    All in all, it can happen but you can see why it’s rare. The devil is in the details of what likeability of each means to the other in both roles as individuals and co-workers. Every weakness in mutual likeability transmutes into less mutual respect, which tampers with the foundation of any man’s love, which is respect for a woman.

    Guy

    • Lilac

      Dear Sir Guy,

      Thanks sooooo much for your analysis! I have never thought about the eight-leg issue.
      My further questions are:
      1. If this time it’s a wife helping / working with her husband, would this eight-leg issue affect the mutual respect between them?
      2. You write “he sees that she’s also loyal to him exclusively.”. In other series about two options (A woman committed to her boyfriend as if he’s the final one vs. a woman is open to other men’s invitation), you shared that the latter option is better as the the men will rise up to compete. So, which one is better, being loyal to him exclusively or being open to other men’s invitation?
      3. In the situation of working for her boyfriend, is it an act of earning the man’s devotion by the woman? I observe that the woman is more devoted than the man in their relationship. Is it a warning sign?

      Your Highness Lilac,

      1. Mutual respect has to be present for the man’s love to begin to form.

      2. Which is better depends on the couple. Her man’s love will not be up to marrying as long as she’s not loyal to him exclusively. If she’s continues to date other men while he expects her to be loyal to him, he might just figure she can’t be loyal to him exclusively. OTOH, he may figure he has to try harder to win her and thus deal out those other guys. It’s much tougher for him to favor her if there’s only one other guy than if there’s a few.

      3. No. A man becomes devoted on his own initiative because she is so darned likeable and he wants her so badly. His actions that please him to please her are the ribs that shape and confirm his devotion.

      My advice is based on the nature of men and women and not your particular situation. You have to figure out what’s best for you or nothing will work right for you and yours.

      Guy

  2. surfercajun

    Every weakness in mutual likability transmutes into less mutual respect, which tampers with the foundation of any man’s love, which is respect for a woman.

    Would that include mother? IF he does not respect mother, is it possible for this to spill over for gf/wife/women as shown by actions or even words? I was told by a man people have to EARN his respect… Is this a mask men wear sometimes/all the time as to not diminish his significance?

    This reminds me of something in which I perused, after our fall in Eden, a man can say no, just to say NO! It makes my head go in circles about no wonder the devil works on the weaker sex! So yielding, and wanting to please. We think a new way IS a better way which is not. But again, I hear scripture, “There is nothing new under the sun.” IT is just the new generations has not heard of it which is so vital passing wise teachings and not this…poison being vomited…..isn’t there scripture about a dog returning to its vomit?

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    If a man doesn’t respect his mother and he learned it in childhood, it’s likely it will apply to other women and more than very likely if a female’s actions remind him of mom.

    As described in posts and comments, women have to earn a man’s respect. If not, she’s not deserving of his love, which is based on respect.

    Re the man who told you “people have to earn his respect.” He isn’t prone to respect without reason, which is natural for men. WADWMUFGAO, and announcing it is a good indicator that he has low self-respect and seeks to reinforce what little he has.

    If you begin to act as though you’re trying to earn his respect, his self-respect goes up, which is the motivation that impelled him to tell you. However, more than likely and subsequently, he would be more critical to judge whether he’s being more respected than before.

    Guy

  3. surfercajun

    THANK YOU!!! this help very solidly~~~

    A man is never more handsome when giving sage advice to us that don’t quite understand the male nature.

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