2284. My Mistake about a Man’s Love: Recovery II


Thanks to all you well-wishers out there. You encouraged me. Still not restored to full health but I’m getting off the meds for a day or so to complete this project. The meds paralyze my mind against thoughts that should be connected.

Keep this in mind. In everyday conversation, man-chat, I have never heard a man say “I love her” about a woman. At his wedding or formal event he might say it but only because the situation seems to make it appropriate. Men just don’t think or talk in the same terms as women, especially using the term love.

I shall summarize a man’s love in five parts: Him, her, sex, conquest, and problems.

  1. A man finds a woman very likeable. He enjoys her company and wants to spend much time with her. The more time with her, the more likeable she becomes. He decides to be loyal to her exclusively, either to help drive away competitors, convince her of his sincerity, or convince him of his dedication. He’s not in love yet, just testing the situation to see what develops. It has to be mutual and obvious to him. He can commit to himself of being in love if and when he becomes convinced that she finds him extremely likeable and she’s loyal to him exclusively. He withholds his judgment until that time, because he’s always vulnerable of being made a fool and no man ever lets a woman make a fool of him—at least that intention floods the male psyche.
  2. Women are prone to misinterpreting a man’s intentions. He’s not in love just because she’s likeable and he’s loyal. She should read that as no more than her potential to win him for marriage. He’s not in love until she reciprocates with his being extremely likeable and her being exclusively loyal to him. In effect, when he’s in love that way, he’s also likely to be devoted to her. Consequently, their marriage depends on her: First, she has to be likeable enough for him to be loyal to her and, second, she has to find him likeable enough that she can be loyal to him. (See also article 2180, He Walks Himself to the Altar.)
  3. After conquest occurs, sex becomes part of her likeability and, by consequence, part of his likeability. It fits or doesn’t fit in with other likeable and unlikeable features that continue to govern how likeable and loyal they are to each other. Poor sex can weaken her likeability and his love. The reverse is also true, but women have the upper hand. (See point 5 below.)
  4. Lead up to conquest is the critical issue. His natural spirit to conquer a sexually attractive women is his main driver. It dominates his thoughts and intentions. Insufficient time for his respect to develop leads to her being shortchanged after yielding. Keeping him satisfied with her refusals takes feminine mystery, guile, humor, persistence, patience, and much risk-taking to keep her likeability growing instead of diminishing. Some appropriate time to yield exists for every couple, but who knows when and where. The only sure thing is that the longer she prevails, the greater his respect; the greater his respect, the more intense his love is capable of developing.
  5. Problems.
  • Women have a natural tendency to read what’s not there in men. It’s actually a blessing because it enables them to apply pressure that motivates men in ways that they try to avoid because they can’t see blessings right before their eyes. IOW, if women lacked the tendency, marriage would be far more rare. The problem is that some women get far too eager to see manly love where none exists. For example, they prove a guy extremely likeable before the guy finds that in her.
  • Yes, that’s right. If she shows her love first, the guy doesn’t have to find her all that likeable. He can coast and eventually get what he wants. She tries harder and harder to gain his love until she gives sex as last resort. His decision is made for him: She may be a keeper but he hasn’t invested much to get her; she’s booty which gives him a neat convenience, or she’s dumped because she wasn’t all that likeable in the first place. It all began when she failed to make herself likeable to him in such a way that he wanted to spend a lot of time with her just for who she is rather than sex she has to offer.
  • This isn’t so much a problem as advice. The primary job of keeping a man’s love is twofold and relatively easy for a relationship expert. a) She does whatever it takes to read her man and keep herself both respected and likeable in his eyes. b) She does whatever it takes to find her man likeable in her eyes. Both are required to gain his devotion and she shouldn’t marry without that.

WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. Women feel good when they express their love freely in both words and actions. Men feel good when they do things that please themselves for pleasing their woman. Her love is outgoing; his love is subtle. Her love is expressed externally; his love is expressed internally.

6 Comments

Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, sex differences

6 responses to “2284. My Mistake about a Man’s Love: Recovery II

  1. Well said!

    After 30 years of marriage, my hubby says he loves me usually in private and mostly for my benefit. Being aware of this is not such a bad thing, he simply prefers to show his love in actions rather than in words and feelings. If you can start to spot all these little ways men have of saying “I love you” without words, it really makes marriage special. The ultimate act of love in our house is when hubby brings me a cup of coffee. That is a rare thing indeed and evidence that he is feeling particularly smitten. Most of the time he is opening doors, taking out the garbage, building me a flower box, all these little things he does to indicate he is invested, interested, motivated. It’s like speaking a different language, but it’s a form of communication just the same. Some men are more verbal, poetic even, but for the most part, they seem to prefer love as a verb, rather than a feeling or an emotion.

    • surfercajun

      building me a flower box…..

      (sounding like Sally from Peanuts) Isn’t he just the cutest thing?

  2. surfercajun

    commenting about the above statement, Sir Guy. What about men that make (thoughts of action) Build you this, get you that, etc. The words are rather grand and over the top, as well and exciting to ponder on because they well exceed the female thoughts of what she first wanted or asked for.

    …but then begin to complain that money is a factor. I feel I am miss firing here. I don’t think men are lying but wonder if that is their way of *loving* by producing such thoughts and excitement in another. If actions prove devotion can his words also? …perhaps to be admired FOR this loving *thoughts*? I find this confusing…..

    • Miss Gina

      Lady surfercajun,

      Not sure I completely understand, but thought I’d take a stab…Sounds like the gentleman is promising high but delivering low, and using money as an excuse for the lack of delivery?

      I personally would keep looking at actions…From the sounds could mean a scammer, insincere (good intentions but never amounts to much), or actually has some interest but is not resourceful. I would expect a man with high interest but low funds to “find a way” to demonstrate interest…increase income or find ways to express interest that may cost effort but not money. There are folks who think that talking about doing something is as good as doing it…Red flag for me.

      • surfercajun

        Gentle Gina,

        You give sound advice. It is frustrating to almost infuriating of getting one’s hopes up. It has come to the screeching halt fact of not *believing* unless seen.

        I am trying very hard to following Guy’s sound sage advice but sometimes these (questions) whirlybird in my head and I pray to God someone understands me. Perhaps I still struggle to place them into words at times. ( You know, *rotates hand* the whole female emotions thing. )

        Your thoughts give me hope, dear lady. I shall continue to watch….actions. Thank you for your kind reply as this question was difficult to place into a (somewhat) neatly worded sentence and really bothered me lately as now there is talk about redoing the kitchen floor as well as new chairs in the solarium. (sigh) …I guess we’ll see. I remain hopeful! 🙂

        There are folks who think that talking about doing something is as good as doing it…. That sentence is so VERY true!

        (Gently hugs Gina)
        Your the best!

  3. Sarina

    Reading wrong signals is common for girls in my country who are desperate for guys, they would do anything and everything, they are very mean,insulting, unscrupulous only with fellow women but guess what, Sir Guy? There’s no respect, they’re NOT loved by the guys, they receive the disposable object and used carpet treatment, basically the guys sit back, cheat, do whatever they want whenever and when they get bored, it’s over.
    Men don’t make the slightest effort to date or impress a woman. So even though women are against feminism in my country, they get 0 quality behaviour from men.

    Your Highness Sarina,

    I can guess your country. It will only get worse until single girls and women universally cross their legs, refuse to even deal with males who mention unmarried sex, and elevate marriage as the price men must pay for a good woman.

    It will take a half-century to restore good women, just as it took that long for men to “own” and thus enslave women for use rather than mating. Hope lies here.
    Each generation of girls can—of course someone has to teach them the benefits—improve the value of females. But a new generation arises about every seven years so the culture can change relatively fast much as it did falling apart since the Beatles.

    Victorianism never deserved the condemnation that political radicals, feminists and secularists gave it and then compensated men with cheap and easy sex to prove their point.

    Guy

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